Me and Mildred

[IhateClowns]

On a good note, because Cledus was such a good bitch, he kept his nose clean and got out on good behavior. He was able to make a life for himself, although his wife knew he had gone to prison she never knew the sordid details.

http://img84.imageshack.us/img84/9938/5600resize.jpg

 

[Rikki_13]

Clowns you are a mess!!! I appreciate the laughs you have given me tonight. thank you.

 

[Guest]

Funny Shit - Thanks IHC!

 

[IhateClowns]

Clowns you are a mess!!! I appreciate the laughs you have given me tonight. thank you.

A mess?? Quite rude Rikki. I am not sure why a young stud like myself being with an old coot like Mildred would constitute a mess. It is all business baby. My bank account is growing by leaps and bounds.

 

[IhateClowns]

Funny Shit - Thanks IHC!

Thanks man....Not sure how many people are finding humor in this, but I am having some fun with it...

 

[availableslave2u]

wishing you and mildred all the best. she looks like a lovely woman. you're a lucky man

 

[IhateClowns]

wishing you and mildred all the best. she looks like a lovely woman. you're a lucky man

Although I appreciate your comment, looks play no part in this what-so-ever....she could look like Rocky Dennis and I will lick her va-jay-jay if her bank account has 7 digits in it....That is 7 digits before the decimal point thank you very much

 

[IhateClowns]

Fucking website......

 

[IhateClowns]

Fucking website

 

[IhateClowns]

Stopping the story for a quick update on last night. Have to tell you about what happened. I didn't have on my menu cam sex because well I didn't think Mildred even knew what a cam was. Well she did and because I couldn't make it over she told me she would pay me to have cam sex with her. SO we signed onto yahoo and started. So I am laying in my bed and she is sitting on the floor and she immediately jumps into it. She takes off her nightgown but all I can see is from the neck up. I was starting to guess douche chills thinking this was a bad idea and no money was worth it when she decided to move the cam back so i could see all of her. I never thought that there was a limit to taking money from my sugar mama for me until this:

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/1277/oneofh666soldermembers.jpg



As soon as I did see her I hit the power button on my lap top. She called a few seconds later and while I had douche chills and cotton mouth I said a transformer blew and we lost all power on my street. I had nightmares all last night.

 

[IhateClowns]

It is arts and crafts night tonight. I am so excited, abotu how much she is going to pay me to go there and watch her knit for the night. I just took a picture of her knitting me a cock sleeve. Isn't she cute

http://img199.imageshack.us/img199/9910/24964857719a277e7fd.jpg

 

[IhateClowns]

So when Mildred turned 18 she decided she was made for much better things. She left her amily and headed to sunny California. She had the looks and was limber and her BF's all said that she should be an actress. While in California she met a man:

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/8180/aslcreepyguy.jpg

He told her that he had certain friends that were in movies and he could help her out. So he took her to a small warehouse that was empty minus some lights and a bed.

There was another girl there and Mildred wasn't sure what was going on. She was on the verge of crying when the woman asked her if she scared. Mildred said yes and the girl started rubbing her shoulders and said everything would be ok. The rubbing started to feel good and all of a sudden Mildred starting feeling a warmness between her legs. Then all of a sudden Mildred watched the girl undress.

That is when Mildred realized what kind of movie this was. She was out of money and needed to find some sort of work so Mildred went with it. She stripped and her budding film career took off:

http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/2430/thumbnailcaa5hfro.jpg

 

[IhateClowns]

Mildred's first male partner Terry World was the hottest guy in 60's porn. He was the guy all women wanted to be with. Terry saw Mildred in that hot all girls 60's porn flick Hairy Muff Diving Gaggers. He thought she was so attractive. Terry sent over a picture to her:

http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/5707/coverfoterryworld250803.jpg

 

[slave_]

Clowns, what can be said that hasn't been said, well written, already?

