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Sexless Marriages

Feel everyone’s pain, however iv recently had a couple of opportunities to resolve this but I just cannot seal the deal dunno if it’s anxiety or that I don’t want to cheat but my cock just doesn’t work , very fuckin frustrating and highly embarrassing!
 
Cherrycokes4me said:
Feel everyone’s pain, however iv recently had a couple of opportunities to resolve this but I just cannot seal the deal dunno if it’s anxiety or that I don’t want to cheat but my cock just doesn’t work , very fuckin frustrating and highly embarrassing!
Click to expand...
Yes, age, our upbringing, makes for a mixed bag of emotions. The mind is torn between desire and responsibilities. Or, perceived responsibility. All this mental collision and conflict, I believe takes a toll on the body. Hence, a failure to function as we would like perhaps. I have no degree in psychology or such. It is just my opinion based on my thoughts and feelings, and some experiences. Stand tall each day and attempt to work through. Best wishes.
 
Behold! Go thou into the world and seek ye one that fulfills thy needs. My opinion.
 
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I was with my ex wife for 25 years, the last five plus of which were completely sexless - zero intimacy. She wouldn’t even hold my hand or give me a kiss. To a man whose love language was physical touch, it was brutal. My stress level was off the charts. Counseling didn’t work. It was clear to me that this wasn’t going to change. My wife at the time was completely happy not having to make any effort at intimacy. She even said “Sex doesn’t interest me anyone”. I even asked whether she had a desire to have sex with someone else, to which she said No.

My decision was either to stay in this marriage and know that it was going to be sexless for the rest of my life and live as a roommate or to make the very difficult decision to divorce and try to start over at 50. Somewhere I read an article about that time where a study was done that people who are unhappy live seven years shorter lives on average than those that are happy. As odd as that sounds, that was one of the deciding factors for me. In my mind, I exhausted all reasonable efforts to save my marriage, including counseling for several years.

I ultimately filed for divorce, which I believe really took her by surprise as I think she felt she had me so over a barrel that I would never leave due to the financial cost. The hardest two days of my life were having to tell my kids that I filed for divorce and then moving out of the house that I built for my family while my wife took my kids away for the day.

Crazy thing is, I felt a huge sense of relief that same night as I was sitting in my new apartment. It was quiet, peaceful, I could breathe again without the stress of dealing with a sexless marriage every day. I knew that I had found the strength to move on.

Fast forward five years. I am remarried to a wonderful woman that I have amazing open and honest communication and intimacy with. We can talk an about anything and everything including sexual desires, wants, needs, hopes, dreams, etc. We are building a life together rather than just co-existing as roommates. For the most part, my kids understood my decision to file for divorce (they don’t know about the sexless marriage part but they knew we were unhappy). I have a great relationship with two of the three post-divorce but the third is still a bit angry about it. My ex is a master manipulator so I am dealing with her impact on my kids because of that. The ex has portrayed herself as a victim in all of this but even her own family isn’t buying it.

Yes, it was tough and expensive to walk away from a 25 year marriage that had become sexless, but it was absolutely worth it to do so. It was clear to me that mine wasn’t going to change and that my spouse at the time no longer had a desire for an intimate relationship with me. Life is too short not to have intimacy with your partner.

For those of you in this position, I have some thoughts for you:

1.) Do you still love your spouse and does your spouse still love you? If so, keep fighting to save your marriage. Go to counseling if you need to. If either of you refuses to go, you may have your answer that one of the two of you is no longer invested in making the marriage work or willing to fight for it. However, you can also go to counseling alone. It helps to talk to someone. There is no shame in that.

2.) Find your best self. Focus the energy you aren’t burning having sex into other things. Hit the gym. Update your wardrobe. Pick up that hobby you’ve set aside or find a new one. Reconnect with friends. It’s amazing how much we give up or sacrifice for our partners sometimes, so much so in some cases that we lose who we are. Remember that a lot of people find confidence to be sexy. Feel great in who you are and it helps to take the next steps in either direction.

3.) Talk to an attorney. Know your options. About a year into my sexless marriage I had an inkling that it could end in divorce. I had my first meeting with an attorney just to know my options and what it was going to cost me if I did eventually file. Ultimately I waited four more years before I pulled the trigger on a divorce because I was still fighting for my marriage and wanted as long as possible with my kids together as a family, but when I was ready to file, all my ducks were in a row.

