MG's Dubious Dictionary
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Svenskaflicka
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I don't suppose anything! I know!
MathGirl
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Suppose DIS, Swede.
CADDIS: Worsted yarn.* E.g. "Shit, Beatrice, this is the worsted yarn I ever seed. Ain't good fer nothin' but startin' a fire."
CADRANS: Instrument by which a gem is adjusted while being cut.* E.g. "I'll just use this cadrans to adjust your lovely five carat diam ..... Oops! Well, aren't you the lucky one. You now have all these lovely quarter carat gems. No, there's no extra charge."
CADUCEATOR: Herald; messenger.* E.g. "Your magesty, I come as caduceator from the Courte de Revolucion. The good news is that the guillotine has been freshly sharpened."
CEONOGENESIS: Growth in an individual not common in its species.* E.g. "Maw, thet boy Caleb be nigh onta sixteen now. Ah thank it's 'bout time we put pants on him."
CADDIS: Worsted yarn.* E.g. "Shit, Beatrice, this is the worsted yarn I ever seed. Ain't good fer nothin' but startin' a fire."
CADRANS: Instrument by which a gem is adjusted while being cut.* E.g. "I'll just use this cadrans to adjust your lovely five carat diam ..... Oops! Well, aren't you the lucky one. You now have all these lovely quarter carat gems. No, there's no extra charge."
CADUCEATOR: Herald; messenger.* E.g. "Your magesty, I come as caduceator from the Courte de Revolucion. The good news is that the guillotine has been freshly sharpened."
CEONOGENESIS: Growth in an individual not common in its species.* E.g. "Maw, thet boy Caleb be nigh onta sixteen now. Ah thank it's 'bout time we put pants on him."
MathGirl
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CALATHUS: Friut basket carried on the head.* E.g. "Hay, y'all queers keep quiet up there. Yer gittin' a free ride, ain'tcha?"
CADILESKER: Special case used to carry the rubber donut sat upon by those suffering from acute hemorrhoidal symptoms.
CALCIMINE: Whitewash.* A skin treatment used by those who wish to emulate Michael Jackson, but who cannot afford the medical procedures.
CALCIFUGE: Plant which will not tolerate limey soil.* Such shrubbery apparently cannot be grown in England or in any area by Englishmen (Ed.).
CADILESKER: Special case used to carry the rubber donut sat upon by those suffering from acute hemorrhoidal symptoms.
CALCIMINE: Whitewash.* A skin treatment used by those who wish to emulate Michael Jackson, but who cannot afford the medical procedures.
CALCIFUGE: Plant which will not tolerate limey soil.* Such shrubbery apparently cannot be grown in England or in any area by Englishmen (Ed.).
Gary Chambers
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Re: MathGirl bring your Avs back... please!
Not to worry Ogg, we have learned on another thread that Toothy is vacationing in Norway, and is not expected back for up to 15 years.
oggbashan said:
Not to worry Ogg, we have learned on another thread that Toothy is vacationing in Norway, and is not expected back for up to 15 years.
MathGirl
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CALCARIFEROUS: Having spurs.* E.g. "Well, doctor, I've had these bruises on my buttocks ever since my wife started wearing spurs to bed."
CAESPITOSE: Growing in clusters.* "Mrs Cosgrove, you have the most perfect caespitose piles I've ever seen in my thirty years as a proctologist. May I take a picture?"
CAGAMOSIS: Unhappy marriage.* A common condition in Australia when the bridegroom later learns that the ewe he married is smarter than he.
CALAMANCO: An delightful word having no definition. It is quite entertaining to hear and say. Also, it may be used when one cannot think of the proper word for the occasion. E.g. "Well, Stanley, this is a real calamanco you've gotten us into this time." or "Good grief, Waldo! That calamanco must be a five pounder! Think it will flush?"
CAESPITOSE: Growing in clusters.* "Mrs Cosgrove, you have the most perfect caespitose piles I've ever seen in my thirty years as a proctologist. May I take a picture?"
CAGAMOSIS: Unhappy marriage.* A common condition in Australia when the bridegroom later learns that the ewe he married is smarter than he.
