Polyamory - Extending your family

[Nordic man]

I'd like to be first in line to offer my sympathies, Beth...you poor thing...

*winking and grinning evilly*

A nice evil grin pipercatt

I guess would it be any different with two women wanting to please the one guy? I don't see a difference be it two women or two men, with the one person of the opposite sex. Yes I know that no one can be a perfect lover for someone else and that also goes for women as well.

 

[Sandia]

Just out of curiosity...
I know two women is supposedly every straight guy's fantasy,
but, is it the same for women?

 

[pipercatt]

I can't speak for every woman, but It's always been one of mine. I've frankly never found 2 men that I was comfortable enough with to be together at the same time, though. Or they weren't comfortable, etc....it became too much of a hassle to try and orchestrate, so it remains in my head, and I am perfectly fine with that.

 

[carrie-on]

Hello Pipercatt, I have been lurking this thread since it started but this is the first time I have posted to it. My husband and I are in what I guess would be considered a polyamory relationship,but I never thought of it that way until recently. He has a special woman whom we both love dearly and so do I. I have never hidden the fact that I am bi, so I hope some people are still not surprised if they see this. I know that my husband loves me and accepts me for who I am and he knows that I love him too. We have been married for 27 years and polyamorous for 10. We talk about things all the time,which I think is hard for a lot of people to do with their partner(s). I believe you called it "heavy talk". If you can't talk to your life partner about things like this then it would never work. Again,thanks for the thread.
Carrie

 

[pipercatt]

HI there Carrie! Glad to see you stopping in and posting. I find that poly has as many different situations are there are seashells on the beach. So many different types of relationships, and as varied as the people involved, and that's why I find the whole thing fascinating.

I'd love to hear more about your situation, if you want to share.

Hugs!

 

[beth-n-mike]

a beginning HX, personal poly revolution

the biggest problem with having two men .... hmmmm.. excess laundry i suppose...
it actually works a lot better than i had originally feared, my first poly relationship was about 10 years ago , and that again was with two men .


being raised by a single father, i find i personally relate to men a lot better than women , well, any how, steve and chris , were wonderfull, i had just gotten out of my first marriage , and broken up with one of my best friends , and i needed all the lovign and concern , not to mention help with taking care of my son , who was at the time 3, and i was working , and going to college, it all started out as roomeates, we had our own bedrooms in a nice older home , but, eventually , i became attatched to steve,
and then to chris,
when we sat down one night watchin tv, i just blurted out how i felt, explaining , that i couldnt and didnt want to choose between the two of them , now , the two guys were okay with that ,which kind of surprised me , since i had always been used to brothers being very competitive.
things went quite nicely for a while, until , with life and work , we all went our seperate ways. actually, perhaps one of THE best relationship breakups i have ever had.. there was no anger, yes there was pain , but because it didnt end due to hurt or hatred, it still sticks in my mind.
i havent seen the guys in 3 years, but they still send cards, steve is involved in a poly relationship ( a sept) , chris went "straight vanilla" and is happily monogomous.

so , thats it for personal history, sorry if its not racy enough Beth

 

[pipercatt]

Beth, it doesn't have to be racy to be a beautiful story. Thank you very much for telling it.

I'm really happy that more people are coming here and telling their stories. I kind of feel badly that I don't really have much of a story to tell anymore. Well, actually, my story is in this thread in the first few pages, I just haven't done anything to add to it. But that's ok.

I love the flavor of poly, and I love hearing stories about how poly has worked, and even, how it hasn't. I love that fact that people are brave enough to try. It's a real testament to human nature, how we can evolved, adapt, etc.

Sorry, I am just rambling...

 

[Kitte]

Just popping in to say HI! to the pretty Boo Boo Fuck Kitty

 

[pipercatt]

*waving* Hiya at the Kitte-let

 

[Sandia]

Beth, I loved hearing your story too. I think it's absolutely wonderful how there's so many different experiences and life stories and personalities in the world.

And excess laundry...
That cracked me up.

More of my story...

I love my wife. She depends on me, and in my own way I depend on her as well. She's a sweet and wonderful person. We have a long and treasured history together. But I've found I'm happier, and a better partner and a better friend when I satisfy some of my needs outside my marriage, even if it's just posting pictures of myself, or talking to folks online.

Is this wrong? Is it a self-serving justification? I don't know.
But I know she doesn't want to know. And I think it'd be cruel of me to tell her anyway.

She could read everything I ever posted here, if she wanted to. But I don't think she ever will.

S.

 

[beth-n-mike]

I love my wife. She depends on me, and in my own way I depend on her as well. She's a sweet and wonderful person. We have a long and treasured history together. But I've found I'm happier, and a better partner and a better friend when I satisfy some of my needs outside my marriage, even if it's just posting pictures of myself, or talking to folks online.

Is this wrong? Is it a self-serving justification? I don't know.
But I know she doesn't want to know. And I think it'd be cruel of me to tell her anyway.

She could read everything I ever posted here, if she wanted to. But I don't think she ever will.

S.

obvious question , she doesnt know , and doesnt want to know, i assume you have talked with your wife about "all this" ?

Beth

 

[beth-n-mike]

obvious question , she doesnt know , and doesnt want to know, i assume you have talked with your wife about "all this" ?

