My Transgender Awakening

[Gi_Venus]

Honestly I think women are actually more competitive then men are. While males will yell at each other and throw a few punches, women will go for all out mental warfare, such as social isolation, implanting seeds of doubt and self-demeaning thoughts. I would much rather get into a fist fight then mental games. Oh and by the way, if you learn how to fight, strength really only plays a minor roll. The only real advantage strength will get you in a fight is that if you get a clear shot they are out cold, bulky muscle helps absorb certain hits as well, but after that lots of muscle only has draw backs.

Hmm, ok, I’m gonna try and go in the opposite direction here, and this is all talking about male to female situations for sake of simplicity. Until now I have been looking at all this similarly to crossdressers and transvestites, in that they chose to put on a female persona for whatever reason. However transgenderd individuals are suppose to have put on a male persona for whatever reason and now want to remove it, correct?

Then, my question is, can you recall when you learned to be a male? Why did you do it, and why so completely? Why can’t a TG live as herself with the handicap of being in the wrong body?

No offense, I realize this sounds a lot like, why can’t gays just chose to be straight, but why mask yourself so completely, was their no other way?

Thanks Tiffany I learned to be male because there was no other choice, we build a construct to cope in the male world having very little validation to our true selves whom we doubt and agonize over anyway. Because of the pain of the situation...we stay away from the very thing that can bring us salvation that is to be true to oneself. The male body is loathesome to me, not all transgendered are strongly gender dysphoric but I am even more so with clarity. I know one transgendered woman who is quite happy inbetween, she does not want SRS. For me I would be happiest with SRS but financial reality will make that difficult. I may have to settle for inbetween. So in answer to your question. I think it depends on the transgendered person as to what degree of transformation is necessary.

 

[YourCaptor]

I'll take a shot at answering your question here. Society expects things from everyone and it takes a lot of strength and courage to stand up to what is expected and tell the world otherwise. There is a fear in us from a very young age. Most transgenders are highly intelligent and know from that ultra young age what is accepted as a male and what is accepted as a female. We fit into the role of our birth gender to not make waves. After awhile we begin to deny what we really are and fit into that gender role completely but we are never happy. As time goes on we have begin to accept who we are the person but then we realize that society will always treat anyone that looks like a man as a man and treat someone that looks like a woman as a woman.

That plays into our desires a little bit but also its all an attempt to correct the feeling of wrongness not to fit into society but to fit in and feel comfortable in our own skin. At least thats what it is in my case. I could live in a male body but I'll never be happy in a male body even if the whole world treated me as a female. I'll never feel like a female until my body is physically female as it can get and even then I'll desire that I could get my dna changed to XX chromosome and so on and so forth. I hope that all makes it make some sense.

Thanks Tiffany I learned to be male because there was no other choice, we build a construct to cope in the male world having very little validation to our true selves whom we doubt and agonize over anyway. Because of the pain of the situation...we stay away from the very thing that can bring us salvation that is to be true to oneself. The male body is loathesome to me, not all transgendered are strongly gender dysphoric but I am even more so with clarity. I know one transgendered woman who is quite happy inbetween, she does not want SRS. For me I would be happiest with SRS but financial reality will make that difficult. I may have to settle for inbetween. So in answer to your question. I think it depends on the transgendered person as to what degree of transformation is necessary.

Ok, so I’m gonna do some generalizing here, this isn’t suppose to be a one size first all, but I hope I’m on the right basic track.

Here is what I have so far. TGs are born within the wrong gender. Social pressures in early childhood force the individual to adapt to society, this could happen during the Autonomy vs. Shame & doubt stage, and/or the Initiative vs. Guilt development stage. Later in life, after resolving those developmental crisises the TG is finally comfortable enough to express themselves as their true gender.

The importance you two seem to place on social customs for males and females is probably due to the fact that all your lives they have been at the forefront of your existence, knowing exactly what not to express, and knowing what to do in order to maintain your disguise, everything must have been very clearly divided. It only seems natural that you would again focused on these customs in expressing your true self

For someone like me these customs play no important roll, so I could not understand why these rolls would be so important. However I was raised very differently. As child I had two dolls of my own and I played Barbie’s with my sisters. I also smashed my teeth in jumping off a table and thought combining the gunpowder from firecrackers was not only sane but that it was a good idea to light them in my parents bedroom.

For me gender rolls have always been blurred, and so TG individuals where a mystery to me. I think I better understand it now… unless you two ladies have some objection with the above reasoning.

At least there isn’t that big emptiness anymore, now I have a basic outline I can add things too.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Ok, so I’m gonna do some generalizing here, this isn’t suppose to be a one size first all, but I hope I’m on the right basic track.

