Lit. Jealousy - Do You Have It??

[Susurration]

I normally avoid all the serious discussions here, but this is too interesting a topic to pass over. I have felt jealousy here once, a number of years ago, but I never mentioned it to anyone and talked it through with myself in my head and to my reflection in the mirror, essentially reminding myself that this was about my insecurities and some things that have happened to me in real life.

I'm very guarded with what I say on here, most of the time, as I'm a very introverted person in most social situations. However, I find it very easy to contribute to silly discussions, because I'm very serious most of the time that I need to post in frivolous topics to relax a bit.

In my experience, jealousy, which was a problem for me much more in real life in my early to mid twenties was all about me, because I've had a very difficult time relationship wise, for reasons I shall not detain you all with.

On Lit, I used to get more involved than I do now. I still occasionally have conversations of a very personal nature, but I'm still getting over a very troubled 2015, so I've lost some of my spark. Either that or I'm just getting old . Suffice to say that I'm very happy to see people having good things happen to them on here or connecting with people, because it's good to know that this can still happen .

 

[faithlessmaiden]

I think everyone feels Lit jealousy from time to time. It is one of the many reasons that I originally left. It's another reason why I've come back under a different name.

Even though people say it's just cyber or phone or video play, I believe that emotions come into play the more you continue that relationship. It's hard to avoid. Then when you see that person chatting and talking with others, it hurts, even if you want it not to.

The reason I came back is because I missed the boards and the people here. I enjoy the openness of many people which is refreshing at times. However I fully intend to not get as involved as I did the last time to avoid clingy partners and my own feelings of jealousy.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

I'm totally jealous of Little Sister's ability to find raunchy porn clips!

She has Google key words down to a science! Love that she is always so lighthearted, never taking herself too seriously.

 

[lacandy]

Yep...I have it in spades. I can provide a list of references too!

I've learned a lot over the past 5 years in this crazy place. I've learned that there is a difference between flirting and pursuing. I've learned to be okay with the flirting, but if there is something between us beyond this place and your are obviously pursuing someone else? That's where my insecurities rear their ugly head. If you make me feel like a placeholder, then yeah, that's when the jealousy comes out.

These days I try to keep myself in check. I know who I am and am confident enough not to be jealous. I just need to be considered and respected. I think that there's a difference in that.

So many people said all the things that I was thinking though

...I know it's my issue not theirs

...Lit is about being fun and flirty

...Lit isn't the real world

I probably would have quoted almost everyone here.

Jealousy is a natural feeling, it is how you deal with it and how it manifests that is the difference.

Oh, and I'm not jealous of any of the women here...I have several who I absolutely love and cherish as friends. (Wait that's not totally true, I do get jealous of someone being funnier or wittier sometimes, but not in a nasty way, more in a "wish I'd thought of that" way ).

I'm sure I added nothing to this discussion, but there you go...

 

[36524]

------

 

[Leigh81]

I have to tell you how much I appreciate this thread and your honesty, Leigh81.

I was just sharing with someone here a little while ago about how the comments on my pics boost my confidence. It's amazing the stupid baggage that can hang around in one's mind after so many years despite numerous various accomplishments in multiple domains.

There is an ongoing battle between the angel on my shoulder that say, "Who gives a shit" and the dumb ass devil that says, "She's prettier/younger/thinner/smart/wealthier/funnier... than you" and everyone likes her better.

Thankfully, over the years I've grown more accepting of the angel. But, yeah, sometimes the voices from high school still come back and I need to play whack a mole with them.

So, I appreciate your openness.

xoxo
K

To me looks are just one sense, sex appeal & kindness really matter to me. I've learned a lot since starting this thread, I'm not really overly jealous, but a little bit. It is silly & I will work on it, dissect it & solve it.
Going through cancer can make you think of things in a different light. Be happy who you are because no one is perfect. Being short or tall, small chested or large breasted, short hair or long hair. A twig or being curvy shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter. You live one life, don't waste your time on the silly things.
A good heart is everything.

L

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

To me looks are just one sense, sex appeal & kindness really matter to me. I've learned a lot since starting this thread, I'm not really overly jealous, but a little bit. It is silly & I will work on it, dissect it & solve it.
Going through cancer can make you think of things in a different light. Be happy who you are because no one is perfect. Being short or tall, small chested or large breasted, short hair or long hair. A twig or being curvy shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter. You live one life, don't waste your time on the silly things.
A good heart is everything.

L

This is a really important message. We do indeed only get one life. I appreciate this thread and the responses so much. So much thoughtful discussion here.

Have I had lit jealousy? Yes to varying degrees. Like a number of posters in this thread I've had bad experiences w cliques, and I don't like the parts of lit that can feel really cliquish and like new people aren't welcome there. And yeah, even after a year, I still very much feel like a newbie/outsider. As to the other kinds of jealousy you mention, I think these feelings are probably inevitable, but I do try like you say to dissect and solve it. No point in carrying toxic emotions around , especially for what is supposed to be a fun escapist thing.

 

[Kinkenglish]

This is a really important message. We do indeed only get one life. I appreciate this thread and the responses so much. So much thoughtful discussion here.

