Question for Men who Self-ID as Bi

[mansome]

I didn't know this thread was still going... thanks to everyone who answered the poll. I asked the question triggered by very specific events, which I was trying to make sense of... but alas that no longer applies.

It seems to me that people who self-id as bisexual fall into two specific camps:

Bisexual means "I will fuck either sex."
or
Bisexual means "I can fall in love with either sex."

The former seems common, the latter seems rare.

My guess is that those men who say they only kiss women are definitely in the former group.

Thoughts?

ahh... you are wrong with me.. I could never see myself falling in love with a man.. it's all sex to me.. there's no doubt my future is with a woman.... doesn't mean I think kissing a man means I have strong emotional feelings for him.. just means it turns me on and I love the feel of his mouth and tongue on my mouth and tongue...

;^)

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

ahh... you are wrong with me.. I could never see myself falling in love with a man.. it's all sex to me.. there's no doubt my future is with a woman.... doesn't mean I think kissing a man means I have strong emotional feelings for him.. just means it turns me on and I love the feel of his mouth and tongue on my mouth and tongue...

;^)

You aren't really addressed in my examples... the type I can't categorize. Men who will fuck both but only kiss women, I think I "got it."

 

[mansome]

You aren't really addressed in my examples... the type I can't categorize. Men who will fuck both but only kiss women, I think I "got it."

ahh yes all is well in the world then.. once again I'm in my own category.. *laughs*

and I bet you are an incredible kisser.........

;^)

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

I try! I really do try!

 

[cybercoition]

While I enjoy deep kissing a woman more then a man, I love sucking cock over kissing.

 

[Shankara20]

I'll just state my own opinion now... this may sound like a bunch of pretensious bullshit but here goes...

I think that people who will fuck either sex but cannot fall in love with either sex are not bisexual. I'd call that pansexual. I am thinking Homo-pansexual (fuck either, but can only romanticly love the same sex) or Hetero-pansexual (fuck either, but can only romantically love the opposite sex.)

Kissing tends to be a giveaway for most men. (Not all. And not women.)

I've fucked girls before, but I wouldn't call myself bisexual. Then again, women don't seem to have the same labeling hang-ups.

I think bisexuality (truly can love either sex) is super rare.

I am not sure at this moment about the language, but for me bisexuality is about what gender makes one wet/hard. (for that matter "gender" is a hard word to pin down in some conversations). I know men who will only make love to women, not interested in men at all, but are unable, or unwilling, to fall in love at all with the women they fuck. A bisexual man can fall in love with a woman, for example, and not act on the desire they feel to be with a man, if that is required in the relationship.

I see pansexuals as more actively and openly being involved with members of all sexes.

I am not attached to what I just wrote - these are what come to mind in the moment. I also feel that a person self-labels - anyone else doing the labeling is sorta' blowin' in the wind.

Thanks for the discussion

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

I am not sure at this moment about the language, but for me bisexuality is about what gender makes one wet/hard. (for that matter "gender" is a hard word to pin down in some conversations). I know men who will only make love to women, not interested in men at all, but are unable, or unwilling, to fall in love at all with the women they fuck. A bisexual man can fall in love with a woman, for example, and not act on the desire they feel to be with a man, if that is required in the relationship.

I see pansexuals as more actively and openly being involved with members of all sexes.

I am not attached to what I just wrote - these are what come to mind in the moment. I also feel that a person self-labels - anyone else doing the labeling is sorta' blowin' in the wind.

Thanks for the discussion

I am glad you find this interesting enough to discuss.

In viewing "bisexuality," do you distinguish between a person who can honestly say, "I can fall in love with either sex" and "I can fuck either sex" or is it irrelevant, or synonymous or other?

I tend to think there should be a difference. Maybe my word choices aren't so hot, but some sort of other term.

There is a group of otherwise hetero men out there - and my in-person interaction with one inspired this thread - who have learned that if you want casual sex, it is easy to get from a "bi" or "gay" man than with a woman -- so much more easier you can meet in a chat room and go to town. They tend to have various limits... kissing seems to be a common one.

Are these guys "bisexual" or do they just like to *get off* as often and as best they can, no worries, no looking back?

(And I am not even bringing up the "bi" guys who are closeted gay men - I'll leave that end of discussion to people with experience. )

 

[mansome]

I just know I can't imagine my life without a woman in it.... I can definitely imagine my life without men.... doesn't mean I wouldn't still crave a cock sometimes.. but does mean that I may not act on my craving.............

still to me.. kissing another man that I'm playing with is totally a turn on to me......

btw .. I would never, ever look down on another man for being with men...hell, I enjoy men just as much as the other guy. *laughs*

 

[Shankara20]

I am glad you find this interesting enough to discuss.

In viewing "bisexuality," do you distinguish between a person who can honestly say, "I can fall in love with either sex" and "I can fuck either sex" or is it irrelevant, or synonymous or other?

I tend to think there should be a difference. Maybe my word choices aren't so hot, but some sort of other term.

Until this conversation I had not consitered "love" as part of it. Just desire.
I have tended to use the 1 to 10 scale and felt that most were more 2 to 8 then a 1 or 10.
1=fully het, 2=a little bi, 3-4-5-6-7-8 (all levels of bi), 9=almost gay, 10=fully gay.

A "fully het, woman only guy" who will have sex with another guy just to get off is more a #2/3 than a 6/7.

