Phone sex?

[averageblonde]

Hey, I am a virgin who's boyfriend wants to have phone sex, the problem is, my boyfriend doesnt know that I am a virgin. I told him that I did it once because I didn't want him to think I was inexperienced because he is (he's 30 and has an ex-wife). So i actually have 2 questions, 1) What do you do during phone sex? Is it just dirty talking? and 2)When I decide to have sex with my boyfriend, will he know that I am a virgin? Thanks!

 

[Tele2047]

He might get an idea both from the feeling during intercourse and your lack of experience. I think it'd be best just to tell him, if he's a good guy he won't care if you're a virgin or not, and if he thinks you aren't then he may go a bit too quickly for you on your first time.

 

[SweetErika]

Hey, I am a virgin who's boyfriend wants to have phone sex, the problem is, my boyfriend doesnt know that I am a virgin. I told him that I did it once because I didn't want him to think I was inexperienced because he is (he's 30 and has an ex-wife).

My personal opinion is that sex necessitates honesty. Sex is a potentially life changing and ending activity. If you don't feel you can be honest with your partner, you probably aren't ready for sex or have chosen the wrong person.

Just out of curiosity since you mention he's thirty, what's the age-difference between you two?

So i actually have 2 questions, 1) What do you do during phone sex? Is it just dirty talking?

Do an advanced title search for "phone sex" here and check The Blank Manual...that should give you lots of ideas and specifics. You could also try reading him a first-person story.

2)When I decide to have sex with my boyfriend, will he know that I am a virgin? Thanks!

Maybe, maybe not. If you've already used tampons, done sports, masturbated, etc., your hymen could very well have broken already. However, as I said before, I agree with Tele that you're asking for trouble by not being honest about your experience. Sex is very mental and emotional...you could very well end up with those kinds of scars if he's unwittingly too rough or doesn't take care of you emotionally.

 

[devils_daughter]

please don't do anything without being honest with him first, it isn't fair on either of you! As already said, if you can't be honest with him, then you probably shouldn't be doing anything with him. To be honest, I think the main issue with you is the subject of honesty (or lack thereof) rather than instructions about phone sex. Don't let your first experience of sex be wrapped up in a lie.

 

[yoshimitsu]

please don't do anything without being honest with him first, it isn't fair on either of you! As already said, if you can't be honest with him, then you probably shouldn't be doing anything with him. To be honest, I think the main issue with you is the subject of honesty (or lack thereof) rather than instructions about phone sex. Don't let your first experience of sex be wrapped up in a lie.

I ubber agree with this.
It's also most guys fantisy to take a girls virginity I have a hard time believing it would make him want you less.
I also would like to know the age difference, or more importantly your age. You sound young and or misguided about love and sex. You may want to focus on this area of your life before moving on to psyical activites or doing things you may regret later on. I'm not saying it's best to wait, I'm just saying it's best when your ready and with the right person.
If your serious about this guy you should want an honest relationship above anything else. If your not serious about him don't waste your cherry. You've only got one.

 

[Eilan]

My personal opinion is that sex necessitates honesty. Sex is a potentially life changing and ending activity. If you don't feel you can be honest with your partner, you probably aren't ready for sex or have chosen the wrong person.

Well said.

Maybe I'm just not a trusting person, but if someone were to lie to me about something like this, I'd be reluctant to pursue a relationship with that person because I'd wonder what else he or she might be lying about.

 

[averageblonde]

Hey, thanks for the advice. Just to let you guys know, I am 18 and he is 30. The reason I didn't tell him that I was a virgin was because he once told me that taking a girls virginity is a lot of work and that sometimes the girl gets real emotional. Oh, and I am very misguided about sex because I went to catholic school my whole life. The only form of birth control that I learned was to keep my legs together. I still don't know if I should tell my guy that I am a virgin. I really really like him.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Hey, thanks for the advice. Just to let you guys know, I am 18 and he is 30. The reason I didn't tell him that I was a virgin was because he once told me that taking a girls virginity is a lot of work and that sometimes the girl gets real emotional. Oh, and I am very misguided about sex because I went to catholic school my whole life. The only form of birth control that I learned was to keep my legs together. I still don't know if I should tell my guy that I am a virgin. I really really like him.

