Most Boring Rapture ever!

[DeepGreenEyes]

ALL religion is based on faith in the unseen, and mystery.

Wrong. Not Melittaism. Its origins lie in the worship of my Melitta CW-45 coffee warmer. As does its theology. Its rituals boil down to drinking the ground, dried beans of a smallish tree, usually at dawn. I am its high priest. While some splinter groups have tried to move in a mystical direction, we insist that our faith remain with what is seen, tasted and experienced.

That alone makes us the one true religion.

Oh, and by the way...I say the world is going to end in June. If you want to know the particulars, send me some cash. Believe in me and I will take you there!

How much for just the exact week? And do you have a payment plan? I may need until 2013 to pay it all.

 

[JMohegan]

I was thinking something similar. I listened to a lot of religious folk on the news say stuff like, oh, how silly, everyone knows only God knows when the rapture is coming.

Ok. So you all really believe there will be a rapture. It could happen any day -- it could have been yesterday. It could be a thousand or ten thousand years from now. It's just that that guy doesn't know the date?

If you really take the bible literally, why is that guy so weird?

Great minds, and whatnot.

How the heck are you, woman? I feel like it's been a long time.

 

[DVS]

Wrong. Not Melittaism. Its origins lie in the worship of my Melitta CW-45 coffee warmer. As does its theology. Its rituals boil down to drinking the ground, dried beans of a smallish tree, usually at dawn. I am its high priest. While some splinter groups have tried to move in a mystical direction, we insist that our faith remain with what is seen, tasted and experienced.

That alone makes us the one true religion.



How much for just the exact week? And do you have a payment plan? I may need until 2013 to pay it all.

Staying in line with most false profits, I held some things close to the vest. I didn't say what year or what day...just the month. So, payment plans are possible. In the business world, negotiations can continue as long as the cash is rolling in. How much? I'll have my people contact your people.

 

[intothewoods]

Great minds, and whatnot.

How the heck are you, woman? I feel like it's been a long time.

Ditto or is it my imagination that you're not around much? I've been more of a lurker in the past year I suppose.

Anyway, I'm fantastic! How are you?

 

[ImOnIt]

Lies are based on faith in the unseen, and mystery.

 

[JMohegan]

Ditto or is it my imagination that you're not around much? I've been more of a lurker in the past year I suppose.

Anyway, I'm fantastic! How are you?

I'm not around much, but fine nevertheless. More traveling than usual, and other stuff keeping me busy.

Fantastic is good to hear.

 

[midwestyankee]

Ditto or is it my imagination that you're not around much? I've been more of a lurker in the past year I suppose.

Anyway, I'm fantastic! How are you?

Glad to hear it and to get in a quick ITW sighting.

 

[JMohegan]

Wrong. Not Melittaism. Its origins lie in the worship of my Melitta CW-45 coffee warmer. As does its theology. Its rituals boil down to drinking the ground, dried beans of a smallish tree, usually at dawn. I am its high priest. While some splinter groups have tried to move in a mystical direction, we insist that our faith remain with what is seen, tasted and experienced.

That alone makes us the one true religion.



How much for just the exact week? And do you have a payment plan? I may need until 2013 to pay it all.

You look like you're guarding your nipples from Netzach's clamps.

I hope you don't disrespectfully throw the grounds in the trash when you're done. Sprinkle them over the earth, fold them into the ground under evergreens, that's reverence. (It also helps the plants. No foolin' around.)

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Staying in line with most false profits, I held some things close to the vest. I didn't say what year or what day...just the month. So, payment plans are possible. In the business world, negotiations can continue as long as the cash is rolling in. How much? I'll have my people contact your people.

I have a Groupon.

You look like you're guarding your nipples from Netzach's clamps.

None shall pass!

I hope you don't disrespectfully throw the grounds in the trash when you're done. Sprinkle them over the earth, fold them into the ground under evergreens, that's reverence. (It also helps the plants. No foolin' around.)

No. The grounds receive last rites, and are then sold to pilgrims as relics. Melitta's will be done.

 

[JMohegan]

No. The grounds receive last rites, and are then sold to pilgrims as relics. Melitta's will be done.

