New Poetry Recommendations

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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Nothing up yet today so I'll check back later. In the meantime, I see Ange missed yesterday, and there are a couple goodies by foehn2 you might want to check out. There's his Found Haiku, though I'd think it's more a zappai than a haiku, since it's not a 'pure' nature poem. And then there's Cry Over Spilt Milk which sounds like a creative explanation for being clumsy {no PC option on this one}.

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[foehn2]

Afterthoughts on the Day Before is a good 9-11 commemorative poem by avasogently, deserving an appreciative read by anyone who doesn’t despise well-done rhyme.

I enjoyed the language in two new poems by pointless, but I could not for the life of me figure out what they were about. (Completely.) That marred the polish for me a little; still, it is nice to read fresh phrases.

 

[Alephenia]

Fields of Heather...

Hi, how is everyone. I am new to Literotica, so bear with me. I just wanted to thank wildsweetone for her mention of two of the poems I have submitted, and also give you a little info on the poems.
Fields of Heather was something I threw together when I was bored a few years back. I had been looking at poetry.com and figured it would be fun to submit a poem to the site, but I did'nt really want to submit any of my earlier poetry. I just wanted to write something that was fun for me, that I did'nt really care much about. Needless to say after writing it I came to love it and it is one of my favorites. As for Blood Stained Sheets, I wanted to write something dark that a person could read and understand the feelings that the subject felt. The blood is a metaphor for the pain and depression that comes with loss and betrayal. I submitted the third version of that poem to Lit. After reading what wild had posted about both poems I realized that there is a slight problem with the rythm in the poems. Fields of Heather has been re-written five times so far. I think that part of the problem may be the fact that I am always making changes to my work. I always thought that a good writer constantly tries to improve thier work. Question is, am I making a mistake by looking for mistakes? What do you guys think? I am always open to advice and ideas.

 

[unapologetic]

Nothing, again.

*pout*

No poems up for a second day in a row! I'll check back later to see if that changes.

In lieu of that, here's a delectable haiku from one of my favorite non-Lit poets, Jack Prelutsky:

A parrot

Gaudily feathered,
With nothing at all to say,
I can't stop talking.

 

[wildsweetone]

Hi, how is everyone. I am new to Literotica, so bear with me. I just wanted to thank wildsweetone for her mention of two of the poems I have submitted, and also give you a little info on the poems.
Fields of Heather was something I threw together when I was bored a few years back. I had been looking at poetry.com and figured it would be fun to submit a poem to the site, but I did'nt really want to submit any of my earlier poetry. I just wanted to write something that was fun for me, that I did'nt really care much about. Needless to say after writing it I came to love it and it is one of my favorites. As for Blood Stained Sheets, I wanted to write something dark that a person could read and understand the feelings that the subject felt. The blood is a metaphor for the pain and depression that comes with loss and betrayal. I submitted the third version of that poem to Lit. After reading what wild had posted about both poems I realized that there is a slight problem with the rythm in the poems. Fields of Heather has been re-written five times so far. I think that part of the problem may be the fact that I am always making changes to my work. I always thought that a good writer constantly tries to improve thier work. Question is, am I making a mistake by looking for mistakes? What do you guys think? I am always open to advice and ideas.

you're welcome for the mention. and welcome to Litland!

personally, i think it's great to keep looking and tweaking your poems. i don't do it as much as i need to (i'm beginning to remedy that fault slowly, now).

i am also glad that something in my critique was useful to you.

keep writing and enjoying your editing - beautiful things happen in the editing process.

 

[Alephenia]

deleted

deleted

 

[My Erotic Trail]

there are no new poems out yet this morn! (will be gone the rest of the day)

have a wonderful week (~_~)

 

[vampiredust]

The Sunday Review

There's a whole bunch of fucking new poems up today (thanks Manu )

I'd recommend you check out early, too by ghost_girl
which is beautiful and concise.

Plastic Man is another excellent poem by bogusbrig. Quite well crafted with a lovely lyricism in its language and some well honed imagery to create an effective atmosphere for the reader.