Yes you should tell him! Just because you really really like him doesn't mean he's a great guy. If you tell him you're a virgin and tell him that you were scared to tell him because of what he said, he will react in one of two ways, I think:

1.) Be an asshole and tell you it's too much work and he doesn't want ot see you anymore. If that is how he reacts, then you don't want him to be your first time anyway! Trust me, this isn't how nice guys act.

2.) He will be understanding and be touched that you liked him enough to worry about something like this. He'll tell you that it is ok, and not to worry. Then you'll know that he is a nice guy who really cares about you.

Now, yes those are the two extremes and I AM a verified hopeless romantic, but seriously you need to tell him. You want your first time to be special, and if you do it without honesty, your first time will always have that taint to it. Also, if he knows he can be more gentle with your and make the physical part of it more pleasurable for you.

I've never been with a virgin, but I can't think of anything more gratifying that having a young woman surrender such a precious gift to me. It's a lot of responsibility on the part of the guy, because I know I'd want to try even harder to make her first time special. Either way, I'd cedrtainly want to know.

 

[nelbuts5256]

Honestly, if I were him I would be honored that you would choose to give him your most loving gift. If he thinks that it is work with a virgin then you need to find another guy. Sex is a wonderful thing. In fact nothing feels better to me. But I would not give it up for someone who does not grasp that you are indeed a virgin and that what you are doing is very important.

On the lighter side if you still want this fella and don't want to be caught in a lie then give me a call. Would be more than happy to help you out. And...... this one time offer I would even throw in a few oral lessons for free!!

Can't beat that deal.

 

[averageblonde]

umm...no thanks. I am nervous enough as it is doing it with someone I like let alone a stranger. But thanks for being so caring!

 

[yoshimitsu]

Damn nelbuts5256 you beat me to it. Well averageblonde If things don't work out between you and nelbuts5256 I could give you a few very memorable days.

I don't like the sound of this situation at all. Dr Drew and Adam corrola would call this a total train wreck. They would also tell you this guy is most likely a total sleezbag (their words not mine. Don't shoot the messenger) and to ditch him before he hurts you. Then they would go on to say that you should wait to find your sexual self and know where you stand before giving yourself to someone who truley respects you. Then Adam would say "Whatever you do don't get pregnant okay baby doll just don't have any kids for a good long time."
Overall I think I agree with them on this one.

 

[AppleBiter]

Dr Drew and Adam corrola would call this a total train wreck. They would also tell you this guy is most likely a total sleezbag (their words not mine. Don't shoot the messenger) and to ditch him before he hurts you. Then they would go on to say that you should wait to find your sexual self and know where you stand before giving yourself to someone who truley respects you. Then Adam would say "Whatever you do don't get pregnant okay baby doll just don't have any kids for a good long time."
Overall I think I agree with them on this one.

*sigh* Loveline. I miss that show. [/threadjack]

 

[fade2blue]

honesty, honesty

Well, it's been mentioned before, I know - but can't be mentioned enough: Be honest!

He'll find out anyway - trust me! And then it could be too late....
If he knows in advance, he'll be able to take it into consideration when/if you finally decide to make love.
And like said before: If he doesn't appreciate the honour and trust you're about to show him, you don't want him around anyway. You'd be better off without him. But give him a break. Tell him like it is - it's the only way he'll be able to extra considerate, extra caucious and extra patient. And you deserve that!!

 

[Rueben80]

*sigh* Loveline. I miss that show. [/threadjack]

umm. It still is on the radio.

 

[karndav]

I would go with honesty! It is not best to start out a relationship based on lies.

 

[thrity]

It would hardly hppen in China, Chinese men care about their girls' virginities very much, a virgin girl would be considered much more valuable then a girl who is not.

I guess your boyfriend is a experienced guy, he should know the difference even before the first time with you.
My wife and I are both then virgins before we had the first time, I even couldnot remember the feeling with a virgin too much, because I was inexperienced at that time.
The more experience, the more people understand every details about sex.

