MG's Dubious Dictionary

[MathGirl]

Push, dear, push. Unnnnhhhgggg...

CRIOPHORE: Sculpture of a man carrying a ram.* It is generally assumed that the man is asking the ram where his sister is.

CRITHOMANCY: Divination by strewing meal over sacrifices.* See below.

CRITOMANCY: Divination using viands and cakes.* See below.

CROMNYOMANCY: Divination using onions.* It is hoped that the reader, by this time, has come to terms with the idea that people have tried virtually everything to tell the future. Just a list of "mancys" would fill a sizeable tome. Now that everyone has the idea, their mention in the Dubious Dictionary will be sharply curtailed henceforth. It's all so silly, too. Everyone knows that careful inspection of the morning toilet bowl gives one all the information needed for the next 72 hours. (Ed.).

CRYPTADIOUS: Thing to be kept hidden.* E.g. "Goddamn it, Cletus, put that thang back in yer pants. Yer eighteen year old now, an' yer dingus is 'posed ta be cryptadious."

P.s. The Dubious Dictionary suitable for framing is at:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=139439
MG

 

[MathGirl]

CUCUMIFORM: Shaped like a cucumber.* E.g. "Hello, missy. Would you like to meet Mister Petey? He's my cucumiform one-eyed trouser tuber, and he really likes little girls."

CULCINO: Mark left on a tablecloth by a wet glass.* Here's one that is going directly to the Committee (q.v.). Ed.

CUBICA: Fabric resembling shaloon.* See "Shaloon;" A fabric resembling cubica. (Ed.)

CULPIFEROUS: Bearing culps.* A little-known side effect of female-to-male sex change procedures. The culps can sometimes become quite enlarged and itchy.

 

[Guest]

 

[MathGirl]

End of the Cees. Hallallooryahhh!

Will you be able to maintain updating here while serving as a juror on the Peterson trial?

Dear PS,
Afraid I'm gonna miss out on that one. I only go to that town to see large black men who own good places to eat.
MG

CUMULOSE: Containing numerous small heaps.* E.g. The back yard of the average beagle owner. E.g. MG's Aunt Louise.

CUSTREL: Attendant to a knight.* E.g. "I'm sorry, Sir Leonard, but my custrel duties do not include hauling your tonker out of your armor so you can take a whiz."

CYANTHROPY: Pathological belief that one is a dog.* E.g. "Your wife tells me you've been digging in the yard again, Mr Cosgrove. You must try harder not to be a bad boy. Here's a rubber bone for being such a good patient. Down, boy."

CYNOID: Dog like; canine.* E.g. "No, I'm not saying that Helen is cynoid. Have you noticed that she drives with her head out of the car window?"

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: End of the Cees. Hallallooryahhh!

I only go to that town to see large black men who own good places to eat.

You saw the Chippendales, too?

 

[shereads]

Re: Push, dear, push. Unnnnhhhgggg...

CRYPTADIOUS: Thing to be kept hidden.* E.g. "Goddamn it, Cletus, put that thang back in yer pants. Yer eighteen year old now, an' yer dingus is 'posed ta be cryptadious."

CLETUS: MG, please define.

 

[MathGirl]

Let there be Dees!

You saw the Chippendales, too?

Hur hur, Swede.

DACRYOPS: Wateriness of the eyes.* E.g. "Dang, Madge, when ya passed wind in church today, it gave the preacher dacryops. An' we was sittin' in the back row."

ADCTYLONOMY: Counting using the fingers and toes.* An upper-level mathematics course at the University of Arkansas.

DAG: Dirty tatted tuft of sheep's wool.* E.g. "It's heartbreaking, Edgar. My beloved Ewegenia is gone, and all I have to remember her by is this dag."

DAMOISEAU: Male form of damsel.* A young man who wears open toed shoes, uses eye makeup, and takes home economics classes. Often seen buying nail polish and Preparation H at the drugstore.

