LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread

Asking for her hand...

A guy went to his girlfriend's house for dinner to gain her father's permission for marriage. After the dinner, she and her mother went to the kitchen while her father and the guy sat down in the living room to talk this through.

The father said, "Okay son, I understand the purpose of this visit. You have come to ask permission for my daughter's hand in marriage from me. I will make this short and easy for you so we can get this finished quickly and talk about the real, interesting stuff like that game last night, haha. So, what I want from you is to summarise in just one sentence, the answer to this question: Why do you want her hand?"

The guy thinks for a while, and then replies, "Well, sir, you see... my hand has grown kind of tired by now..."
 
In a very large commercial building there were three stores owned and run by three different businessmen.

The businessman who had his store at one end of the building put up a sign that read "Year End Clearance Sale".

At the far end of the building, not to be outdone, the other businessman put up a sign that read "Closing Out Sale".

The businessman who ran the store in the middle got nervous. He was afraid that his business would certainly be hurt due to the two big signs put up by his competitors.

After grilling his mind for a bit he goes and puts up a sign flashing "Main Entrance"
 
A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway.

When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of and facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked but if it would help solve her problem she thought she had better do what the doctor said. As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs and when she did he put his head between them and rested his chin right on her private parts. After a few moments and some very positive "yes, yes" type noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again.

Afterwards, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main cause of her problem was just that she was drinking far too much liquid before going to bed. "So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?" "Well" said the doctor "my wife is right, a beard would suit me".
 
A Scary Midnight Story

A taxi driver is going home at midnight when he decides to take a shortcut through a cemetery. He's driving slowly through the dark when he suddenly stops in shock. In front of his headlights is a lady in white hailing him down.

Before he has time to think, the woman climbs in and says in a low whisper, "I'm so glad you're here. Nobody ever goes by here anymore."

There's something really creepy about the lady, and the cabbie doesn't talk with her, just drives to the address she gives. He's so nervous and jittery that he starts swerving hard along the country roads.

Embarrassed that he's so scared, he turns around to apologize for his driving-- but the woman is gone.

Terrified, the cabbie floors it until his heart stops beating like a jackhammer, and he catches his breath at a stop sign.

Starting to think it was all a dream, he looks back to make sure no one is in his car. But he sees the woman in white again. This time, her eyes are dripping blood, and she starts to reach out to him with a pale hand.

This starts the cabbie again and he drives like a lunatic, not knowing what he's doing in his fright. He turns to see if the lady is close, and then hits the brakes-- she's gone again!

Shaking, he pulls a flask and takes a swig of whiskey to steady his nerves, when cold fingers touch his shoulder. He looks behind him and sees the woman's face completely covered with blood now, staring down at him behind a veil of disheveled black hair.

The cabbie panics and drives like a madman, his only instinct is to escape. When he finally calms down, he stops and looks behind him to see that the lady has disappeared again. But as soon as he turns back toward the road, he notices that the lady is now seated beside him in the front passenger seat, blood covering her from head to toe and dripping from her open mouth.

Crazed with fear now, the woman staring him down, the cabbie drives the final stretch to their destination like hell on wheels. When they get there, he collapses back into his seat, all the fight gone out of him.

The blood-covered lady leans over and whispers, in a creaking voice from the edge of the afterlife, saying,

"Hey, cabbie. You gotta fix that back door, I fell out and had to catch up to you three times."
 
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, ''You're in charge of sweeping.''
To the Scotsman he says, ''You're in charge of shovelling.''
And to the Chinese guy, ''You're in charge of supplies.''
He then says, ''Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.''

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, ''Why didn't you sweep any of it?''
The Italian replies, ''I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.''

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says ''And you, I thought I told
you to shovel this pile.''
The Scotsman replies, ''Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither.''

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, ''SUPPLIES!!!!"
 
Papa, Mama, and baby mole are in their hole relaxing.

Suddenly Papa mole says “I smell honey” so he sticks his head out of the
hole to look around.

Then Mama mole says “I smell maple syrup” so she sticks her head out
of the hole to look around.

Baby mole is too small to see out the hole so he says “All I smell is
molasses”.
 
Why is "almost milk" called "almond milk"?..........

because nobody can keep a straight face while saying "nut juice".
 
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say

‘Buk Buk BUK.’
The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk and say,
‘ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!‘
The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say,
‘Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!‘
The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying,
“Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit…”
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

FreyaGersemi
Virtual Literotica Convention 2026 Author Challenge Official Support Thread
Replies
20
Views
651
Lifestyle66
L
ChloeTzang
Heroism - The Oggbashan Memorial Event 2026 Support Thread
Replies
3
Views
402
Kumquatqueen
Kumquatqueen
Annisthyrienne
  • Locked
The Story Idea Exchange Thread
Replies
5
Views
727
Annisthyrienne
Annisthyrienne
Fingerfuxs
Lit🌎World ©️🏴‍☠️ yes 🧑‍🍳 🍽️ !! Chef
6 7 8
Replies
181
Views
24K
Tessinwales
Tessinwales
FreyaGersemi
Virtual Literotica Convention 2025 Author Challenge Official Support Thread
9 10 11
Replies
253
Views
11K
FreyaGersemi
FreyaGersemi
Back
Top