online sexual relationship question

[TsknRev]

I have been in a long term online relationship for almost a year now, I really love this woman. but for certain reasons we haven't been able too meet yet in real life. Which hasn't really bothered me too much to be honest, I have no problem with waiting. I suppose my problem has been with he sexual side of our relationship. We have cybered together quite often. It's always enjoyab, but it just seems...I'm not really sure how to put it.

It's a lot more fulfilling when we do it together as opposed to if i were just doing it alone. but the actual er..climax for me has never really been overly special. I don't particularly get off any harder doing it with her then i do by myself. She on the other hand has told me shes had very fulfilling orgasms.

I suppose my problem is, we both are very similar in that a big part of our enjoyment of sex is knowing the other person is left fulfilled. I think I've gotten to the point were I want to make love more often simply because it's not as ultimately satisfying for me as it is for her. I know a physical sexual relationship just isn't possible for us atm, and I'm afraid if I were to tell her what it was really like for me, it would diminish the act for her.

Cyber has never been something that I've really really gotten into, but seeing as how it's our only option for intimacy I'm not really sure what to do about it.

 

[human_male]

Just be happy you've got someone and it's lasted for a year. How do you do that?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Is it really impossible to meet IRL? A year is a long time to be in an online relationship without taking that step.

I have cybered with a few people when searching for a Master but it didn't do a great deal for me. Is she sexually experienced or more new to everything than you?

I know these are personal questions but it's hard to give considered advice without trying to understand what the core issues are.

 

[TsknRev]

Yea it is pretty much impossible for us too meet irl. we are both in school and don't live anywhere near one another. I've suggested taking steps toward it and we are getting closer(realisticly it's still going to be a long time though), shes said she isn't ready to make that step yet for reasons I'd rather not make public. Money is also an issue in this unfortunately too for both of us.

She is actually more experienced then I am sexually, shes had a few partners before me, I've only really had two and I have (by choice) never gone all the way.

I have no intention of leaving her for this and am truly grateful we found each other, I really do love her. But sex is an important part of a romantic relationship for both men and women, I'm just unsure what to do. Or even if there is anything I can do.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Blame Technology

Yea it is pretty much impossible for us too meet irl. we are both in school and don't live anywhere near one another. I've suggested taking steps toward it and we are getting closer(realisticly it's still going to be a long time though), shes said she isn't ready to make that step yet for reasons I'd rather not make public. Money is also an issue in this unfortunately too for both of us.

She is actually more experienced then I am sexually, shes had a few partners before me, I've only really had two and I have (by choice) never gone all the way.

I have no intention of leaving her for this and am truly grateful we found each other, I really do love her. But sex is an important part of a romantic relationship for both men and women, I'm just unsure what to do. Or even if there is anything I can do.

My wife and I have been married for 14 years, but we began our relationship 2000 miles apart and sustained it for two years through letters and sexual conversations over the phone (hello, no internet!)

If you want my opinion, kill the connection and talk on the phone. There's so much more intimacy listening to one another breathing. And write letters building up to the phone call. Deny yourselves calls (unlikely now I know) but allow only letters for several days expressing your love and need for one another, then follow up at the end of the week (like Friday) and prepare yourselves for a sex-filled night.

The brain is the most powerful sex organ you have. Use it!

Just my opinion, since you asked.

But it worked for me and mine.

 

[Colton_White]

nstead of phone

[red]Instead of phone [if worried about bills] you can use skype/Y! messenger's voice call thingy its complete free i guess ?[/red]

 

[Colton_White]

your problem is

that you both want to please your partner more than youself, and end up faking orgasms.

I think she's feeling the same way like u, but faking orgams hoping that it'll make you happy.

 

[JamieB]

I'm honestly surprised you've been talking for a year and have never moved beyond cyber. Is that really the case? If it was me, I might be wondering if the person I'm talking to is really what she claims to be.

But then I've learned to not be the trusting type. People who lie about their appearance, age, location, and careers are pretty common, but I've known people who lied about their genders, health, and even knew one who faked her own serious illness and death and then reappeared later (with a new screen name) to see everyone's reaction.

I'm just saying be careful. Online relationships are fun, but your imagination does an awful lot of filling in the blanks, making it hard to know what's real and what's not. If it's really been a year and she hasn't managed to sock away $20 for a pay-as-you-go cell phone or calling card or $50 for a webcam, I'd be pretty wary.

J

 

[subwannabe]

I agree with Jamie. Somewhere in the back of your mind you must realize that there is something wrong with this picture. You may not have any idea who you are really talking to and yet you are in love. She has had sexual partners before (I'm assuming in real life) and yet, no matter how you slice the pie, you are having sex with this girl and yet are a virgin at the same time! You have fallen in love with a computer, not a real person! You need a slap in the face to bring you back to reality. You are saving yourself hoping for a lifelong relationship with a computer while she doesn't want any part of a real relationship. My advice is to cut the relationship and find a real woman but if you just aren't capable of bringing yourself to do that, at least accept this relationship for what it is - unsatisfying cypbersex with someone you will never have a real relationship. In that case you could continue your cybersex while at the same time trying to find a real woman with a real pussy and boobs, not to mention a personality.

 

[SimpleGifts]

Assuming your online g/f is who she says she is, and is being honest with you...a few things jump at me.

First, she has more experience with actual sex than you...so she is likely to have some better idea of what really gets her off when interacting with a guy and is able to steer the conversation in that direction. If most of your sexual experience is masturbation, and 2 g/f's with whom you didn't have actual intercourse, you may not be ABLE to have a mindblowing orgasm from cybering...because you may not have as much experience in how to interact sexually with women. Not a criticism, just an observation.

