Older Women

[HiBall]

I'm a 20 y.o guy with raging hormones and a thing for older women. You see, even before I became sexually active, I've always had crushes on older women. (I even have a huge thing for Susan Lucci.)
Anyways, I was wondering, "How do i get an older woman?" I don't know how to approach an older woman, or how to convince her that I could be good for her.
Do older women like young guys? I'm very interested in women in their 30's and 40's.

Any comments, pointers, help would be appreciated.

thanks.

 

[Native Alien]

Try a personal ad on lit. Include likes and dislikes, what you think that you are looking for, and something of a location. That is a start and then add a little time and patience and there you have it.

 

[Rubber Biscuit]

"They don't yell, they don't tell, and they're grateful as hell."

Sorry, don't take offense!!! But really, I've found that older = confidence and enthusiasm and skill that blows away by far most of the young babes of my youth.

They also know BS better when they hear it. So just talk to them, be sincere in your compliments (you do compliment them, right?), and don't stare.

 

[lilpriss]

Another thing is this, most older women are a lot less tolerant than you might think. I don't consider myself old, but I'm not 18 anymore... (30) and I can not tolerate a kid. I don't have time for the whining and irritating things that younger guys try to pull when they don't get their way. For example, I had planned a date with one younger than me by a few years... which I had to cancel the last day... well he didn't like that and got all pissy and hung up on me. Um, NO thanks.

Something else, remember your manners. When an older woman tells you she doesn't want to see you... for whatever reason, take no for an answer, and when she's ready she'll let you know. Don't invite yourself over to her house or show up unnannounced unless you KNOW for a FACT that she would be allright with that.

After my last "younger man" encounter, I'll stick with my older man, thanks... it's too much hassle, but that's my personal opinion. Sex is great, but my vibrator doesn't need to read an ettiquette book, it doesn't belch or fart and then laugh at how amusing it is, and when I decide I don't want to deal with it, it's out of sight. AND my older man isn't threatened if I bring my vibrator to bed with us.

I'm sure there are plenty of women who would jump an opportunity like the one you offer. And you may not be the stereotypical young guy... I don't know you. These are only the reasons I stay away from younger guys. I can't speak for everyone.

 

[spicecajun]

there is a lot of good in a younger guy too

He is turned on by the blow of the wind. Just seeing any part of your unclothed skin makes his eyes shine. They can make you feel you couldnt get any better. And because of our sex drive they truly believe they love you...... for awhile anyway.

 

[SexyChele]

I have to agree with everything lilpriss said and more! I'm 43 and I was amazed at the number of men in their 20s who chase after me. But here are some tips to keep in mind.

Not all older women are looking for a quick romp in the sack. I did that when I was in my 20s. Wasn't satisfying then, and it is even less so now.

Even if I don't go out in public with a younger man, I would still expect him to act with maturity when we were alone.

Don't ever tell an older woman you are "in love" with her after you've seen her twice. She knows it's bullshit and she doesn't care anyway.

Don't expect that because you are calling her to meet up that she's going to just go alone with it. She probably has other plans, and no, she's not going to cancel for you.

Don't ever "hound" her. If she has stated she is not interested in you, she most likely isn't. Don't make a pest of yourself by continuing to pursue her thinking she's saying "no when she means yes."

Don't expect her feel flattered by your attentions. Quite frankly, I'm repulsed by men in their 20s wanting to be with me. I could have a son that age and I do not find that attractive or sexy in the least. The idea that women in their 40s want and desire a younger man is, in a lot of cases, simply a myth. I want a man, not a toy.

I wish you luck in your quest. I don't know how easy this will be for you. Like lilpriss, I prefer my 50 year old man. But hey, you might be the one who gets to experience your fantasy.

 

[sheath]

In defense of the younger man...

I have read so many threads on the topic of older women/younger men, and it seems that most of the postings portray these younger men are being various things, but nothing very admirable or desirable.

I always dated older men, not as a rule, but just as something that happened...and no one batted an eye when I was seen around town with a guy twenty or even thirty years my senior. But when I attempted to date a younger man? Oh, my, how the rumors flew. "Robbing the Cradle" and "Playing in the Romper Room" were the comments I heard most often. Where were those comments when I was out with my 45-year old boyfriend, me being only 25 at the time? The double standard makes me shudder. It's ridiculously outdated and shows where the true immaturity lies, in my humble opinion.

Then I met a man who blew the lid off all the stereotypes. The typical immature kid, I thought at first, having been influenced myself by those absurd stereotypes...then I got to know him. He was unfazed by anything. He worked harder than most men twice his age, and he saved money like they were going to stop printing the stuff. He respected me in a way that those 'older boyfriends' never really had. He never crossed any lines, never fought any boundaries that I set. He was flexible enough to move into my life without much hassle or demand, quite the opposite of what I had seen from my older lovers who were so set in their ways. He opened my eyes to a whole new world of tolerance and acceptance. He was all that I had ever hoped to find.