 

[MathGirl]

DAPIFER: One who brings meat to the table.* E.g. "Shet up, woman. I'm the dapifer aroun' here, an' I'll take out ma tonker an' slap it onta the table enny time ah feel lak it. Errr.... Zat a meat cleaver yer aholdin'?"

DATARY: Papal official who dates bulls.* E.g. "I realize you must date bulls as part of your official datary duties, Father Cohen, but wouldn't you occasionally enjoy an intimate candle light dinner with a nice heifer or possibly an ewe?"

DASYURE: Flesh eating marsupial.* A carnivore whom Mother Nature has endowed with a handy place to keep leftovers.

DEALBATION: Whitening; bleaching.* One of Michael Jackson's numerous obsessions.

 

[MathGirl]

DECORTICATE: To remove the husk or peel.* E.g. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, MG the Magnificent will, before your very eyes, decorticate this orange. Please notice that, at no time, will her fingers leave her hands."

DECRASSIFY: To make less crass or boorish.* E.g. "Congratulations, Mr Funnel. We consider your mastery of the use of the toilet to be a major step in the effort to decrassify you. Next, we move on to the concept of wiping. Here's a roll of homework to take along with you."

DEMEPHITIZE: To purify air.* E.g. "Damn, Ernie, I'm sorry about what I done in yer bathroom. I used a whole can of Lysol spray, smoked two cigars, and burned a book of matches, and it's still bad. Ya got anything else I can use to demephitize in there? Oh, shit, now the brass on the doorknob's goin' all black."

DELIGATION: Bandaging.* E.g. "I'm almost finished with the deligation of your tonker, Mr Cosgrove. I hope you didn't mind my telling the media about the little incident with the vacuum cleaner. They should be here soon for an interview."

 

[MathGirl]

DELACTATE: To wean.* E.g. "Wanda, now that the kids have gone off to college, don't you think it's about time to delactate your husband?"

DEMICASTER: Beaver pelt of poor quality.* E.g. "I seen me some real demicasters in ma time, but thet split beaver of ol' Edwina's looks like it been chewed by dawgs."

DEMONOCRACY: Government by evil forces.* From the viewpoint of Republicans, a Democrat president. And vice-versa, of course.

DENDROLATRY: Worship of trees.* Religion practiced by members of the Sierra Club, Greenpeace, tree huggers, and other ... splinter groups.

 

[minsue]

and other ... splinter groups.

*groan*

You just couldn't help yourself, could you?

 

[MathGirl]

You just couldn't help yourself, could you?

I know. Sometimes I hate myself. Bring back the goose.
MG

DENDRIFORM: Shaped like a tree.* E.g. "Good grief, Mr Cosgrove! In all my years as a proctologist, that's the first dendriform hemorrhoid I've ever seen. It's a sequioa redwood, I believe. I'm going to need a chain saw to remove that baby."

DENTIGEROUS: Having teeth.* E.g. "Billy, I think those things girls have between their legs are dentigerous. I've seen pictures, and I'm sure something that nasty and hairy must have lots of sharp teeth; like a badger."

DEORSUMVERSION: Turning downwards.* Dang it, Roger, why do you always come down with deorsumversion of the tallywhacker jist when I get in the mood. Tain't fair."

 

[minsue]

Bring back the goose.
MG

Consider it done.

 

[shereads]

Lord have mercy, what a beautiful AV. Mindy. Long may it wave.

"A duck and some monkeys walk into a bar..."

 

[MathGirl]

Please note: There may be no additions to the DD this weekend. That thing I did about the "splinter group" has caused me to rethink this project. I'm shamed and saddened. Perhaps I'm not cut out for this sort of thing. No self respecting lexicographer would have done something like that.
Doubt-ridden,
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Ashamed? You?

That's it, no more Vodka for you. You clearly can't handle your drinking!

