Me and Mildred

[IhateClowns]

I can see how Mildred got her inner spirit as she was a bit of a wild child in her early years:

http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/5803/115543.jpg

The town folk were very angry at her sexuality at such an early age

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/83/angrymob.jpg

so she was banished from Intercourse and landed in a town called Climax which is more to her liking.

 

[wv_spice_78]

Wow, sounds like you have your hands full with such a sexual woman. Hope she doesnt wear you out...

 

[IhateClowns]

Once In Climax Mildred learned very quickly a rule that she would use to get everything she wanted in life:

http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/3866/withthisiwillcontrolyrl.jpg

 

[msmaggie]

I didn't even get my application in the mail. Ah well, all the best to the love birds...

 

[Mrs.H]

http://silvascentralbakery.com/my_images/clowncake.jpg



How is this for a wedding cake? It's the least I could do for such
a lovely couple!!

 

[border_humper]

PMJI, but I am starting to wonder whether Mildred has a sister.

 

[IhateClowns]

http://silvascentralbakery.com/my_images/clowncake.jpg



How is this for a wedding cake? It's the least I could do for such
a lovely couple!!

Sweetie, first off Mildred appreciates the gesture but please understand we are not getting married. I am having sexual relations with her for her money. That is it no more no less.

Wait. I see what you are doing. You must know Mildred has diabetes. By having her eat that cake maybe she will go into diabetic shock and God forbid kick the bucket. Then I get the estate. Wow very devious of you Mrs. H I am liking the way you think.

 

[IhateClowns]

PMJI, but I am starting to wonder whether Mildred has a sister.

Mildred does have a sister and a couple of brothers but they have all passed. I can put in a good word with the coroner if you wish?

 

[IhateClowns]

I didn't even get my application in the mail. Ah well, all the best to the love birds...

I cannot reiterate enough there is no love here. Well she does love my huge hog:
http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/2682/goodp.jpg


but seriously what lady in her right mind wouldn't? Mildred says it stretches her like no other. I was on top of her last night making about $7500 when she screamed out in a sound I had never head. I usually hear oh God oh God all the time in the sack, but she kept screaming out "FUCKING OSTEPOROSIS" over and over. I didn't know she was Greek. I will have to look it up and see what he was a God of.

 

[IhateClowns]

Because Mildred was shunned by her family and city where she lived, she found a new home in Climax. While she was walking the streets cold and shivering a family drove by and saw her. They stopped and picked her up. When they realized she didn't have a home or family they decided to take her in.

The problem was they were a bit different then her other family that disowned her. They fed a bit differently. It was an everyone for themselves type of mentality. Here is the only pic she could find of their buffet style eating habits:

http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/9938/5600resize.jpg

As you can see mama just lifts the underside of her shirt and the kids latch on to whatever they can find in hopes of getting some of the nuroushing sweet nectar.

 

[IhateClowns]

She doesn't remember too much of her early years just two episodes in her life. The first time her and her brothers tried cocaine:

http://img31.imageshack.us/img31/38/5600resizewatermarkedwa.jpg

She said they were sure what they were doing. They watched Mommy and Daddy with the white stuff all the time. If they were snorting it through a straw they were putting it inside their shoes. Because she and her brothers couldn't find a straw they decided to just rub it all over themselves.

When Mommy and Daddy found out what they did the were paddled harshly and told they are not allowed to touch that stuff again. She said the paddling didn't hurt her because she was giggling and seeing cartoon characters after playing with the cocaine. I think that is why she is into BDSM now:

http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/3433/83bdf1041f7.jpg

 

[IhateClowns]

The second memory of her early years consisted of when they went ot Disneland. She said it was a lot of fun until her parents decided she needed a picture with a 7' dog creature. I think this pic explains why she pisses herself everytime the dog jumps in her lap:



http://img12.imageshack.us/img12/38/5600resizewatermarkedwa.jpg

 

[IhateClowns]

Now Mildred loved her new family very muh. They were all very close, but she really didn't feel comfortable living in a house with only one bathroom for a large family like this:

http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/5728/5600resizewatermarkedwam.jpg

Plus Mom and Pops were always trying to save money so they could only flush when they made a doodie to save on water.

 

[DrunknBarbarian]

...............

 

[IhateClowns]

As Mildred got her family life started changing due to her Dad's drinking habits. She had gotten into a fight at school and was sent home early and put on detention. When her dad got home from the bar after work her mom told him everything. He deiced right then and there that he was going to teach her how to fight. Well actually he wanted to teach her how to take a punch:

http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/38/5600resizewatermarkedwa.jpg

Dad's drinking continued to get worse and eventually it got to a point where her Mom had enough. After seeing what he was doing to the dog in the family photo:

http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/8060/270booksportrait.jpg

she realized there was no saving his heathen soul, so she packed up her kids and moved them into a luxurious new house:

http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/5986/ttii2.jpg

 

[IhateClowns]

The divorce or her 2nd Mom and Dad is what caused her to find her passion in life and the main reason why she was able to nab so many suitors. She became an expert and almost made the olympics. Here is where she learned the move that would get her so much cock her pussy grew to have an echo. During her colege years rumor was that if you put Mildred's pussy up to your ears you could hear her heartbeat.


http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/7533/20050930gymnast.jpg

 

[IhateClowns]

OMG this thread is ummmmmmm hehe HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I love it !!!!!!!!!

