Sex with Acquaintances

[YourCaptor]

I have no problem with it and yes, I've done it. Most of my sexual situations have been this way. Friends with benefits, two consenting adults and all that. And just like Stephen Stills said, "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with". And if there isn't anybody you love and the one you're with is willing...

This isn't about friends with benefits though.

 

[YourCaptor]

that's somehow supposed to magically cure your curiosity...or something?

Well, um, no. Penis goes in mouth, penis goes in vagina, penis goes in rectum. When you're hetero, no matter if you're fucking 1 person or fucking 1000, it's essentially still fucking, no 'new' stuff happening there. *shrugs*

I agree and disagree.

Curiosity will never be cured.

But people do also have their own styles when it comes to sex. I think many of us are here for that reason.

 

[YourCaptor]

I can see thought that if I liked them enough to have sex, we would end up getting a sort of friendship going, as it happens even with my fuck buddies, people I just met for the purpose of sex. Unless I like them enough to spend time chatting with them over a cup of coffee, I tend not to see them more than once.

You mean if you can't stand them through coffee, you don't do anything? Or that you only screw once?

 

[00Syd]

I'm part of the "Gross" camp too. I was never able to comprehend the thought process that you should have sex with many many people before settling down, because that's somehow supposed to magically cure your curiosity...or something?

Well, um, no. Penis goes in mouth, penis goes in vagina, penis goes in rectum. When you're hetero, no matter if you're fucking 1 person or fucking 1000, it's essentially still fucking, no 'new' stuff happening there. *shrugs* Even if you're pansexual like myself, sex only has so many permutations before the lightbulb goes off that you're still doing the same thing over and over again. What are you learning? What curiosity are you sating? Once you become monogamous and 'settle down', you're still going to have that same curiosity, what's the point of being slutty in your youth and risking STDs and pregnancy with someone you may not even know OR LIKE when it makes no difference?

Plus, I'm not about to risk my life just to fuck a bunch of people for the sake of 'sowing my wild oats' which I never understood that concept at all either. There's some scary shit out there that isn't worth a new dick to risk. NO thank you.

This position on sex is totally alien to me. PIV with two different people can be as different as apples and oranges, no question about it.

I want to have as many different experiences as possible, sexual and otherwise. And pleasure for pleasures sake is wonderful. Finding new, exciting, and unique connections with many different people is one of life's greatest pleasures. For me, anyway. I don't see this as being slutty, or as a "sowing my wild oats" thing that I'll grow out of as I mature, or whatever. This is just an enjoyment of people and of sex and of sensations and experiences and differences, and I don't think that's something that's going to go away. I don't see myself "settling down" if it means giving up all of the wonderful possible connections I could have.

And with proper safer-sex techniques, the possibility of STDs or pregnancy is small enough to not bother me too much. Hooray for my IUD and for condoms! Modern technology allows for so much more sexual freedom, it's wonderful. I can't imagine not taking advantage of it.

But of course, this is all coming from a non-monogamous individual, so my perspective is pretty fundamentally different, anyway.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I'm part of the "Gross" camp too. I was never able to comprehend the thought process that you should have sex with many many people before settling down, because that's somehow supposed to magically cure your curiosity...or something?

Well, um, no. Penis goes in mouth, penis goes in vagina, penis goes in rectum. When you're hetero, no matter if you're fucking 1 person or fucking 1000, it's essentially still fucking, no 'new' stuff happening there. *shrugs* Even if you're pansexual like myself, sex only has so many permutations before the lightbulb goes off that you're still doing the same thing over and over again. What are you learning? What curiosity are you sating? Once you become monogamous and 'settle down', you're still going to have that same curiosity, what's the point of being slutty in your youth and risking STDs and pregnancy with someone you may not even know OR LIKE when it makes no difference?

Plus, I'm not about to risk my life just to fuck a bunch of people for the sake of 'sowing my wild oats' which I never understood that concept at all either. There's some scary shit out there that isn't worth a new dick to risk. NO thank you.

i am not sowing any oats, exploring my every curiosity, or even having fun for fun's sake. i just don't comprehend sexual monogamy...at ALL. when people say it's just what feels natural and comfortable for them, i take them at their word but i'm left scratching my head because i really really just don't get it. i view one of the very significant, valuable, and beautiful purposes of my physical body as a tool for sexual use and pleasure. if this one body is able sexually satisfy 50, 100, 200 men, if i am able to genuinely fulfill needs in men in addition to getting a heck of a lot of their rocks off...then why on earth would i restrict myself to pleasing only one?? it would require me to live a very strange, sad, awkward and severely isolated life in order to be sexually monogamous. it would require me fighting my submissive nature 24/7, rejecting every man who ever approached me and hiding from the outside world completely in order to avoid such interactions altogether. and what would be the purpose of it all? what would be gained from it??