Sonnet: On Sonnets by ShyErraticTable is well crafted and clever, in that way that SET does

 

[wildsweetone]

Today's treat, a poem by current NZ Poet Laureate (yes we do have them) Jenny Bornholdt.


Medical

She listens
to your chest
with such
concentration…



There’s all the loud
machinery of course
and June — do you mean the month
or her name?
Her name is inside you
and audible, and the dream, too,
in which you try to fax your publisher
a cake.

She hears us remember
the cats and their soft fur
birds going ape
in the trees.

She can hear
the domestic
rattle around
like small change —
cake call
from the oven,
sigh of the tired
pots and pans, rice
slip into water
like a swimmer.

She hears
your upset.
The watermelon bought
to cheer you up
from a place with an aisle
marked ‘instant dissolve food and drink’.

Erratic door,
a lack of iron,
the fence
creaking in the wind
like your knees.
Everything hurts
if you hitch a hip
says the physio
as her fingers wade
the river of muscle
which runs the bank
of your spine.

She hears your watch cough
politely, bellow of weather
appease the garden’s thirst.
Lone plum on the tree,
long soft body of the stick insect
traverse the rampant rose.

She hears the love you have
for your husband.

Hears you kiss the baby
then drive across town
in your pyjamas
in the early morning, past
planes in a queue
on the runway. The man who
leans across here, have a chocolate
person.

Anger rise
like steam
off hot asphalt
on the runway.

Your friend, her dodgy
neck, her low
morale.

Listening, she can hear
the spades as they dig down
for the elderly beloved
cats. She hears children and adults
weep, ‘all things bright and
beautiful’ sung
over the graves,
then the car doors close
as we head
for the beach.
A week of sun, then
the weather moves on.
We don wetsuits
the dinghy rocks
on the porch
tree saws
on the roof
the baby says
no no no no
and refuses to get
to her feet.

All night
insects flip and click
while the wind roars

suck and blow
suck and blow

and the curtains rattle
on their tracks.




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this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.


9 new poems for today. one caught my eye.

september stoicism by 4degrees.
i liked this. first, i noticed the length of the poem and then the line end words. i read it and wondered if this poem would work well as a prose poem, with a little enhancement here and there, but the flow is so smooth i think it would work well. to improve as it is, i think from about half way, the lines could work better if they were finished at the end of a natural pause in breath. i like how 'space' goes right out there into space, and i like the imagery in this poem. thanks for sharing this one Curt. i learnt a lot and enjoyed the read.

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those poems i did not choose for this review either contained typing errors or simply did not stand out to me. please note that these are my opinions on poems, it is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. go read, go comment and keep writing!

 

[KOLKORE]

There may not be 'a wrong version'

"...I think that part of the problem may be the fact that I am always making changes to my work. I always thought that a good writer constantly tries to improve thier work. Question is, am I making a mistake by looking for mistakes? What do you guys think? I am always open to advice and ideas." [/QUOTE from Alephenia]

I have recently read a story in the "Wasington Post Magazine" about Ralph Ellison. His famous novel: "Invisible Man" was published in 1953 was widely recognized and won many awards. But allison did not move on to publish his next promised novel. instead he continued to polish his future novel in thousands of notes papers and when the first computer arrived - there too. He never finished the polishing to the rest of his life. Only after his death two reserchers and literary scholars were able to gradually form the narrative of what is promising to be the next big American novel (it's due to be published next year under the name "Three days before the shooting"). Ellison may have taken to the extreme the tweaking (even according to his editors), but despite it I find that there may not be a wrong version. If your work is an organic process it evolves as you keep polishing it. It may improve or it may take different versions which are equally valuable. Why not keep them all and let the readers choose their favorite versions? Readers tastes may differ from yours. I'd like to read your thoughts.

keep working on creating new versions of your work.

KOLKORE

 

[Angeline]

September 18

There are ten new poems today. I liked one: Villanelle for O by ShyErraticTable. I like the way the subject builds and the repeated refrains work especially well.

