Strip for me

[herecomestherain]

Got to say I love the theme here. Fiftyfive -- super cute doglets. Loved your "strip". very clever and had me "in".

 

[fifty5]

Got to say I love the theme here. Fiftyfive -- super cute doglets. Loved your "strip". very clever and had me "in".

Thanks for that. I "know" I could write - if only I could think of what to write. Challenges like this help me.

 

[fifty5]

PS More feedback please, rain (and any others), how well did the 'asides' work (the bits about being a trucker and jeans getting stuck on trainers)? Either they spoil the flow, or they heighten the suspense. Obviously I intended the latter, but was my judgement correct? Honest opinion please, not just stroking my ego (though you're very welcome to stroke anything you like in other contexts...)

 

[carsonshepherd]

PS More feedback please, rain (and any others), how well did the 'asides' work (the bits about being a trucker and jeans getting stuck on trainers)? Either they spoil the flow, or they heighten the suspense. Obviously I intended the latter, but was my judgement correct? Honest opinion please, not just stroking my ego (though you're very welcome to stroke anything you like in other contexts...)

i liked it.... make it into a story

 

[fifty5]

i liked it.... make it into a story

OK. Remind me when I come back from China (going to see my youngest & grand-daughter, er, plus a tiny bit of China itself..)

 

[joeys-game]

Thanks to everyone for thier feedback and especially your examples.
It was a hotday,spent practising..lol and reading.

Hey Carson...its later!

 

[carsonshepherd]

Thanks to everyone for thier feedback and especially your examples.
It was a hotday,spent practising..lol and reading.

Hey Carson...its later!

yeah, but you've already gotten such good examples, anything from me would be overkill. You get the idea now, don't you?

 

[joeys-game]

yeah, but you've already gotten such good examples, anything from me would be overkill. You get the idea now, don't you?

Is there such a thing as overkill when it comes to education and research?

 

[Dar~]

Is there such a thing as overkill when it comes to education and research?

Or Carson being sexy

 

[Rhys]

Joey you can learn from Rikaa

Rikaa, I'm impressed. There's a writer in you somewhere. I guess we now know what your true calling is. Finish it.

I don't mind the female strippage. Believe me.

Carson only strips for me.

 

[wishfulthinking]

Carson only strips for me.

Carson struck me as a rule breaker. Carson, get to it!!

 

[rikaaim]

Joey you can learn from Rika

Rika, I'm impressed. There's a writer in you somewhere. I guess we now know what your true calling is. Finish it.

I don't mind the female strippage. Believe me.

Carson only strips for me.

Seems I've been commanded.

How can I say no to that?

 

[raphy]

I haven't written anything in over a year, so take this for what it's worth..

Joey, my comments would echo those already said - less mechanical, more artistic. Remember the golden rule - Show, don't tell.

Rika - Might it possibly be a little wordy? Maybe this is a taste thing (*cough*) .. It's not necessarily that I want to rush to the good stuff (although admittedly, I do.. heh) but more a case of keeping your reader's interest. There's still a touch of the telling and not showing in there too..

55 - Cool piece. Inventive, creative and wholly realistic. Definitely leaves the reader wanting to know what happened next... *grins*

Like Rika, however, I'm semi-encouraged to have an impromptu shot at this. We'll see. I haven't written anything in so long, it would probably turn out fairly stale and flat - On the other hand, it might be good for me, just to write a little something once in a while.

 

[cloudy]

I haven't written anything in over a year, so take this for what it's worth..

Joey, my comments would echo those already said - less mechanical, more artistic. Remember the golden rule - Show, don't tell.

Rika - Might it possibly be a little wordy? Maybe this is a taste thing (*cough*) .. It's not necessarily that I want to rush to the good stuff (although admittedly, I do.. heh) but more a case of keeping your reader's interest. There's still a touch of the telling and not showing in there too..

55 - Cool piece. Inventive, creative and wholly realistic. Definitely leaves the reader wanting to know what happened next... *grins*

Like Rika, however, I'm semi-encouraged to have an impromptu shot at this. We'll see. I haven't written anything in so long, it would probably turn out fairly stale and flat - On the other hand, it might be good for me, just to write a little something once in a while.

Aww, c'mon Raphy! The women of Lit (and some of the men, I'm sure) would love it!

 

[raphy]

Aww, c'mon Raphy! The women of Lit (and some of the men, I'm sure) would love it!

LOL.. Maybe. And I have no problem with getting attention from men - I'm sure whisper would love it if that happened

 

[joeys-game]

For Rhys...how about this?



I had my eyes shut tight when i first felt the warmth of your hands as they massaged, stroked. and manipulated my body. The sensations forced a groan to escape my mouth and i felt embarrased as this was only supposed to be a massage and not as far as i knew a sexual one in nature.
I felt myself growing hard and knew that it wouldn't be long before i was also wet.
Your large hands seemed to know exactly what erogenous zones would illicit the strongest reaction.
I felt incredibly vulnerable as you continued to play my increasingly sensitive body! Every touch sending a white hot blast of heat between my legs, which in turn left my cock throbbing for more!

 

[raphy]

Okay. My contribution.....

---
It's dark.