4.) Find a support group - online or in person. As you can see from the number of pages in this forum, you are not alone. Sexless marriage is torture to those of us that enjoy connection and intimacy. When your partner uses it as a weapon, it’s even worse. I discovered a sexless marriage forum (https://iliasm.org) that was exceptionally helpful during the five year period I was navigating mine. I highly recommend it. Talking about my situation and learning that I was not alone, was very helpful. It’s also enlightening to learn about how people chose to deal with theirs. Some resigned themselves to the belief that it would never change but decided to stay anyway. Some cheated. Some filed for divorce. No one decision is right for everyone. The overwhelming consensus seems to be that most sexless marriages don’t recover to become intimate again as one of the two participants has decided that sex isn’t a priority in the relationship. For me, that wasn’t an option I was willing to endure. Again, life is too short.

I’ll close by saying divorce is not the only option in a sexless marriage. It may be the only option if you need to change your situation and you have exhausted your other options to no avail. I don’t recommend cheating as that won’t help if it does become a divorce scenario. Connect with people that can help you - counselors, friends, people on sexless marriage forums. Talk to an attorney and be aware of your options.

If it comes to divorce, know that it is a dark tunnel. Many won’t have the courage to walk through it. They are stuck because of fear, financial concerns, or other issues that will hold them back. If you walk into that tunnel, know that there is a light at the other end. Life will get better again. You will find intimacy again. You will have great sex again. You may even find your happily ever after and that connection you have been longing for. I did.

I am alway happy to chat with anyone struggling with sexless marriage. I am not a medical professional or licensed counselor of any kind, but for the better part of a decade I lived in one and managed to escape. I won’t say I am unscathed, but I am stronger because of my scars and I am a better person and a better partner and spouse because of my experiences.
 
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Oh, and for those gentlemen with performance anxiety after being in a sexless marriage or relationship for so long and then finding themselves back out in the dating pool, they make meds for that. Talk to your doctor and they can make sure you are ready for action when the time comes. You may find that after you get your confidence in bed back, you don’t need them anymore. 1762182203938.png
 
She ended sex 15+ years ago, no big event, she just said "I can't do this anymore." Kids were young, I was a family law attorney, so I understood the reality of divorce, wasn't gonna do that. Today, she's a stage 4 cancer patient, approaching end stage. I'm glad I am able to be here with her during this (none of you EVER want to go through this, trust me). You have all of the uncomfortable - but necessary - conversations in this situation. One of them she initiated was she apologized for ending sex. Never explained why, but said I always pleasured her first, and that was one of her largest regrets of our marriage. Easy to say, I suppose. I didn't belabor it, simply said "That's in the past, no point in going there now.". I'm 65, she's 67, January will be 33 years together. I missed sex then, not now. I will be alone soon, I will value my autonomy above all else. No interest in another relationship with an old woman who's been married multiple times, nor the ick of a young girl.
 
TomnDiane said:
She ended sex 15+ years ago, no big event, she just said "I can't do this anymore." Kids were young, I was a family law attorney, so I understood the reality of divorce, wasn't gonna do that. Today, she's a stage 4 cancer patient, approaching end stage. I'm glad I am able to be here with her during this (none of you EVER want to go through this, trust me). You have all of the uncomfortable - but necessary - conversations in this situation. One of them she initiated was she apologized for ending sex. Never explained why, but said I always pleasured her first, and that was one of her largest regrets of our marriage. Easy to say, I suppose. I didn't belabor it, simply said "That's in the past, no point in going there now.". I'm 65, she's 67, January will be 33 years together. I missed sex then, not now. I will be alone soon, I will value my autonomy above all else. No interest in another relationship with an old woman who's been married multiple times, nor the ick of a young girl.
Click to expand...
Sorry for all you are both going through…
 
TomnDiane said:
She ended sex 15+ years ago, no big event, she just said "I can't do this anymore." Kids were young, I was a family law attorney, so I understood the reality of divorce, wasn't gonna do that. Today, she's a stage 4 cancer patient, approaching end stage. I'm glad I am able to be here with her during this (none of you EVER want to go through this, trust me). You have all of the uncomfortable - but necessary - conversations in this situation. One of them she initiated was she apologized for ending sex. Never explained why, but said I always pleasured her first, and that was one of her largest regrets of our marriage. Easy to say, I suppose. I didn't belabor it, simply said "That's in the past, no point in going there now.". I'm 65, she's 67, January will be 33 years together. I missed sex then, not now. I will be alone soon, I will value my autonomy above all else. No interest in another relationship with an old woman who's been married multiple times, nor the ick of a young girl.
Click to expand...
you are a good man!
 
