Professional women that secretly like to be dominated

[cookiecat]

Wow. This is a great topic and one that I don't get to talk about very often although I do have strong feelings about it.

First off, I should confess I have been for years and still am guilty of reading a fair amount of what some of you would probably call pulp romance novels.

Second, I am a relatively tall woman (almost 5'11") nearing 40 who wears heels and dresses for work and I have a somewhat high profile job where I have a fair amount of latitude to call the shots on a day-to-day basis.

That being said, part of the appeal I have for strong, dominating men (like the man I married despite frequent arguments) is that, honestly, I get my way more often than not, at work and in the bedroom even with what you'd probably call an alpha male.

Not getting my way, or being told I can't get my way, simultaneously pisses me off AND, often, is a huge (usually inconvenient) turn-on.

It's my theory that those two conflicting emotions, or perhaps you might call them reactions, are what fuel my secret fire. I'm totally guilty of tell me I can't have something and I want it more, even if I didn't originally want it.

I think it boils down to power, perceived power and honestly, trusting someone else enough to want to give them your power - which is HUGE, at least for me. Most of my customers are men. I like being thought of as tough and I work at projecting confidence. I like being respected (or feared lol) at work but I like being a woman sometimes too.

Maybe I've read too many romance novels and self-help books, but that's my theory - at least until we're stuck in an elevator together for hours and you convince me to play strip poker with you and (I decide to let) you win because the building's on fire and there's a strong chance we're going to die anyway.

I'm in charge except when I want you to be in charge but I'm not going to tell you when I want you to be in charge and if you guess wrong there's going to be hell to pay.

Haha - that last part = best ever.

The first bolded part is exactly what happens for me. The conflict. The confusion is arousing. I hate feeling anxious and uncertain but it makes me wet. When someone slaps me and I feel all indignant and "fuck you" and then I realize I'm all crazy turned on... force me to do the dirty things no good girl should be doing.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MastersDelight]

BDSM relationships are about power transfer. The sub relinquishes power to the dom, trusting the dom will not abuse the power.

Asking for a particular roleplay / fantasy is basically PRETENDING to lose control of the situation, and get lost in the moment, get the emotional release, to face the rest of the day.

And lifestyle partners can read each other's desires... AND moods AND thoughts. It's what separates a real D/s pair and wannabes (or pretenders).

Please, please be sarcasm.

 

[cookiecat]

I must also add that men in management or ownership positions can also prefer to be submissive in their sexual lives. And, just like with women, men don't always prefer this kind of thing, so you can't just expect it, the next time you meet a business owner.

And also just like women, it's entirely possible that many men have no idea about BDSM sex and unless they are welcome to experimenting new things, they may never find out.

The subconscious mind is quite interesting. People can repress their desires and needs and never know how to bring them to the surface. But, if they are open to it, and they have a sexual partner who is willing and also patient enough to help someone investigate their inner most secrets, satisfying experiences can happen.

I've recently attempted to help an abused woman come to terms with her repressed sexual desires. She has hidden them deeply inside her subconscious mind and is very, VERY reluctant to ever trust a man again. I know she could get over this, if she is just willing to trust someone again, but she has been hurt by someone she thought she knew and loved and while he's in jail, she's also in a kind of mental jail, herself.

Trust is a very large part of any relation ship and trust and BDSM are two things that should always go together. If a trust is broken in a BDSM relationship, it's very difficult to ever gain that person's trust again.

A submissive woman gives you her body and mind to control. She knows you both have talked out what was to happen before hand and you told her you agreed to her terms, her desires and mostly of all, her limits.

If you break that trust with her, you not only damage the trust she had for you and most likely will never trust you again...she might not ever trust anybody else again, either. It's one of the most important things you can do in a relationship...gain and hold their trust. Don't ever break it. It's like breaking a sacred code between the two of you.

Your friend is fortunate she has you to navigate those murky waters; hopefully it will help.

Finding that patient, just-right partner is the hardest part. Even admitting you want to do some of these kinky things can be difficult. In a porn-driven, wham bam kinky landscape, it's not always easy to just let yourself go and let the process happen. Many times, I want the pay off NOW rather than appreciating the challenge of getting from repressed point A to squirting orgasm point B...

The last part of your post should be a sticky.

Ayup. And there are impoverished subs working crappy McJobs or living on disability, too.

Perceptions of BDSM are VERY much influenced by observer effects. Somebody who's working two jobs to make ends meet is less likely to find time to post on boards like this one, and even if they do they may not feel like calling attention to their poverty. They almost certainly won't be heading to BDSM clubs with an entry charge. So that sort of person is almost invisible to discussions like this one.

I guess that was my point earlier. The high-powered executive in charge feels cliche. There are LOTS of women who want to be taken, forced, engage in consensual rape play.

 

[Farawyn]

Please, please be sarcasm.

Alas. Methinks not.

 

[TheJestersAdvocate]

This is equatable with people in the 70's saying that being gay is understandable in men who didn't grow up with a father figure around. The implication being that they were around women too much and started acting effeminate and being attracted to men.