CALAMANCO: An delightful word having no definition. It is quite entertaining to hear and say. Also, it may be used when one cannot think of the proper word for the occasion. E.g. "Well, Stanley, this is a real calamanco you've gotten us into this time." or "Good grief, Waldo! That calamanco must be a five pounder! Think it will flush?"
MathGirl
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CALICULUM: A chalice or cup.* E.g. "You have a serious condition of the noolies, Mr Farquahr. The only chance for saving them is to soak each one in a caliculum of boiling vinegar twice a day."
"CALLIPYGIO BELLISIMO:" The famous "Beautiful Buttocks" aria sung by Maria (Bar.) in the third act of the opera "The Magic Flatus" by Linguini.
CALORIFACIENT: Producing heat.* E.g. "Whooie, Tex! This here Five Alarm chili is causin' ma boots ta fill up with sweat."
CALUMNY: Vile misrepresentation.* E.g. "I accuse you of calumny, sir. This Norwegian Blue you sold me an hour ago is dead. It is an ex-parrot; defunct; mort!"
"CALLIPYGIO BELLISIMO:" The famous "Beautiful Buttocks" aria sung by Maria (Bar.) in the third act of the opera "The Magic Flatus" by Linguini.
CALORIFACIENT: Producing heat.* E.g. "Whooie, Tex! This here Five Alarm chili is causin' ma boots ta fill up with sweat."
CALUMNY: Vile misrepresentation.* E.g. "I accuse you of calumny, sir. This Norwegian Blue you sold me an hour ago is dead. It is an ex-parrot; defunct; mort!"
G
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Congrats, Maths. These last four are a perfect representative sample to send to all my friends and family (and makes me sad for those no longer alive, or alive enough, to enjoy your precious wit).
admiringly, Perdita
admiringly, Perdita
MathGirl
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CALENDER: Machine with rollers which presses paper or cloth.* E.g. "We're sorry, Mr Snodgrass, but the Board has turned down your claim for work-related disability. It is our conclusion that you were playing with yourself on the production line when you got your tonker caught in the calender."
CANARY: Lively Renaissance courtly dance during which each performer places a finger in the anus of the person to his/her right. Special attire is usually provided by the host.
CANAILLE: Riffraff; proletarian; the mob; rabble. E.g. "Yes, Senator, being a liberal would be ever so much more pleasant if one needn't deal with the canaille. They're so tiresome, not to mention the smell. It's almost enough to make one consider becoming a Republican. More caviar?"
CANTORIAL: To the north side of the choir in a church.* Place where men of the cloth often receive massage of the wiwi by boys of the altar.
CANARY: Lively Renaissance courtly dance during which each performer places a finger in the anus of the person to his/her right. Special attire is usually provided by the host.
CANAILLE: Riffraff; proletarian; the mob; rabble. E.g. "Yes, Senator, being a liberal would be ever so much more pleasant if one needn't deal with the canaille. They're so tiresome, not to mention the smell. It's almost enough to make one consider becoming a Republican. More caviar?"
CANTORIAL: To the north side of the choir in a church.* Place where men of the cloth often receive massage of the wiwi by boys of the altar.
MathGirl
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CANOPUS: Vase for holding dead individual's inner organs.* E.g. "Okay, Leonidas, here's your big chance! Is your late wife's gizzard in canopus #1, canopus #2, or canopus #3? Good luck."
CAPISTRATE: Hooded.* E.g. "Hello, little girl. Would you like to meet Mr Snake? He's my capistrate cylopean trouser trout."
CAPRIC: Having a goatlike smell.* E.g. "Gosh, Minerva, that's interesting perfume. It's sort of .... capric. Oh, you aren't wearing perfume."
CARCINOLOGIST: One who studies crabs.* E.g. "This is a serious infestation, Ms Cosgrove. As an experienced carcinologist, it is my opinion that you should douse the pubic region with gasoline and set fire to it. There should be someone standing by to stab the survivors with an ice pick as they flee the conflagration."
CAPISTRATE: Hooded.* E.g. "Hello, little girl. Would you like to meet Mr Snake? He's my capistrate cylopean trouser trout."
CAPRIC: Having a goatlike smell.* E.g. "Gosh, Minerva, that's interesting perfume. It's sort of .... capric. Oh, you aren't wearing perfume."