Here is what I have so far. TGs are born within the wrong gender. Social pressures in early childhood force the individual to adapt to society, this could happen during the Autonomy vs. Shame & doubt stage, and/or the Initiative vs. Guilt development stage. Later in life, after resolving those developmental crisises the TG is finally comfortable enough to express themselves as their true gender.

The importance you two seem to place on social customs for males and females is probably due to the fact that all your lives they have been at the forefront of your existence, knowing exactly what not to express, and knowing what to do in order to maintain your disguise, everything must have been very clearly divided. It only seems natural that you would again focused on these customs in expressing your true self

For someone like me these customs play no important roll, so I could not understand why these rolls would be so important. However I was raised very differently. As child I had two dolls of my own and I played Barbie’s with my sisters. I also smashed my teeth in jumping off a table and thought combining the gunpowder from firecrackers was not only sane but that it was a good idea to light them in my parents bedroom.

For me gender rolls have always been blurred, and so TG individuals where a mystery to me. I think I better understand it now… unless you two ladies have some objection with the above reasoning.

At least there isn’t that big emptiness anymore, now I have a basic outline I can add things too.

I might want to add that the obsession with femininity is a psychological phenomena of the brain trying to fix itself....a reaction to being in the wrong body, what is apparent are cultural ideals of femininity. While this is actually a false value for the true problem of genuine self almost all transgendered have this obsession according to my therapist. We all attempt to express ourselves in cultural ideas of femininity that are observed and not actually true characteristics of being female. My therapist repeatedly reminds me that is more important to be myself independent of gender identity. That the gender identity is a very small part of who we are actually.

 

[Tymeless]

I know I personally will never be overtly girly. My interest haven't changed much at all. The only real change in my interest is I've added a like of shopping and getting dressed up and all that comes along with the maintaining of my appearance. I still love sports. I still love video games. I still don't get into cars or their maintenence. I have no desires to be the one to fix things around the house. Never have and probably never will. I still enjoy writing and reading and drawing. Myself the person isn't changing much at all except my anger and feeling uncomfortable with myself is disappearing. My happiness levels are increasing dramatically and I'm less likely to fall into my depressions I had before that cost me my schooling the first time around as well as almost put myself into financial ruin.

 

[Gi_Venus]

I know I personally will never be overtly girly. My interest haven't changed much at all. The only real change in my interest is I've added a like of shopping and getting dressed up and all that comes along with the maintaining of my appearance. I still love sports. I still love video games. I still don't get into cars or their maintenence. I have no desires to be the one to fix things around the house. Never have and probably never will. I still enjoy writing and reading and drawing. Myself the person isn't changing much at all except my anger and feeling uncomfortable with myself is disappearing. My happiness levels are increasing dramatically and I'm less likely to fall into my depressions I had before that cost me my schooling the first time around as well as almost put myself into financial ruin.

*hugs* I am not sure how fem I will get. It seems I keep drifting more and more in that direction not by any specific intent. As far as being disruptive, there is no doubt my life is a mess because of my lack of certainty of self. My interests are changing in how I interact with the people around me definitely I am less egocentric and more social in my personal dynamic. I like people a lot, and used to be afraid to express such things of course people pick up on it, it is a positive high that everyone enjoys. *grin* yup, I am heading towards lipstick lesbianism.

 

[Tymeless]

*hugs* I am not sure how fem I will get. It seems I keep drifting more and more in that direction not by any specific intent. As far as being disruptive, there is no doubt my life is a mess because of my lack of certainty of self. My interests are changing in how I interact with the people around me definitely I am less egocentric and more social in my personal dynamic. I like people a lot, and used to be afraid to express such things of course people pick up on it, it is a positive high that everyone enjoys. *grin* yup, I am heading towards lipstick lesbianism.

I feel you on that. I'm most definitely a lipstick lesbian.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Went shopping for clothes...got some nice frilly blouses...need a good bra because the sheer material shows off my breasts.

Going to the courthouse on Monday to pick up the paperwork to change my name. My therapist says changing my name is basically going full time as a woman and that the fantasy time is over, it will mean dealing with realities. He says we need to work on my voice since I am going full time, I fall within the range of what is natural to women fortunately but I need to coach the resonance out of my voice which comes from having a males chest....once this is done....the voice will sound female. *grin* I am for that, but it is not easy I remember an earlier session where he tried to coach me and I was not having an easy time of it.