Can't spare any to nourish the shrubbery? She sounds like a demanding bitch.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Can't spare any to nourish the shrubbery? She sounds like a demanding bitch.

Hold thy tongue, sir! Lest She smite you, with a caffeinated thunderbolt of Breakfast Blend.

Okay, I told this story over on the GB, but... I went biking last night, maybe an hour after the "rapture." It was at a busy park. I came around a path, and...

Someone had LAID OUT CLOTHES AND SHOES. Two sets, in the middle of the path. Seriously. In human shapes. It was meant to mimic two people who had been out walking, and had been "taken." I laughed out loud. I didn't know if it was a joke (probably), or perpetrated by true believers, eager to build rapture cred.

 

[JMohegan]

Hold thy tongue, sir! Lest She smite you, with a caffeinated thunderbolt of Breakfast Blend.

Okay, I told this story over on the GB, but... I went biking last night, maybe an hour after the "rapture." It was at a busy park. I came around a path, and...

Someone had LAID OUT CLOTHES AND SHOES. Two sets, in the middle of the path. Seriously. In human shapes. It was meant to mimic two people who had been out walking, and had been "taken." I laughed out loud. I didn't know if it was a joke (probably), or perpetrated by true believers, eager to build rapture cred.

I would've laughed out loud too, that's hilarious.

I wonder if they were hiding in the bushes, filming and hoping for a quality youtube moment.

 

[ImOnIt]

Hold thy tongue, sir! Lest She smite you, with a caffeinated thunderbolt of Breakfast Blend.

Okay, I told this story over on the GB, but... I went biking last night, maybe an hour after the "rapture." It was at a busy park. I came around a path, and...

Someone had LAID OUT CLOTHES AND SHOES. Two sets, in the middle of the path. Seriously. In human shapes. It was meant to mimic two people who had been out walking, and had been "taken." I laughed out loud. I didn't know if it was a joke (probably), or perpetrated by true believers, eager to build rapture cred.

It is a joke. I put some old clothes, a cigarette in a packet and a few butts + half eaten sandwich on the floor near the post office. It was hardly fun, but I feel partially justified by your feedback.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

It is a joke. I put some old clothes, a cigarette in a packet and a few butts + half eaten sandwich on the floor near the post office. It was hardly fun, but I feel partially justified by your feedback.

I saw that!!! (It was a helluva bike ride.)

Nice. Very nice. I bow to your mischievousness.

But why not fun? No one noticed? Next rapture, punk in a more religious country!

 

[BiBunny]

If you really take the bible literally, why is that guy so weird?

Not that I take the Bible literally, but there's no "Rapture" mentioned in it at all. That's why it's ironic.

 

[ImOnIt]

I saw that!!! (It was a helluva bike ride.)

Nice. Very nice. I bow to your mischievousness.

But why not fun? No one noticed? Next rapture, punk in a more religious country!

WELL, I FELT KIND OF SAD BECAUSE THE WHOLE PREMISE WAS SILLY AND NOT VERY AWESOME AND I WASN'T THERE TO SEE THE RESULTS. MISCHIEF MANAGED!

 

[satindesire]

Not that I take the Bible literally, but there's no "Rapture" mentioned in it at all. That's why it's ironic.

Thaaaaank you Buns.

Now we get to the meat of the point, eh?

 

[rida]

I guess you missed my dry sense of humor as well as my attempt at reverse irony. Fair enough. You couldn't see my cheeky smile. I am sorry they were disillusioned. They should now know their spiritual leader is a false profit and a poser. They should be intelligent adults and learn from this. Join up with the cynics. Trust, but verify!

I don't know, I think his profit were real ... even though he was(is) a false prophet

 

[SirLeo]

Everyday is rapture! We're living in heaven, hell or purgatory as we live and breath. The whole maya, samsara, matrix thing just keeps the proverbial wool over the eyes of so many sheep.

Don't worry, be happy! Be here now.

And remember to be alert! America needs more lerts!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I don't know, I think his profit were real ... even though he was(is) a false prophet

*snort*

 

[intothewoods]

I'm not around much, but fine nevertheless. More traveling than usual, and other stuff keeping me busy.

Fantastic is good to hear.