CARCINOLOGIST: One who studies crabs.* E.g. "This is a serious infestation, Ms Cosgrove. As an experienced carcinologist, it is my opinion that you should douse the pubic region with gasoline and set fire to it. There should be someone standing by to stab the survivors with an ice pick as they flee the conflagration."
MathGirl
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CAPNOMANCY: Divination by use of smoke.* E.g. "According to that cigar smoke, Gene, it appears that you're destined to be trampled flat by a team of horses tomorrow. I'd have more confidence in my capnomancy if we weren't astronauts in a low-earth orbit. The smoke never lies, though."
CANTER: Person who makes hypocritical or affected statements.* A 'Ted.' Word coined especially for Sen. Edward Kennedy (D.-Mass.). Also very useful as a synonym for 'televangelist.'
CANTICLE: Short sung prayer.* E.g. "Okay, the tipoff be in three minutes. Lez all join in a canticle that we whup the livin' shit outa them whitebread mothafuckas."
CANTLE: Corner, edge, or slice of anything.* E.g. "This may sting just a tiny bit Mr Fonsdale. For a final diagnosis, I'm going to use these hedge trimmers to snip a cantle off the end of your tonker."
CANTER: Person who makes hypocritical or affected statements.* A 'Ted.' Word coined especially for Sen. Edward Kennedy (D.-Mass.). Also very useful as a synonym for 'televangelist.'
CANTICLE: Short sung prayer.* E.g. "Okay, the tipoff be in three minutes. Lez all join in a canticle that we whup the livin' shit outa them whitebread mothafuckas."
CANTLE: Corner, edge, or slice of anything.* E.g. "This may sting just a tiny bit Mr Fonsdale. For a final diagnosis, I'm going to use these hedge trimmers to snip a cantle off the end of your tonker."
MathGirl
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Abbreviated edition tonight
CAPARISON: Ornamented covering for a horse.* E.g. "Well, I'd be the last one to suggest that Janice is horsey. Doesn't she look just divine in that stunning off the shoulder caparison?"
CARBUNCLE: A pustular, staphylococcal infection of a skin follicle. A boil.* E.g. "We'll have that carbuncle on your ass taken care of in nothing flat, Mr Farquahr. Nurse: Goggles and pliers, please."
CAPARISON: Ornamented covering for a horse.* E.g. "Well, I'd be the last one to suggest that Janice is horsey. Doesn't she look just divine in that stunning off the shoulder caparison?"
CARBUNCLE: A pustular, staphylococcal infection of a skin follicle. A boil.* E.g. "We'll have that carbuncle on your ass taken care of in nothing flat, Mr Farquahr. Nurse: Goggles and pliers, please."
MathGirl
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CARIOLOGIST: One who studies sedges.* E.g. "Well, doctor, I know you're an eminent cariologist and say that my problem is a sedge growing out of my ass. Ummm, what's a sedge?"
CARIOCA: A fungus infection of the vagina. E.g. "Good grief, Mrs Hasselbach, I've seen hundreds of fungus infections in my career as a gynecologist. It's the first time, though, that I've seen full grown shitake mushrooms. You should have come to me earlier. I'm gonna need a shovel for this."
CARITATIVE: Generous; charitable.* E.g. "Gosh, Mr Rockerfeller, a new dime! Thanks a bunch for being so caritative, you skinflint old motherfucker."
CARNIFEX: Executioner.* E.g. "I'll be your carnifex today, Mr Cohen. I hope this will be a positive experience for both of us. Now, please lie down on this cross, and make yourself comfy. I'll just do a little simple carpentry. It may sting a little at first."
Ps. That last definition was occasioned by my watching a tape of MP's "Life of Brian" last night.
Pps. Look on the brighter side of life.
CARIOCA: A fungus infection of the vagina. E.g. "Good grief, Mrs Hasselbach, I've seen hundreds of fungus infections in my career as a gynecologist. It's the first time, though, that I've seen full grown shitake mushrooms. You should have come to me earlier. I'm gonna need a shovel for this."
CARITATIVE: Generous; charitable.* E.g. "Gosh, Mr Rockerfeller, a new dime! Thanks a bunch for being so caritative, you skinflint old motherfucker."
