One for the ladies ...

[Essa]

Two men were hunting in the forest and accidentally got lost. They waited for a plane to look for them to take them to safety. When the plane arrived, one of the hunters said, "Shoot three times in the air. That is the distress call." So they did, and the plane flew by and didn't stop.
The next day as the plane flew out, they shot three times in the air again, but the plane flew on and didn't stop. On the third day as the plane flew by, one hunter said, "O.K. shoot three times."

The other hunter replied, "O.K. but we're almost out of arrows!"


Lol.. this thread is way too addictive

How can you tell if a man is aroused? He's breathing



We'll be here for ever and ever and ever

 

[WantonWitch]

How can you tell if a man is aroused? He's breathing



We'll be here for ever and ever and ever

If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two, He'll be back to his usual self.

Rofl... my yeti keeps asking why I'm laughing so much

 

[higherlevel4u]

Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men ....

A woman ....

 

[WantonWitch]

If you think he's listening to you, you're wrong he's trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation

 

[higherlevel4u]

If you think he's listening to you, you're wrong he's trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation

I hope that's not directed at me, Witchie ....

 

[WantonWitch]

I hope that's not directed at me, Witchie ....

Rofl... could have been tailor made

Women don't make fools of men most of them are the "do-it-yourself" types.

 

[hotsxylady]

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?


Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

 

[WantonWitch]

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

 

[hotsxylady]

How can you tell when a man is well hung?


When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

 

[WantonWitch]

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?









A mental hospital.

 

[molly_hunter28]

http://www.efficientdating.com/images/men_r_problems.jpg

 

[WantonWitch]

How are men and batteries different?


Batteries have a positive side.

 

[hotsxylady]

What do men and pantyhose/tights have in common?


They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

 

[WantonWitch]

How can you tell if your husband's dead?


Sex is the same but you get the remote.

 

[hotsxylady]

Husband: Want a quickie?


Wife: As opposed to what?

 

[molly_hunter28]

Top 10 Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world were to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, it is not good for man to be alone!

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

 

[WantonWitch]

How do we know men invented maps?


Who else would make an inch into a mile?

 

[hotsxylady]

Why do men name their penises?


Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

 

[WantonWitch]

Why do women always wear black to bed?


To mourn the dead pricks beside them!!

 

[higherlevel4u]

How do define a man with manners?

He gets out of the bath to take a leak ....

 

[WantonWitch]

Why don't men have mid-life crises?


They stay stuck in adolescence.

 

[hotsxylady]

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

Put the remote control between his toes

 

[WantonWitch]

What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?


A man's undivided attention.

 

[higherlevel4u]

Q. What do you call a man who's lost 90% of his brain?

A. A widower ....

 

[hotsxylady]

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?


Men always miss them.