So... do all women masturbate...?

[Guest]

And now? Any better since??

I have written sixty dirty stories of doubtful quality ...

Yeah, I think I am over the guilt

Maharat

 

[sherazade]

Women and masturbation!

Very interesting topic indeed!
Masturbation has several purposes: relief, fun sharing and getting to know your body very well.
If you love someone you will please him or her well I do love myself to the point of pleasuring myself often, alone and with my lover... Nice way to get thing smooth and wet...

 

[shysassy]

I never had until recently with help from a massager. And realised what I had been missing all these years but made the mistake of telling SO about it and he got upset and broke it into... So no more pleasuring myself. ... I have tried with my fingers but just cant seem to get it going, its just isnt the same as someone else doing it for me.

 

[M's girl]

I never had until recently with help from a massager. And realised what I had been missing all these years but made the mistake of telling SO about it and he got upset and broke it into... So no more pleasuring myself. ... I have tried with my fingers but just cant seem to get it going, its just isnt the same as someone else doing it for me.

He told you or even forbid you to use it again? Why is that? He must be really insecure. Most men would kill for a woman who was comfortable playing with herself and using toys (take look around here at Lit; too many complain about their SO's who won't touch themselves of use toys to spice things up)!

While I asked this question because I was curious to know how many women felt they were held back by whatever or just never gave masturbation a second thought because they did not know how much fun it could be, I hardly expected to hear from women who were discouraged by their men!

 

[DrHappy]

... but made the mistake of telling SO about it and he got upset and broke it into... So no more pleasuring myself.

I'm absolutely with M's girl about this. Does he really think that he has the right to forbid you from using your massager and to break it? That sounds controlling as well as insecure. Does he think that you shouldn't masturbate at all? Does he never masturbate? Does he tell you what to do in other areas of your life?

I LOVE watching my wife use vibrator or massager and I love using it on her as well. I encourage her to use it as much as possible

 

[SoraMajou]

I have always masturbated, from a very young age. It's useful for stress relief, relaxation, and general fun. Depending on my level of stress and or horniness it can happen multiple times every day to once a week. Of all my friends I've ever been close enough to ask I would say that most of them masturbate. I definitely agree with MizDuster that it builds up over the day, I'm not such a morning person myself

 

[M's girl]

Welcome to Lit, SoraMajou; honered your first post is in "my" thread

 

[StrapFantasy]

I never had until recently with help from a massager. And realised what I had been missing all these years but made the mistake of telling SO about it and he got upset and broke it into... So no more pleasuring myself. ... I have tried with my fingers but just cant seem to get it going, its just isnt the same as someone else doing it for me.

I have to echo what the others have said here. This bothers me a lot. Your body belongs to you. Somehow you need to find a way to have a serious talk with him and work out whatever his problems are with this subject. I'm afraid this is the kind of thing that can put terrible stress on a relationship if it isn't resolved.

 

[eudaemonia]

Your body belongs to you.

Period. Full stop.

No one owns you.

 

[shysassy]

He told you or even forbid you to use it again? Why is that? He must be really insecure. Most men would kill for a woman who was comfortable playing with herself and using toys (take look around here at Lit; too many complain about their SO's who won't touch themselves of use toys to spice things up)!

While I asked this question because I was curious to know how many women felt they were held back by whatever or just never gave masturbation a second thought because they did not know how much fun it could be, I hardly expected to hear from women who were discouraged by their men!

He told me to quit using it and I didnt so he broke it. I guess he was jealous of it and was afraid I might like it more than him being he is the only one who has ever made me have O's .. I had never even really thought about masturbation until coming here. I have just recently been getting in touch with my sexuality and wanting to try new things. He does not have a open mind when it comes to trying new things. I seem to just disgust him and he makes me feel guilty for having these types of feelings and wanting to try new things.

 

[shysassy]

I'm absolutely with M's girl about this. Does he really think that he has the right to forbid you from using your massager and to break it? That sounds controlling as well as insecure. Does he think that you shouldn't masturbate at all? Does he never masturbate? Does he tell you what to do in other areas of your life?

I LOVE watching my wife use vibrator or massager and I love using it on her as well. I encourage her to use it as much as possible

No he thinks I shouldnt at all .. says thats what I have him for .. He says he doesnt any more , hadnt in years is what he says.

 

[shysassy]

I have to echo what the others have said here. This bothers me a lot. Your body belongs to you. Somehow you need to find a way to have a serious talk with him and work out whatever his problems are with this subject. I'm afraid this is the kind of thing that can put terrible stress on a relationship if it isn't resolved.

It has put a lot of stress on our relationship as if we needed anymore than what was already there to begin with.. I have tried talking to him about it but it doesn't do any good. He just really thinks it's wrong for women to masturbate.

 

[eudaemonia]

He just really thinks it's wrong for women to masturbate.

He's saying volumes more than that. How sad.

I wish you the best.

 

[Torch_of_Eros]

No he thinks I shouldnt at all .. says thats what I have him for .. He says he doesnt any more , hadnt in years is what he says.

I have always been told there are two kinds of liars - first is the person who says they have never masturbated, the second is the person who says they are going to quit Your husband is definitely a liar!

 

[M's girl]

He told me to quit using it and I didnt so he broke it. I guess he was jealous of it and was afraid I might like it more than him being he is the only one who has ever made me have O's .. I had never even really thought about masturbation until coming here. I have just recently been getting in touch with my sexuality and wanting to try new things. He does not have a open mind when it comes to trying new things. I seem to just disgust him and he makes me feel guilty for having these types of feelings and wanting to try new things.

This is so wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to start ...