My life is complete. I can now smile in the sun! You have opened my eyes that there may be, just may be, hope still left in this world!

*sigh* I am jealous!

 

[IhateClowns]

So i was bored last night and told Mildred she needed to come over and spicen things up. I never should have asked her to come over. She got lost on her way over. She couldn't figure out the cell phone I bought for her so I spent half the night wondering where my money source was. Everytime I called I got a busy signal.

Finally about 2 1/2 hours later (she only lives 5 miles away) she pulled up into my driveway. I was so excited to see her......alive. It has taken awhile to find my sugar mama and I don't want to lose her so quickly. Anyway she sat in the car for a long time. I wasn't sure what was going on then she got out.

Oh dear God she should have just stayed home. Yes I said I was bored, but I figured her coming over and writing me a check would put a smile on my face. I couldn't believe my eyes when she got out of the car:

http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/6797/25b1145f84434229867520d.jpg


I found out she didn't get lost. It took her over 2 hours to get the outfit on. She only broke her pinky finger in doing so. It was well worth the check.

 

[IhateClowns]

So Mildred wasn't making the type of money that she wanted to make. She didn't feel she was smart enough to go to college. Being that it was the 60's and drugs were more prevelent then ever, Mildred went in with her best friend Gladys and decided to start selling drugs.

http://img686.imageshack.us/img686/7696/129080678994436729.jpg

The problem was that Gladys couldn't lay off the stuff and well was smoking all of their profits away.

 

[Rikki_13]

I was wondering if you and Mildred were still together. Maybe you should help me find a sugar daddy?

 

[IhateClowns]

Now Mildred met her first husband Clyde when she was 25. He was a door to door vacume salesman but always knew he was going to do great things. He was at home shaving one time and kept thinking there had to be an easier way.

Mildred really loved Clyde becase he reminded her of all her circus friends. She did get tired of unclogging the bath tub and sinks, but she loved the feel of his softness when they spooned. Besides the occassional hair in her mouth, she knew Clyde was going to be her husband forever.

One day while shaving his razor got stuck. Clyde was upset and embarassed and decided he needed to come up with a hair removing formula that would make shaving so much easier.

Mildred shared me the picture of the man who invented Nair:

http://img268.imageshack.us/img268/8963/sexyguy.jpg

 

[nonimura65]

IHC Congratulations on finding your very own sugar momma. I was just a little curious and decided to do a quick genealogical search about your Mildred and well....
You do realize who she is related to?









http://izismile.com/img/img3/20100711/640/the_oldest_woman_640_05.jpg


http://izismile.com/img/img3/20100711/640/the_oldest_woman_640_04.jpg

Antisa the oldest living woman in the world just recently celebrated her 130th birthday....just saying....

 

[IhateClowns]

IHC Congratulations on finding your very own sugar momma. I was just a little curious and decided to do a quick genealogical search about your Mildred and well....
You do realize who she is related to?









http://izismile.com/img/img3/20100711/640/the_oldest_woman_640_05.jpg


http://izismile.com/img/img3/20100711/640/the_oldest_woman_640_04.jpg

Antisa the oldest living woman in the world just recently celebrated her 130th birthday....just saying....

Dear God this is my worst nightmare. I have been sucking on Lotrimin lotioned toes. Running my tongue down her arthritic ben gay covered spine and kissing chapped lips that not even Burts Bee's could cure. Yes I am getting paid handsomely mind you, but my main goal is her fortune. I won't survive another 4- plus years of this. The woman is instatiable. Hear is what I am having to kiss:

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/6884/cheilitis47228lg.jpg

Not easy sliding my cock past those lips without getting the head snagged on a piece of dried lip skin. Yes that is hair around her lips. I havent the heart to tell her the Billy Dee Williams look went out a long time ago.