Have I had lit jealousy? Yes to varying degrees. Like a number of posters in this thread I've had bad experiences w cliques, and I don't like the parts of lit that can feel really cliquish and like new people aren't welcome there. And yeah, even after a year, I still very much feel like a newbie/outsider. As to the other kinds of jealousy you mention, I think these feelings are probably inevitable, but I do try like you say to dissect and solve it. No point in carrying toxic emotions around , especially for what is supposed to be a fun escapist thing.

Agree with a lot of this .. Especially the last bit '...toxic emotions... Meant to be fun...'
In reality ... When I meet someone special ... And it does happen... It is hard sometimes... But that's what makes it special too!

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

Agree with a lot of this .. Especially the last bit '...toxic emotions... Meant to be fun...'
In reality ... When I meet someone special ... And it does happen... It is hard sometimes... But that's what makes it special too!

Special friends definitely seem to inspire these emotions, so it's important to stay on top of the potentially toxic emotions and keep them from polluting lovely friendships.

 

[Little_Sister]

I'm totally jealous of Little Sister's ability to find raunchy porn clips!

Tumblr.

She has Google key words down to a science! Love that she is always so lighthearted, never taking herself too seriously.

Aww. ((HugGrope))

 

[peekingone]

I am not a jealous person. I come here to Lit for the fun, teasing and reading of articles.:roll eyes:
Once drama comes into play I steer clear and don't get involved. I enjoy most people on Lit and it is the internet so a click away can make things easier so to speak. Everyday in R/L is a battle why have one here. Just my opinion.

Cheers everyone and now back to perving lol

 

[allstarhockeynutguy]

i think as Mr. Bill Shakespeare put it, jealousy is the green eyed monster, and thank you othello for killing my interest in shakespeare, when i start to get jealous on lit i have to step away for a bit and get some perspective, when I first came onto lit I had a hard time separating the just flirting with everyone and having it as exclusive attention, took a while to come to grips with it and now if I read flirtatious things from other ladies that I have flirted with in the past it is no big deal.
thanks Leigh81 for starting this thread, there have been a lot of very good posts by the good people on lit and it has given many members lots to think about, i wish i could give some good advise to you Leigh81 but you seem to be doing a very good job of working through life and all I can do is give you a good high five and a smile and on the cheek

 

[Minalick]

Yep...I have it in spades. I can provide a list of references too!

I've learned a lot over the past 5 years in this crazy place. I've learned that there is a difference between flirting and pursuing. I've learned to be okay with the flirting, but if there is something between us beyond this place and your are obviously pursuing someone else? That's where my insecurities rear their ugly head. If you make me feel like a placeholder, then yeah, that's when the jealousy comes out.

These days I try to keep myself in check. I know who I am and am confident enough not to be jealous. I just need to be considered and respected. I think that there's a difference in that.

So many people said all the things that I was thinking though

...I know it's my issue not theirs

...Lit is about being fun and flirty

...Lit isn't the real world

I probably would have quoted almost everyone here.

Jealousy is a natural feeling, it is how you deal with it and how it manifests that is the difference.

Oh, and I'm not jealous of any of the women here...I have several who I absolutely love and cherish as friends. (Wait that's not totally true, I do get jealous of someone being funnier or wittier sometimes, but not in a nasty way, more in a "wish I'd thought of that" way ).

I'm sure I added nothing to this discussion, but there you go...

Yes you did, as you always do.
You wrote it pretty much the way I would have.


Leigh, you're human, cut yourself some slack. You have a heart and you use it, it's not a bad thing.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

I'm sure I added nothing to this discussion, but there you go...

You added a lot. You always write what you feel and that's what we need more of, honesty.
It amazes me how one thread can be filled with love, hope, and wise words, yet others so full of hate and discontent.

 

[ShelbyBubbles]

This is a really important message. We do indeed only get one life. I appreciate this thread and the responses so much. So much thoughtful discussion here.

Have I had lit jealousy? Yes to varying degrees. Like a number of posters in this thread I've had bad experiences w cliques, and I don't like the parts of lit that can feel really cliquish and like new people aren't welcome there. And yeah, even after a year, I still very much feel like a newbie/outsider. As to the other kinds of jealousy you mention, I think these feelings are probably inevitable, but I do try like you say to dissect and solve it. No point in carrying toxic emotions around , especially for what is supposed to be a fun escapist thing.

I feel very much the same way...even after being on this site for a year now myself. Somewhat of an inside-outsider, if that makes sense.

I'm having a problem lately with people's intentions and integrity as of late. If I don't follow into their lead of sex talk then it seems there's nothing to talk about with me and they stop communicating. If I do talk sex or even answer questions about sex but don't engage further in a full on cyber chat or move our chat off Lit, I'm often called a tease. That confuses me cause I'm very straight forward from the start and I'm very blunt. I say what's on my mind...what I'm thinking and I speak the truth. I get lied to. A lot. I'm realizing that more and more....and more.

