My Transgender Awakening

[Gi_Venus]

Sowwy For Intruding On Ur Convo's But I Too. Have Thoughts An Dreams Of Becoming A Beautiful Lady. My Mind Is A Blur (tearz)
I Try An Figure Who To Talk 2 About It But I Feel Scared An Nervous I've Felt Like Thys Since I Was Weee Yung

You are not intruding Most people will not understand, it is best to seek out those that are similar, what is reality to the transgendered is illusion to most.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Oh the joys of family. a rough week, my mother and sister are going off of the deep end. My mother perceives me going out and having all kinds of deviant sex. Really, I do not even think about sex these days, my life when it comes to others is about connection. My testosterone measures 32.8 NG/DL on the low end for a woman. A mans testosterone usually measures in the 241-827 NG/DL range.
With my low testosterone my libido has disappeared. Does this bother me? Absolutely not, I like having control over when I want to think about sex or not.
What is interesting is how little I do think about sex now. I do not know how much is related to androgen levels or if it is just a by product of my own perception. My arousal is more of a flush now. No erections for two years....once again not missed. I am pretty sure I can still orgasm...but I do not know for I have not played in a long time, feeling a need for intimacy with another to make such a thing plausible. Another change is the level of interaction that I like with people regardless of sexuality, I love connection more so than I used to. I have more of an interest in the people around me than in my egocentric male days. Another effect which is probably just me learning to be me is being demonstrative of affection with the people I come across, I am less reserved and more outspoken in this regard and it feels good. I remember desiring to do this, and not acting because of the role I found myself in. For me being male was confining, restrictive for my innate self. I have a sense of freedom and a great sense of relief to be free from that life.

 

[YourCaptor]

Oh the joys of family. a rough week, my mother and sister are going off of the deep end. My mother perceives me going out and having all kinds of deviant sex. Really, I do not even think about sex these days, my life when it comes to others is about connection. My testosterone measures 32.8 NG/DL on the low end for a woman. A mans testosterone usually measures in the 241-827 NG/DL range.
With my low testosterone my libido has disappeared. Does this bother me? Absolutely not, I like having control over when I want to think about sex or not.
What is interesting is how little I do think about sex now. I do not know how much is related to androgen levels or if it is just a by product of my own perception. My arousal is more of a flush now. No erections for two years....once again not missed. I am pretty sure I can still orgasm...but I do not know for I have not played in a long time, feeling a need for intimacy with another to make such a thing plausible. Another change is the level of interaction that I like with people regardless of sexuality, I love connection more so than I used to. I have more of an interest in the people around me than in my egocentric male days. Another effect which is probably just me learning to be me is being demonstrative of affection with the people I come across, I am less reserved and more outspoken in this regard and it feels good. I remember desiring to do this, and not acting because of the role I found myself in. For me being male was confining, restrictive for my innate self. I have a sense of freedom and a great sense of relief to be free from that life.

I am experiencing the complete opposite, I don't think I can go 30 seconds without thinking about sex.

 

[Gi_Venus]

I am experiencing the complete opposite, I don't think I can go 30 seconds without thinking about sex.

apparently the loss of libido is quite ordinary for us T-girls, I know of one who has had her's accelerated which is highly unusual. Bless her she has no SO either.

 

[Elengil]

I hope she is well able to handle that, cause having a large sex drive, and being somewhat unable to release it would be a horrible curse.

I can't even imagine how it would be to be almost constantly horny and have little or no way to relieve it.

On that note, I don't have much in the way of sex drive, though I DO write erotic stories, as well as participate in erotic RP, which often does get me aroused, though never leads to anything. I guess my sex drive is more like a womans in that respect.

 

[YourCaptor]

I can't even imagine how it would be to be almost constantly horny and have little or no way to relieve it.

You have no idea. I’m big on life philosophies, and I think its wrong to just have sex for the sake of sex. To me its like kissing, you don’t just kiss someone because you can, you do it because you like them.

As a result the last week or so has not been easy going.

and if that wasn’t enough, finals week is coming up, and I can’t concentrate on my study.

Its sort of interesting though, those comments you see at the end of some stories, “to much talk, not enough sex”, I usually hate those, but now I find myself skipping over everything just trying to get to the sex.

 

[niandra_lades]

Hi Everyone I was trying to clarify some thoughts and wrote the following. Please do contribute to the thread if you desire.... I would love to hear other stories other than my own.

:

Best of luck

I hope it all works out really well

And I am sure it will

 

[Gi_Venus]

Best of luck

I hope it all works out really well

And I am sure it will

thank you niandra*hugs*

 

[Gi_Venus]

Part of a letter to a friend, it belongs here.

I like sunbeams in the morning casting bolts of light upon the
darkness.....for me rays represent hope as well.. Lol it is about
feeling connected we transgendered(I assume you consider yourself so)
sharply feel the disassociation with our own lack of genuine self. Our
obsession to feminize comes from trying to put things right with the
body and brain. Because we lack our sense of self our need for contact
is stronger and sense of loneliness sharper. People's unwillingness
to see what we so vividly feel accents our loneliness cutting us
adrift....I mean how many truly accept us with warm heart? Very few,
even the ones that want to have reservations and a lack of
understanding. Lol Yes we need people who care very much.