Beth

hang on a second, let me restate this, cause it sounds kind of snippish ...

i guess what i am asking is, have you talked with your wife about what you do online ?, because, personally, even in my current situation, i know i would feel very hurt if i unintentionally found out that one of my mates was posting stuff online, or having serious online flirtations... understanding of course , that my response to it would be stronger than someone elses , because i have met both my partners through online sources..
yes, if your wife doesnt know, you should tell her, silence in this case , is definately not golden, you owe her that much , love is radical, but gentle honesty, even with things that are difficult...


why yes dear, you are going bald....
no honey , i agree, that dress does make you look fat...

just joking , but , not really, i expect a lot from the people i love, and one of them is open communication, every relationship that ends, the problems start with communication, yes every relationship....

just my two pennies for the day

 

[Richard49]

Just dropped in to say Hi

I hada minor heart attack a couple of weeks ago
I been eak and recoverying

Where I have been staying does not allow for me to fully access the internet

Not sure how long I will be home

 

[callableborg]

Richard49

Miss ya.

Good luck with the recovery.

Think. Take it easy.

Trust your posts on Lit.

 

[pipercatt]

Richard, take care, get stronger...we'll be here when you get back.

Hugs to you!

 

[mayi]

*waving*

and blowing kisses to piper.............miss you girl......hope you are doing good!!!

 

[beth-n-mike]

Richard, take care of yourself, dont worry about the board, it will go on, and when you come back , youll have all this wonderfull neat stuff to read
((((((((()))))
Beth

 

[pipercatt]

Re: *waving*

and blowing kisses to piper.............miss you girl......hope you are doing good!!!

*kissing back* Hello babydoll! I miss you too! Give that man of yours a kiss as well...

 

[mayi]

Re: Re: *waving*

*kissing back* Hello babydoll! I miss you too! Give that man of yours a kiss as well...

he needs a friend very badly right now.....if you get a chance.....offer a shoulder..........i will let him tell you, but please bug him til he does!!!!!!

 

[pipercatt]

done and done, my friend.

 

[beth-n-mike]

PIPER!!!
omg, i love the AV!!, hehehe, i have socks just like that .. it was revenge, sincewhen the guys dont feel like matching socks they steal mine not anymore though

i just bought a bunch more, cause they were on clearance
and normally i hate shopping, but i hate cold feet even worse!



hey, adding on random musings... if you were going to hold a poly marriage, ceremony, what would you want to do ? and how would you hold it
(keep in mind, ours is a closed triad)

B

 

[pipercatt]

I love my toe socks. I feel very Mork-ish in them. Nanu, nanu...


As to your question about ceremonies, I only really know of the handfasting ceremony in paganism. And I don't really know about it, just of it. You can check info through www.lovemore.com. They might have some links where people tell what they've done.

But I think a Ceremony is what you make of it. Write your own vows, invite some people over to celebrate. That's what I'd do, if I were in the situation.

Let us know, I'm really interested in what you come up with.

Hugs, Beth!!!

 

[MissTaken]

Jumping in blindly....

I haven't kept up with this thread as well as I should, so sorry if I am covering old ground.


The other night a gentleman contacted me to help me fix my pc. Actually, he was rather helpful. (Using "MY pc sucks rocks" in my IM status message drew him in.)

We have talked on the phone over and over. He is currently collecting women, as I told him. He has three women that he is meeting for purposes of starting a poly family....and wants me to be the fourth.

Now, this makes me feel hinky?

Does anyone see this working, creating a family all at once?

Or is it better to focus on one relationship at a time?

The entire story is interesting, but for now, I will start with this one question.

Good morning all~

 

[pipercatt]

Heya MissT,

I am not sure if like the phrase "collecting women" for his family. Was that his phrase or yours? Did you ask him what is his motivation for wanting so many sister-wives? How about also asking him what he sees their roles as, should he be able to collect his set amount. Has the other women he's got now been successfully integrated into a relationship with him and each other? Or does he plan on bringing you all together at once?

The successful poly relationships that I've had the pleasure of knowing didn't really start off in the beginning as poly. It was usually a couple who met and found a third person whom they were attracted to, sexually or in some other loving fashion. That 3rd person might have been brought into the relationship quickly, but it usually evolved over time, slowly and in a loving fashion. For the poly groups that I know of that are over 3, all the people had to really enjoy living communally, were very laid back.

Please know that I am not judging you. I'm just telling what little I know of it. I don't mean to come off as cold about it, but I don't really know the details of your friends situation, and collecting woman doesn't sound like it would be healthy for you. And you'd be my main concern.

I hope you share more, MissT...I'm interested in how this comes out.

 

[MissTaken]

Collecting women

is my term.

Gathering a stable of women is another lady's term.

HIs feeling is that he will meet and fall in love with the women he has been talking with on line and selected.

He is a Dom which lends itself to the BDSM stuff. When I questioned him about how he sees this working, how he will manage to meet all the needs of all the subs, his response is, "That is my job. "

He also has plans for paternity. He even told me he wants me pregnant by Novermber. Mind you, I have only started chatting with him this week!

His "first" is a 19 year old whom he met real time last week. Then there is a 41 year old that he is meeting tomorrow to bring into his family. He is pressing to meet me after this.

He is starting a business that isn't off the ground yet, has no vehicle and said he will be "mobile and staying here and there" until this comes to pass.

Is it me, or is there a hidden perhaps, not so hidden agenda here?

In terms of his personality, he is bright, interesting and does like to guide and help. He sounds sincere in his interest in all of us. He truly beleives he is "falling" or " could fall" for me.

For the record? I am not considering this arrangement as it is my belief that a healthy poly relationship needs an anchor. Yes, that first couple needs to be sound in their in togetherness before adding another.

But, the other gals have been talking to me and I would hope to provide help rather than hinder them.