 

[VelvetSin]

what would be the purpose of it all? what would be gained from it??

A much deeper connection and knowledge of that one partner. If taking it into a D/s context, maybe it's just the way I've been taught, but the "s" in D/s is about total submission, which includes giving oneself completely to another. If I were to "give" myself to multiple people, which one of them truly owns me? In a monogamous relationship, the Master is clear. I see it kind of like a car. If only one person holds the title, that person is obviously the owner. If multiple people get to drive whenever they like, it's more like a rental where the car pretty much still owns itself. In a monogamous relationship, variety is still possible. There are so many styles, positions, toys, locations, fantasies. It only gets boring if laziness is involved. I think it's almost more fun to keep looking for and finding things that'll keep him motivated.

I posted an issue a friend of mine is having in the What Pissed You Off Today? thread, but she regularly does casual sex and insists she's capable of keeping emotions out of it, but at least once a month, I listen to her mourn because she's "into" one of her brief partners but the feelings aren't returned. Now, she's pregnant (called this morning to say she took a home test and it's positive) and has no way of knowing for sure which of two people it is or how to contact either one of them.

My friend uses condoms consistently and is on the pill. Since the condom (and pill) clearly failed and has caused a pregnancy, STDs are a possibility as well. You can have the "when was the last time you were tested" conversation, but unless they carry their papers around with them, you've got to have enough trust to believe when they say they have and it was clear because some people are pigs and will lie. That still doesn't fully eliminate the possibility of pregnancy because all methods have failure rates, so there are still inherent risks.

I'm definitely not condemning promiscuity because I think it, like any other sexual choice is entirely personal. Just like a large portion of society doesn't understand how it can be arousing to be spanked, hot waxed, clamped (etc) to the point of tears, it's a personal choice that works for some people but not for others. Condemning someone for their choice and quantity of partners seems to me like condemning someone for liking BDSM. Live your life how you want, and I'll live mine.

 

[fuckmeat]

i am not sowing any oats, exploring my every curiosity, or even having fun for fun's sake. i just don't comprehend sexual monogamy...at ALL. when people say it's just what feels natural and comfortable for them, i take them at their word but i'm left scratching my head because i really really just don't get it. i view one of the very significant, valuable, and beautiful purposes of my physical body as a tool for sexual use and pleasure. if this one body is able sexually satisfy 50, 100, 200 men, if i am able to genuinely fulfill needs in men in addition to getting a heck of a lot of their rocks off...then why on earth would i restrict myself to pleasing only one?? it would require me to live a very strange, sad, awkward and severely isolated life in order to be sexually monogamous. it would require me fighting my submissive nature 24/7, rejecting every man who ever approached me and hiding from the outside world completely in order to avoid such interactions altogether. and what would be the purpose of it all? what would be gained from it??

I'm sorry but your perspective is quite a unique one. Are you saying that you can't be around men without making yourself sexually available to them? Is it something that's indiscriminate for you? Why is it your responsibility to sexually satisfy every man within radius?

 

[ownedsubgal]

I'm sorry but your perspective is quite a unique one. Are you saying that you can't be around men without making yourself sexually available to them? Is it something that's indiscriminate for you? Why is it your responsibility to sexually satisfy every man within radius?

it is not my responsibility to sexually satisfy every man within radius. every man certainly does not desire me, and i would not be able to succeed in satisfying every single man who does.
as far as my submissiveness goes, it is part of my nature to have a strong desire to please others coupled with an extreme fear/anxiety over rejecting those who desire something of me. this means that, face to face with a man who wants my body for his sexual use, i am unable to say no. that is something that used to fill me with great shame and self-loathing, but my Owner taught me the beauty and value in being naturally led to serve. today i am very grateful to have such a nature.

 

[ownedsubgal]

A much deeper connection and knowledge of that one partner. If taking it into a D/s context, maybe it's just the way I've been taught, but the "s" in D/s is about total submission, which includes giving oneself completely to another. If I were to "give" myself to multiple people, which one of them truly owns me? In a monogamous relationship, the Master is clear. I see it kind of like a car. If only one person holds the title, that person is obviously the owner. If multiple people get to drive whenever they like, it's more like a rental where the car pretty much still owns itself. In a monogamous relationship, variety is still possible. There are so many styles, positions, toys, locations, fantasies. It only gets boring if laziness is involved. I think it's almost more fun to keep looking for and finding things that'll keep him motivated.