Glad to hear it. Hope the other stuff is enjoyable and the travel is amazing. Maybe I can live vicariously through you -- anyplace exotic? Fabulous? Good food?

Glad to hear it and to get in a quick ITW sighting.

Thanks, yankee! Life is sweet at the moment.

Not that I take the Bible literally, but there's no "Rapture" mentioned in it at all. That's why it's ironic.

I haven't read the New Testament in its entirety, but isn't there something about the second coming of Christ? Whether it's actually called the rapture or not isn't really my point. There is a lot of fantastical stuff written in the bible. And, hey, this isn't limited to Christians. Jews are waiting for the messiah - they just don't think Christ was it. All religions have some whacky shit in them, and so it's a bit odd to say, well this guy is clearly nutty for saying the world is ending on May 21, but that God spoke to Abraham and asked him to sacrifice his son is completely credible.

If my neighbor came to me and said that God spoke to him and commanded him to sacrifice his son, I would think he was batshit crazy and tell the police. But if I take the bible at its word, then it's not outside the realm of possibility.

I think Bill Maher is more funny than seriously insightful on religion, but I thought he made a good point on his show recently when he said something like the various organized religions become less violent only when they start ignoring their bible. Reconstructionist Jews would describe it differently, of course -- reconstruct, not ignore. But really, same difference.

 

[satindesire]

I haven't read the New Testament in its entirety, but isn't there something about the second coming of Christ? Whether it's actually called the rapture or not isn't really my point. There is a lot of fantastical stuff written in the bible. And, hey, this isn't limited to Christians. Jews are waiting for the messiah - they just don't think Christ was it. All religions have some whacky shit in them, and so it's a bit odd to say, well this guy is clearly nutty for saying the world is ending on May 21, but that God spoke to Abraham and asked him to sacrifice his son is completely credible.

If my neighbor came to me and said that God spoke to him and commanded him to sacrifice his son, I would think he was batshit crazy and tell the police. But if I take the bible at its word, then it's not outside the realm of possibility.

I think Bill Maher is more funny than seriously insightful on religion, but I thought he made a good point on his show recently when he said something like the various organized religions become less violent only when they start ignoring their bible. Reconstructionist Jews would describe it differently, of course -- reconstruct, not ignore. But really, same difference.

The second coming of Christ ≠ The Rapture.

In a nutshell, the concept of The Rapture was created in order to give Christians the false hope that they'd be swept away from the planet at the End Times so as to avoid all the hardship, torment and general craptastic events that are supposed to effect humankind.

In reality, we're going to be stuck suffering with everyone. It's a nice hope but unfortunately a "modern" concept that many don't believe in.

 

[evesdream]

The second coming of Christ ≠ The Rapture.

In a nutshell, the concept of The Rapture was created in order to give Christians the false hope that they'd be swept away from the planet at the End Times so as to avoid all the hardship, torment and general craptastic events that are supposed to effect humankind.

In reality, we're going to be stuck suffering with everyone. It's a nice hope but unfortunately a "modern" concept that many don't believe in.

The pastor at my grandmother's church used to glower down at his terrified parishioners and tell everyone that the chairs and tables would be granted the ability to speak and testify all of the sins they had witnessed, on the Day of the Lord.

 

[evesdream]

By the way, Satin, the idea of the Rapture is taken from the book of Thessalonians and possibly another New Testament book - not Revelations, but it's in there.

 

[BiBunny]

The second coming of Christ ≠ The Rapture.

In a nutshell, the concept of The Rapture was created in order to give Christians the false hope that they'd be swept away from the planet at the End Times so as to avoid all the hardship, torment and general craptastic events that are supposed to effect humankind.

In reality, we're going to be stuck suffering with everyone. It's a nice hope but unfortunately a "modern" concept that many don't believe in.

Yep.

By the way, Satin, the idea of the Rapture is taken from the book of Thessalonians and possibly another New Testament book - not Revelations, but it's in there.

The scripture used to support the idea is taken from Thessalonians, yes, but it doesn't actually say anything about a pre-Tribulation "taking" of the believers while the rest of us peons have to wait here through all the opening of the seals and blowing of the trumpets and whatnot, only to be punished more at the Second Coming.