Ok ok.....IHC....I just hope the wise woman there doesn't do this to ya?.....

THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What's in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine.
I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
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'Good trade'....

Nice yeah see Mildred's eye site isn't all that great anymore. SO I just buy her Kool-aid and tell her it is red wine....she just sips and hums the Lawrence Welk Show theme song....

 

[LusterMunky]

TMZ just reported that Mildred has hired a troupe of Guatemalan clowns in her neverending quest to achieve satisfaction.

Just thought you should know.

 

[IhateClowns]

TMZ just reported that Mildred has hired a troupe of Guatemalan clowns in her neverending quest to achieve satisfaction.

Just thought you should know.

I asked Mildred about this report and she said she doesn't eat Guatemalans, just honeydew and cantalopes. I have been going to TMZ for my economy and oil crisis updates. Not anymore. Fuck them....

 

[IhateClowns]

Even though Mildred's parents split up, she was required by the courts to go spend time with her dad and his new wife. Even though her dad said he wasn't drinking anymore pictoral evidence proved otherwise:

http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/9938/5600resize.jpg

Mildred said the only thing she could remember during her holiday visits with her dad was him shot gunning egg nog and screaming out was a pussy President Eisenhauer was.

 

[wv_spice_78]

Poor Mildred has had it so rough and somehow she managed to become a millionaire and can afford you cutie... maybe there is hope for me too?

 

[IhateClowns]

Poor Mildred has had it so rough and somehow she managed to become a millionaire and can afford you cutie... maybe there is hope for me too?

You will learn in a bit just how she became a millionaire and could afford this fella. I tell ya what, if you wanna see if there is hope for you send me a $100,000 cashiers check. PM me if you need the address.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

hmmmmmm.

 

[IhateClowns]

When Mildred turned 14 her mom was able to land a coveted job at the Stallion barn the over in Grove City. So she moved the kids out of their fancy home and moved to Grove City. Mildred's mom loved her job so much. What she didn't know is that there was no reason for her to stick her finger in the horse'e ass because they had oother ways of riling the horses up.

http://img707.imageshack.us/img707/4719/teasingthestallion.jpg

Once she figured that out all she needed to do was drop to her knees and help collect the horse semen. But always remember to wear your helmet...safety first.

http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/6308/collect2.jpg


The job was hot and sticky but paid .10 cents per load and she was in heaven. Because she was such a good horse semen collector she was able to provide her kids with the finest of clothes.

http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/5981/5600resizecav1qmwu.jpg

 

[IhateClowns]

When Mildred was 16 the carnival came to town. She was scared due to her creepy encounter with that dog, but decided to go anyway. While there she ran into Cledus Withers who ran the tilt a whirl.

http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/3102/mullet20manxs2.jpg

He was a beautiful man that took a liking to young Mildred. He asked her to come back to his trailer after work but she told him she couldn't because her Momma wouldnt let her. So Cledus wrote letter all the time to her and a lot of them were very sexual. Things he wanted to do to her.

She would read the letters and get excited. She wasn't sure what her body was doing while reading those letters but it felt good to her. One day her Mom came across the letters and was outraged. She decided to get back at Cledus so she had Mildred write a letter to him asking him to come over and bring th stuff he wanted.

Cledus received the letter and was so excited. He ran by the store and picked up some:

http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/7305/3056780.jpg

and some

http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/993/1046176014a9ff4b4bb0.jpg

He was now set and on his way. When he got there Mildred met him at the side of the house and asked him to come in. He came in and then she said wait here I have to go get something. That is when Cledus knew he was in trouble. While sitting there in walked:

http://img685.imageshack.us/img685/3097/ngbbs483e1646ac713.jpg

He also asked him if wanted some:

http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/3194/10879613059d9ea19a75.jpg

Since Mildred was only 16 Cledus knew he was fucked. He started making up excuses saying he was there to make sure Mildred was ok. When asked about the condoms and Zima Cledus said he always carries around condoms and Zima.

The Chris Hanson did the unthinkable and pulled out all the letters. he unfolded the first and asked him why he would write:

"I want to fuck your ass with my cock while the cat watches us"

Cledus had no answer.

Then Chris read the next line:

"I want to fuck your mouth like it was a garbage disposal"

Cledus just slumped and knew he was done for. He asked if he could leave and that is when a photographer came out of the back room and Chris Hanson revealed himself as a reporter for NBC. Cledus asked what is a reporter? In which Chris hanson replied, nevermind.

Cledus got up and left where he was tackled, handcuffed and was made Bubba's bitch:

http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/4589/062vc.jpg

***On a side note please realize that I do not subscribe to barebackmasters.com. I Googled prison bitch to find som sort of picture to put in the story.

So anyone with an Adam's apple who might be entertaining the idea of being a sugar daddy I am the wrong fella.