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MG's Dubious Dictionary

CEPHALONOMANCY: Divination by boiling an ass head.* The possible comments are virtually endless, so the word and definition are included here as a homework subject for the reader. Please save all work until requested. (Ed.)

CERNUOUS: Drooping; hanging.* E.g. "Goddammit, Harold, why'd yer johnson go all cernuous on me just when I was gettin' in the mood?"

CERUMEN: Ear wax.* Huh. Attentive readers of the Dubious Dictionary learned that word long ago. Didn't we? Hmmmmm? (Ed.)

CETACEAN: Type of aquatic mammal; whales and dolphins.* Includes Moby Grape, the brobdingnagian (q.v.) abyssopelagic (q.v.) cetacean. See how attentive reading of the Dubious Dictionary broadens one's vocabulary and enables one to impress one's friends? (Ed.).
 
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CHALASTIC: Laxative.* E.g. "Oh, Dear, Mr Foyt. I'm terribly sorry I put that chalastic in your Wheaties this morning. And just before the Indy 500, too."

CHANTER: Part of bagpipes on which the melody is played.* The chanter produces the characteristic melodious sound of a dozen cats undergoing rectal examination.

CHANTICLEER: A rooster.* A word necessary for the expression, "Worthless as nipples on a chanticleer."

CHIASMUS: Contrast by parallelism in reverse order.* A word which should be reviewed by The Committee (q.v.) for possible expulsion from the language. Included only to reassure the reader that some words are totally useless, their definitions make no sense whatever and are unworthy of even the slightest notice. Please see "Chanticleer, nipples on." (Ed.)
 
CHIRAPSIA: Massage.* E.g. "Herro, Mr Cosglove, wercome. You rike chilapsia with or without numba one lubbalubb on wiwi today?"

CHILOPOD: Multi-legged insect.* One might reflect on the definition and consider how many one-legged insects one has encountered. Having done this, one will realize that all insects are, in fact, chilipods, and the word should never have been coined in the first place. (Ed.).

CHELONIAN: Pertaining to turtles and tortoises.* This includes the great A-Tuin, the vast astrochelonian who carries four enormous elephants and Diskworld on his back as he swims through the galaxy. An aside for Terry Pratchett fans. (Ed.).

CHIONABLEPSIA: Snow blindness.* E.g. "About your disability claim, Mr Fosberg. You assert that you contracted chionablepsia on the job in San Diego?"
 
MathGirl said:
CHILOPOD: Multi-legged insect.* One might reflect on the definition and consider how many one-legged insects one has encountered. Having done this, one will realize that all insects are, in fact, chilipods, and the word should never have been coined in the first place. (Ed.).
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CHILOPOPHESIA: Medical condition of abrupt onset, which causes Diet Coke to be expelled through the sinuses.

CH LO O H A: The word "chilopophesia" typed on a keyboard that has been dampened with a teaspoon or more of sinus-propelled non-caloric cola.
 
Originally posted by shereads CHILOPOPHESIA: Medical condition of abrupt onset, which causes Diet Coke to be expelled through the sinuses.
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Dear Sh,
Sorry, MG

CHIROMANCY: Divination by study of the palm.* E.g. "Well, Dave, I've completed my chiromancy using the date tree in my yard. The good news is that it's gonna be quick and painless."

CHRONOSYNCHRONICITY: Representation of all stages of a person's life in a single piece of art.* E.g. "Gosh, that's a wonderful painting of your chronosynchronicity, Granny Fosdick. You certainly were an attractive heifer."
 
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"COMITTEE, THE" - COMMITTEE to ORGANIZE and REGULATE NOMENCLATURE of the HALLOWED OLD ENGLISH LANGUAGE. (C.O.R.N.H.O.E.L.). A little-publicized but all-powerful body which makes decisions on the addition, deletion, or alteration in usage of words. The Committee's actions are final and not subject to judicial review. It is expected that publication of the Dubious Dictionary will result in a flurry of appeals by irate readers. These will be forwarded to the Subcommittee On Language (S.O.L.) and ignored.

CIMICIDE: Something used to kill bedbugs (cimax).* The most common cimicide currently in use is the Motel 6 ashtray.

CINGULUM: Priest's belt.* E.g. "I've finished your new cingulum, Father Ginsburg. It's cleverly designed so that the altar boy can be tied to it during those ... intimate moments."

CLAVIGEROUS: Club-bearing.* E.g. "Oh, shit, Arnie. Here comes Suzie's daddy. He looks plenty pissed off, an' he's clavigerous. I'm talkin' Looieville Slugger, here. Y'all better haul ass outa here."
 
