SunnyDays1
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Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
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SunnyDays1
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A man was reading a newspaper when his son suddenly barged into the living room. He was all sweaty and out of breath, but had a big smile on his face.
“Dad!” exclaimed his son, “I just lost my virginity!” The man put down his newspaper and looked at his son proudly. The young man standing before him reminded him of his youth, when he was a playboy with a handful of girls.
The man smiled and said, “Sit down, son, and let me tell you a story.”
The son replied, “I can’t, Dad, it still hurts to sit.”
“Dad!” exclaimed his son, “I just lost my virginity!” The man put down his newspaper and looked at his son proudly. The young man standing before him reminded him of his youth, when he was a playboy with a handful of girls.
The man smiled and said, “Sit down, son, and let me tell you a story.”
The son replied, “I can’t, Dad, it still hurts to sit.”
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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The Royal Newspaper
The Queen was overjoyed to receive a new royal pet, a tiny Siamese kitten. But one day, the kitten simply disappeared and servants searching high and low could not find her.
One servant thought he heard a scratching noise behind a small mouse hole in the wall, so the King ordered the hole to be widened to rescue the poor kitty. Unfortunately, the wall was weakened, causing it to collapse.
Luckily, the commotion woke the kitten up and it came out from behind a bookcase, safe and sound.
The next day, in the Royal Newspaper was the headline:
KING UNABLE TO LOCATE QUEEN'S PUSSY; DESTROYS WRONG HOLE
The Queen was overjoyed to receive a new royal pet, a tiny Siamese kitten. But one day, the kitten simply disappeared and servants searching high and low could not find her.
One servant thought he heard a scratching noise behind a small mouse hole in the wall, so the King ordered the hole to be widened to rescue the poor kitty. Unfortunately, the wall was weakened, causing it to collapse.
Luckily, the commotion woke the kitten up and it came out from behind a bookcase, safe and sound.
The next day, in the Royal Newspaper was the headline:
KING UNABLE TO LOCATE QUEEN'S PUSSY; DESTROYS WRONG HOLE
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A man went into the Job Center in Denver and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read:
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is $65,000."
"You'll have to go to Billings, Montana,” the clerk added.
"Good grief", the man asked, "Is that where the job is?"
"No sir . . . that's where the end of the line is right now."
The clerk pulled up the file and read:
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is $65,000."
"You'll have to go to Billings, Montana,” the clerk added.
"Good grief", the man asked, "Is that where the job is?"
"No sir . . . that's where the end of the line is right now."
SunnyDays1
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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs.
The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."
With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs.
The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."
SunnyDays1
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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & told her to mash up some green persimmons & rub them on her nipples and all over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up & you won't be able to talk properly for a while. The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday."
Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & told her to mash up some green persimmons & rub them on her nipples and all over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up & you won't be able to talk properly for a while. The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.
For the sake of civility and to protect from being sunburnt, he had a hat on his private parts.
A women came by and smirked, “If you were a real gentleman you’d lift your hat for a lady.”
The man replied, “Ma’am, if you were more attractive it would lift itself.”
For the sake of civility and to protect from being sunburnt, he had a hat on his private parts.
A women came by and smirked, “If you were a real gentleman you’d lift your hat for a lady.”
The man replied, “Ma’am, if you were more attractive it would lift itself.”
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Nine medical tests you can do yourself
Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbour’s fence (again).
If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.
If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.
If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, you are dehydrated.
If your stream didn’t reach the fence, you have a prostrate problem.
If it is bright pink you have kidney problems.
If you forgot to get your knob out and you pissed your pants, you have Alzheimer’s.
If you missed the fence you have Parkinson’s.
If your stream smells meaty, your cholesterol level is far too high.
If you can’t smell your urine, you have Coronavirus.
Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbour’s fence (again).
If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.
If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.
If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, you are dehydrated.
If your stream didn’t reach the fence, you have a prostrate problem.
If it is bright pink you have kidney problems.
If you forgot to get your knob out and you pissed your pants, you have Alzheimer’s.
If you missed the fence you have Parkinson’s.
If your stream smells meaty, your cholesterol level is far too high.
If you can’t smell your urine, you have Coronavirus.
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax.
After a while, a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together?"
"How dare you", retorted the woman, "I'm not some cheap pickup!"
"Well then", said the tramp, "get the fuck out of my bed".
After a while, a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together?"
