Strickly online D/s relationships...discuss, share advise

[Farawyn]

As I said elsewhere, it's not the relationship that is theatrics -and maybe that word is in and off itself a stumbling block to my point, but I truly can't think of another- but elements of play, sexual or otherwise, need to be presented in a way that "sells" a reality that isn't true, but which is appealing. Maybe it would be better to call it role playing rather than theater? While in other aspects, following rules or wearing a day collar or any number of others, no role playing is needed.


Also, as I said elsewhere, I'm not claiming that this or any other way is the "right", just my experience and understanding of it. And since, I believe, few people on the board believe in a right way, all that matters is that the experience work for the parties in question. That it be the right way for them.

What I do reject is the notion that anyone's "domliness" is all powerful. Every aspect of any relationship is consensual. No matter how cool a Dom/me thinks they are,you they can't compelling consent. And I do find those who haven't figured that out yet, amusing.

I think it's amusing that consent is an issue you keep bringing up. Without consent it is rape. However, many couples, BDSM or otherwise have somethings that are agreed upon, that they won't go there, or will, or certain things are taboo, or off limits. Then, within the realm of the relationship, one person more likely takes control, because it feels right.
That's a relationship, and it requires communication. And flexibility. On both sides.
As far as selling a reality, or an untrue relationship, my condolences to you. Don't project your experiences on to others.

 

[Gotham_Central]

As far as selling a reality, or an untrue relationship, my condolences to you. Don't project your experiences on to others.

Nice assumptions.

 

[Farawyn]

Nice assumptions.

Your posts come across as very condescending. I don't know if you are aware of that.
And no, it wasn't a nice one, but it's what I took from your posts.
You are making quite a few generalizations with poorly chosen words.

 

[barefootgirl69]

*catches up reading days and days later*

*whispers* I don't care what others say, I still think a pyl has no control over the PYL in a relationship. I love IamS's analogy about getting in the car and going for a beautiful ride. But, then, I don't ascribe to the notion that my submission is 'a gift' either. I have always been submissive in MOST aspects of my life, and submitting to someone is just what is natural. It's not a gift, it just happens. As far as submitting to a PYL, both to a former Master and to a Daddy, both weren't "Okay, I submit". Neither asked me to submit. It simply happened in the course of a friendship/getting to know one another, that I wanted to submit to them and it was discussed. I couldn't no more fight it or gift it to them, it was there. Period. They chose to allow me to adore them in this way.

*sips more tea and contemplates the next time I need to ice my leg*

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

Nice assumptions.

As opposed to the statements you've made that feature plenty of assumptions of your own? The veritable laundry list of nonsense you've pulled out of your ass in this thread? All the while failing hard to offer any kind of credible rejoinder to the questions you've been asked or criticism you've received in favor of essentially calling everyone who doesn't " get " what you're saying a mean ol' doody head and asking them to refute your statement ( which they have )?

Fuck man, either back up the things you say, or think them through better so you don't contradict yourself on the same page. You look like a dumbass. Your own " theatrics " need a lot of work, cuz ain't no one here buyin' tickets puddin'.

 

[Farawyn]

*catches up reading days and days later*

*whispers* I don't care what others say, I still think a pyl has no control over the PYL in a relationship. I love IamS's analogy about getting in the car and going for a beautiful ride. But, then, I don't ascribe to the notion that my submission is 'a gift' either. I have always been submissive in MOST aspects of my life, and submitting to someone is just what is natural. It's not a gift, it just happens. As far as submitting to a PYL, both to a former Master and to a Daddy, both weren't "Okay, I submit". Neither asked me to submit. It simply happened in the course of a friendship/getting to know one another, that I wanted to submit to them and it was discussed. I couldn't no more fight it or gift it to them, it was there. Period. They chose to allow me to adore them in this way.

*sips more tea and contemplates the next time I need to ice my leg*

WHY YA WHIPSERING, BFG?

 

[barefootgirl69]

WHY YA WHISPERING, bfg?

shhhhhh... you want the others to hear?

Because I am pretty sure that I will be the only one with that perspective, and I'm good with that. I just wanted to have my say.