I can't see, but that doesn't matter. I don't need to see to know you're out there. Somewhere beyond the shadows, watching me, waiting for me. I know that you can see me, even if I cannot see you. I can hear your breathing, the slow rhythmic pulse of life, and it excites me. My nostrils flare, catching your scent and I close my eyes. They're no use to me now anyway.

"Strip."

You speak the word, almost too softly to hear. I find myself straining through the darkness. Without my sight, my other senses are heightened, aroused. I'm aware of the feel of the cloth shirt on my skin, the way it softly rubs my nipples. Electrifying. The denim of my 501s. They're clean, freshly laundered, and they pull at the hairs on my thighs as I move.

Sensation.

My world is a world of sensation without sight. Of sound that lingers on the egde of hearing. The catch in your throat as each button of my shirt pops free. Your breathing. Does it grow faster with each twist of my fingers, or is that my imagination? Do the movements remind you of what these fingers can do you to, to your body? Do they hold a promise, display a need to do these things to you?

I'm hard. I can feel it already. My cock, pushing against the buttons of my Levis. You have made me this way; your need of me, your desire. Your fire.

The friction of the denim on my skin as my pants slide down is almost too much. Your breathing is faster now, more urgent, harsher. Louder. The waistband of my Levis, made heavy by my belt buckle, slipping over the curve of my ass. My eyes are still closed, and all I can see in the private darkness behind my eyelids is you. Touching yourself. Watching me through eyes dark with lust as I display myself for you.

I hear you clearly now, your breathing an audible echo to the pounding of my heart. I am so hard it almost hurts, and I know you can see me, standing before you, my cock swollen and rigid, the veins full of blood. Full of need. Desperate to be touched. Aching to be stroked. And then, almost suddenly, my pants are pooling around my ankles, and the loss of sensation on my skin is so unexpected, so unwanted, that I almost moan. I need that touch. I need to feel your hands on my thighs, stroking higher. I need to feel your desire for me. I need to feel you want me.

I need you.
--

There ya go. First thing I've written since Nano two years ago!! Comments always welcome

 

[cloudy]

Okay. My contribution.....

---
It's dark.

I can't see, but that doesn't matter. I don't need to see to know you're out there. Somewhere beyond the shadows, watching me, waiting for me. I know that you can see me, even if I cannot see you. I can hear your breathing, the slow rhythmic pulse of life, and it excites me. My nostrils flare, catching your scent and I close my eyes. They're no use to me now anyway.

"Strip."

You speak the word, almost too softly to hear. I find myself straining through the darkness. Without my sight, my other senses are heightened, aroused. I'm aware of the feel of the cloth shirt on my skin, the way it softly rubs my nipples. Electrifying. The denim of my 501s. They're clean, freshly laundered, and they pull at the hairs on my thighs as I move.

Sensation.

My world is a world of sensation without sight. Of sound that lingers on the egde of hearing. The catch in your throat as each button of my shirt pops free. Your breathing. Does it grow faster with each twist of my fingers, or is that my imagination? Do the movements remind you of what these fingers can do you to, to your body? Do they hold a promise, display a need to do these things to you?

I'm hard. I can feel it already. My cock, pushing against the buttons of my Levis. You have made me this way; your need of me, your desire. Your fire.

The friction of the denim on my skin as my pants slide down is almost too much. Your breathing is faster now, more urgent, harsher. Louder. The waistband of my Levis, made heavy by my belt buckle, slipping over the curve of my ass. My eyes are still closed, and all I can see in the private darkness behind my eyelids is you. Touching yourself. Watching me through eyes dark with lust as I display myself for you.

I hear you clearly now, your breathing an audible echo to the pounding of my heart. I am so hard it almost hurts, and I know you can see me, standing before you, my cock swollen and rigid, the veins full of blood. Full of need. Desperate to be touched. Aching to be stroked. And then, almost suddenly, my pants are pooling around my ankles, and the loss of sensation on my skin is so unexpected, so unwanted, that I almost moan. I need that touch. I need to feel your hands on my thighs, stroking higher. I need to feel your desire for me. I need to feel you want me.

I need you.
--

There ya go. First thing I've written since Nano two years ago!! Comments always welcome

*fanning myself*

Wow.

 

[raphy]

*fanning myself*

Wow.

And here I was thinking I'd lost my touch....

*grins*

thanks hun

 

[dark&stormy]

 

[Guest]

*fanning myself*

Wow.

Indeed.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Carson only strips for me.

Carson struck me as a rule breaker. Carson, get to it!!

It's not a rule Rhys made for me, just my own choice.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

It's not a rule Rhys made for me, just my own choice.

*threadjack* Carson's playin' hooky.

 

[Rhys]

*threadjack* Carson's playin' hooky.

What is this a Hawaiian holiday? HookyHooky day?

*lights cigarette and pours another two fingers of scotch*

You should strip for me too, missy.

Raphy...very nice. Flex the abs some.

 

[raphy]

What is this a Hawaiian holiday? HookyHooky day?

*lights cigarette and pours another two fingers of scotch*

You should strip for me too, missy.

Raphy...very nice. Flex the abs some.

Alas, I don't have any abs anymore. With the onset of encroaching years, my broad mind and my narrow waist are exchanging places

I'm glad you liked it though =)