Strip for me

[Rhys]

DAMN YOU BEG too much for ass!

Oh that is good!!! But what a fuck Ryhs is to you .. online A thought unless you like - which is good . Just saying I would not take his assholnish - OK asshole I would!

Darling, I am just being charming. You've not seen the real asshole yet on here.

 

[carsonshepherd]

line forms to the left.

 

[joeys-game]

manipulated your body HOW?

detail. capitalization.


Write it again.

Okay, will do..but im getting mixed messages here
too much detail, description not enough emotion! then i change it and im getting
not enough detail...!!!

 

[raphy]

Joey, there's different styles of writing, and all are valid. Only by writing a lot will you find your own personal style. Just as there are different styles of writing, there are also different preferences to reading.

That is why some people like Anne Rice's descriptive prose and some think she spends too much time describing and not enough time doing.

I'm not ever going to tell you what to write. No. Wait. I already did that, didn't I? Sorry. I'd tell you ignore what I said, except that it's probably too late for that.

I write how *I* write. I hate to write seqences of events. I did this, he did that, she did the other. You'll probably never find me writing something like

He slowly stepped out of his jeans, unbuttoning them one at a time, then pulled off his shoes and socks

It's a shopping list of actions. Some folks may write that way. Not me. To me, it feels flat and sterile. As you can probably see from the short piece I posted in this thread, I prefer to write from the inside. Obviously, sometimes you can't avoid writing actions, but on the whole I try and avoid it.

My writing style is more.. etheral, more visceral. I like to get inside the heads and hearts of the characters and describe how what they're doing makes them feel, or how what they feel makes them do what they're doing, and I like to write using words, phrases and terms that promote a sort of emotional rollercoaster in the reader. I like to hammer my reader with imagery that forces them to feel the way I want them to feel. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Often, it doesn't. It's not an easy way to write.

And it's not the only way to write. So if you're getting conflicting messages, it's because every single writer on this board (and there's a lot of talented writers in the AH) has a different style. Just like you can't please everyone, you also can't take everyone's advice.

Take that which makes sense to *you*, as a writer, and use it to improve your craft.

However, the very very first thing you need to do is make sure your grammar, punctuation and spelling are 100% correct. That's one thing that all writers agree is necessary. (Although sometimes we don't always agree on how it should be done, but that's another story)

 

[rikaaim]

Joey, there's different styles of writing, and all are valid. Only by writing a lot will you find your own personal style. Just as there are different styles of writing, there are also different preferences to reading.

That is why some people like Anne Rice's descriptive prose and some think she spends too much time describing and not enough time doing.

I'm not ever going to tell you what to write. No. Wait. I already did that, didn't I? Sorry. I'd tell you ignore what I said, except that it's probably too late for that.

I write how *I* write. I hate to write seqences of events. I did this, he did that, she did the other. You'll probably never find me writing something like

He slowly stepped out of his jeans, unbuttoning them one at a time, then pulled off his shoes and socks

It's a shopping list of actions. Some folks may write that way. Not me. To me, it feels flat and sterile. As you can probably see from the short piece I posted in this thread, I prefer to write from the inside. Obviously, sometimes you can't avoid writing actions, but on the whole I try and avoid it.

My writing style is more.. etheral, more visceral. I like to get inside the heads and hearts of the characters and describe how what they're doing makes them feel, or how what they feel makes them do what they're doing, and I like to write using words, phrases and terms that promote a sort of emotional rollercoaster in the reader. I like to hammer my reader with imagery that forces them to feel the way I want them to feel. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Often, it doesn't. It's not an easy way to write.

And it's not the only way to write. So if you're getting conflicting messages, it's because every single writer on this board (and there's a lot of talented writers in the AH) has a different style. Just like you can't please everyone, you also can't take everyone's advice.

Take that which makes sense to *you*, as a writer, and use it to improve your craft.