Second, she may get off much more from the emotional and fantasy element of cybering than you do. It's not uncommon for women to get into the fantasy of their own creation while the guy prefers to think in more "concrete" terms, so to speak. So that may explain why she enjoys cybering more than you do.

My gut feeling is, you don't have enough experience with real physical intimacy to be able to simulate that experience through text. So the "solution" I would suggest is, date someone local. Sorry, but I don't have any other good ideas.

SG

 

[SweetErika]

I'm honestly surprised you've been talking for a year and have never moved beyond cyber. Is that really the case? If it was me, I might be wondering if the person I'm talking to is really what she claims to be.

But then I've learned to not be the trusting type. People who lie about their appearance, age, location, and careers are pretty common, but I've known people who lied about their genders, health, and even knew one who faked her own serious illness and death and then reappeared later (with a new screen name) to see everyone's reaction.

I'm just saying be careful. Online relationships are fun, but your imagination does an awful lot of filling in the blanks, making it hard to know what's real and what's not. If it's really been a year and she hasn't managed to sock away $20 for a pay-as-you-go cell phone or calling card or $50 for a webcam, I'd be pretty wary.

J

I got a perfectly good webcam at Walmart for $20 or so a couple of years ago. A PC microphone to talk PC-to-PC via Yahoo or Skype is less than that, and unlimited VOIP phone is only, what, about $30/month?

Needless to say I agree with you!

I think it's common sense to be wary and verify someone you're in a relationship with is as they've presented themselves.

You've been dating for a YEAR and are supposedly in LOVE, yet she's not ready to meet yet, even if there was less distance or more money? Something's not right here, buddy!

Maybe you two should agree to see other people until she's ready and you both have the time and money to travel. If you're that great of a match, your relationship will be fine when you come back together. If you're not, you gained some valuable experience in the meantime and didn't put more time into something that was never going to work.

Anyway, apart from adding phone, webcam, pics and letters to your routine, I don't know what to tell you. MOST people aren't that satisfied with cybersex; it's not that different from jacking off while reading erotica, looking at porn or calling a phone sex line, and there are only so many ways to describe things, so it can easily what zest it does have after a relatively short time. Like SG, I think it's best as an addition to in-person interaction; otherwise there's not much to connect the words to.

 

[Colton_White]

cybersex is a tire some process

[size=+1] Wanking and typing together on webcam is a real tiresome process,
[/size]
that's why you don't enjoy it much now, after the initial novelty enjoyment.

====

@others

may be his g/f doesn't have enough pocket money to buy the webcam etc.
may be she doesn't want to give anything that might end up as blackmailing thing.
may be she[he] is a bi/gay man with severe pschological problem.

only God knows,

but i guess its not a good idea blaming them. i'm happy atleast the dude has some company.
=====
@the poster of this thread,

My friend don't leave or suspect your g/f. or you'll end up in bigger trouble than this one you see its really hard to find company online/offline. i suggest you keep moving on and maintain the status quo.

 

[NotNowHunny]

I have been in a long term online relationship for almost a year now, I really love this woman. but for certain reasons we haven't been able too meet yet in real life. Which hasn't really bothered me too much to be honest, I have no problem with waiting. I suppose my problem has been with he sexual side of our relationship.
Not to be cynical, but having been there and done that, you cannot love a person you have yet to meet or spend time with. You may *think * you do but the REAL test comes when you make it * real*. Ok , off my soapbox...good luck to you.

 

[NotNowHunny]

I agree with Jamie. Somewhere in the back of your mind you must realize that there is something wrong with this picture. You may not have any idea who you are really talking to and yet you are in love. She has had sexual partners before (I'm assuming in real life) and yet, no matter how you slice the pie, you are having sex with this girl and yet are a virgin at the same time! You have fallen in love with a computer, not a real person! You need a slap in the face to bring you back to reality. You are saving yourself hoping for a lifelong relationship with a computer while she doesn't want any part of a real relationship. My advice is to cut the relationship and find a real woman but if you just aren't capable of bringing yourself to do that, at least accept this relationship for what it is - unsatisfying cypbersex with someone you will never have a real relationship. In that case you could continue your cybersex while at the same time trying to find a real woman with a real pussy and boobs, not to mention a personality.

Thank you both for saying what I didn't want to have to./B]

 

[TallGentleman27]

I have been in a long term online relationship for almost a year now, I really love this woman. but for certain reasons we haven't been able too meet yet in real life. Which hasn't really bothered me too much to be honest, I have no problem with waiting. I suppose my problem has been with he sexual side of our relationship.
Not to be cynical, but having been there and done that, you cannot love a person you have yet to meet or spend time with. You may *think * you do but the REAL test comes when you make it * real*. Ok , off my soapbox...good luck to you.

+1, been there done that too, she is right

 

[NotNowHunny]

+1, been there done that too, she is right

Hi Tall, yep she is. I could tell stories Ive heard that would curl your hair. I DO suggest a web cam tho, they are inexpensive and a good way to see who you REALLY are talking to.

 

[uacabbage]

I agree with the other posters. Someone is getting played. Communication whether through phone or webcam is cheap these days. Even by college student standards.

 

[TallGentleman27]

Hi Tall, yep she is. I could tell stories Ive heard that would curl your hair. I DO suggest a web cam tho, they are inexpensive and a good way to see who you REALLY are talking to.

I'm sure we could have a contest of stories that would curl each other's hair. Not sure who would when though.

 

[chelleb]

.............

 

[Remy_James]

I agree with Erika, it's not worth commiting yourself to someone if they aren't willing to commit to you, and it's not a matter of physicality it's trust. Why continue to be withdrawn from other potential relationships just because she isn't willing to commit when you obviously are?