I posted an issue a friend of mine is having in the What Pissed You Off Today? thread, but she regularly does casual sex and insists she's capable of keeping emotions out of it, but at least once a month, I listen to her mourn because she's "into" one of her brief partners but the feelings aren't returned. Now, she's pregnant (called this morning to say she took a home test and it's positive) and has no way of knowing for sure which of two people it is or how to contact either one of them.

My friend uses condoms consistently and is on the pill. Since the condom (and pill) clearly failed and has caused a pregnancy, STDs are a possibility as well. You can have the "when was the last time you were tested" conversation, but unless they carry their papers around with them, you've got to have enough trust to believe when they say they have and it was clear because some people are pigs and will lie. That still doesn't fully eliminate the possibility of pregnancy because all methods have failure rates, so there are still inherent risks.

I'm definitely not condemning promiscuity because I think it, like any other sexual choice is entirely personal. Just like a large portion of society doesn't understand how it can be arousing to be spanked, hot waxed, clamped (etc) to the point of tears, it's a personal choice that works for some people but not for others. Condemning someone for their choice and quantity of partners seems to me like condemning someone for liking BDSM. Live your life how you want, and I'll live mine.

you are not condemning promiscuity, yet you believe that monogamy provides a "deeper connection and knowledge" of one's sexual partner? my Master would find that quite laughable...there is no lack or slight in my service to him, in my understanding of his nature and needs, or in my worship of him because i serve other men sexually. to the contrary, by sharing me with others in this way it has strengthened our bond and heightened our intimacy exponentially. i do not "give" myself to anyone by their use of my body. sex is not intimacy, sex is not love, sex is not ownership or belonging. one man alone owns me or could ever own me...he controls what becomes of the vessel i walk this earth with. and he happens to want this vessel used and appreciated...if he did not, he would keep me contained in such a way that my use would by others would not be possible.

now as far as health risks, you have an argument there. nothing is ever 100% foolproof. however my feeling on that is that a life without risks is not a life worth living. we each pick and choose the risks we are willing to take on and those we are not.

 

[VelvetSin]

you are not condemning promiscuity, yet you believe that monogamy provides a "deeper connection and knowledge" of one's sexual partner?

For me, and likely for others that value monogamy, yes, it does provide a deeper connection and knowledge of one's sexual partner. Unless I'm mistaken, my personal opinions and kink preferences do not dictate the moral "right" or "wrong" for anyone else. If you enjoy promiscuity, I wish you well. If your Master gets a laugh out of others sexual preferences, eh. Good for him I guess, people should laugh more. The only person whose opinion ultimately matters to me shares this value and holds my "one and only" card. I'm happy for both you and your Master that you've found one another and also share values.

To repeat some other key points that were clearly missed though, "Just like a large portion of society doesn't understand how it can be arousing to be spanked, hot waxed, clamped (etc) to the point of tears, it's a personal choice that works for some people but not for others. Condemning someone for their choice and quantity of partners seems to me like condemning someone for liking BDSM. Live your life how you want, and I'll live mine."

To put that in other words, I would not think less of you for thinking more of yourself because you've got a high number of people you've sexed up. Personally (and to be clear, that means "for me"), the only quantity count that matters to me is my own and anyone I choose as a partner, and that count is ideally composed of mostly people that were of some value, not just fuck buddies. It doesn't have to be 100%, but since it "does it for me" to form an emotional connection with my partner in addition to simply exchanging bodily fluids and knowing how to touch the right spots in the right way, it helps if that partner also shares that belief or the emotional connection is one-sided, and that's no fun at all. For me.

 

[BiBunny]

I've done it a lot in the past, mostly because my complete inability to say no to people gets me in some tight places sometimes. But the older and more curmudgeonly I get, the less I want random people even in the same room with me, much less fucking me. It's got nothing to with monogamy or the feeling that sex in and of itself is some kind of intimate expression. I'm just really picky about who I like well enough to let them in my personal space nowadays, sex or no sex.

ETA: It's nice to see the whole "monogamy = ZOMG deep connection / non-monogamy = you'll never experience the awesomeness" thing is still alive and well, though.

 

[VelvetSin]

ETA: It's nice to see the whole "monogamy = ZOMG deep connection for me / non-monogamy = if it works for you, enjoy" thing is still alive and well, though.

Edited in case that was in response to my comments. I was just answering a few simple questions that looked to be directed to the general public, not stating anyone was wrong for their beliefs or personal habits. The inclusion of "for me" and "personally" and "in my opinion" in my responses means I'm just offering thoughts purely my perspective, not offering judgement if others do not agree with or follow my chosen lifestyle. I could really care less what others do with their bodies unless their bodies will come in contact with mine, or they are someone I care about and I'm asked for an opinion on the subject.