Not many areas where my transgenderism is not known now, I revealed myself at a large site....the custodian of records says..."so?" Lol she does not care as long as I keep doing a good job. Did locate another transgender person who knows of a local support group. I left my phone number for her, hopefully she calls. My local therapist nows of a local MD who works with transgendered so hopefully I can get that all straightened out.
That therapist was mapping my brain this morning, had me hooked up to electrodes recording brainwaves in various areas of the brain, it will be interesting to see what she finds.

 

[YourCaptor]

I might want to add that the obsession with femininity is a psychological phenomena of the brain trying to fix itself....a reaction to being in the wrong body, what is apparent are cultural ideals of femininity. While this is actually a false value for the true problem of genuine self almost all transgendered have this obsession according to my therapist. We all attempt to express ourselves in cultural ideas of femininity that are observed and not actually true characteristics of being female. My therapist repeatedly reminds me that is more important to be myself independent of gender identity. That the gender identity is a very small part of who we are actually.

It might also be that the “obsession ” is an attempt to compensate for other perceived flaws in femininity, just a thought.

Anyway, lets change gears a bit.

Happy Valentines Day too you both . I wonder where you two will be a year from now, so much change has got to be intense, but I bet its exciting too.

 

[Tymeless]

Happy Valentines Day too you both . I wonder where you two will be a year from now, so much change has got to be intense, but I bet its exciting too.

It is intense and it is rewarding but it does have its cost. Though everytime we take a step forward its like a major reward.

 

[Gi_Venus]

It might also be that the “obsession ” is an attempt to compensate for other perceived flaws in femininity, just a thought.

Anyway, lets change gears a bit.

Happy Valentines Day too you both . I wonder where you two will be a year from now, so much change has got to be intense, but I bet its exciting too.

Thank you dear *grin* maybe I will finally be down to a size eight and fitting into that blue mambo dress with sequins. I hope you had a wonderful valentines day too. I was feeling bad today and went shopping again....eep! Where does it stop? Got some nice blouses though.

 

[Rad'l]

Two books - of interest to this group

Folks:

I just encountered a review of a book that might be of interest to this group - and another book by the same author.

Title: "I'm Looking Through You: Growing Up Haunted: A Memoir" by Jennifer Finney Boylan. Broadway; 272 pages.

2nd Title: "She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders" by the same author(ess).

The review of the first was very positive; James, later Jennifer, spent the first 42 years of life confused - as you can well imagine.

The reviewer mentioned the second title as an aside - but seemed to rate it as a good read.

I plan on looking for both - to read, of course.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Folks:

I just encountered a review of a book that might be of interest to this group - and another book by the same author.

Title: "I'm Looking Through You: Growing Up Haunted: A Memoir" by Jennifer Finney Boylan. Broadway; 272 pages.

2nd Title: "She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders" by the same author(ess).

The review of the first was very positive; James, later Jennifer, spent the first 42 years of life confused - as you can well imagine.

The reviewer mentioned the second title as an aside - but seemed to rate it as a good read.

I plan on looking for both - to read, of course.

Thank you Rad'l I will look it up.

 

[Kierae]

I am reading Jennifer's first book right now and it has been a great read so far. I saw her locally when she was interviewed for the second book promo. Very well spoken gal and interesting story!

~hugs on Gigi

 

[Gi_Venus]

I am reading Jennifer's first book right now and it has been a great read so far. I saw her locally when she was interviewed for the second book promo. Very well spoken gal and interesting story!

~hugs on Gigi

*Hugs* thank you Kierae

 

[Gi_Venus]

*sigh* no instant gratification....picked up the papers for changing my name from the courthouse today.....Anyone understand Legalize? Looking like I am going to have to use a lawyer just make sure I do it right. The papers have to be notarized, I have to be fingerprinted and checked out by the FBI, the papers are then turned into the court which will then set up a date to appear before a judge, then....then...when everything checks...my name is legally Gianna Georgia.....so it is looking like months with all of this...I will call a attorney tomorrow and get it rolling. Final price tag for the name change is looking to be 400 to 500 hundred dollars by the time everything is added up.
whats a little more debt?

 

[YourCaptor]

*sigh* no instant gratification....picked up the papers for changing my name from the courthouse today.....Anyone understand Legalize? Looking like I am going to have to use a lawyer just make sure I do it right. The papers have to be notarized, I have to be fingerprinted and checked out by the FBI, the papers are then turned into the court which will then set up a date to appear before a judge, then....then...when everything checks...my name is legally Gianna Georgia.....so it is looking like months with all of this...I will call a attorney tomorrow and get it rolling. Final price tag for the name change is looking to be 400 to 500 hundred dollars by the time everything is added up.
whats a little more debt?

Try immigrating.

The bureaucracy aside, it should be a rather simple process. Good luck.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Try immigrating.