You addition of the ability to "fall in love" with a person of the same gender adds something new for me as far as how to define someone. At this moment I'm stumped. Check back in a few days. I may have more to add.

hmmmmmm

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Until this conversation I had not consitered "love" as part of it. Just desire.
I have tended to use the 1 to 10 scale and felt that most were more 2 to 8 then a 1 or 10.
1=fully het, 2=a little bi, 3-4-5-6-7-8 (all levels of bi), 9=almost gay, 10=fully gay.

A "fully het, woman only guy" who will have sex with another guy just to get off is more a #2/3 than a 6/7.

You addition of the ability to "fall in love" with a person of the same gender adds something new for me as far as how to define someone. At this moment I'm stumped. Check back in a few days. I may have more to add.

hmmmmmm

To "fall in love" is a part of the equation *I* use. Yours may be different.

But answer me this:

When you label yourself, when you say "I am ____________" is the "blank" based purely on desire?

"I am a painter."
"I am gay."
"I am a competitive scrabble player."
"I am a gambler."
"I am straight."
"I am a crackhead."
"I am a comic book collector."
"I am a lesbian."
"I am a public servant."

These are all potential answers to the question, "Who are you" which are a lot deeper than desire. It is love of something... wants & needs, things which relate to our core, good bad and other. The way I see it, we do not label ourselves based on desire. Not usually. Do we?

Are gay men "gay" purely because they like to fuck men? Or is it because they love men, they bond with men, they partner with men?

Lesbians? Just fucking? Or more?

Are we who we are because of what we desire, because of how/who we fuck?

 

[mansome]

To "fall in love" is a part of the equation *I* use. Yours may be different.

But answer me this:

When you label yourself, when you say "I am ____________" is the "blank" based purely on desire?

"I am a painter."
"I am gay."
"I am a competitive scrabble player."
"I am a gambler."
"I am straight."
"I am a crackhead."
"I am a comic book collector."
"I am a lesbian."
"I am a public servant."

These are all potential answers to the question, "Who are you" which are a lot deeper than desire. It is love of something... wants & needs, things which relate to our core, good bad and other. The way I see it, we do not label ourselves based on desire. Not usually. Do we?

Are gay men "gay" purely because they like to fuck men? Or is it because they love men, they bond with men, they partner with men?

Lesbians? Just fucking? Or more?

Are we who we are because of what we desire, because of how/who we fuck?

I don't even come close to analyzing it that much.... or do I care what others label me.......

=^)

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

I don't even come close to analyzing it that much.... or do I care what others label me.......

=^)

Ah... please note the thread title asks a question of "Men who Self-ID as Bi." My choice of words was no accident.

If you don't label yourself, then it doesn't matter. Nor am I concerned with what people call you or think of you. That's them, right?

 

[mansome]

Ah... please note the thread title asks a question of "Men who Self-ID as Bi." My choice of words was no accident.

If you don't label yourself, then it doesn't matter. Nor am I concerned with what people call you or think of you. That's them, right?

Well I guess I analyzed it enough to identify myself as "bi" then huh?

by many definitions I certainly would be considered bisexual that's for sure.............

but if someone wants to say I'm a gay man who loves to fuck women I'm ok with that too..

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Well I guess I analyzed it enough to identify myself as "bi" then huh?

by many definitions I certainly would be considered bisexual that's for sure.............

but if someone wants to say I'm a gay man who loves to fuck women I'm ok with that too..

That's the thing - this stuff in bold, doesn't interest me. I don't much care what other people think.

I am curious about people who make statements about themselves, and why that is. No statement? It doesn't matter, you are obvious clear enough that statements dont matter.

(I should say again, this whole thread is based upon a real life situation, people I met, and I was trying to figure them out. Maybe I should give the whole story.)

 

[Shankara20]

That's the thing - this stuff in bold, doesn't interest me. I don't much care what other people think.

I am curious about people who make statements about themselves, and why that is. No statement? It doesn't matter, you are obvious clear enough that statements dont matter.

(I should say again, this whole thread is based upon a real life situation, people I met, and I was trying to figure them out. Maybe I should give the whole story.)

From an earler post
...Are we who we are because of what we desire, because of how/who we fuck?

First, let me say that I welcome more information. If you can tell more of the story, please do so.

At the core we are who WE say we are. For most if my live I self-id'd as "het" married twice, fathered two kids. All was well, or not. After three years of messed up inner work and several same-sex experiances I knew that I was bi. Came out a few years after that, as bi - I can get excited by both sexes. I now know that, for many reasons I cannot/will not fall in love and live with a woman. If I were to take a lover and/or live with someone it must be a man. But I have a very hard time saying outloud that I'm gay. I call myself bi. As I write this I feel that I realy am gay, and that is due to who I feel I want in my life in a close partnership, not just who I'd like to fuck.

I am still confused about who I truely am, and as I get older I'm getting better at being OK with that confusion...

I have a women friend that I just love being with. She turns me on and I realy want to take her to bed. And at another time in my life I would have wanted her as a girlfriend. She married, in love with her husband and has children. So I know how I feel about her, and keep the desire part to myself. And I still want a boyfriend - not just as a fuckmate, as a partner. Am I bi? gay? Yes.

(I'll see what I call myself in the morning)

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

I PMd you the full story.