Romantic Relationship vs. Friendship Plus Sex...What's are the differences?

[SweetErika]

This question arose out of a conversation with a friend (and may not be well-written, but I'm giving it my best shot) ...it seems like a lot of times a romantic relationship and a close friendship that involves sex include the same things (love, affection, honesty, thoughtfulness, sharing, having a special connection, etc.). I know a healthy romantic relationship generally involves a close friendship and sex, but are they actually the same thing? So is there a difference between the two? If so, what do you feel are the defining factors?

I just can't wrap my head around this one, so any input would be greatly appreciated!

 

[owlofthenite]

I would have to say that they are the same. It may start as a friendship, but is it not where a romantic relationship starts at also.

 

[SweetErika]

I would have to say that they are the same. It may start as a friendship, but is it not where a romantic relationship starts at also.

Well, sometimes they both start with a lustful night of wild sex , but you're right.
Could it be a matter of what you expect the relationship to be or come to, such as commitment or marriage? Or they're just not different at all?

 

[owlofthenite]

Maybe what you want marriage to be, but lust alone will not carry a relationship. The friendship is more important for an ongoing relationship than lust. Lust is lust. Possibly only difference is one makes a firmer committment to each other.

 

[SensualCealy]

IMHO, I would say Friends with Sex is- a friendship that started as just that, being friends for a long time then just one day it goes a little farther until you spend time with that friend because you know they will be there no matter what ,forever.

A romantic relationship kinda works the opposite way, you see a guy, get the nerve to talk to him or vice versa, then by chance you spend the night with him. You dont know how long the relationship will last, not too much is invested, and it is based mostly on sex.

I have know idea if this is right, it's just my opinion.
Cealy

 

[ReadyOne]

For a long term relationship, you don't have to be "best friends" with your partner, though you probably need to like them.

For sex, you don't have to be in love, just in lust, and sometimes not even that, to get satisfaction.

You don't have to have sex, or even deep friendship, to love someone, i.e. care about their welfare.

However, experience shows that having all of them raises the success rate and happiness level dramatically.

And of course, you can get to where you have all of them, starting with any one of them., and adding the missing ones in any order.

 

[sheath]

Well, sometimes they both start with a lustful night of wild sex , but you're right.
Could it be a matter of what you expect the relationship to be or come to, such as commitment or marriage? Or they're just not different at all?

I think that is the way it has always worked for me. Emotions don't have boundaries...I can't stop myself and say, "This is just a friend" and expect my heart to listen. But the expectations of what might happen down the road are they key. I have fallen in love with a 'friend' more than once, but I also knew that friendship wasn't going to lead to a serious commitment of any kind, no matter what my heart felt...but that was okay. I knew it from the beginning, so I could feel what I wanted yet still put no pressure on him, or on me.

A romantic relationship, though...that's no holds-barred, holding absolutely nothing back, and having all the hopes in the world, so far as I'm concerned.

S.

 

[SweetErika]

For a long term relationship, you don't have to be "best friends" with your partner, though you probably need to like them.

For sex, you don't have to be in love, just in lust, and sometimes not even that, to get satisfaction.

You don't have to have sex, or even deep friendship, to love someone, i.e. care about their welfare.

However, experience shows that having all of them raises the success rate and happiness level dramatically.

And of course, you can get to where you have all of them, starting with any one of them., and adding the missing ones in any order.

That makes perfect sense! I was starting to think my marriage was just a friends with benefits kinda thing , but it seems best friends (and everything that goes a long with keeping that) + great sex + love + holding nothing back + having all of the hopes in the world (thanks, sheath!) is actually the ideal.

So, is it possible to have that AND a caring/loving friendship+ some of the romantic stuff + sex (in my case with another woman) as well? Or is that just my idealism and greed speaking?

 

[ReadyOne]

The sex of the partner makes no difference (assuming you are wired for that gender partner).

 

[SweetErika]

The sex of the partner makes no difference (assuming you are wired for that gender partner).