The bureaucracy aside, it should be a rather simple process. Good luck.

lol any suggestions as to destinations?

 

[YourCaptor]

lol any suggestions as to destinations?

The USA

Its a serious screwed up system, its all about luck, could take years, 1000s of dollars, and a marriage, or you could be lucky and only have to show up at the immigration office.

 

[Kuroki_Ayame]

But she's in Florida so how can she immigrate to the USA?

I'd come up here to Canada cause it's a pretty nice and welcoming social climate, the actual climate on the other hand.


Anyway I don't think there's any degree of Femminess that you need to have to be a true transgender... there are lots of girl nerds so it's possible to be a transgender nerd, it's more important how one views herself. I see myself as a woman even though I still like some pursuits that are still more traditionally male, so what? I view myself as a woman so that's who I am. I love a mix of things both feminine and masculine, but on the inside I know I'm feminine and want to be a girl.

I don't have the freedom or money to pursue that goal at present, but in a couple years I can start taking my first steps, until then I have to content myself with occasionally sneaking out in drag and of course cross dressing cosplay at anime and scifi conventions. Anyway I love you for posting this thread, it's a great inspiration.

 

[YourCaptor]

But she's in Florida so how can she immigrate to the USA?

I'd come up here to Canada cause it's a pretty nice and welcoming social climate, the actual climate on the other hand.

Point was its hard to immigrate into the USA, much harder then changing your name, but involves the same sort of dull, dumb, bureaucratic ways.

Anyway, nice to meet you Kuroki

 

[Gi_Venus]

Point was its hard to immigrate into the USA, much harder then changing your name, but involves the same sort of dull, dumb, bureaucratic ways.

Anyway, nice to meet you Kuroki

Lol point understood. YC

 

[Gi_Venus]

But she's in Florida so how can she immigrate to the USA?

I'd come up here to Canada cause it's a pretty nice and welcoming social climate, the actual climate on the other hand.


Anyway I don't think there's any degree of Femminess that you need to have to be a true transgender... there are lots of girl nerds so it's possible to be a transgender nerd, it's more important how one views herself. I see myself as a woman even though I still like some pursuits that are still more traditionally male, so what? I view myself as a woman so that's who I am. I love a mix of things both feminine and masculine, but on the inside I know I'm feminine and want to be a girl.

I don't have the freedom or money to pursue that goal at present, but in a couple years I can start taking my first steps, until then I have to content myself with occasionally sneaking out in drag and of course cross dressing cosplay at anime and scifi conventions. Anyway I love you for posting this thread, it's a great inspiration.

Welcome Kuroki Thank you for your words. Lol I have not defined myself as a nerd but it gives interesting possibilities to self definition. I like your openess and honesty. *grin* the male stuff I never got into much other than oggling women which for me really was a sense of longing. Oh I tried to fit into my male role and would go through ritual male things in social settings...hating it the whole time but to fit in with my male peers it was neccesary to the formula. With that removed it gives a sense of freedom which I would have had anyway had I been self actualized to begin with. Right now I am "odd" to the people around me. I may pass in public but when I talk or my little one is calling me "Dad!" it causes a stir. I will be job hunting soon it will be interesting to see how well that goes because I am going to be open about my transgenderism with my impending name change.

 

[Elengil]

Wow, I see so much of myself in this thread.

I guess I'm a bit lucky to have a "girly" figure (5'6" 125 lbs, 26" waist, and could fit into a size 4 - YAYS!)

I'm also 27 (28 in may) so I guess I haven't wasted too long yet...

@Tymeless
Didn't know you were a kindred spirit, which explains why you take the story so seriously...

 

[Gi_Venus]

Wow, I see so much of myself in this thread.

I guess I'm a bit lucky to have a "girly" figure (5'6" 125 lbs, 26" waist, and could fit into a size 4 - YAYS!)

I'm also 27 (28 in may) so I guess I haven't wasted too long yet...

@Tymeless
Didn't know you were a kindred spirit, which explains why you take the story so seriously...

Elengil.....*hugs* I wish I had your figure No you are young enough...lol I am happy for you in that regard. I hope you drop by anytime. You can catch people over at the GLBT Daily Vibe too..lol one of my hang outs.

 

[sublilblackboi]

I Try 2 Grasp My Dream But To No Avail

Sowwy For Intruding On Ur Convo's But I Too. Have Thoughts An Dreams Of Becoming A Beautiful Lady. My Mind Is A Blur (tearz)
I Try An Figure Who To Talk 2 About It But I Feel Scared An Nervous I've Felt Like Thys Since I Was Weee Yung