CARNIFEX: Executioner.* E.g. "I'll be your carnifex today, Mr Cohen. I hope this will be a positive experience for both of us. Now, please lie down on this cross, and make yourself comfy. I'll just do a little simple carpentry. It may sting a little at first."
Ps. That last definition was occasioned by my watching a tape of MP's "Life of Brian" last night.
Pps. Look on the brighter side of life.
MathGirl
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CARMINITIVE: Causing or relieving flatulence. Expelling.* E.g. "Oh, gosh, Louis, I'm terribly sorry about your upholstery. You might try Lysol. It must be that carminitive I took earlier. I sure wish that hadn't happened on our first date."
CARPAL: Of or pertaining to the wrist.* E.g. "C'mon, Smathers, ya gotta get more carpal action into it, or yer never gonna qualify for the Sons of Onan."
CARPOGENOUS: Bearing fruit.* A popular gay bar in eastern Arkansas.
CARRONADE: Light maritime cannon.* E.g. "Shiver me timbers, Cosgrove! Tie the cabin boy over that carronade and git his pants down. We're all gonna take a little ride up the old dirt road this fine mornin'. Arrrrrrrr!"
CARPAL: Of or pertaining to the wrist.* E.g. "C'mon, Smathers, ya gotta get more carpal action into it, or yer never gonna qualify for the Sons of Onan."
CARPOGENOUS: Bearing fruit.* A popular gay bar in eastern Arkansas.
CARRONADE: Light maritime cannon.* E.g. "Shiver me timbers, Cosgrove! Tie the cabin boy over that carronade and git his pants down. We're all gonna take a little ride up the old dirt road this fine mornin'. Arrrrrrrr!"
MathGirl
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CARYATID: Column shaped like a woman.* E.g. "That's a ... errr... lovely caryatid. I wonder why they chose Bella Abzug for a model?"
CARUCATE: As much land as a team of oxen plows in a season.* A measurement so variable as to be useless. Ranges from 0 to 80 acres depending on oxen motivation, whip expertise, oxen labor actions, whether they are actually hitched to a plow, sobriety of farmer, and a multitude of other factors. Used as a standard of land measure in eastern Arkansas.
CARTOMANCY: Divination using playing cards.* "Whoooiee, Joe Bob! Cartomancy never fails, an' the cards say yer about ta embark on a successful career as a wet nurse. Hee heeee ... Lemme see them teats, huh?"
CASSATION: Annulment.* E.g. "Sorry, Farmer Bob. I gotta issue a writ of cassation on that last wedding of yourn. According to the law, ya kin only be married to one sheep at a time. Ever tried a heifer? They's niiiice."
CARUCATE: As much land as a team of oxen plows in a season.* A measurement so variable as to be useless. Ranges from 0 to 80 acres depending on oxen motivation, whip expertise, oxen labor actions, whether they are actually hitched to a plow, sobriety of farmer, and a multitude of other factors. Used as a standard of land measure in eastern Arkansas.
CARTOMANCY: Divination using playing cards.* "Whoooiee, Joe Bob! Cartomancy never fails, an' the cards say yer about ta embark on a successful career as a wet nurse. Hee heeee ... Lemme see them teats, huh?"
CASSATION: Annulment.* E.g. "Sorry, Farmer Bob. I gotta issue a writ of cassation on that last wedding of yourn. According to the law, ya kin only be married to one sheep at a time. Ever tried a heifer? They's niiiice."
MathGirl
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CASTRAMENTATION: The art of designing a camp.* One of those words whose definition comes as a bit of a surprise (Ed.).
CAUSISTRY: Plausible but flawed reasoning.* A common rhetorical practice during intellectual debates in the Author's Hangout at Lit.com. E.g. "Portugese are hairy. Brunhilda is hairy. Ergo, Brunhilda is a slow reader. Q. E. fucking D."
CATAMOUNT: The amount of excrement produced by the ordinary cat, felis domesticus, in 24 hours. Generally acknowledged to be between three ounces and seven pounds, depending on gastrointestinal health and dining habits of said kitty. Always seems like the upper limit when a cat owner must clean a litter box.