 

[IhateClowns]

I fucked up royally by telling Mildred of Raindear's Birthday Bash. She has had it in her head the whole day that today is her birthday so I had to go out and buy a cake and put together a party for the two of us...I took a pic for everyone to enjoy:

http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/1562/ca30767.jpg

As you can see she was really happy. Although her birthday is in 6 months the fact that she celebrated a birthday helps me feel that she is getting older and thus closer to receiving her wealth. In the meantime I will continue letting her be my sugar momma because she continues to pay be under the table for services rendered.

 

[Rosemaryythyme]

I fucked up royally by telling Mildred of Raindear's Birthday Bash. She has had it in her head the whole day that today is her birthday so I had to go out and buy a cake and put together a party for the two of us...I took a pic for everyone to enjoy:

http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/1562/ca30767.jpg

As you can see she was really happy. Although her birthday is in 6 months the fact that she celebrated a birthday helps me feel that she is getting older and thus closer to receiving her wealth. In the meantime I will continue letting her be my sugar momma because she continues to pay be under the table for services rendered.

As long as she keeps paying under the table...

the question is do you have to play under the table?!

 

[LusterMunky]

I fucked up royally by telling Mildred of Raindear's Birthday Bash.

In the 'small world' category, just this morning I was at the veterinarian for my annual checkup and there was Your Mildred, waiting patiently for her monthly flea dip. She recognized me, we struck up a conversation, and she mentioned her pique about the whole Raindear Birthday Bash thingy. At least I think it was her pique - it might have been her goiter. (As I'm sure you know, she doesn't enunciate well when she has a mouthful of prunes.)

Anyway, in a effort to pacify her on your behalf, I invited her over and told her that she and Rain and I could all get in a pile. This caused her such anticipatory delight that she had to excuse herself to change her Depends.

So now that I have bailed you out of that delicate situation, I hope that you might see fit to return the favor and provide a few Pleasuring Mildred helpful hints.

~ Munky

 

[DefineNormal]

I think you can see by the application above that Mildred is a spritely old gal that will keep me on my toes. Speaking of toes she paid me $1500 to suck on them for 5 minutes. Now as you can see from the looks of her toes she must have been a dancer at some point in her life:

http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/7128/nt2j.jpg

Between the bumps and the smell of Ben Gay I almost lost it a couple of times but I needed the money for the Pabst Blue Ribbon and Chili Cook off meand my brother were having last night. I say cook off because even though it was only the two of us he said Wolf Brand Chili was better but some on we all know Hormel Chili is much much better.

Needless to say Mildred got quite ill later that night due to the tremendous amounts of methane gas that was being passed under our sheets. I swear she almost died. I couldnt allow that to happen yet as we havent been able to change her will. I almost had to give her mouth to mouth for free. Free!!! Can you believe that shit, ain't nothing free anymore damn it.

Excuse me the shitter is calling

I appluade your tenacity in pleasing the elders, such a kind and generous thing you are doing for all of womankind. IM sure that the monetary side is just an added benefit , that a man of your integrity and morals would not be in it for the $$$. But about the mouth to mouth thing from what i hear thru american red cross and other safety organizations you no longer need to blow into the victims mouth just simply do 15 reps of pushing on the chest cavity. With such a sexy elderly lady as she is you might be mindfull not to loose concentration or count while performing this life saving procedure on her, with nipples so close to the area to perform chest pushes im sure you might get distracted. Sure way to not loose count is instead of just counting one , two , etc - count say 1rep whos yo daddy bitch... and so on. You are an inspiriation to all in restoring faith in humanity thru self sacrifice to the elders..
ps.) send me a few apps for review obamacare is running out i only have a month left of food stamps and unemployment..

 

[DefineNormal]

Nobel peace prize

Mr. Clown ,

I have been so moved by your caring for the elderly that i have filed the necessary paperwork to the proper authorities submitting your name for the nobel peace prize , your work is of such a large humanitarian gesture that others whom have read this thread determined you are worthy of such a prestigious award. Afterall if our illustrious president can receive one why should you not.... :caning::caning:If not for Mildred then...