Like the others have said: he does NOT own you and if he thinks that masturbation is wrong there is something seriously wrong with HIM. What is his religious background? Does his religion tell him to think this way? Is he controlling and jealous otherwise? And if he tries to convince you he is not masturbating himself he is either lying or brainwashed and rigid to the point where I would fear a person. Honestly...

 

[shysassy]

He's saying volumes more than that. How sad.

I wish you the best.

yes it is sad


thanks

 

[shysassy]

I have always been told there are two kinds of liars - first is the person who says they have never masturbated, the second is the person who says they are going to quit Your husband is definitely a liar!

Hmmmm .... seems I have heard that to as well.

 

[shysassy]

This is so wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to start ...

Like the others have said: he does NOT own you and if he thinks that masturbation is wrong there is something seriously wrong with HIM. What is his religious background? Does his religion tell him to think this way? Is he controlling and jealous otherwise? And if he tries to convince you he is not masturbating himself he is either lying or brainwashed and rigid to the point where I would fear a person. Honestly...

He is catholic but dont think that has anything to do with it , being he doesnt practice his faith.... No normally he isnt controlling and jealous but lately he seems to be being that way , every since I have told him about it.

 

[M's girl]

He is catholic but dont think that has anything to do with it , being he doesnt practice his faith.... No normally he isnt controlling and jealous but lately he seems to be being that way , every since I have told him about it.

So it sounds like he just can't handle the fact that you are pleasuring yourself. I suspect this has something to do with fear and it would be good if you could talk to him about this. Masturbation is the most natural thing and yet people are "always" acting strange about it. It's like this big sectret. We all eat, drink and poo and most of us masturbate, but while we have no problem talking about the first two ( ) and joke often enough about #3, somehow masturbation needs to be this huge taboo still....

Once he gets over his fear of whatever he fears he should be glad you are getting to know your body because it will result in you (and thus him) having more pleasure in the bedroom. What can be wrong about that?

The only thing I can think of which made him mad is that you kept "a" secret. But he should understand why if he thinks about it clearly. You can apologize for thát, but never feel bad about the act itself. Again; it's your body and this is something you can do to it without harming anyone else in any way!

 

[StrapFantasy]

It has put a lot of stress on our relationship as if we needed anymore than what was already there to begin with.. I have tried talking to him about it but it doesn't do any good. He just really thinks it's wrong for women to masturbate.

Communication is so important to a good relationship. Obviously, this goes far beyond masturbation - it is fundamental to every aspect of your lives together - both of you. You need to be able to talk this out - and work out something that doesn't leave either of you resentful, jealous, angry, or filled with some other negative emotion.

If he is unwilling to discuss the matter with you and work it out with you, then you have some choices to make. It isn't for us here at Lit to tell you that masturbation is more important than your relationship. Or vice-versa. Or any other aspect of your relationship that he may not be willing to discuss. But, at some point, I'm afraid you will have to face those choices if you are unable to talk.

Maybe rather than making masturbation the first topic you discuss with him, you should make the subject communication? Just a thought.

 

[shysassy]

Thanks for everyone's input on my situation

We normally are able to communicate well but with this matter he is very closed minded about it. He thinks its wrong for me to , that's what I have him for and end of story. I dont think there is any changing his mind about it no matter what I say to him. I even let him read the post here and .... well I am not going to say what he said because it wasn't very nice. I think if I would have been masturbating when we first got married he probably wouldn't have a problem with it. But being I just started after 20 yrs of marriage it has really been bothering him. I have tried to explain to him it has nothing to do with him not being able to satisfy me. But he seems to think it is that and I wont need him anymore. Anyways he has gotten his way about it ..... I haven't in about 3 weeks now.

 

[StrapFantasy]

Thanks for everyone's input on my situation

We normally are able to communicate well but with this matter he is very closed minded about it. He thinks its wrong for me to , that's what I have him for and end of story. I dont think there is any changing his mind about it no matter what I say to him. I even let him read the post here and .... well I am not going to say what he said because it wasn't very nice. I think if I would have been masturbating when we first got married he probably wouldn't have a problem with it. But being I just started after 20 yrs of marriage it has really been bothering him. I have tried to explain to him it has nothing to do with him not being able to satisfy me. But he seems to think it is that and I wont need him anymore. Anyways he has gotten his way about it ..... I haven't in about 3 weeks now.

You are right, masturbation serves a totally different purpose from sex. The two fulfill very different needs.

Maybe you can slowly work toward the goal of a mutual session with him. Slowly, being key. If you give him a handjob, get his hand on yours and let him 'help' you. Over time, years if need be, work his hand to the lead and let yours take a back seat. Do the opposite when he touches you - take a little more control each time - in very small steps that will allow him to become comfortable before moving further. I know it sounds like a long, drawn out process, but getting there can be really hot!

Ironically, it took 20 years of marriage before I saw my wife masturbate. It was (and still is) one of the most arousing things I have ever experienced. She has never admitted to masturbating alone and I don't press her on it because I think she is uncomfortable with it, but she was an absolute expert the first time I saw her - she had to be very practiced. And just the idea of her secretly masturbating all those years when I wasn't around is exciting as hell.

 

[Guest]

more to it

He is catholic but dont think that has anything to do with it , being he doesnt practice his faith.... No normally he isnt controlling and jealous but lately he seems to be being that way , every since I have told him about it.

Sounds like there is more to this.

You need to decide whether you want to pick a fight over this. It might not be worth it.

Perhaps go to the real reason and pick a fight over that

In my experience, if you are changing, and want new horizons, try to include him in your change. You might need to be creative.

Of course it is in your right, but if he does not think so, and he is such a big part of your life, he might need help to see the new you.

Maharat

 

[BlueEyesInLevis]

A well deserved bump to an old thread

 

[Eilan]

I miss M's girl.