What heightens others' enjoyment does not necessarily heighten mine. What heightens mine may not push the same buttons for others. The great thing about this planet is that it doesn't stop spinning when people have differing opinions or ways of living their lives.

 

[shewantsmore]

i have done it both with friends and strangers in the past.We all do things to experiment or in the heat of the moment.Thats part of life

 

[satindesire]

i am not sowing any oats, exploring my every curiosity, or even having fun for fun's sake. i just don't comprehend sexual monogamy...at ALL. when people say it's just what feels natural and comfortable for them, i take them at their word but i'm left scratching my head because i really really just don't get it. i view one of the very significant, valuable, and beautiful purposes of my physical body as a tool for sexual use and pleasure. if this one body is able sexually satisfy 50, 100, 200 men, if i am able to genuinely fulfill needs in men in addition to getting a heck of a lot of their rocks off...then why on earth would i restrict myself to pleasing only one?? it would require me to live a very strange, sad, awkward and severely isolated life in order to be sexually monogamous. it would require me fighting my submissive nature 24/7, rejecting every man who ever approached me and hiding from the outside world completely in order to avoid such interactions altogether. and what would be the purpose of it all? what would be gained from it??

I think we've been in enough conversations about our own thought processes about life in general to know that we're never going to agree about much of anything, by now, don't you think?

 

[Bandit58]

I was 43 years old before I had sex with someone other than my first husband.

I'm not able to have one night stands. I've tried it in the past and it just makes me feel icky. The person I share my body with at any given time must be a friend that I have met at least 2 or 3 times before we "get down to it".

*ETA: This applies to females only. I'm happily male monogamous *

 

[KoPilot]

I'm a big germaphobe, so I gotta dedicate myself to hardcore fluid-bond in order for me to even think about it. That's mostly why I fantasize about fictitious people and not people that I know IRL.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Yes, I've done it. And yes, I would again.

No, it's not a big deal. It's just sex.

 

[Bandit58]

Yes, I've done it. And yes, I would again.

No, it's not a big deal. It's just sex.

Lol....I just can't think of it as being "just sex". Maybe it's my upbringing or personality or just me....

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Lol....I just can't think of it as being "just sex". Maybe it's my upbringing or personality or just me....

I can definitely be all 'it's just sex' because I *can* separate out the intimacy. So, I can fuck some random, and Mr can fuck some random, but I draw the line at kissing them. To me, *that's* the gross part.

To me, kissing is far more intimate, and that intimacy I won't share.

 

[rida]

You mean if you can't stand them through coffee, you don't do anything? Or that you only screw once?

Pretty much. But even if they pass the coffee test and I do have sex with them, if I cannot stand the afterward chit chat or do something to annoy me during sex, I don't see them anymore.

Lol....I just can't think of it as being "just sex". Maybe it's my upbringing or personality or just me....

I used to believe the same thing for myself. Until I gave casual sex a try.

To me was mostly a left over hang up from what I thought was "proper".

 

[eastern sun]

I like casual sex, too, but I get hung up on wanting to develop relationships afterwards. Even if it's just a "casual sex" relationship.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I like casual sex, too, but I get hung up on wanting to develop relationships afterwards. Even if it's just a "casual sex" relationship.

I'm the complete opposite.

 

[shewantsmore]

For me i enjoy sex and most of the time i prefere strangers its easier not to get entangled

 

[fuckmeat]

it is not my responsibility to sexually satisfy every man within radius. every man certainly does not desire me, and i would not be able to succeed in satisfying every single man who does.
as far as my submissiveness goes, it is part of my nature to have a strong desire to please others coupled with an extreme fear/anxiety over rejecting those who desire something of me. this means that, face to face with a man who wants my body for his sexual use, i am unable to say no. that is something that used to fill me with great shame and self-loathing, but my Owner taught me the beauty and value in being naturally led to serve. today i am very grateful to have such a nature.

Wow. Well I understand that much better now. Thank you.

 

[ownedsubgal]

For me, and likely for others that value monogamy, yes, it does provide a deeper connection and knowledge of one's sexual partner. Unless I'm mistaken, my personal opinions and kink preferences do not dictate the moral "right" or "wrong" for anyone else.

no, they certainly do not. but your original statement was in response to a question i posed asking what would be gained, what would be the purpose in my being sexually monogamous. not for anyone else, just me, with my nature, personality, etc. your response was, "A much deeper connection and knowledge of that one partner." and i had to make it clear to you that no, that is not the case, not even close to it, that in fact the very idea is laughable. because i was speaking of myself specifically, not of the general population.