 

[MathGirl]

DEOSCULATE: To kiss affectionately.* E.g. "And you, sir, may deosculate my nether regions."

DESUETUDE: State of disuse.* E.g. "Yep, ever' since Sidney took up that sheep husbandry project of his, ma bearded clam has been in desuetude."

DESIDERIUM: Longing or yearning.* E.g. "Miss Farquahr, I have a powerful desiderium to have a sniff of your bicycle seat. May I?"

DEVISEE: One to whom property is bequeathed in a will.* E.g. "Yes, son, you're the devisee for my beloved Ewegenia and my wellington boots. Let me tell you a secret: She likes it if you talk dirty to her while you're doin' it."

 

[MathGirl]

I think I'm suffering from the first documented case of lexicographer's block.
M.Whatsername

 

[Svenskaflicka]

There must be a word for that.

 

[Guest]

Maths, skip a letter, or two or three. It's a 'dubious' dictionary, eh?

Perdita

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by perdita Maths, skip a letter, or two or three. It's a 'dubious' dictionary, eh?

Dear Perdita,
Thank you for the suggestion, but I couldn't do that. We lexicographers have certain standards, you know.
MG
Ps. Svenska: Since mine is the first case, it's doubtful that anyone found it necessary to name the affliction. I guess that's another burden I must shoulder. <sigh>

DESCRATIVITY: To be unclear on the concept. E.g. "Ahem... I'm certainly glad to hear you enjoyed your first blow job, Prince Andrew. There may be just the slightest descrativity, however. Would you like some Scope?"

DIACTINAL: Having two pointed ends.* E.g. "Quickly, Smathers! Bring the camera. I seem to have produced a perfectly diactinal turd, and this must be documented."

DIAPIESIS: Discharge or release of pus.* E.g. "Ya best move away from thet mirror, Louie. This here zit on ma chin's finally ready to bust. Jist a li'l squeeze, an' there's gonna be some diapiesis."

DIAPHONE: Low pitched fog signal consisting of two tones.* A sound closely akin to that of a pachyderm passing wind.

 

[MathGirl]

**Special Illustrated Edition**

DISKEUASISM: The doctrine that a person can be endowed with grace and beauty although slightly overweight. Please see photo.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Svenska: Since mine is the first case, it's doubtful that anyone found it necessary to name the affliction. I guess that's another burden I must shoulder. <sigh>

We'll name it after you.

MG: Lexicographer's block. (Not to be confused with MS, the skin disease.) Symptoms involve perverted ramblings about sheep, obsessions with garderobes, and certain speech impairment that causes the affected to swallow wovels and/or consonants, thus pronouncing words like: "Shet up, woman. I'm the dapifer aroun' here, an' I'll take out ma tonker an' slap it onta the table enny time ah feel lak it. Errr.... Zat a meat cleaver yer aholdin'?"

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by Svenskaflicka causes the affected to swallow wovels and/or consonants,

Dear Svenska,
I resent that. I DO NOT swallow wovels. I have never swallowed a wovel, and I do not intend to in the future.
Harumph,
MG

DIASYRM: Rhetorical device of condemning through faint praise.* E.g. "I don't think Phoebe is all that ugly. Certainly a baboon's ass is less attractive."

DIDELPHOUS: Marsupial; pouched mammal.* E.g. "Well, Mrs Fishbein, your tummy tuck surgery was a bit more difficult than I originally thought. Let's just say that you're now the only didelphous lady in your bridge club."

DIFFRAORTHONIUM: Training device used in girls' schools to teach good posture. Please see attached.

Ps. An AH frequenter who wishes to remain anonymous has sent a bunch of photos that he thought might be useful in the Dubious Dictionary. They are not of questionable taste. There's no question about their bad taste, and are therefore quite suitable for the DD. They will appear periodically when lexicographer's block strikes.
Editor

 

[Svenskaflicka]

And the above pic is an illustration for DENTISTOPHOBIA..?