MathGirl said:
CHILOPOD: Multi-legged insect.* One might reflect on the definition and consider how many one-legged insects one has encountered. Having done this, one will realize that all insects are, in fact, chilipods, and the word should never have been coined in the first place. (Ed.).
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"DD Ed.'s Cover-up Of Physically Handicapped Insects"

Literotica Author's Hangout, Jan. 14: The esteemed editor of the famous Dubious Dictionary, MG, committed one of her politically incorrect blunders on Wednesday. In her daily dictionary (which has helped many AH regulars regularly), she has questioned the existence of "one-legged insects" and has stressed that "all insects are, in fact, chilopods" failing to consider the probability of little boys left alone with a pair of tweezers and an insect.

The anti-DD group went up in arms following this revealing of the latest excerpt from the DD and are now asking for a public apology to what they claim is an attempt to conceal the role of said little boys in insect disabling and torturing. The actual 40 page complaint read out by their leader had the words "mean little boys" and "innocent one-legged insects, who were previously chilopodic" scattered throughout it.

This move by the anti-DD group is seen by many as an attempt to overthrow MG as the editor of the DD and replace her with a politically correct representative from their party. Attempts to contact MG were not successful and no spokesperson from the DD camp has come forward to issue a statement in acknowledgement of the complaint of the anti-DD group yet. Further reports are awaited on what seems to be escalating into the biggest attempt to discredit MG since the inception of the Dubious Dictionary.
 
CITTOSIS: Abnormal desire for strange foods.* E.g. "Yeah, Jack, my cittosis is much better, thanks. Gimme extra salza on that banana split, please."

CLINOMETER: Instrument to measure slopes.* Device used extensively in the Orient. (This one will get some letters. Ed.).

CLOACA: Sewer; cesspit of moral filth.* The Author's Hangout at Literotica.com.

CLUPELOID: Resembling a herring. Herring-like.* E.g. "Sylvia, ya really otta warsh that thang. The smell is gettin' clupeloid."
 
COWITZER: A high-powered weapon designed for use against hoofed quadrupedal terrorists.
 
PierceStreet said:
COWAPULT
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Dear PS,
Very good. It's been done though, in MP's "Holy Grail."
Anabovinely,
MG
Ps. I like "Cowitzer." I envision feeding the cow a large bean meal, stuffing its rectum full of rocks, and pointing the business end at the charging enemy. I quote from the DD:'

AEROLITHOLOGY: The study of the forcible propulsion of stones from the anus of livestock by the pressure of intestinal gasses. A medieval area of weapons research which, fortunately, was cut short by the invention of gunpowder.
 
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COADUNATE: To unite; to join.* E.g. "And so, Ralph and Ewegenia, by the authority vested in me, I pronounce you man and sheep."

COCCINEOUS: Bright red.* E.g. "That big zit on your chin is really coccineous, Joyce. Lemme take a pitcure."

COLUBRIFORM: Shaped like a snake.* E.g. "Hello, little girl. Would you like to meet Mr Johnson? He's my colubriform cyclopean pant python."

COMIPHOROUS: Bearing hair.* E.g. "Wanda is so lucky. That huge comiphorous wart on her nose gives her face a wonderful air of dignity. <sigh>."
 
Originally posted by PierceStreet most of the words I use, have been used before by others.
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Dear PS,
I'd think it would be very difficult to find a word that has NEVER been used by someone before. Even when I make up a word, I assume that some idiot invented it before I did. We lexicographers are known more for our slaving attention to minutae than for originality.
Lexicographically,
MG

COLLACTATE: To place things together.* E.g. "Miss Farquahr, might I collactate my throbbing pole of manhood and your nectar-rich passage of passion? I have five bucks."

COLLUVIES: Accumulated filth. Foul discharge.* E.g. "Well, it may jist be colluvies to you folks here in Minneapolis, but back home in Arkansas we spread it on toast."

COLONOSCOPE: Instrument for viewing the colon.* E.g. "Y'know, Herb, when you use a colonoscope, all these Miss America contestants look the same."
 
CONCUPISCENCE: Strong desire, appetite, or lust.* E.g. "I must confess, Charlene, that isn't a submarine sandwich in my pants. It's concupiscence. For that little ewe over there."

CONSUETUDINARY: Book of customs, traditions, and principles.* E.g. "I don't care if you spread colluvies (q.v) on toast back home in Arkansas, Chester. Around here, our consuetudinary says we flush it down the shitter. Okay, you can take some back home in your luggage."

COANINHIDENSENCE: General worthlessness; uselessness. E.g. A mermaid in a chorus line.

CONVESPURATION: The sound of a cat attempting a bowel movement through a sewn up bunghole.
 