 

[Eva_Star]

*catches up reading days and days later*

*whispers* I don't care what others say, I still think a pyl has no control over the PYL in a relationship. I love IamS's analogy about getting in the car and going for a beautiful ride. But, then, I don't ascribe to the notion that my submission is 'a gift' either. I have always been submissive in MOST aspects of my life, and submitting to someone is just what is natural. It's not a gift, it just happens. As far as submitting to a PYL, both to a former Master and to a Daddy, both weren't "Okay, I submit". Neither asked me to submit. It simply happened in the course of a friendship/getting to know one another, that I wanted to submit to them and it was discussed. I couldn't no more fight it or gift it to them, it was there. Period. They chose to allow me to adore them in this way.

*sips more tea and contemplates the next time I need to ice my leg*

shhhhhh... you want the others to hear?

Because I am pretty sure that I will be the only one with that perspective, and I'm good with that. I just wanted to have my say.

hee hee!

You already know that I feel EXACTLY the same way...I'm just not great at putting it into coherent words.

*hands bfg a megaphone*

Preach, girlfriend!

haha

 

[barefootgirl69]

hee hee!

You already know that I feel EXACTLY the same way...I'm just not great at putting it into coherent words.

*hands bfg a megaphone*

Preach, girlfriend!

haha

*taps the mic*

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

Eva has something to say....

 

[Iamsubmissive]

*taps the mic*

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

Eva has something to say....

LOL...don't look now, but you two are attracting all kinds of attention...

 

[barefootgirl69]

LOL...don't look now, but you two are attracting all kinds of attention...

Uh oh! Sorry for derailing things... (no, I'm not! )
We all need a deep breath and a few chuckles.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Iamsubmissive]

But, then, I don't ascribe to the notion that my submission is 'a gift' either. I have always been submissive in MOST aspects of my life, and submitting to someone is just what is natural. It's not a gift, it just happens. As far as submitting to a PYL, both to a former Master and to a Daddy, both weren't "Okay, I submit". Neither asked me to submit. It simply happened in the course of a friendship/getting to know one another, that I wanted to submit to them and it was discussed. I couldn't no more fight it or gift it to them, it was there. Period. They chose to allow me to adore them in this way.

So...it's been a little bit since this thread's been used. Guess we already discussed everything to death. LOL!

I've been pretty busy the past couple of weeks, but this post kinda stuck in the back of my mind and I wanted to comment. I found the part I bolded to be a pretty unique perspective...I quite like it. And although I was never totally on board with the 'submission is a gift you give' viewpoint, I've kinda found a happy medium...

When someone has a special quality that just exists within them...not a learned skill or trait that you purposely tried to develop...that person is said to have a 'gift'. A naturally amazing singer has a gifted voice. Someone else might have the gift of compassion. There are artists, musicians, writers with the ability to inspire, and many others that aren't just talented, but have a gift for the thing they do so effortlessly well. It's not so different to consider submission a gift in that same way.

And if submission can be a gift, so could dominance. D/s is kinda like exchanging gifts with each other. I know it's not exactly the same thing as saying "submission is a gift a sub gives to her Dom". It's not a present that your giving away to someone. More of a "Here is a special part of me I want to share with you." In that context I can support the idea that it is a 'gift' that you're sharing with someone special.

Well, it makes sense in my head so that's how I'm looking at it...

 

[dawn_of_night]

So...it's been a little bit ...
And if submission can be a gift, so could dominance. D/s is kinda like exchanging gifts with each other. I know it's not exactly the same thing as saying "submission is a gift a sub gives to her Dom". It's not a present that your giving away to someone. More of a "Here is a special part of me I want to share with you." In that context I can support the idea that it is a 'gift' that you're sharing with someone special.

Well, it makes sense in my head so that's how I'm looking at it...

Personally, if it doesn't make since in your head then it's prolly not for you!
I've found that since the relationship in question is strictly online most normal "rules" don't appply. And I use normal lightly. We each have something special to offer to to each other whether we're pyl or PYL and that is the beauty of the relationship.

*taps the mic*

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

Eva has something to say....

Hi! *waves frantically from the back*

 

[barefootgirl69]

Personally, if it doesn't make since in your head then it's prolly not for you!
I've found that since the relationship in question is strictly online most normal "rules" don't appply. And I use normal lightly. We each have something special to offer to to each other whether we're pyl or PYL and that is the beauty of the relationship.



Hi! *waves frantically from the back*

Hi! *waves*

Bump for the thread

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*hides behind BFG and lurks*

 

[barefootgirl69]

*hides behind BFG and lurks*

*whispers* no one is here but us. We could run through here naked and no one would care. See those sprinklers over there???

*points*

 

[lakesailer_mi]

*hides behind BFG and lurks*

*whispers* no one is here but us. We could run through here naked and no one would care. See those sprinklers over there???