 

[averageblonde]

Hey everybody thanks for the replies to my post. I have no intentions on getting pregnant with this guy. Trust me, that's the last thing that I need. After reading these posts and all, I have decided that I am going to tell my guy ASAP. So, I guess the next thing now is, how do I tell him?

 

[christian1971]

First like almost everyone said and you are going to do is to be honest, not just because it's the right thing to do its also safer for you. Since he is under the idea that you has sex before you and he will not be prepaired for it. And Yes you can tell more or course when a woman is a virgin.

Phone sex is just that it all depends on your moods or whats on your minds. It could be lite or as hot and heavy as you can with a good imagination. How you talk and what you say is a big deal, also what you do and if you feel comfortable that is important. You can use a toy to make it more exciting or just your hand and fingers. Phone sex can also stop when you want it too and not be worried since it's just a fantasy. Sometimes it can give you an idea of what sex he or she mite be into, the things you say or where you are and what you are doing is a good heads up into what mite be in someones head? But I say do what ever you feel best and comfortable.

But what ever happens I do hope that he understands and that you both are happy. If it's possible keep us up to date. Everyone here is very supportive and I am sure if any other questions you have someone will answer it.

 

[averageblonde]

I am definitely going to keep everybody up to date on this. I am telling my guy tonight, so...how should I tell him? I imagine that he might freak a) because i lied and b) because i am a virgin. I have not lied about anything else in the relationship.

 

[christian1971]

Not sure how to tell him since I am a male and personally think a guy has no say in how to tell a woman what to say about something a personal as that.

But I don't think he will freak? I think he mite be a bite nervous and worried about being your first. Sorry if no help, I hope it does go well.

 

[Obfuscated]

Just explain why you lied.

If you say that you did it because he had said it "was so much work" to initiate a virgin into intercourse, he might feel sufficiently ashamed of saying such a shitty thing. You know, considering your age, he may have said it to reassure you that he didn't consider you a tramp to be "experienced" so young. We ALL misspeak from time to time; and some people don't have a gift for tact.

Try not to think of it as "losing" your virginity; think of it as "giving" it, or "sharing" it. It strikes me as so hypocritical that girls are supposed to act like it's this thing that defines their value or their worth, but boys are supposed to lose it quick and then screw anything that moves. It's only a small part of who of you are.

I'm glad you decided to tell him. Honesty isn't ALWAYS the best policy, but it is in your case. You deserve to share your first experience with someone who cares for you deeply and can treat you gently.

I would give anything for my first time to have been a positive experience; I really hope it is for you. Best of luck!

 

[averageblonde]

Update so far: Told my guy that I have something to tell him tonight. He seems very worried, maybe he's afraid that I am going to break up with him? I have decided that I will go to his place tonight and just explain the whole situation about why I lied, how I feel, etc.etc.

 

[Obfuscated]

Sweetie...

Never tell anyone something like that. It's just mean to make them obsess all day. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but just so you know, everybody hates being on the receiving end of that.

 

[averageblonde]

I didn't know

OMG, I am so sorry I didn't know that what I said would do all of that. Now I feel really bad. I'll call him back and ask him to come over to my place now and we can talk now instead of later. He can usually get to my place in about 25 minutes, so countdown to V-Day: 1 hour

 

[Ms_Lilith]

How long have you and he been together?


And, as a product of the Catholic school system, I agree that you are uneducated on matters sexual. I went to Catholic school from K-12. I was also completely ignorant of sexual issues. It was just around my 18th birthday that I first began to masturbate, and I still intended on waiting for marriage before sex.

Look. You say that you don't intend on getting pregnant with this guy. Well duh. But just because you don't intend on it, doesn't mean it can't happen. I got knocked up at 18, on the pill. Just make sure that you educate yourself on birth control.. No Glove, No Love.

And.. what's a 30 year old man doing with an 18 year old girl?



I'm not asking this to be mean. I love older men. Hell, when I was 19, I was dating a 48 year old. But it's something you do have to ask yourself. Why is he with you? Just think about it.