 

[LeBroz]

Wednesday's Review

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A light load today, a mere 11.


Curiouswife has an upbeat little piece in His Call. Makes me think of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music.


That's it for today. Nothing else broke through to grab me, but don't let that stop you from exploring the other ten out there today. Give 'em a read, vote, comment ~ it's the least you can do. Above all, comment ~ a fair exchange for the pleasure of reading free poetry.

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[unapologetic]

Thursday Again?

Hi folks!

If this were my poem, I might have broken the lines a bit differently. Nevertheless, the new piece, Weeds, by one of my favorite Lit poets, hmmnmm, it a great read. So is his other new piece, The Way Bids You, a poem in which the sounds seem to twist on themselves.

I love, simply love love love love Song of Night by Cheleste. The rhyme doesn’t feel forced, it sounded wonderful aloud, I just love it. New member, first poem on Lit. Fab-u-lous.

Later gators.

 

[ghost_girl]

Once again, a gem was left out of the Thursday reviews. I cannot help but wonder if he/she even reads ALL the poems.

anyway, you guys really should check out this one by Bogus Brig

From the Men's Room

This is a narrative poem, filled with descriptions that just make you feel as if the author is speaking to you.

a really good piece of work, well worth the time it takes to read, vote, comment.

 

[WickedEve]

Once again, a gem was left out of the Thursday reviews. I cannot help but wonder if he/she even reads ALL the poems.

anyway, you guys really should check out this one by Bogus Brig

From the Men's Room

This is a narrative poem, filled with descriptions that just make you feel as if the author is speaking to you.

a really good piece of work, well worth the time it takes to read, vote, comment.

Ditto on what you said. B.B. is great. I like smart poetry. A definite must read.

 

[TheRainMan]

Ditto on what you said. B.B. is great. I like smart poetry. A definite must read.

tritto.

smart poetry.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Tsk who is letting out us ladies secrets?

 

[twelveoone]

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Nothing up yet today so I'll check back later. In the meantime, I see Ange missed yesterday, and there are a couple goodies by foehn2 you might want to check out. There's his Found Haiku, though I'd think it's more a zappai than a haiku, since it's not a 'pure' nature poem. And then there's Cry Over Spilt Milk which sounds like a creative explanation for being clumsy {no PC option on this one}.

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Interesting duo here. foehn2 has to be one of the more interesting and intelligent writers here, sometimes a bit too New Yorker for my humble tastes. But it is dismaying to me to see more comments on a found haiku, than something that takes a little time to work through. OH Excuse Me, it lacks titillation, sentimentality. Er, generally speaking these more often than not are things to avoid. I thought I might mention that, since most of youse are pretending an interest in poetry.

Gresham's law - Repeal it.

 

[twelveoone]

Once again, a gem was left out of the Thursday reviews. I cannot help but wonder if he/she even reads ALL the poems.

anyway, you guys really should check out this one by Bogus Brig

From the Men's Room

This is a narrative poem, filled with descriptions that just make you feel as if the author is speaking to you.

a really good piece of work, well worth the time it takes to read, vote, comment.

Oh yeah, quatro.

 

[Bill Dada]

Once again, a gem was left out of the Thursday reviews. I cannot help but wonder if he/she even reads ALL the poems.

anyway, you guys really should check out this one by Bogus Brig

From the Men's Room

This is a narrative poem, filled with descriptions that just make you feel as if the author is speaking to you.

a really good piece of work, well worth the time it takes to read, vote, comment.

fiveto

 

[vampiredust]

The Sunday Review

Happy Autumn Equinox everyone!

26 new poems up today

My Picks:

hmmnmm gives us Comers Come. I enjoyed its imagery (esp 'flying
guitar engines gearshift screaming/jet blue pincers') and it's well worth reading, esp for its jazzy rhythm, too. Good stuff.

letter to a tropical plant by ghost_girl is the best of the bunch today.