*points*

*Peeking out from behind the bushes, whispers* I'll watch.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*whispers* no one is here but us. We could run through here naked and no one would care. See those sprinklers over there???

*points*

*checks calendar*

It says I have to wear clothes today, but I'll fetch you a towel to dry off with.

*Peeking out from behind the bushes, whispers* I'll watch.

*hums as she walks past the bushes, pretending not to notice the peeping Sailer*

 

[NotElvis]

...watching everything from the trees...

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Did I just see Elvis climbing a tree?

*shakes head, walks faster*

 

[IslandStyle_44]

Your vainglorious and half cocked ideas about roles and labels are disturbing. Underneath it all, we are talking about a relationship here.

( Ree-Lay-Shun-Ship )

The " true power " is that it's a shared experience facilitated by all involved. One does not hold any sway over the other that isn't granted willingly and ( should be ) earned. That's not an ideal, that's not an exception, that's the definition.....The idea of any dynamic, and really all relationships in general, is give and take.

Been away for a few weeks, and just poked my head in since I have a few minutes. You sir, I like. Your response is well-grounded with equal parts logic and snark. I'd buy you a drink but you're not in Vegas this weekend and drinks are free at the tables.

Back to lurking...

 

[Peach88]

I know this is an old thread, but you can check out this BDSM blog and podcast.

 

[newhere2learn]

Over the years I've had two long term D/S relationships, both with women who were overseas and the common denominators were as so;

1. They couldn't find local men who would take on D/S in a respectful manner

2. Both were BBW.

3. Both were closet BDSM. So their friends/family/BF/Husband had no idea.

4. Both, before proceeding we spent months chatting about all aspects of life.

5. Both liked that I am very masculine, dominant and in control of RW. However I would submit for them.

6. Both knew I had a vinalla relationship.

7. Both liked exploring the psychology of BDSM.

8. Both "got off" on the fact that our play, was unique to us. Neither of us indulged with partners.

The former woman, we probably spent 6-7 years on/off chatting and her exploring my willingness. Culminating in 45-50 days caged, edging, and performing tasks with evidence for her pleasure. We live chatted daily, video called and so on. She had control over men I met, sex I had with women, edging I did, what underwear I wore, cage wear, where I left the key, play at work, play in public.

She was all about the psychology, wanted to know how it felt, what it did to me and so on. Our relationship was very, very open communication wise.



The latter woman, I've chatted to for around 5 years now. Again, vanilla chat first then open dialogue of kinks. She's more into voyeuristic fun than pain/risk. So her desires focus more on me in panties, or denying me sex with my GF.

I once dominated, spanked, edged and fucked a sissy, all on cam while she watched and directed. Another time I had to get myself off, wearing nothing but panties and a cage, using a vibrator in my ass in woodland. On cam.


She also gets off on forbidding me pleasure, but having me watch her cum.


The dynamic, is very hot.

 

[sweettalk4u]

I would like to open up a serious discussion on this topic...

Bit of background on me:
I have recently entered an online D/s relationship for the first time. I didn't really know what to expect or how it would work. I've had a couple real life Doms, both were long term, serious relationships. I am very monogamous and rely heavily on the emotional connection as well as physical attraction. When I decided to try online D/s, I guess I thought it would be kinda like RL without the physical stuff...maybe a close second to RL? I also thought I was experienced enough to navigate it without trouble...but I was so wrong in all aspects!

People often advise new subs to join support groups or chat with other subs. In RL my submission came so naturally I didn't feel the need for "support" other than reading and research I did on my own. But this online thing is very unfamiliar water for me, and I've been looking for online groups to join (without much luck). So I thought maybe there other people here that might be in the same boat, or some with experience or advice to share.

I am mainly interested in the emotional impact on subs, but welcome input from Doms as well (it wold be nice to hear how things worked from their end). And also, the following:
How did you find the right Dom online and build 'real trust'?
How do you deal without the physical connection or intermittent contact?
Is it satisfying but you still feel really lonely?
Did you get bored? Or fall in love?
How long did it last? Why did it end?
What are some of the things that worked? And what were some of your fears?

I hope at least some people feel comfortable enough to share or even voice their own concerns. I'm interested in hearing about good or bad experiences.

As long as you learn something from it there are no bad relationships though some are better than others. I have had the good fortune of starting as a sub before switching to my true self as a dominant and learning about both along the way