CONIFICATE: Conical or pyramidal in shape.* E.g. "Egad, Cosgrove, call the media! Our research has produced the first perfectly conificate turd. It must have been all the linoleum you ate. Ahhh, the wonders of modern science!"

CONTRADISTINGUISH: To tell apart by contrasting qualities.* E.g. "The exam for admittance to the University of Arkansas is short but challenging, Jimmy. Our state public schools, though, prepare students admirably. Now, using only smell, feel, and taste, please contradistinguish and tell us whether this jar contains 1). shit, or 2). Shinola. You have one hour. Good luck."

CONTREDANSE: Folk dance in which two lines of couples face each other.* After screaming obscenities and throwing rotten fruit, the contredanse traditionally devolves into a general melee. The end of the dance is signaled by the arrival of the police.

CONTUBERNAL: Living together in the same tent.* E.g. "Asama, if you wish us to remain contubernal, there are two conditions: You must wash your armpits on at least an annual basis. Also, you must not wipe yourself on my curtains after you sodomize your beloved goat."
 
COPROLALIA: Pathological use of obscene language.* E.g. "Darn you to heck, Bob! You're nothing but a poopie!."

COPROSTASIS: Constipation.* E.g. "Doc, I ain't hed me a good dump since September. Rolla Charmin lasts 'bout a month. I cain't even fart no more, an' thet was ma major source of entertainment. Ya reckon mebbe I gots coprostasis?"

CORRIGENDUM: Something which requires correction.* E.g. "Madame, I am an accomplished plastic surgeon, but you are simply butt ugly. I'm afraid your corrigendum is beyond hope. I can only suggest that you try a No. 7 brown grocery bag."

CORSETIER: Corset maker.* E.g. "Wally, being a corsetier is just too much stress. I spend all my time trying to put ten pounds of shit in five pound bags, and I don't think I can take it much longer."
 
CORYBANTIC: Wildly excited; frantic.* E.g. "Sorry, Jim, I just can't get corybantic about Louise. Give me a nice young ewe, though ..............."

COSCINOMANCY: Divination using a sieve and shears.* E.g. "Okay Mrs Cosgrove, you're here for a coscinomancy, right? Let me just chop up this cow flop with these shears, then I'll run it through a sieve. Won't take a minute, then we'll see what the future holds for you."

CORNUTE: One who is cuckolded.* E.g. "Congratulations, Mr Fosdick. You have been named to received the "Colon County Cornute of the Year" award. The newspaper will want a photo of you and your lovely wife for tomorrow's front page. Your children will be very proud."

CORYPHAEUM: Spokesman.* E.g. "As coryphaeum for the group, Mr Fosdick, let me tell you how proud we all are of our role in making you the Cornute (q.v.) of the year. Best wishes from us all on this honor."
 
COUCHANT: In heraldry, an animal lying on its belly with head lifted.* E.g. "A flaming sword, the scales of justice, lion rampant, and hippo couchant."

COUNTERBLAST: Reverse flatus. Air which passes inwards through the anus, resulting in a characteristic wet sucking sound. Usually the prelude to a flutterblast (q.v.) which occurs when the gas makes a U-turn in the colon. This process serves to confirm the Eighth Law of Thermodynamics (The total amount of intestinal gas in the universe remains constant, whether in the gut or out amongst the populace.)

COTHURNAL: Of or pertaining to tragedy.* E.g. "By Gad, what a cothurnal ending for good old Simmons. Imagine, the poor devil being trampled into roadkill by a pack of enraged cocker spaniels."

COWCAT: Person whose function is to occcupy space.* The job description of two-thirds of workers on any CalTrans project.
 
COUVADE: Symptoms of pregnancy experienced by the father.* E.g. "Damn, George, I'm sorry I threw up all over you. I have the covade, and this morning sickness sure makes it hard bein' a barber. More off the sides? Uh, oh ....... Raallllllllllllphhhhhhhhh."

COURGETTE: Zucchini.* A green vegetable usually served en cul (q.v.) in Europe.

CREPITATION: Farting.* E.g. "Melvin, if you and Sam have another crepitation contest at the hot tub party tonight, you'll be sleeping in the garage for a while."

CREDENCE: Small table for holding sacred vessels.* E.g. "Just bend over that credence, my son, and Brother Snake will make a priestly visitation to your brown eye."
 
COCKSNAKE: In the Old Testament book of Genesis, the snake that tempted Eve to use the "Ignore" feature; what fig leaves are for.
 
MathGirl said:
Dear She,
Very good. You take over the DD this week. I'm tired.
Sigh,
MG
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You poor old thing. That's how it starts, and usually at about age 21.
 
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