"How dare you", retorted the woman, "I'm not some cheap pickup!"
"Well then", said the tramp, "get the fuck out of my bed".
SunnyDays1
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What’s the worst time for friendly fire?
In the middle of a threesome.
In the middle of a threesome.
SunnyDays1
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A blind man and asked him how he went blind.
He said: "I lost my eyes in a motorboating accident. She didn't tell me that they were pierced."
He said: "I lost my eyes in a motorboating accident. She didn't tell me that they were pierced."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A man hosts a dress-up party, where the theme is you have to come dressed as a mood.
On the night of the party, the man is at the front door greeting his guests and asking them what mood they were dressed as.
A couple of women arrived all dressed in green saying "we're green with envy".
A trio of men turned up dressed in red saying "we're red with rage".
More guests began arrive, all with similar explanations of what mood they were supposed to be dressed as. Pretty soon a couple of Indian men showed up at the door, fully naked. One of them had hollowed out a pear and jammed it on the end of his dick, and the other had his dick in a carton of custard.
The man was pretty dumbstruck. He had no idea who they were, why they were here or why on earth they were naked. Lost for words, he said "hiya fellas, what are you dressed as?"
And one of the men responded and said "well my friend is in dispare and I'm fuckin' disgusted".
On the night of the party, the man is at the front door greeting his guests and asking them what mood they were dressed as.
A couple of women arrived all dressed in green saying "we're green with envy".
A trio of men turned up dressed in red saying "we're red with rage".
More guests began arrive, all with similar explanations of what mood they were supposed to be dressed as. Pretty soon a couple of Indian men showed up at the door, fully naked. One of them had hollowed out a pear and jammed it on the end of his dick, and the other had his dick in a carton of custard.
The man was pretty dumbstruck. He had no idea who they were, why they were here or why on earth they were naked. Lost for words, he said "hiya fellas, what are you dressed as?"
And one of the men responded and said "well my friend is in dispare and I'm fuckin' disgusted".
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.
"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
"I agree." "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
"Anything father."
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister would you mind if I touched them?"
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"Yes sister?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.
"Oh father, may I touch it?"
This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."
"Is that true father?"
"Yes it is, sister."
"Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and let's get the fuck out of here."
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.
"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
"I agree." "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
"Anything father."
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister would you mind if I touched them?"
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"Yes sister?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.
"Oh father, may I touch it?"
This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."
"Is that true father?"
"Yes it is, sister."
"Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and let's get the fuck out of here."
SunnyDays1
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The Magical Mirror
A husband and wife bought a mirror from a fortune teller hard up for cash. The fortune teller warned them that the mirror was capable of magically granting wishes, but to make sure to be mindful of the words you chose. If you rhyme and keep it simple, everything should be fine.
They of course didn’t believe her, but chose to by the mirror because they liked how it looked. They took it home and hung it on the bedroom door.
3 days later and after a few drinks, they decided to try it out for fun. The wife goes first, a lady of average sized bust says “Mirror mirror on the door, make my breasts a 44!” The mirror swirled into a rainbow of colors and suddenly the wife sported a 44DD bust from her original C!!!
Shocked, intrigued, and ecstatic, they looked at one another and the husband yells “I’ve got to try this!!” He steps up to the mirror, drops his trousers, superhero poses and exclaims “Mirror Mirror on the door, make my Johnson touch the floor!” The mirror swirled into a rainbow of colors and suddenly....
....his damn legs fell off.
A husband and wife bought a mirror from a fortune teller hard up for cash. The fortune teller warned them that the mirror was capable of magically granting wishes, but to make sure to be mindful of the words you chose. If you rhyme and keep it simple, everything should be fine.
They of course didn’t believe her, but chose to by the mirror because they liked how it looked. They took it home and hung it on the bedroom door.
3 days later and after a few drinks, they decided to try it out for fun. The wife goes first, a lady of average sized bust says “Mirror mirror on the door, make my breasts a 44!” The mirror swirled into a rainbow of colors and suddenly the wife sported a 44DD bust from her original C!!!
Shocked, intrigued, and ecstatic, they looked at one another and the husband yells “I’ve got to try this!!” He steps up to the mirror, drops his trousers, superhero poses and exclaims “Mirror Mirror on the door, make my Johnson touch the floor!” The mirror swirled into a rainbow of colors and suddenly....
....his damn legs fell off.
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