Now he's my fiance, that younger man...and though he is not all that much younger than I am, given the fact that my last lover was twenty years older than me, it seems like he is indeed a youngster.

I know without a doubt that the stereotypes are just that...stereotypes. They are ridiculous labels that do nothing but let society taboos intervene in what should be a personal choice. I get so angry when I hear someone make a comment about how a woman is trying to 'recapture her youth' or 'just having fun' with a man who happens to be younger than she is. It annoys the hell out of me, because no one knows what is between two lovers but those lovers themselves, and others basing their assumptions on a simple birthdate are showing their own immaturity.

My two cents...

S.

edited for an attack of spelling errors...

 

[spicecajun]

In the end its probably equally the same in different ways. If a man presented any one of those same guidelines for younger women to follow, when dating an older man, he would be drug- hands and feet bound together, behind a car, facing forward...and naked.

 

[spicecajun]

..........

and other people would call those women prostitutes.....hummmmmmmmm

 

[Noor]

I think my question as an older woman would be what do you as a younger man have to offer besides your persumably shorter refractory period?

 

[James G 5]

I think my question as an older woman would be what do you as a younger man have to offer besides your persumably shorter refractory period?

A lot of energy & enthusiasm?
As men age, they go thru the reverse of menopause...
Testosterone decreases, estrogen increases
they become physically somewhat more feminine, the become less agressive, more emotional, less adventerous (this is all in general!), and their sex drives decrease
This is all in addition to the physical losses that can coem with age and the fact that most older guys will be somewhat more blase about sex
Younger guys might well have more genuine interest, a sense of fun, etc etc

 

[Noor]

A lot of energy & enthusiasm?
As men age, they go thru the reverse of menopause...
Testosterone decreases, estrogen increases
they become physically somewhat more feminine, the become less agressive, more emotional, less adventerous (this is all in general!), and their sex drives decrease
This is all in addition to the physical losses that can coem with age and the fact that most older guys will be somewhat more blase about sex
Younger guys might well have more genuine interest, a sense of fun, etc etc

That may be true but if he wants an older women he needs to sell himself a bit better than "raging hormones and a thing for older women"

 

[James G 5]

That may be true but if he wants an older women he needs to sell himself a bit better than "raging hormones and a thing for older women"

True, but not all younger guys are callow bundles of raging hormones, either
Younger women often date older men because of the perceived disparity in maturity levels relative to age, but many of those selfsame younger women can be immature and uncultured
Some of these young guys are smart, intelligent, sophisticated, etc as well as interested in a level of sexuality younger women are loathe to meet, so the guys seek older women
Nothing wrong with that as long as everyone consents & is happy about it

 

[lilpriss]

James, older men may have less testosterone, etc. like you said... but they (at least the ones I've been with) are genuinely more concerned about my pleasure... They have been GREAT at oral sex and know where the spots are that will send me through the roof... without me having to give an anatomy lesson first.

I'll pass on a young buck who can go at it 6 times a night... and take the older more experienced who can go once (or twice)... who doesn't balk, or think he's less of a man, if I say "I'm not there yet... Help a girl out?"

 

[sheath]

I think my question as an older woman would be what do you as a younger man have to offer besides your persumably shorter refractory period?

Damn near everything, if you find the right one.

S.

 

[Noor]

Damn near everything, if you find the right one.

S.

Well, some of us are luckier than others

I am not opposed to younger men, although one young enough to be my own child seems too young.

I also think they need to be old enough to be able to admit when they are wrong, however old that is for them.

However, I was referring to this one, HiBall. what does he offer?

 

[tigerbabe]

relder women

I'm in a secure but open marriage. My hubby and I play seperately as well as together. I'm 43 years old and have a 25 year old boyfriend. I looked long and hard to find someone who was mature enough to know how to treat a lady, yet young enough to give me the sexual excitement I was looking for. I've talked to lots of guys who would never even get to the point of an initial meeting, because they were either too crude or didn't want to invest any time to get to know me. But this guy is different.. He has always been polite online, never crude or vulgar. He always compliments me and I can tell he means it. He opens doors for me when we go out. He appreciates the fact that I'm not bitchy, not into drama, and don't have a lot of "issues". I appreciate the fact that he is young, has a great sense of humor, energetic and can keep up with me and my strong sex drive. I hope this helps you find what you're looking for. Just be yourself and remember your manners, lol.