I enjoyed reading this poem a lot. The imagery is concise and paints a warm, honest picture for the reader. The tone of the speaker makes this piece feel quite personal, as if there is something more to it than just someone writing to a tropical plant. Anyhow, enough of me talking.

Read and enjoy.

Finally, RhymeFairy gives us her Naughty Poetry Challenge. Suitably erotic with a lovely rhythm and plenty of cock-teasing imagery. Enjoy.

Have a good Sunday everyone

 

[twelveoone]

Those of us who do the reviews mention the ones that WE THINK are good. That's what I do, and what I've been doing the entire time I've been writing these reviews. Please feel free to add your recommendations if you think I've missed something, that happens. But refrain from personally attacking me, okay?

your name - unapologetic? and the rest of you THAT DO the reviews on a regular basis
Might I ask when you do the reviews, give us a FEW GOOD reasons why you think something is good, so we have something of a basis as to what you are judging them by.

Elst it gives the appearence of it just being a dumbass buddy-fuck circle.

My pick so far, and another beef
foehn2

has several up today, Terzanelle for Theresa
With an excellent start:

Why are you so apt? So smart? I swear,
I might have lost you in the paragraphs
of speech you uttered into space and air.

and what I think, an awkward line:

Who would have ever thought your mind so fine?

but has the comments turned off, but voting on. I don't like that but I gave it a five, and that was my comment; it is well worth reading them all.

DISCLAIMER: foehn commented on one of my poems a few years ago, he gave me a 50. Buddy-fuck? NYET!

and since because of the page down feature, you might miss the regular reviewer comments, I reprise them.

Happy Autumn Equinox everyone!

26 new poems up today

My Picks:

hmmnmm gives us Comers Come. I enjoyed its imagery (esp 'flying
guitar engines gearshift screaming/jet blue pincers') and it's well worth reading, esp for its jazzy rhythm, too. Good stuff.

letter to a tropical plant by ghost_girl is the best of the bunch today.

I enjoyed reading this poem a lot. The imagery is concise and paints a warm, honest picture for the reader. The tone of the speaker makes this piece feel quite personal, as if there is something more to it than just someone writing to a tropical plant. Anyhow, enough of me talking.

Read and enjoy.

Finally, RhymeFairy gives us her Naughty Poetry Challenge. Suitably erotic with a lovely rhythm and plenty of cock-teasing imagery. Enjoy.

Have a good Sunday everyone

oh yes, and like satan said "have a good fall"

 

[wildsweetone]

today's treat:

The Geranium
by Theodore Roethke

When I put her out, once, by the garbage pail,
She looked so limp and bedraggled,
So foolish and trusting, like a sick poodle,
Or a wizened aster in late September,
I brought her back in again
For a new routine--
Vitamins, water, and whatever
Sustenance seemed sensible
At the time: she'd lived
So long on gin, bobbie pins, half-smoked cigars, dead beer,
Her shriveled petals falling
On the faded carpet, the stale
Steak grease stuck to her fuzzy leaves.
(Dried-out, she creaked like a tulip.)

The things she endured!--
The dumb dames shrieking half the night
Or the two of us, alone, both seedy,
Me breathing booze at her,
She leaning out of her pot toward the window.

Near the end, she seemed almost to hear me--
And that was scary--
So when that snuffling cretin of a maid
Threw her, pot and all, into the trash-can,
I said nothing.

But I sacked the presumptuous hag the next week,
I was that lonely.


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this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.



welcome aboard for today's review. there are 19 new submissions today. let's see what reading pleasures unfold and who i can help along the way...

Lullaby ad libitum by Nirvanadragones has a lovely image. i like how this poem touches every sense. to improve i would think about changing the line breaks. i'm not sure it would improve or simply change the visual aspect of the writing, but worth a go. i think i would put 'of' in the penultimate line, on the last line.

Colonel Santa by swedeq - this poem is based on sexual abuse. i found this poem interesting. i liked some of the images, some of the phrases. i think it has potential base for a really good poem and would like to see future edits. i don't think the act in the poem meets the requirements set out in the dedication. stanza 7, line 5 is this poem's downfall, in my opinion.