TomnDiane said:
She ended sex 15+ years ago, no big event, she just said "I can't do this anymore." Kids were young, I was a family law attorney, so I understood the reality of divorce, wasn't gonna do that. Today, she's a stage 4 cancer patient, approaching end stage. I'm glad I am able to be here with her during this (none of you EVER want to go through this, trust me). You have all of the uncomfortable - but necessary - conversations in this situation. One of them she initiated was she apologized for ending sex. Never explained why, but said I always pleasured her first, and that was one of her largest regrets of our marriage. Easy to say, I suppose. I didn't belabor it, simply said "That's in the past, no point in going there now.". I'm 65, she's 67, January will be 33 years together. I missed sex then, not now. I will be alone soon, I will value my autonomy above all else. No interest in another relationship with an old woman who's been married multiple times, nor the ick of a young girl.
Click to expand...
Even in a sex discussion board, you can't escape real life.

Very sorry for your plight. Best of luck going forward.
 
KeenVoyeur said:
I’m sure there are some more attractive sights in Cincinnati than a bunch of guys chasing an egg across a field :oops::ROFLMAO: Any recommendations for a good hotel? 😜
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I don’t really know hotels… though downtown Cincy has some posh ones. I guess it depends how much you’re spending. Coming to Cincy?
 
Commodore69 said:
Oh, and for those gentlemen with performance anxiety after being in a sexless marriage or relationship for so long and then finding themselves back out in the dating pool, they make meds for that. Talk to your doctor and they can make sure you are ready for action when the time comes. You may find that after you get your confidence in bed back, you don’t need them anymore. View attachment 2575199
Click to expand...
A funny thing has happened to me. (not funny: ha-ha, funny: odd). I'm in my 70's, I've been in a sexless marriage for five years now, and I had resigned myself to masturbation being my sex life for my remaining years. It had gotten to the point that I couldn't even get a good erection to jerk off with.

Then I began to wonder what was causing my ED. I did some research and learned that the three major causes of ED are high blood pressure, diabetes, and low testosterone levels. That led me to having some blood work done and found that my BP is ok (a bit high but ok), I'm not diabetic, and my testosterone level is above normal for an old guy.

That led me to move to the fourth reason - my mental state regarding sex. I realized that I'd given up. I wasn't going to fight with her for it and I found it humiliating to beg for it so I'd just given up. I was roaming someplace in that area between being disappointed and being depressed.

Just learning the reason for the ED has given me new life. I know now that it's not "me" that she doesn't want, she just doesn't want sex and that's given me a new outlook. I'm not looking to cheat on her although I've had several opportunities recently but I can now get full and lasting erections and I feel better about myself. I'm probably not going to cheat but at least I'm happier knowing that I'm attractive to some ladies and for now I'm good with that.
 
Commodore69 said:
I was with my ex wife for 25 years, the last five plus of which were completely sexless - zero intimacy. She wouldn’t even hold my hand or give me a kiss. To a man whose love language was physical touch, it was brutal. My stress level was off the charts. Counseling didn’t work. It was clear to me that this wasn’t going to change. My wife at the time was completely happy not having to make any effort at intimacy. She even said “Sex doesn’t interest me anyone”. I even asked whether she had a desire to have sex with someone else, to which she said No.

My decision was either to stay in this marriage and know that it was going to be sexless for the rest of my life and live as a roommate or to make the very difficult decision to divorce and try to start over at 50. Somewhere I read an article about that time where a study was done that people who are unhappy live seven years shorter lives on average than those that are happy. As odd as that sounds, that was one of the deciding factors for me. In my mind, I exhausted all reasonable efforts to save my marriage, including counseling for several years.

I ultimately filed for divorce, which I believe really took her by surprise as I think she felt she had me so over a barrel that I would never leave due to the financial cost. The hardest two days of my life were having to tell my kids that I filed for divorce and then moving out of the house that I built for my family while my wife took my kids away for the day.

Crazy thing is, I felt a huge sense of relief that same night as I was sitting in my new apartment. It was quiet, peaceful, I could breathe again without the stress of dealing with a sexless marriage every day. I knew that I had found the strength to move on.