Warmly,
Tigerbabe

 

[Epiphany]

I've found it's very common for younger guys to be attracted to older women. One of my very good friends, who is 36, is married to a 22 year old man. He LOOKS 22, but he certainly doesn't ACT it. He treats her like a princess, provides well for her and makes her feel secure and loved. He has owned his own, very successful, business since he was only 19 years old and has his own home and is seeing to it that his two younger brothers get a university education. VERY mature for his age.

When contemplating a realtionship with a much younger man, I asked them what made their relationship "work", and asked her if she ever felt insecure or worried that he'd find some young 21-year-old-hardbody.

Basically what she said was that in the beginning, she had some insecurities, but that he has never done anything to make her feel insecure. She says when he looks at her, she can see how much he truly loves HER. Not her body, or her face, or other superficial things, but HER. She wakes up to find him staring at her, smiling. She'll be reading a book, and glance over and he's looking at her or she'll open a drawer and find a little note folded up that simply says "I love you".

What he said was that, for him, being with an older woman meant no head games that often come with girls his age. No drama queen, whining, me-me-me girls. She is past all of that, and is her own person. She's educated, has an established career and was ready to settle down. She's mature, but still knows how to have fun, and accepts his friends and doesn't try to change him. And, he said, she puts up with his hip-hop music.

On a lighter note, he also said that (most) 21-year-old-hardbodies don't like to give head, won't swallow and won't take it in the ass....lol

I've known men in their 30's who are total assholes and are crude and don't know the first thing about treating a woman right - and then I've met 20-something men who are courteous, gentlemanly and mature. I guess the bottom line is, as in any relationship - regardless of age - it's a matter of compatibility, and how you feel around that person.

*my two cents*

 

[James G 5]

James, older men may have less testosterone, etc. like you said... but they (at least the ones I've been with) are genuinely more concerned about my pleasure... They have been GREAT at oral sex and know where the spots are that will send me through the roof... without me having to give an anatomy lesson first.

I'll pass on a young buck who can go at it 6 times a night... and take the older more experienced who can go once (or twice)... who doesn't balk, or think he's less of a man, if I say "I'm not there yet... Help a girl out?"

Yeah, but that means you don't have to UN learn him of any bad habits & you can teach him exactly how to please YOU

 

[James G 5]

On a lighter note, he also said that (most) 21-year-old-hardbodies don't like to give head, won't swallow and won't take it in the ass....lol

SOOOOOO true!

 

[JustSkye]

Re: there is a lot of good in a younger guy too

He is turned on by the blow of the wind. Just seeing any part of your unclothed skin makes his eyes shine. They can make you feel you couldnt get any better. And because of our sex drive they truly believe they love you...... for awhile anyway.

very well said .

 

[y=mx+b]

I guess the bottom line is, as in any relationship - regardless of age - it's a matter of compatibility, and how you feel around that person.

*my two cents*

I concur. Regardless of age, genuine careing of each other is most important AND part of the secret to all that is erotic.

The one downfall with youth is that in youth it is hard to "care" about much of anything that isn't a sure thing.

Granted there are some exceptions

 

[Annvalery]

I have always preferred and dated older men, older than me, that is. I am 30 and my last partner, for three years is 57... they are great in the way they treat me, they have a lot to talk about and sexually, they take their time, etc etc, yes it is all true.
Recently I met a kid, yes a kid, for he is only 19 yo... we met , we started talking, became very good friends, we laughed a lot, he was very attentive, treating me like a princess, and when he started hitting on me, at the begining I thought it was ridiculous... but he was really making me think about it. Then when he kissed me for the first time, I just lost it, and I can say it was one of the best relationships I've ever had. It is over, but it left so many good memories... and believe me, now I have no prejudices regarding age. BTW sex was great, he had no rush, I was scared at the begining, for I am obviously more experienced, I thought that either I was going to get bored or he was going to feel intimidated, but it didn't happen, we found our pace, and it went great... good sex and lots of it...

 

[spicecajun]

nevermind

 

[Imi]

I agree with lilpris and sexychele.

I am usually attracted to older men. Always have been. It's a rarity that I'm attracted to someone younger.

I was in the mall on Saturday, watching all these PYTs bopping around in their tank tops, wonderbras and daisy dukes. Then I looked at the guys and thought, "Now why in the world would someone who looked like her want to go out with him?"

Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy is what comes to mind. There is a difference between casually dressed and sloppy. I'm attracted to someone who has drive, intellect, wit. Someone who is in touch with the world around him, someone who can add up the the clues and come to conclusions, someone who is cognizant of the way he presents himself to the world.

So, good presentation is a must. Both in clothes and in conversation.

I can vouch for James as being atypical of his age bracket. Another 'young'un' who breaks the mold is bgb. Man alive, did I regret that we were both attached to other people when we finally met.