Sex & Shenanigans

[MrMakersMark]

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I needed this bad advice a week ago!!
A new job is already in the works.

 

[Qky75]

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Should I fap all day on Lit or clean up the house?

 

[MindYaBitness]

I just came into some money. This is a two-parter:
1) should I send it to my Nigerian prince pen pal, and
2) should I clean the money first, so it’s not sticky?

1-I fully support your efforts to improve the diplomatic relationship betwixt the US & the Nigerian Royal Family. Nigeria will be so flattered that I'm sure they'll give you an honorary title
2- Do not, unders any circumstances, wash that money. Giving a DNA sample shows how  hard joyfull donating the money makes you, and how serious you are about the relationship

 

[Tallulah82]

On a scale of 1 to 10, ten being the most filthy, how dirty do you like your dirty talk?

I need an example of what you think 'filthy' is. I'll rate it on a scale of 1-10 then use that as a baseline. But in my world, I won't get my knickers off for anything less than an 8.

On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most vile, how crude do you like your dirty talk?

Is this not the same thing? I may need educating.

Do you prefer your dirty talk whispered in your ear, conversation level, spoken forcefully, or shouted so the neighbors know you are a sexy, dirty girl?

Both. Do it in the same sentence so the neighbours only hear every other word. Fuck, I'm getting wet.

Please list acceptable euphemism for your body parts. Try to be as complete as possible.

All of them. ALL OF THEM. I'll wank to words I've never even heard of before if you say it right.

Please list acceptable euphemism for my body parts. Try to be as complete as possible.

Same as above. If I use the right tone of voice, you won't care what I call your ding-a-ling.

Please list any unacceptable or uncomfortable terms, topics, or phrases.

Mummy. Daddy. Unless we're playing Mummies and Daddies in the traditional sense.

 

[cactusjack0584]

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Hypothetically: my dick is stuck in a vacuum cleaner…
Should I finish before removing it?

AFAF… but time is of the essence…

 

[FormerAllStar2]

1-I fully support your efforts to improve the diplomatic relationship betwixt the US & the Nigerian Royal Family. Nigeria will be so flattered that I'm sure they'll give you an honorary title
2- Do not, understand any circumstances, wash that money. Giving a DNA sample shows how  hard joyfull donating the money makes you, and how serious you are about the relationship

Thanks for [just the] tip! They’re gonna be so happy about the funds cumming to them!

 

[DaringFunGuy]

Absolutely

Maybe I will prepare my answer key and send it to only those who are interested. Haha. Need to go get my pen and paper.

 

[MindYaBitness]

Should I fap all day on Lit or clean up the house?

Fap always, the Lord said so:

"The messy house will be with you always, but fapping is only for so long as your peripheral blood flow is healthy" 1 Fappalonions 14:7

 

[Qky75]

Fap always, the Lord said so:

"The messy house will be with you always, but fapping is only for so long as your peripheral blood flow is healthy" 1 Fappalonions 14:7

For you have heard one in the hand is worth two in the bush ...but I tell you one in the hand is better when no bush is around.

 

[MindYaBitness]

Hypothetically: my dick is stuck in a vacuum cleaner…
Should I finish before removing it?

AFAF… but time is of the essence…

the vacuum cleaner will be insulted if you don't finish. Is that what you want? A vacuum cleaner that sulks about the house, wondering why it wasn't pretty enough to make you cum??? I, for one, make sure the engage in mutual masterbatory activities with all my household appliances. It's good for morale!

 

[Qky75]

the vacuum cleaner will be insulted if you don't finish. Is that what you want? A vacuum cleaner that sulks about the house, wondering it wasn't pretty enough to make you cum??? I, for one, make sure the engage in mutuak masterbatory activities with all my household appliances. It's good for morale!

I bet your blender is a kinky fuck

 

[MrMakersMark]

She wasn't shitting. All of this advice is absolutely atrocious!

 

[MindYaBitness]

Maybe I will prepare my answer key and send it to only those who are interested. Haha. Need to go get my pen and paper.