However, the very very first thing you need to do is make sure your grammar, punctuation and spelling are 100% correct. That's one thing that all writers agree is necessary. (Although sometimes we don't always agree on how it should be done, but that's another story)

Very well said. That's great advice for all would be authors, both new and seasoned. As you state, if only polishing and presenting the story as flawless as possible is all that's done, then most likely it will be considered a solid story. The basics are the key when starting out, I feel. Present the idea of the story in a crisp, and as flawless manner as possible. Once spelling and grammer become second nature, and the ideas become easier to express, then style will nautrally develope. Of course, I'm still working on the first two. However, I do know what my style is, and sadly it's an either like it or hate it style. I'm very poetic by nature, a certain flare if you will, and often it seems wordy, or just dreadfully tedious. However, it's me. It's what I like.

 

[Celtic Princess]

Darling, I am just being charming. You've not seen the real asshole yet on here.

~smirk~

line forms to the left.

I thought it started just slightly left of right...

 

[joeys-game]

advice

Raphy,
Thanks so much for your comments and advice. Also thanks for taking the time to write the lengthy post to my frusteration!
Words definetly to live by!
j

 

[Dar~]

critique me . . please, I hate begging, but I have waited all day for criticism.

 

[carsonshepherd]

critique me . . please, I hate begging, but I have waited all day for criticism.

Since Rhys is not threadtending at the moment I'll do his hosting.

Give me a moment.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Wow

i came outta lurkdom to drool..the scenes got me thinking (which is always a good thing)

*back in my closet now*

 

[raphy]

Raphy,
Thanks so much for your comments and advice. Also thanks for taking the time to write the lengthy post to my frusteration!
Words definetly to live by!
j

Joey, would it be condescending of me to politely and gently fix what's wrong (from a grammar and punctuation perspective) in this post?

Just so you're made aware of where you're making mistakes. That, after all, is how you know where they are and can make efforts to not do them next time.

But if you'd rather I didn't, I'll not.

*smiles*

 

[carsonshepherd]

Since Rhys is not threadtending at the moment I'll do his hosting.

Give me a moment.

sorry, i fell asleep

 

[joeys-game]

Joey, would it be condescending of me to politely and gently fix what's wrong (from a grammar and punctuation perspective) in this post?

Just so you're made aware of where you're making mistakes. That, after all, is how you know where they are and can make efforts to not do them next time.

But if you'd rather I didn't, I'll not.

*smiles*

How can i say no when you put it like that?
No really, that would be great.

 

[Honey123]

Gulp!

Cold shower anyone?

 

[raphy]

Here ya go..

Raphy,
Thanks so much for your comments and advice. Also thanks for taking the time to write the lengthy post to my frusteration!
Words definetly to live by!
j

Raphy,
Thanks so much for your comments and advice; also thanks for taking the time to write the lengthy post to my frustration!
Words definitely to live by!

Here's a good site that lists common errors, although some of his examples are *very* fussy.

http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~brians/errors/index.html

I did find a *very* informative and humorous page on this subject, but I've lost the bookmark now, alas.

 

[raphy]

Oh, here's one.

http://www.yourdictionary.com/library/mispron.html

That's ostensibly about mispronounced words, but often I've found that the reason a lot of people misspell words is because they're mispronouncing them first.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Oh, here's one.

http://www.yourdictionary.com/library/mispron.html

That's ostensibly about mispronounced words, but often I've found that the reason a lot of people misspell words, is because they're mispronouncing them first.

or mispronunciating, as I always say.

 

[raphy]

Well, y'know what they say - You have to know the rules, before you have license to break 'em.

But there's a difference between intentionally mispronouncing or misusing a word for some effect, and simply getting it wrong because you don't know any better.

I have a friend who likes to tell people he's bisexual because he speaks two languages, and amphibious because he can use his left hand equally as well as his right.

=)

(Yes, he's using those words intentionally)

 

[Honey123]

Well, y'know what they say - You have to know the rules, before you have license to break 'em.

But there's a difference between intentionally mispronouncing or misusing a word for some effect, and simply getting it wrong because you don't know any better.

I have a friend who likes to tell people he's bisexual because he speaks two languages, and amphibious because he can use his left hand equally as well as his right.

=)

(Yes, he's using those words intentionally)

I misspell because I am just too fast at trying to get what I want to say out and too lazy to use spell check...isn't that what editors are for???