Fast forward five years. I am remarried to a wonderful woman that I have amazing open and honest communication and intimacy with. We can talk an about anything and everything including sexual desires, wants, needs, hopes, dreams, etc. We are building a life together rather than just co-existing as roommates. For the most part, my kids understood my decision to file for divorce (they don’t know about the sexless marriage part but they knew we were unhappy). I have a great relation with two of the three post-divorce but the third is still a bit angry about it. My ex is a master manipulator so I am dealing with her impact on my kids because of that. The ex has portrayed herself as a victim in all of this but even her own family isn’t buying it.

Yes, it was tough and expensive to walk away from a 25 year marriage that had become sexless, but it was absolutely worth it to do so. It was clear to me that mine wasn’t going to change and that my spouse at the time no longer had a desire for an intimate relationship with me. Life is too short not to have intimacy with your partner.

For those of you in this position, I have some thoughts for you:

1.) Do you still love your spouse and does your spouse still love you? If so, keep fighting to save your marriage. Go to counseling if you need to. If either of you refuses to go, you may have your answer that one of the two of you is no longer invested in making the marriage work or willing to fight for it. However, you can also go to counseling alone. It helps to talk to someone. There is no shame in that.

2.) Find your best self. Focus the energy you aren’t burning having sex into other things. Hit the gym. Update your wardrobe. Pick up that hobby you’ve set aside or find a new one. Reconnect with friends. It’s amazing how much we give up or sacrifice for our partners sometimes, so much so in some cases that we lose who we are. Remember that a lot of people find confidence to be sexy. Feel great in who you are and it helps to take the next steps in either direction.

3.) Talk to an attorney. Know your options. About a year into my sexless marriage I had an inkling that it could end in divorce. I had my first meeting with an attorney just to know my options and what it was going to cost me if I did eventually file. Ultimately I waited four more years before I pulled the trigger on a divorce because I was still fighting for my marriage and wanted as long as possible with my kids together as a family, but when I was ready to file, all my ducks were in a row.

4.) Find a support group - online or in person. As you can see from the number of pages in this forum, you are not alone. Sexless marriage is torture to those of us that enjoy connection and intimacy. When your partner uses it as a weapon, it’s even worse. I discovered a sexless marriage forum (https://iliasm.org) that was exceptionally helpful during the five year period I was navigating mine. I highly recommend it. Talking about my situation and learning that I was not alone, was very helpful. It’s also enlightening to learn about how people chose to deal with theirs. Some resigned themselves to the belief that it would never change but decided to stay anyway. Some cheated. Some filed for divorce. No one decision is right for everyone. The overwhelming consensus seems to be that most sexless marriages don’t recover to become intimate again as one of the two participants has decided that sex isn’t a priority in the relationship. For me, that wasn’t an option I was willing to endure. Again, life is too short.

I’ll close by saying divorce is not the only option in a sexless marriage. It may be the only option if you need to change your situation and you have exhausted your other options to no avail. I don’t recommend cheating as that won’t help if it does become a divorce scenario. Connect with people that can help you - counselors, friends, people on sexless marriage forums. Talk to an attorney and be aware of your options.

If it comes to divorce, know that it is a dark tunnel. Many won’t have the courage to walk through it. They are stuck because of fear, financial concerns, or other issues that will hold them back. If you walk into that tunnel, know that there is a light at the other end. Life will get better again. You will find intimacy again. You will have great sex again. You may even find your happily ever after and that connection you have been longing for. I did.

I am alway happy to chat with anyone struggling with sexless marriage. I am not a medical professional or licensed counselor of any kind, but for the better part of a decade I lived in one and managed to escape. I won’t say I am unscathed, but I am stronger because of my scars and I am a better person and a better partner and spouse because of my experiences.
Click to expand...
Very insightful... may hit you up...
 
Goddessglampiress said:
Im there with you!

Been in a sexless marriage for 5 years now. Was sleeping with best girlfriend but since she'd found a man I'm out in the cold. Just me, porn, and my trusty vibrator. Quick, quiet, lonely. Sucks!
Click to expand...
I wouldn't think many women would be in sexless marriages, I'm so sorry. Mine is not completely sexless but if I didn't push it would never happen.
 
58 mwm mostly sexless marriage looking for cam masturbation partners for tonight and tomorrow. Haven’t had any sexual contact in 6 months. Please PM me if you’re interested in joining me on whereby.
 
I couldn't possibly consider the "why aren't you interested in sex with me anymore?" chat.
Can't risk hearing she's just not attracted to me anymore. As far as I can work out she's the only person IRL who does find me attractive, so if I can kid myself she does then I've got something at least
 
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