It's best to make the answers to all sex questionnaires public. Why, I posted my kink test results on Facebook & Instagram, and it had the most amazing outcome, none of my bitchy aunts talks to me anymore, and suddenly all these dudes I'd lost touch with from highschool started friending me

 

[MidwestPrincess23]

She wasn't shitting. All of this advice is absolutely atrocious!

But giving me some of the best laughs ever on this frigid Monday morning!

 

[MindYaBitness]

She wasn't shitting. All of this advice is absolutely atrocious!

I'm an over achiever by nature

if you want actual advice, you'll have to DM @crazychemgirl on her advice thread

 

[NakedStoryLover]

Dont call in sick, strip down, but only your slacks & chonies, keeps the cockring on. Tell anyone who asks that it's your homage to a kinky Winny the Pooh porn you saw this weekend

Dammit, NSL. MindY gave you VERY clear instructions!

Think, man. Think!

 

[MidwestPrincess23]

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Should I tell my in-laws what I really think of them??

 

[Dayhoosier]

Dont call in sick, strip down, but only your slacks & chonies, keeps the cockring on. Tell anyone who asks that it's your homage to a kinky Winny the Pooh porn you saw this weekend

Wait I thought you were giving BAD advice. Now I'm confused

 

[Medicalman13152]

It's best to make the answers to all sex questionnaires public. Why, I posted my kink test results on Facebook & Instagram, and it had the most amazing outcome, none of my bitchy aunts talks to me anymore, and suddenly all these dudes I'd lost touch with from highschool started friending me

That is exactly why I don't have Facebook!

 

[MrMakersMark]

I'm an over achiever by nature

if you want actual advice, you'll have to DM @crazychemgirl on her advice thread

Think I will settle for the advice that let's you know ahead of time it's bad.

Can't see myself getting "actual advice" from someone who usually enters and leaves our interactions exclaiming. "Fuck you!"

 

[MindYaBitness]

Dammit, NSL. MindY gave you VERY clear instructions!

Think, man. Think!

FFS, men get everything backwards!
Me: "hi, how are you"
Men: takes pants off

Me: "Let's go over this presentation before the meeting"
Male Collegue: Starts unzipping slacks
Me: "Do I need to get the spray bottle again, Rick?"
Male Collegue: Pouts as he dejectedly zips up his slacks

Me: Shows PG-13 cleavage on Lit
Men, collectively: "She wants to see my dick" takes pants off & flood my DMs

Me: " you should take your pants off before you go to work"
Men: "keep my pants on, got it!"

 

[MindYaBitness]

That is exactly why I don't have Facebook!

Who cares! We didn't go to high school together, so you don't count!!!!

 

[MindYaBitness]

Should I tell my in-laws what I really think of them??

honesty is the foundation of a good relationship. You should make a spreadsheet of every year that you've known them and then list categories of when and where they have offended you. They'll thank you, and you'll be closer than ever before.

 

[Tallulah82]

FFS, men get everything backwards!
Me: "hi, how are you"
Men: takes pants off

Me: "Let's go over this presentation before the meeting"
Male Collegue: Starts unzipping slacks
Me: "Do I need to get the spray bottle again, Rick?"
Male Collegue: Pouts as he dejectedly zips up his slacks

Me: Shows PG-13 cleavage on Lit
Men, collectively: "She wants to see my dick" takes pants off & flood my DMs

Me: " you should take your pants off before you go to work"
Men: "keep my pants on, got it!"

To be fair, if you slid into my pm's and said hi, I'd be taking my pants off in a flash, too.

 

[FormerAllStar2]

FFS, men get everything backwards!
Me: "hi, how are you"
Men: takes pants off

Me: "Let's go over this presentation before the meeting"
Male Collegue: Starts unzipping slacks
Me: "Do I need to get the spray bottle again, Rick?"
Male Collegue: Pouts as he dejectedly zips up his slacks

Me: Shows PG-13 cleavage on Lit
Men, collectively: "She wants to see my dick" takes pants off & flood my DMs

Me: " you should take your pants off before you go to work"
Men: "keep my pants on, got it!"

[deletes draft PM and zips up pants]