 

[Willow Rain]

I'm adding to this not having read it all yet. I just couldn't resist adding another emotional responce to the command to strip . I intentionally tried to keep the sub gender neutral So use your imagination about what is under the shirt.

That you ask this, infuriates me. Mid argument, you pull rank as casually as if you were telling me that the library books need to go back today. Leaning back against the sink, holding a glass of iced tea in your wide big hand, your eyes shielded and a mystery. Your command stops the flow of my diatribe and my rant about our neighbor’s pauses. Fury coiling in me, still I do not deny you, but there is aggression in my every gesture. I step toward you across the tile pulling free buttons on my chambray shirt, one button yields instead of sliding free. Thread breaking, it drops to the floor bouncing toward the refrigerator. You watch the gap widen as my shirt flutters open and I jerk it angrily back over my shoulders. I yank my arms out, glaring up at you.

You touch one bent finger, cold from the glass under my chin, a gentle caress, and say “It is my right.”

I grit my teeth. Your touch focusing me, ripping other emotions up into my body. I know you are not speaking of the neighbors, and property lines. Or more you are speaking of property lines, but far more intimate ones. It is your right, but it isn’t always easy and I would more bite you then kiss those gentle fingers in this moment. I throw my shirt to your feet, and you smile.

 

[Dar~]

Fine then . . .Don't

 

[carsonshepherd]

Fine then . . .Don't

i suck.

how about, as soon as i can form coherent thoughts?

 

[Dar~]

i suck.

how about, as soon as i can form coherent thoughts?

I wasn't talking about you . . I am just a feedback whore . .among other types of whores

 

[OhMissScarlett]

The carpet ticklesthe bottom of my feet as I step out of the bathroom and into the semi darkness of the bedroom. I hear you rather than see you and my breath quickens in anticipation. I hadn't heard you come in, I was in the shower.
My nipples harden against the soft tshirt, still warm from the dryer, and my heart is racing. What would you want of me. Whatever it was, I knew that I too would enjoy it.

"Strip."

One simple command and yet so many physical responses. Just the tiniest trace of fear, I had never stripped for someone before. Would I please you?

Hearing the sharp sound of disapproval in your sigh, I lift slightly jittery hands to the bottom of the shirt, softly carressing myself for you. Letting my hands linger for a moment at my center, feeling the warmth. I want to please you and show you how much you engulf me in desire. I can feel myself getting moist through my shorts and as I lift the shirt to remove it you inhale deeply causing my heart to pound and my hands to shake a little more. Did you or approve , was I going too slowly, too fast?

The shirt over my head and my arms entangled you tell me to stand still and I hear you approach. I feel your breath on the skin of my stomach and I goosebump in anticipation of pleasure or the possibility of pain, but I am rewarded with neither as you run a soft trial of warm breath over my nipples and watch them harden for you. My wanting of you is almost unbearable and I almost cry out when you leave the light and return to being a spectator.

I finish pulling off the shirt and stand before you so highly aroused that I can't help but run my hands from my neck over my taut nipples. Pinching them lightly, I groan and struggle with myself to not beg you to fuck me, kiss, me, touch me.

Dropping my hands further still, I hook my thumbs into the waistband of my shorts and slowly turn to face the wall . I take a deep breath, hoping I can please you and bend slowly removing my shorts as I fold. Gingerly, I step to the side and enjoy the rapid increase in your breathing and the familiar sound of your zipper opening.

Still bent over, I run my hands over my, now completely exposed, buttocks. I know you can see me, and the knowing makes my arousal more apparent as a droplet of moisture seeps from my slit and runs a thin course in inch or so down my leg.

Slowly, I lower myself to all fours and I crawl, cat-like, to the chair you are sitting in. I can smell my own arousal, and as I draw closer to you, I can see yours bulging out of your dusty jeans. I place my hands on your knees and lower my face to your cock inhaling deeply and wait for your next command . . .

How the hell did I miss this?
Very hot, jeez.
I find myself clapping and yelling "Take it all off!"
Well done.
I have something of my own in the works, we'll have to see if it makes it.

 

[CharleyH]

Darling, I am just being charming. You've not seen the real asshole yet on here.

I can only wish for your ass hole-ishness I bet it is charming