Point taken. It makes a difference to me because I have different friendships with men and women...I tend to relate to them in different ways (for example, I feel more free to express my emotions fully and talk about certain subjects with women). I just wanted to be clear on the situation in case anyone else had different relationships as well.

 

[ReadyOne]

Point taken. It makes a difference to me because I have different friendships with men and women...I tend to relate to them in different ways (for example, I feel more free to express my emotions fully and talk about certain subjects with women). I just wanted to be clear on the situation in case anyone else had different relationships as well.

Interesting...

Gets back to my being accused of being "unfaithful" by opening up to others in a way I wouldn't open up to my ex,

 

[wildwesty]

I once read this thing on the web about men and our inability to remain just friends with women whom we find attractive. I didn't think it was true however how many guys have ever thought about taking things a step further than just friends with that hot friend of yours? It makes a lot of very good sense however I know that 2 people can engage in sex to satisfy a mutual need at the time and be nothing more than just that even if they are both very attractive. It is just crazy what happens when sex is introduced into a relationship friendly or otherwise. I think that many long lasting relationships have resulted from wild raw passion and great sex though so I think it depends more on the people involved really.

 

[SweetErika]

Interesting...

Gets back to my being accused of being "unfaithful" by opening up to others in a way I wouldn't open up to my ex,

Yikes! I think we only get all of our needs satisfied by having multiple relationships (friendships, or otherwise). If your partner doesn't realize that and want you to be happy, they don't really love you. I'm sorry your ex was so ignorant, ReadyOne! I would never engage in a relationship that my husband disagreed with, but I know he only wants the best for me. Plus, I figure I'm helping him out by not crying a whole bunch (because that upsets him) or talking about girly stuff too much.

 

[assister49]

Being female, I have had many great relationships with men - and those friendships did not include sex. Not to say there wasn't attraction or chemistry there; we just either were both married and chose to remain monogamous, or if not, we chose not to engage in a sexual relationship because we were such good friends and felt that would change if sex were involved.

Men and women both as friends can bring different perspectives into the conversation, and as women, we relate differently to men than to women. And that's OK.

As long as everybody is above board, no harm. It's when people start sneaking around that people get hurt.

 

[WallyLlama]

I'll bet the answer is a bit different for men and women.

I've always thought:

We most often meet someone on an intellectual level and achieve some degree of "intimacy." (We think alike.)

That often leads to some degree of emotional intimacy. (We feel close to the person and good about him/her.)

For many people, that creates the desire for physical intimacy. (That can mean anything from touching to hopping in bed.)

Society places restraints on physical intimacy. Without debating the "correctness" of that, it is interesting that we allow ourselves many other forms of intimacy and make the biological one carry the baggage.

Relationships are (or can be) different than intimacy. I tend to think of relationships as "partnerships" and with all partnerships an important part of it is the purpose of the partnership. Partnerships can be short term (one night stands LOL) and long term ('til death do us part).

When people marry somebody because the sex is incredible ("It must be love.") They are confusing relationships and intimacy.

Also, love does not conquer all. Emotional intimacy does not guarantee a good relationship.

I could go on. LOL

My other bias is that sometimes the questions are more important than the answers... most relationships deserve questioning in the sense of how is it working and are we both getting what we want and need from it? That's not greedy. That's practical.

And practical doesn't mean "not romantic."

 

[intrigued]

sheath and wally answered for me so very well.

 

[Beco]

I have a close friend for 20 years, she is my best friend and we often have sex. Its part of the package with us.

 

[assister49]

We most often meet someone on an intellectual level and achieve some degree of "intimacy." (We think alike.)

That often leads to some degree of emotional intimacy. (We feel close to the person and good about him/her.)

For many people, that creates the desire for physical intimacy. (That can mean anything from touching to hopping in bed.)

Very well said!

 

[Jezebelle1458]

they are 2 different relationships. i prefer the friendship with benefits because i usually have a "friend in the end".lol