 

[texas cop]

To me nealously is an individual feeling. Lit is a public site so jealously doesnt belong here. Jmtc

 

[cowslinger64]

To those saying everyone feels jealousy... that's a buncha crap. Especially not on a message board. I wouldn't even feel that in real life, because if either of us felt jealous, that would mean at least one of us are causing that reaction or someone just doesn't trust the other. I can't have that, and the relationship would have to be fixed or end.

 

[barefootgirl69]

To me nealously is an individual feeling. Lit is a public site so jealously doesnt belong here. Jmtc

You can't just say that off the cuff... (see what I did there?)

Lit is a place filled with people, and people have emotions - good, bad, and ugly.

Like love, jealousy has many faces. It can be you heard their voice and you post so your voice will be heard, too. It can be following someone to threads to see what they say and then make a snarky comment because, 'Dammit, I'm supposed to be the one getting attention in the threads!'. It can be something as simple as 'I wish I wrote things as quick/funny/intelligently as that.'

It's not HAVING the emotion that is the trouble, it's what you do with it AFTER!

 

[Leigh81]

I feel very much the same way...even after being on this site for a year now myself. Somewhat of an inside-outsider, if that makes sense.

I'm having a problem lately with people's intentions and integrity as of late. If I don't follow into their lead of sex talk then it seems there's nothing to talk about with me and they stop communicating. If I do talk sex or even answer questions about sex but don't engage further in a full on cyber chat or move our chat off Lit, I'm often called a tease. That confuses me cause I'm very straight forward from the start and I'm very blunt. I say what's on my mind...what I'm thinking and I speak the truth. I get lied to. A lot. I'm realizing that more and more....and more.

It's a good thing we're good friends now. We've helped each other quite a bit I'd say.

L

 

[ShelbyBubbles]

It's a good thing we're good friends now. We've helped each other quite a bit I'd say.

L

Thank you my Friend...my Leighdee Bug

 

[followmenow6969]

Do you get jealous here on Lit??
I know from the past couple years different tid bits of jealousy here. I have no problems with my male friends here who flirt with me & I with them. I know they flirt with others & don’t have an issue with it. I know some ladies do though & I imagine some men as well with women.
Do you feel any of these...

- Someone you have a cyber relation with chatting with others, being sexual with others.
- Someone you feel a close friendship with chats the same way with others while you really only confide or are friends with that particular poster.
- You feel a special connection with someone but they might not reciprocate it at the same level.
- You see someone else get a lot of attention.
- When you’re having a heart to heart with someone it’s obvious they’re also having another chat(s) at the same time.
- Another reason??

Me
The having a heart to heart irks me. Personally when I’m in this situation I turn my pm’s to my buddy list & if I get a pm I’ll tell them I’m in a serious conversation at the time. Most of my conversations are just banter & we’re both posting on the boards while waiting for the other to reply.
For me for the past 15ish months I’ve been guarded, built up a wall, keeping people at arms length.
I don’t do cyber sex now & probably never will. One thing I’ve learned though is never say never, but I don’t see it happening in the foreseeable future.
Just recently though I’ve broken out of my shell thanks to a wonderful gal here. No jealous feelings with her in anyway. She’s straight & I only see her as a wonderful friend.
Since opening up I’ve also initiated a couple of pm’s with people I’ve never chatted with. I admire a lot of women here & some men too. I have a fear that they know I’m bi so if I initiate a pm they might think it’s for a sexual reason. It definitely is not.

But just over the last couple of days I’ve had jealous feelings creep in. I don’t really know why, I don’t understand it & I’m very confused about it.
I don’t want to have these feelings & I’m not sure what to do about it. I’ve developed a crush on this certain person, which is surprising. My clouded feelings with this has included a touch of jealousy with this. I’m lost & have no idea what to do. I know 95% of the people here reading this are thinking, just tell them. Well If it were a guy or a bi woman I probably would, but it’s neither.
This is so unlike me & I’m afraid I’ll lose a friend.

L

I'm hear if you need an ear

 

[Leigh81]

Thank you my Friend...my Leighdee Bug

Thank you my Bubbly crush

I'm hear if you need an ear

Thank you as well. I don't feel the little tinge of jealousy anymore. Was it even really jealousy??
My pm box filled up 2 1/2 times since I started this. I might of come out of my shell, but I'm still very guarded.

L

 

[rbijon]

You're too cool!

 

[starrynightin64]

I used to feel bad cause I'm not exactly like other people on here.
There was a pack of women who were UGLY mean to me and I almost left in 2006 .
One of my veterans who few people liked had my back & became my best friend for the next 9 years.
He died a couple years ago but I stayed anyway. He insisted I not change to fit in better.
He told me several times "Just be who you are and ef them if they don't like you."

So I have dealt with jealous people. I try not to be the cause of anyone getting their panties in a wad.
I get more people who seem to not like me more for being a positive person these days.

 

[Leigh81]

I was surprised to have heard from a couple of people that they were jealous of me.
I am in no way competing for anything or with anyone here. I'm very easy going, friendly & I'm here for the banter. I've been fortunate to have met some cool people & have become friends with a few.
Some days I stay low key, other days I'm more open.
I love the diversity of the people here. You can be shy or you can be more outgoing & have a pic thread, it doesn't matter to me. Enjoy life to the fullest.

L