Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him,

He says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the dentist's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."

The man asks "What is it?"

The doc replies, "Viagra."

The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.

"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth."

 

[SunnyDays1]

A man visits an ejaculation clinic depressed that when he cums, all he can manage is a poor dribble at the end of his cock.

'‘When I watch porn" he tells the receptionist ‘they shoot it all over the poor girls face... some from like a metre away."

"Don’t worry" replies the receptionist. "We can help you." She introduces the man to Pedro, the senior wanker at the clinic who teaches the man all the necessary tricks to improve his cumming ability.

The man listened carefully and after a slow start, the results started rolling in. A week went by a he could shoot his load 20cm. Another week and he was up to half a metre. Another week and he was at the 1m mark. Another week went by and he could shoot so well that Pedro recommended him for the Ejaculation World Cup.

Reluctantly the man agreed. He watched as all the other competitors took their turns, furiously wanking to see how far they could fire their sperm. Finally the man took his turn. Dick in his hand he started pounding away until he could hold back now and released his mighty semen. Into the air it flew landing an impressive 10.5m away. He had done it - he had become World Champion.

Pedro, who accompanied the man to this glorious event walked up to the fresh pile of spunk and yelled back at the man...

'‘A couple of months you could barely get this stuff off the end of your dick and now? Well, look how far you’ve come.’'

 

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

During her rounds at the retirement home Nurse Wendy sees old Mr. Johnson looking very sad...

While on her rounds Nurse Wendy sees old Mr. Johnson walking sadly down the hall. Being the kindhearted person she is, she asks him what’s got him so sad.

“Well, there’s been a death in my family” he says.

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Was it someone close to you?”

“Yes, it was my dick. It died today.”

She offers her condolences if a bit confused at what just happened but thinks nothing further of it.

The following day she sees Mr. Johnson in the hallway and rushes up to him.

“Mr. Johnson, your penis is hanging out of your pants!”

He smiles sadly “I know. I told you my dick died. Today’s the viewing.”

 

[SunnyDays1]

Walking through the woods a man comes up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree."

"You gotta be kiddin' me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

"Well, OK..." So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against the tree. While this is happening, the other guy slaps a set of handcuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him ass naked and leaves.

Two hours later another nature lover strolls by, sees this guy handcuffed to the tree, stark ass naked, and asks, "What the hell happened to you?"

He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there. As he was telling his story, the other guy shakes his head in sympathy, walks around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says,

"This just ain't your day."

 

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees tons of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.

The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "Oh my god! What should we do about this?!"

The father replied "We shouldn't spank him, that's for sure."

 

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

A man walks up to the front desk of a psychiatric facility and strikes up a conversation with the psychiatrist there...

The man asks the psychiatrist, “how do you choose who is admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist explains, "we fill a bathtub with water and give people a straw, a teaspoon, a glass, and a bucket. Then we tell them to empty the bathtub.”

The man chuckles to himself and beams at the psychiatrist. "Naturally, the sane people take the bucket, right?"

The psychiatrist replies, "Actually, the sane people pull the plug and drain the water. Would you like a room with a window view or without?"

 

[SunnyDays1]

A shopping man discovers a new brand of condoms called "Olympic Condoms".

Interested in trying them out, he buys a box. When he gets home, he tells his wife about his purchase.

"Olympic condoms?" she says "And what is special about them?"

He replies "They come in three colors : Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"And what color are you going to wear tonight?" his wife asks.

"Gold, of course" the husband says proudly.

His wife replies "How about you use the Silver one? It would be nice for once if you finished second."

 

[SunnyDays1]

Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says "I'm a YUPPIE, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist"

The second guy says "I'm a DINK...Dual Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, "I'm a RUB...Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?"

She replies: "I'm a WIFE...Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

A second woman answers their question before they even ask it, "BITCH."

"What exactly is a BITCH?!" they ask in unison.

"Babe In Total Control of Herself."

So ladies, next time somebody calls you "Bitch", smile and say "Thank You!!"

 

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

A woman goes into a sex shop and asks the salesmen where the vibrators are and the salesman points to one of the walls.

So she walks over to them and she sees a very nice and big red one.

She asks the sales man "How much is this one?"

He replies "It's not for sale love, its a fire extingisher"

 

[Bud_Spencer]

Some of these are cute, sD

 

[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

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[SunnyDays1]

A married woman goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor, I hear voices inside my head!"

Doctor: "what do the voices say?"

Woman: "they say 'kill your husband"

Doctor: "Ok, that's not good. I'm going to start you immediately on a psychiatric medication. Come back and see me in one week."

One week later, the woman goes back to the same doctor and says: "I'm still hearing the same voices."

Doctor: "what are they saying now?"

Woman: "they're saying 'beat your husband with a club"

Doctor: "Hmm, I'm going to increase the dosage of your current medication. Come back and see me in two weeks."

Two weeks later, the woman goes back to the doctor and says: "Doctor, now I hear only one voice but it has a slightly different tone"

Doctor: "What does the voice say?"

Woman: "It says 'why did you ever marry him?"

Doctor: "Excellent! you're back to normal. come back and see me in a year."

 

[RatherAbsurdOne]

A man walks up to the front desk of a psychiatric facility and strikes up a conversation with the psychiatrist there...

The man asks the psychiatrist, “how do you choose who is admitted to your facility?”

The psychiatrist explains, "we fill a bathtub with water and give people a straw, a teaspoon, a glass, and a bucket. Then we tell them to empty the bathtub.”

The man chuckles to himself and beams at the psychiatrist. "Naturally, the sane people take the bucket, right?"

The psychiatrist replies, "Actually, the sane people pull the plug and drain the water. Would you like a room with a window view or without?"

So funny

 

[RatherAbsurdOne]

Thank you for all your funny posts Sunnydays