What I like, in limerick form by john-the-author, if you're into a light-hearted look at Litland, here's your limerick. i am a little out of touch with reading limericks and it took a couple of reads before i got in the swing of the rhythm. stanza 4, line 2 i kept stumbling. i'm not sure if the rhythm is out or if i simply don't have the skill for reading that line correctly.

What The Note in his Pocket Said by new poet PandoraGlitters. i found the idea of this poem very interesting. i also found the imagery very clear, however i struggled with the way the images interacted. i.e. in the first two lines, it sounds like the male in the poem has his shirt (or perhaps trousers) up over his head while the pixie weaves the lyrical subject's hair in the hems. this image distracted me from the poem's message, but not so much that it would stop me from looking forward to more of this poet's writing. Welcome to Literotica.

Angry. Moi? by bogusbrig. i love how this poem puts into words, the things that male teenagers simply don't say out loud. it gives a good impression of how much goes on in the male teen's mind, much more than a female realises. i like the imagery, the metaphors, both are used well. i like the 'show' in this poem, how the emotions are written. i don't like how the word 'screeeeeamed' is written - in powerful writing i don't feel it is necessary to use 'tricks' to convey message. and in stanza 3, line 8 i would correct spelling on the word 'breathe' - it should be 'breath'. enjoyable poem.

Dear sirs by hmmnmm again, i can see improvement in the flow of this poet's sonnet. to improve i'd suggest to start using fullstops.

First try sestina by Underyourspell. i wanted to mention this poem here so that some of our experienced-at-form poets could click and comment to help. i can see some lines that i really like and some that seem a little stilted i.e. not normally how i would speak, and my skill is low in this form.

Soul Mates by Rhyme Fairy. i enjoyed some of the phrases in here, some of the alliteration 'curtains curtsey, creating...'. i think i'll help by showing what i might do with the first stanza.

'I love fall weather, so sweet and cool.
Curtains curtsey, creating my land
of magical lovin'. He comes to me, weathered
by demons from past. I shelter him, in my moist
forbidden caverns, that have awaited him, forever
more.'

how about

I love fall weather, so sweet and cool.
Curtains curtsey, creating my land
of loving. He comes to me, weathered (love this line break)
by demons from the past. I shelter him,
in my moist forbidden caverns
that have awaited him, ...

i think 'forever more' is a future phrase therefore 'have awaited' would need to be changed to a future tense also.

RF i hope you don't mind me helping in this way and i hope something of what i've shown makes some sense to you.



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those poems i did not choose for this review either contained typing errors or simply did not stand out to me. please note that these are my opinions on poems, it is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. go read, go comment and keep writing!

 

[champagne1982]

There are five new poems up. Four are of the tried and true themes of done wrong lovers, missed friends and awesome masters. This one, Film Strip, is a first submission by new member virgingloves. There are some wonderful lines inside this narrative poem, that seems to be a conversation.
It's sex in an artistic medium
VHS is an artistic medium?
Almost funny enough to laugh at.
He had learned so much from her
She was the experienced traveler
He the novice lover
She was growing bored
He had grown obsessive
And yet, it all grinds to an ending as anticlimactic as only paid performers can orgasm. I found this a solidly, good poem.

 

[Angeline]

There are five new poems up. Four are of the tried and true themes of done wrong lovers, missed friends and awesome masters. This one, Film Strip, is a first submission by new member virgingloves. There are some wonderful lines inside this narrative poem, that seems to be a conversation.
It's sex in an artistic medium
VHS is an artistic medium?
Almost funny enough to laugh at.
He had learned so much from her
She was the experienced traveler
He the novice lover
She was growing bored
He had grown obsessive
And yet, it all grinds to an ending as anticlimactic as only paid performers can orgasm. I found this a solidly, good poem.

Thanks for doing today's review Champers. I was waiting because the list was so short I thought maybe more would appear later. Also, I didn't feel any of them warranted a recommendation, although I agree with you that there are some good lines in Film Strip.