Somebody's sexuality (Yes I'd consider BDSM, especially when regarded as crucial to somebody's sex life, an orientation) is not so strongly determined by their upbringing and certainly not by their career stresses...

BINGO. Sure, our experiences, upbringing and career may have some influence upon our desires, but it's doesn't define them. Nicely put, Con.

 

[cookiecat]

My GF likes to be dominated at times; she has a high power job and when she comes home she usually texts me how she wants it to be. Tonight we are going out to dinner with our gay couple and she texted me:
Tight black dress, heels, rhinestone butt plug, NO PANTIES
I had been texted earlier to pleasure myself , enema myself so she will have a quickie with our strap on and large dildo before we leave.
I've learned to follow instructions exactly. This works for us.
A few times she has asked me to give her a very hot,high enema and then fuck her ass. I think this was because things did not go well that day and she wanted punishment. It brought her to tears. She took a nap and then called for me to hold her and she suckled my breasts until she fell asleep. I have learned to look for clues as to what to do.

For the win!

 

[TheJestersAdvocate]

So wait.....is bending spoons with our minds now a required trait to have to be able to enjoy kink.......

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

Please, please be sarcasm.

Alas. Methinks not.

I am reading your desires RIGHT NOW

I get what she's saying though... longer term partners are better at reading each other's cues or moods or whatever than play partners. Right??

 

[cookiecat]

So wait.....is bending spoons with our minds now a required trait to have to be able to enjoy kink.......

That sounds kind of hot. Oh wait. Bending spoons WITH OUR MINDS... I was thinking something else.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

That I can do, but I cannot do what cookie is doing

You can bend a spoon with your mind!?

You could bend a spoon like me, too. It just takes dedication.

 

[MastersDelight]

I am reading your desires RIGHT NOW

I get what she's saying though... longer term partners are better at reading each other's cues or moods or whatever than play partners. Right??

Pffftthahahahaha!

Yes, long term partners are better at reading one another. But being able to read non verbal cues doesn't equate to being "better" or worse yet not a "pretender". Communication has to happen in ALL relationships. A partner can't just look at me and know that in that moment I don't want anal and that I do want them to use rope. Non verbal cues can clue them into my pain or discomfort level, but won't express my desire to suck their cock.

And while it would be nice to have that level of telepathy in a partner it's not possible, nor healthy to try to sustain that lack of verbal communication, especially in BDSM. It's not a weakness, or makes anything less real, or harms the dynamic. It makes us human.

 

[Farawyn]

I am reading your desires RIGHT NOW

I get what she's saying though... longer term partners are better at reading each other's cues or moods or whatever than play partners. Right??

I don't think that's what she's saying. I DO agree with what you are saying.

 

[MeekMe]

Meh, I'm a pretender.

 

[cookiecat]

Unique to bdsm? And actually, sometimes I miss that new partner finding out, that finding how it works best for them and what that adventure will be.

Is that not giving, potentially submitting , as much- working out new to you wants and desire and preference?

Yes, for sure it is.

I was trying to be kind...

 

[Farawyn]

Pffftthahahahaha!

Yes, long term partners are better at reading one another. But being able to read non verbal cues doesn't equate to being "better" or worse yet not a "pretender". Communication has to happen in ALL relationships. A partner can't just look at me and know that in that moment I don't want anal and that I do want them to use rope. Non verbal cues can clue them into my pain or discomfort level, but won't express my desire to suck their cock.

And while it would be nice to have that level of telepathy in a partner it's not possible, nor healthy to try to sustain that lack of verbal communication, especially in BDSM. It's not a weakness, or makes anything less real, or harms the dynamic. It makes us human.

Exactomundo.

 

[Farawyn]

Meh, I'm a pretender.

I'm a believer!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wB9YIsKIEbA

 

[cookiecat]

Pffftthahahahaha!

Yes, long term partners are better at reading one another. But being able to read non verbal cues doesn't equate to being "better" or worse yet not a "pretender". Communication has to happen in ALL relationships. A partner can't just look at me and know that in that moment I don't want anal and that I do want them to use rope. Non verbal cues can clue them into my pain or discomfort level, but won't express my desire to suck their cock.

And while it would be nice to have that level of telepathy in a partner it's not possible, nor healthy to try to sustain that lack of verbal communication, especially in BDSM. It's not a weakness, or makes anything less real, or harms the dynamic. It makes us human.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?

I don't think that's what she's saying. I DO agree with what you are saying.

That's all that matters.

I was trying to be kind...

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[MeekMe]

I'm a believer!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wB9YIsKIEbA

(⌒▽⌒) Perfect.

:Sigh: If only I didn't have to rely on him to tell me what he wants. And damnit, why can't he just read my mind?!? That's Domliness 101, obviously.

 

[cookiecat]

I was kind, I said welcome and I meant it. It takes all sorts of opinions.

I readily admit we are bdsm lite, and obviously novice, but I am human not lite looks, my mind is non standard issue, but it's my fingers that actually bend the spoon,

You're always kind!!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]