One for the ladies ...

[WantonWitch]

The Top Ten Things Not To Say To A Naked Man
1 This explains your car.
2 I never saw one like that before.
3 But it still works, right?
4 Are you cold?
5 I guess this makes me the early bird.
6 Ahhhh, it's cute.
7 Can I be honest with you?
8 Maybe it looks better in natural light.
9 Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10 Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

 

[FantasySlut]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I like this thread

What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.

 

[WantonWitch]

Q: How can you tell if your husband might be unfaithful?

A: Check and see if he has a penis.

 

[FantasySlut]

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?

Guilt gifts are nicer.

 

[FantasySlut]

Why don't men often show their true feelings?

Because they don't have any.

 

[FantasySlut]

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?

So men can remember them.

 

[WantonWitch]

Q: What is the difference between a man and a catfish?

A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

 

[virgin_not]

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

http://bestsmileys.com/lol/10.gif

 

[FantasySlut]

Q: What is the difference between a man and a catfish?

A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

LOL LOL LOL

 

[Stryderthorongil]

Now I'm a man ... at least I was last time I looked ....

And I know us men get bad press at times from you ladies - unfortunately, even as a guy myself, I have to admit it is very often deserved!

I saw this joke earlier today and thought how true it was, and I also thought to show there's no hard feelings, I would start a thread where you ladies can post all your jokes that run down us guys .... with no hard feelings .... well, I might have one, but that's just me ....

So to start us off, try this one:

Q. Why did God create Woman?

A. Because after creating Man, he was convinced he could do better ....

But one needs the other to even come close to perfection.

 

[WantonWitch]

Q: What's easier to make: a snowman or a snow-woman?

A: A snow-woman is easier to make, because with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and use all that extra snow to make its testicles.

 

[virgin_not]

Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

 

[WantonWitch]

Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?

A: At the circus the clowns don't talk.

 

[virgin_not]

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you

 

[WantonWitch]

This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.
He watches her awhile then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?"
She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.
He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year-old ass?"
She says, "Well, your name never came up."

 

[molly_hunter28]

Look what I found....

...such a great idea higher




How is a man like a snowstorm?


Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.

 

[WantonWitch]

There were 3 people in a crashing plane, the smartest man in the world, the president of the USA, and a little girl. There were only two parachutes.
The smartest man in the world stood up and said, "The people who would benefit the world the most should be the ones who get the parachutes and I being the smartest man am one of those."
With that he grabbed one and jumped out.
The president looks at the little girl and says "I've led a good long life, you take the last parachute."


And the little girl replies, "Don't worry, we can both have one, the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack."

 

[higherlevel4u]

It's certainly nice to see you ladies enjoying yourselves ....

 

[WantonWitch]

It's certainly nice to see you ladies enjoying yourselves ....

You're such a thoughtful man, Higher


Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

A: Both of them.

 

[Essa]

It's certainly nice to see you ladies enjoying yourselves ....

We Certainly are


Men are like old car tires. Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare

 

[WantonWitch]

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie.
The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."



Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates

Can't remember the last time I had as much fun

 

[Essa]

How do you save a man from drowning?

Take your foot off his head

 

[WantonWitch]

Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children.
The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
"Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.
"Nope."
"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.
"Nope."
"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.
"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."


"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"

 

[Essa]

Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children.
The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
"Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.
"Nope."
"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.
"Nope."
"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.
"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."


"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"

ROFL

How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

I'm supposed to be attempting to make fairy cakes....think I've burnt them

 

[WantonWitch]

ROFL

How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

I'm supposed to be attempting to make fairy cakes....think I've burnt them

Two men were hunting in the forest and accidentally got lost. They waited for a plane to look for them to take them to safety. When the plane arrived, one of the hunters said, "Shoot three times in the air. That is the distress call." So they did, and the plane flew by and didn't stop.
The next day as the plane flew out, they shot three times in the air again, but the plane flew on and didn't stop. On the third day as the plane flew by, one hunter said, "O.K. shoot three times."

The other hunter replied, "O.K. but we're almost out of arrows!"


Lol.. this thread is way too addictive