A Happy New Year to you all again! It's now caught up and we're also on 01012011 here in Jamaica. I've been thinking about the fact that so many of you have been thinking about and pursuing your life’s goals, despite the holidays, and it has helped me to settle my mind. I'm leaving, not only Lit, but also the rest of the Net, behind until I can manage my time there more responsibly. Of course, you will see me from time to time, I’m not a "cold turkey" kind of girl, but I won't spend the hours on end here that I've been doing.
I met yet another person here recently and in chatting about my lost passion for my work he reminded me that the passion comes from the doing. I must confess that I remember that now - but only after he reminded me - so I will just start again, and trust that in a few weeks I will either pick up my train of thought about my old research or find a new line of inquiry. Either way, I want to do something for myself. I've also decided to do something for my unconceived and unborn children. I will also spend time pursuing my health again. I had an assessment done yesterday and it was surprising, but gratifying, how healthy I am. However, I've been warned that there are signs of decay and that if I continue on my path unchecked, I will begin to have problems in about five or so years. I count it a blessing that I've been warned. I will heed this warning. I will do for my children what I could not do for myself and show restraint and discipline in how I live my life.
I realised yesterday that I came to Lit looking for love and a boost to my self-esteem. I cannot believe this of myself, but one of the findings yesterday was that although I'm physically healthy, my depression and unhappiness are apparent to people who care to look at me carefully. That this is still true of me, despite the fact that I hide it so well much of the time, caused me to cry. I blamed my father's death for my sadness but I know that it has been with me for years and so cannot be attributed solely to that. I realised too, in trying to tell my Partner about this incident, that I am not really intimate with him despite the years of sex and the myriad experiences behind us and the plan to have many more such years together.
I have learned so many things about myself in recent weeks that I cannot believe that my time on Lit has been wasted. Rather, I believe that it must come to an end because the thinking phase of any strategic plan must give way to the action phase. I haven't even begun my marking from last semester, or my preparation for the new one set to begin in three weeks time, and the reasons for that are many – and many of them are actually good. What I must do now though, is to love myself more than I do, and get on with my own life instead of allowing others to make unchecked demands on my time. I cannot tell you how many new people I've met in the last week alone. Typical of the admittedly polyamorous me, I'm very interested in two of them; but I won't explore this interest, only acknowledge to myself that I have a VERY great capacity for loving others and celebrate that.
I've promised myself to be contented with the things and relationships that I do have instead of looking for the options that I do not have. I have long realised that my life is uncommonly rich and yet, even with that knowledge, I have been tempted by greed. It's not a big resolution this year, because you won't see me going on some fancy diet and spending all of my Net time at the gym. Instead you will see an attitude change. I will try not to procrastinate as much as I do now. I anticipate that this will cause me to be a lot less stressed and a lot more productive. If I can do that, and pursue my health this year, it will be one of the most miraculous times of my life, even if I'm not a mother in January 2012.
I wish for you all, and for myself, peace and the appreciation of the wonders of life around us; overall contentment with moments of joy sprinkled in liberally; good health; success in our personal, social and professional endeavours; prosperity in our financial affairs; much, much fun and laughter; the comfort and security of the company of cherished friends and relatives; unity in our respective families; music to bolster our hearts and unconditional love from those around us.
A Happy New Year to you all again! It's now caught up and we're also on 01012011 here in Jamaica. I've been thinking about the fact that so many of you have been thinking about and pursuing your life’s goals, despite the holidays, and it has helped me to settle my mind. I'm leaving, not only Lit, but also the rest of the Net, behind until I can manage my time there more responsibly. Of course, you will see me from time to time, I’m not a "cold turkey" kind of girl, but I won't spend the hours on end here that I've been doing.
I met yet another person here recently and in chatting about my lost passion for my work he reminded me that the passion comes from the doing. I must confess that I remember that now - but only after he reminded me - so I will just start again, and trust that in a few weeks I will either pick up my train of thought about my old research or find a new line of inquiry. Either way, I want to do something for myself. I've also decided to do something for my unconceived and unborn children. I will also spend time pursuing my health again. I had an assessment done yesterday and it was surprising, but gratifying, how healthy I am. However, I've been warned that there are signs of decay and that if I continue on my path unchecked, I will begin to have problems in about five or so years. I count it a blessing that I've been warned. I will heed this warning. I will do for my children what I could not do for myself and show restraint and discipline in how I live my life.
I realised yesterday that I came to Lit looking for love and a boost to my self-esteem. I cannot believe this of myself, but one of the findings yesterday was that although I'm physically healthy, my depression and unhappiness are apparent to people who care to look at me carefully. That this is still true of me, despite the fact that I hide it so well much of the time, caused me to cry. I blamed my father's death for my sadness but I know that it has been with me for years and so cannot be attributed solely to that. I realised too, in trying to tell my Partner about this incident, that I am not really intimate with him despite the years of sex and the myriad experiences behind us and the plan to have many more such years together.
I have learned so many things about myself in recent weeks that I cannot believe that my time on Lit has been wasted. Rather, I believe that it must come to an end because the thinking phase of any strategic plan must give way to the action phase. I haven't even begun my marking from last semester, or my preparation for the new one set to begin in three weeks time, and the reasons for that are many – and many of them are actually good. What I must do now though, is to love myself more than I do, and get on with my own life instead of allowing others to make unchecked demands on my time. I cannot tell you how many new people I've met in the last week alone. Typical of the admittedly polyamorous me, I'm very interested in two of them; but I won't explore this interest, only acknowledge to myself that I have a VERY great capacity for loving others and celebrate that.
I've promised myself to be contented with the things and relationships that I do have instead of looking for the options that I do not have. I have long realised that my life is uncommonly rich and yet, even with that knowledge, I have been tempted by greed. It's not a big resolution this year, because you won't see me going on some fancy diet and spending all of my Net time at the gym. Instead you will see an attitude change. I will try not to procrastinate as much as I do now. I anticipate that this will cause me to be a lot less stressed and a lot more productive. If I can do that, and pursue my health this year, it will be one of the most miraculous times of my life, even if I'm not a mother in January 2012.
I wish for you all, and for myself, peace and the appreciation of the wonders of life around us; overall contentment with moments of joy sprinkled in liberally; good health; success in our personal, social and professional endeavours; prosperity in our financial affairs; much, much fun and laughter; the comfort and security of the company of cherished friends and relatives; unity in our respective families; music to bolster our hearts and unconditional love from those around us.
GREAT thread, Jenny...and one I hope Litsters will visit throughout the year to see how they're coming along with what they hope 2011 will be for them.
My hopes are for my parents to continue to be as healthy as possible and that we can make more memories in 2011. I also want to continue getting healthy and work more on my home. I hope to have the mother of all yard sales this spring to get rid of some of the junk that stresses me out.
I also hope that all Litsters find what they hope/wish/dream and want.
-- This a relatively recent fantasy so I'm putting a 4 month window to see if I change my mind. If I don't I'll have a good story to post in mid spring.