CATALECTICS: Science of commercial exchange.* E.g. "Now, class, it's time fer our lesson in catalectics: Lo-Retta gots her a pussy she ain't doin' much with, an' she need five bucks fer some panny hose. Thet Leon jist sole a nickel bag of Drano, an' he gots a itchy tallywhacker. That mean sumpin' catalectic might be gonna happen. Enny questions?"
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Reminder: The asterisk (*) following a definition indicates that the word and the definition thereof are truly part of the English language. They may be verified by using any good forty pound dictionary. What follows may or may not be found in said dictionary. Words without an asterisk are to be used at the reader's risk. The editorial staff cannot be responsible for their use. Ed.
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CAUSISTRY: Plausible but flawed reasoning.* A common rhetorical practice during intellectual debates in the Author's Hangout at Lit.com. E.g. "Portugese are hairy. Brunhilda is hairy. Ergo, Brunhilda is a slow reader. Q. E. fucking D."
CATAMOUNT: The amount of excrement produced by the ordinary cat, felis domesticus, in 24 hours. Generally acknowledged to be between three ounces and seven pounds, depending on gastrointestinal health and dining habits of said kitty. Always seems like the upper limit when a cat owner must clean a litter box.
CATALECTICS: Science of commercial exchange.* E.g. "Now, class, it's time fer our lesson in catalectics: Lo-Retta gots her a pussy she ain't doin' much with, an' she need five bucks fer some panny hose. Thet Leon jist sole a nickel bag of Drano, an' he gots a itchy tallywhacker. That mean sumpin' catalectic might be gonna happen. Enny questions?"
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Reminder: The asterisk (*) following a definition indicates that the word and the definition thereof are truly part of the English language. They may be verified by using any good forty pound dictionary. What follows may or may not be found in said dictionary. Words without an asterisk are to be used at the reader's risk. The editorial staff cannot be responsible for their use. Ed.
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MathGirl
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CATHISOPHOBIA: Fear of sitting.* A common condition amonst those who have recently undergone hemorrhoidectomy. Usually corrected by use of a salmagondium (q.v.).
CATENA: Chain.* E.g. "Yep, Caleb, iffen we had one more male type person who don't mind gittin' his Hershey highway plumbed, we'd have us a real ol' fashion Arkansas daisy catena. Wanna join in?"
CATHEDRA: Chair or throne of office of a Bishop.* E.g. "Your Eminence, I've had a hole cut in the seat of your cathedra so your piles can dangle."
CAUSIMANCY: Divination by use of fire.* E.g. "Holy jumpin' shit, Claude! Iffem ma causimancy is right, yer gonna be a momma. Congratulations.
CATENA: Chain.* E.g. "Yep, Caleb, iffen we had one more male type person who don't mind gittin' his Hershey highway plumbed, we'd have us a real ol' fashion Arkansas daisy catena. Wanna join in?"
CATHEDRA: Chair or throne of office of a Bishop.* E.g. "Your Eminence, I've had a hole cut in the seat of your cathedra so your piles can dangle."
CAUSIMANCY: Divination by use of fire.* E.g. "Holy jumpin' shit, Claude! Iffem ma causimancy is right, yer gonna be a momma. Congratulations.
MathGirl
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CAUPONATE: To engage in questionable trade for sake of gain.* An activity which is the very foundation of the American way of life. (Ed.)
CAVATINA: Short operatic air.* E.g. The lovely and famed "Castrati's Lament" sung by Stanley (sop.) in the second act of "The Barber of Fresno" by Pastrami.
CAPESSON: Noseband for a horse.* E.g. "I never said Prince Charles was horse-faced. Doesn't he look dashing in that blue capesson, though?"
CAVIL: To raise trivial and frivolous objections.* A sine qua non for certain persons who frequent the Author's Hangout at Literotica.com. Present company excepted, of course.
CAVATINA: Short operatic air.* E.g. The lovely and famed "Castrati's Lament" sung by Stanley (sop.) in the second act of "The Barber of Fresno" by Pastrami.
CAPESSON: Noseband for a horse.* E.g. "I never said Prince Charles was horse-faced. Doesn't he look dashing in that blue capesson, though?"
CAVIL: To raise trivial and frivolous objections.* A sine qua non for certain persons who frequent the Author's Hangout at Literotica.com. Present company excepted, of course.