 

[Elengil]

I kinda wonder what my hormone levels would be...

 

[Gi_Venus]

Hi Elengil Check some of your medical facilities locally, sometimes they offer estrogen and testosterone tests as part of a self pay deal for those without insurance and they may not need a physicians order....a reasonable value, Here in Melbourne I can walk in and get my testosterone level checked for just 20 dollars....that test is usually 80 dollars.

 

[Elengil]

Too bad they can't have some sort of self test thing, kinda like the pregnancy things.

 

[Nimbikarana]

Here in Melbourne I can walk in and get my testosterone level checked for just 20 dollars....

May one ask where?

 

[Gi_Venus]

May one ask where?

Melbourne Florida I should say, at wuesthoff reference laboratories they have an outpatient lab at suntree...various tests for self pay patients, I have my diabetes testing done there as well for my hemoglobin A1C They have a list in the lobby of the tests available without having to have a doctors orders.

 

[Nimbikarana]

Damn, I thought you meant Melbourne, Australia

 

[Gi_Venus]

Damn, I thought you meant Melbourne, Australia

I am sorry sweetie. Yes, one of the early settlers here in this area was a native of Melbourne Australia...hence the name.

 

[Gi_Venus]

On my outing this week I ran into someone I used to know....when I acknowledged them...they acted unfriendly and did not even say anything and walked off. Now, me liking everyone finds this troublesome, this person is a representation of people I used to interact with....Did they recognize me? Last time they saw me I was a male. Now even if they did not know me...such a reaction was not friendly. Why should I care? Is it the fear that all that I have known whom I have not seen will react the same? And if they do....why does that matter? *sigh* Why are people mean?

 

[Gi_Venus]

yup.... I have boobs. Now I really need to buy some good bras so I can wear shirts like this.

http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r16/GiannaVenus/P1020093resizedCopy1.jpg

 

[Elengil]

I wish I had boobs like those... Course my dad would want to kill me!

 

[Gi_Venus]

I wish I had boobs like those... Course my dad would want to kill me!

Lol yes, mine is rolling in his grave no doubt. I have to a walk around with my arms crossed over my chest sometimes to hide from eyes that get upset.
I am at that awkward stage of inbetween that makes it difficult....like...using restrooms, school functions(which I avoid by the way), and people getting confused.... mam...er....sir? ....er....whatever.(yep I got that one from a public servant) When I extremely girly up I pass and everyone is comfortable...interesting effect... My therapist says that once one is totally passable that people accept their transgendism.....as if one has to bolster their senses to accept such a reality.

 

[YourCaptor]

Lol yes, mine is rolling in his grave no doubt. I have to a walk around with my arms crossed over my chest sometimes to hide from eyes that get upset.
I am at that awkward stage of inbetween that makes it difficult....like...using restrooms, school functions(which I avoid by the way), and people getting confused.... mam...er....sir? ....er....whatever.(yep I got that one from a public servant) When I extremely girly up I pass and everyone is comfortable...interesting effect... My therapist says that once one is totally passable that people accept their transgendism.....as if one has to bolster their senses to accept such a reality.

I think some of people’s reactions may just be preprogrammed into their brain for natural selection purposes. When they see someone who looks a little odd their mind blows it way out of proportion. For example when you see picture of a 6 fingered hand, you instantaneously know something odd about it but may not be able to pinpoint what it is immediately. I sometimes get that reaction, I got a lot of scars on my torso, so when I take my shirt of people at first think it a little creepy, but if you can engage them in conversation, to draw them to rely more on their emotion reactions instead of their sight, then they seem to not even notice.

 

[Gi_Venus]

I think some of people’s reactions may just be preprogrammed into their brain for natural selection purposes. When they see someone who looks a little odd their mind blows it way out of proportion. For example when you see picture of a 6 fingered hand, you instantaneously know something odd about it but may not be able to pinpoint what it is immediately. I sometimes get that reaction, I got a lot of scars on my torso, so when I take my shirt of people at first think it a little creepy, but if you can engage them in conversation, to draw them to rely more on their emotion reactions instead of their sight, then they seem to not even notice.

Lol an interesting concept. How much is genetics in our reaction to the unordinary. Usually people warm up when they interact with me, I have warm eyes and smile wrinkles. Once and I while I meet up with the occasional cold fish stare which is steadfast in its malefeasanse. Then it behoves me to act cheerful despite their ire.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Lol an interesting concept. How much is genetics in our reaction to the unordinary. Usually people warm up when they interact with me, I have warm eyes and smile wrinkles. Once and a while I meet up with the occasional cold fish stare which is steadfast in its malefeasanse. Then it behoves me to act cheerful despite their ire.

Had to quote myself to fix a mistake the editing button seems to be missing.

 

[Gi_Venus]

God I love it, men are offering to carry things for me now.

 

[YourCaptor]

God I love it, men are offering to carry things for me now.

Wow, that’s more then they do for… for anyone.

Sounds like an exiting time.