Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread

[SunnyDays1]

A divorced father picks his 5 year old son up for their weekend together.

After they have lunch the father says “what do you want to do now, son?”

Kid says, “I want to go back to Sea World!”

“No, son, we’re not doing that.”

“Please”

“No”

“Pretty please?”

“No”

“Why not?”

“You just got here. I don’t feel like taking you home to your mother.”

“I said I want to go back to Sea World.”

“Oh, I thought you said “C Word.”

 

[SunnyDays1]

After getting married, the woman filed for divorce the very next morning...........

Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"

Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."

Judge: "ok.... then? "

Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."

Judge: "what?"

Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"

 

[SunnyDays1]

An old farmer has watched his flock of sheep dwindle over the years until he finally decides to go and visit a local vet for answers. The vet suggests that the farmer try artificial insemination in order to bolster his flock numbers.

Being a simple folk, and too embarrassed to ask for clarification, the old farmer presumes that artificial insemination means that he must do the job himself of getting his sheep pregnant. So the next day he loads his sheep into his truck and drives them up to the top field at the end of his farm and spends the whole day giving it to his sheep. The next day he tests them for pregnancy, and on seeing the negative results takes them back up to the top field in his truck and gives it to them all day again. This happens every day from Monday to Friday with (unsurprisingly) no positive test results.

Frustrated and exhausted, the farmer goes to bed grateful that he can recover over the weekend. Early the next day his wife wakes him up from over by their bedroom window. "Honey, you gotta see this!" she exclaims. "What is it?" the farmer wearily replies. "It's the sheep", she says. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them's honking the horn!"

 

[SunnyDays1]

http://www.joinforjoy.com/erotic_cartoons/Mixed%20Adult%20Comics/Fun/Collins,%20Trosley/slides/Trosley%2004.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/96/3b/23/963b23ecbfd272991294a7aa13c3f328--offensive-memes-spicy.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://spic.one/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/2c12e862a744cb4be84beaf6d817f44f.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

A woman is breastfeeding on the bus but struggling to get her baby to suckle....

So she says to her baby:

"Eat up now or I'm going to give it to that nice man over there", and points at the man sitting across from her

10 mins later: "You have to eat, baby, or I will give to that man!"

5 mins later: "Baby come on now, I can't waste this milk so you have to eat or im giving it to that man"

At this point the gentleman sitting across from her yells:

"For fucks sake! Make up your mind lady, my stop was 3 stops ago!"

 

[SunnyDays1]

A man is out golfing with a few buddies...

From across the way, the group sees a funeral going on at the church. As the procession goes by, the man takes off his hat and pauses the play for a few moments to pay his respects.

Later in the day, one of his buddies mentions how nice and respectful the man was. The man responds,

"Well she was a good wife of 30 years."

 

[SunnyDays1]

Completely fed up a coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded yes.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded.

"So,” the coach continued "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, dickhead or asshole. Do you understand all that?"

The little boy nodded yes again.

He continued "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play too, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb ass or shithead is it?”

The little boy agreed.

"GOOD!" said the coach. “Now please go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!"

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://img2.annthegran.com/StockDesign/XLarge/King_Graphics/m4055.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/people-of-wal-mart-tight-dress-skid-mark.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://creativeartworksblog.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/worrying-peanuts1.jpg

 

[SunnyDays1]

A man visits his dentist and asks for a tooth removal.

The man enters the dentist office and ask the dentist if he could have his tooth removed with no anesthesia used.....the dentist answers that this will be very painful and no sane human would tolerate the pain from pulling the tooth out of its roots...

The man replies: "What about this, if I scream or feel pain then I'll pay you double the fees, and if I don't do anything while you do the procedure then I can walk out without paying a penny". The dentist thinks about it and agrees to do that.

For the nest 45 minutes the dentist proceeds to remove the tooth without much problems, while the patient is smiling....they are done within the hour and the man can now walk out without paying a penny...

The dentist is shocked by that.....he enters his facebook account and posts on a group of dentists in his city about the encounter....

The top comment was from a dentist in the neighbouring building; " That son of a bitch came to you!!?? He came to my clinic just minutes earlier and I gave him the anesthesia and told him to wait for few minutes until the anesthesia effects start!!"

 

[SunnyDays1]

weekend travel plans

 

[SunnyDays1]

A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: “The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.”

 

[SunnyDays1]

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.

Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, "How about if we play for $10,000 a hole?" Tiger insists he couldn't possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap.

But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger until Tiger finally relents. Stevie says, "You pick the place and I'll pick the time?"

Tiger says, "Fine. Pebble Beach."

Stevie replies, "Midnight!"

 

[SunnyDays1]

A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

The Hawaiian woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.

The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely im-peckable (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge. After flying to California, the Hawaiian woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.

So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the California woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the California tree, but neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?

After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion...

Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

 

[SunnyDays1]

.....

 

[SunnyDays1]

cookouts

 

[SunnyDays1]

late...

 

[SunnyDays1]

Mouse and Lion are sitting at the bar...

...checking out the wildlife. Lion says, "Check out Gazelle! I'd love the chase that."

Mouse replies, "Hmm... not sure how that would work out for her... but Giraffe, now she is FINE."

Lion almost falls off his stool laughing! "Giraffe?!? Uh... I'm not sure you're really up for the task buddy."

Unfazed, Mouse walks straight up to Giraffe whispers something in her ear, and the two leave together, hand in hoof.

Mouse doesn't show up at the bar the next few nights, and Lion starts to get worried. He checks at Mouse's house, but doesn't find him. He heads over to Giraffe's house and finds Mouse stumbling on the road, with broken whiskers, about to collapse.

"What happened Mouse? Are you ok," asks Lion, scooping up mouse and dusting him off.

"Oh... yeah... " he gasps between shallow breaths. "But between all the kissing... <gasp> and fucking <gasp> I must have run a hundred miles!"

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://www.atheistrepublic.com/sites/default/files/Free%20Speech.png

 

[SunnyDays1]

Corona Virus Symptoms Basically Are The Same Feelings You Get When Your Wife Is Checking Your Phone

-Difficulty In Breathing

-Sweating Profusely

-Weakness

-Headache

-Stomach Ache

And when you are asked a question the dry cough starts.

 

[SunnyDays1]

A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “Hello, sir, how are you?”

“Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book.

“I love the beach. Do you come here often?” she asked.

“First time since my wife passed away last year,” he replied, and again turned back to his book.

“Do you live around here?” she asked.

“Yes, I live over in Suntree,” he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. “Do you like pussycats?”
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, “How did you know that was what I wanted?”

The man replied, “How did you know my name was Katz?”

 

[SunnyDays1]

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6b/7a/89/6b7a890a844c7c0fd127b73e234c80b1.gif