Submissive/Slave Haven

[BiBunny]

ITW...we are referring to the same thread and it took everything i had not to say something. Unlike you, i have a tendency to "spout off" and not be concerned about sounding polite or lady-like. Also, given some recent "behind the scenes" events, perhaps i am taking certain things personally.

Either way the "sub-bashing" to me is unfair because i certainly don't see threads around here bashing Doms...not all of whom are perfect or frankly even respectable. It's way to easy for the Doms to sit there and point the finger, and i think if the subs did it we would be flamed. (Again, just my opinion.)

Several Lit friends and I have talked about this before. If somebody on Lit would have the balls to admit that probably 90% of the people who claim to be in the lifestyle are batshit crazy, this place would probably be much better. BDSM certainly isn't a way to have your (general you) issues worked out, but some people damn sure think it is. The subs are just often more obvious about it than the Dom/mes, and, as a switch, I can say that with a good deal of certainty.

I'll be butting out now and perhaps going to make a switch thread for those of us who can't pick a label and stick with it.

 

[HottieMama]

I'm not sure of the thread you're referring to (it may have been one of my own)... but I'd like to think that you wouldn't be bashed here for speaking your mind in any thread.

I'm pretty much on the record for my belief that a submissive's opinion is every bit as valid as that of a dominant (with some obvious exceptions... in a scene or whatever) as a general rule.

You're probably right Raw...However if i pointed out that a certain person was a huge fucking hypocrite for what they said about recently "single" subs and what they attempted with me, i can guarantee it would have been drama.

(Let's just say HottieMama is a little fed up with people that talk out of both sides of their mouth.)

 

[intothewoods]

Well, look, about a variety of situations around here I can say, when you get involved at some level with people on this site, it gets dicey. I'm going to try and keep my mouth shut!

ETA: er...those two comments are separate. getting involved means things can get dicey. And to avoid future diceyness, I will try and keep my mouth shut.

But I do like to have a place to flesh out my thoughts on bdsm, so for now, I'm still here.

If somebody on Lit would have the balls to admit that probably 90% of the people who claim to be in the lifestyle are batshit crazy, this place would probably be much better.

Me - me! I have the balls! 90% - batshit crazy!

 

[intothewoods]

btw - I count myself as part of the 90%.

 

[sexycaz22]

I do not think it matters who does the "sub bashing" thingie, I did see SOME subs doing the same to others and I am more than sure that I did see some subs doing the "Dom bashing" in some threads.

When I said what I said, I thought we were talking about THIS thread, being what it were supposed to be. But I always felt that switches people and PYLs were more than welcome to post in the thread...provided (expect switches as they will have some rich experiences to share with us) that they do keep it to a maximum and not post QUITE A LOT! After all, we might have questions that only Doms could answer or they could help us with other generally enquires.

Let's us move forward fand be more welcoming for everyone!

Just my two cents (or just my two pennies as I live in the UK!! LOL)

Caz

 

[RawHumor]

I do not think it matters who does the "sub bashing" thingie, I did see SOME subs doing the same to others and I am more than sure that I did see some subs doing the "Dom bashing" in some threads.

When I said what I said, I thought we were talking about THIS thread, being what it were supposed to be. But I always felt that switches people and PYLs were more than welcome to post in the thread...provided (expect switches as they will have some rich experiences to share with us) that they do keep it to a maximum and not post QUITE A LOT! After all, we might have questions that only Doms could answer or they could help us with other generally enquires.

Let's us move forward fand be more welcoming for everyone!

Just my two cents (or just my two pennies as I live in the UK!! LOL)

Caz

I think you mean, you hope the dominants keep their posts to a minimum, no?


(sorry, couldn't resist)

 

[sexycaz22]

I think you mean, you hope the dominants keep their posts to a minimum, no?


(sorry, couldn't resist)

*laughs* Yes, that's what I meant! Thanks for pointing it out!

(see? Doms does have a specail reason for being in this thread, pointing out my little mistakes! )

 

[intothewoods]

my arms are wide open...but that's all...I'm no slut.

 

[skoolgurl16]

Brand New

I'm brand new to this but I really want to experiment in being submissive if anyone wants to teach me or control me.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

I'm brand new to this but I really want to experiment in being submissive if anyone wants to teach me or control me.

LOL.. you saying that is like a 3 legged cat getting tossed into the dog pound..

Enable your PMs btw if you want somebody to contact you.

 

[intothewoods]

I really feel the love in this thread.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Cant we all just get along?

Okay I havent been here on Lit very long.. but Ive made some of the bestest friends a Sub could ever desire or want and if you are my friend you KNOW who you are, WINK WINK but I have also been bashed here myself for my opinions Cant we all just get along?I mean here is the way I see it... This is a place that us "subs" are supposed to feel safe and know we can commiserate if I may say so to our fellow subs, there is nothing wrong with the Dom's/Domme's coming in here reading and giving a little advice or even the PYL or switches.. No one here needs to be mean to anyone at least IMO.. The world is small you are gonna come across people youve loved, hated and loved again, youll come across people youve never met and are glad you did meet cause they taught you a lesson and youll come across people you cant stand. but the world is too small and too short to worry about those things. if you didnt work out then so be it move on and find where, who and how and you will be truly happy, if you did love and lost, It is painful I know Ive been there.. and this is a place where we all should just GET ALONG

Stepping down off soapbox now.. Getting back to my knees.. Thank you ..

 

[RawHumor]

I'm brand new to this but I really want to experiment in being submissive if anyone wants to teach me or control me.

It can be quite difficult to teach a virgin online, as many virgins don't know yet what they enjoy or don't enjoy sexually.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Velvet...i didn't mean that as a smart-ass comment. Both mine and LC's online time is limited some days, and quite frankly i would rather talk to him than anyone else in the world...

I actually didn't think you'd meant it that way. I thought you were serious. Hence my comment. Of course you'd want to spend more time w/him than anyone else. That only makes sense. I can relate.

I noticed your photo thread today. It's kinda giving me the courage to get mine own started. You'll have to let me know what you think of the photos once Gabe gets it started.

 

[lk70]

My thoughts

So I hope no one minds this but this thread seems the place for me to toss this out. I'm not new to kinky sex by any means but I'm pretty new to thinking about being submissive outside the bedroom.

I want it. I really crave it. But I find it doesn't come naturally to me. I'm finding, though people I've talked with and met from CM, that I feel most men I meet don't deserve my submission. He has to be ABLE to dominate me because I can't just be submissive to any jackass who says he's a dom. He needs to be at least as smart as me, preferably smarter. He needs to have his shit together and have good judgment about his own life or how else can I trust him with mine? He has to know me and what I care about and largely care about the same things. I'm a pet lover- I love my cats and my dogs. If he has no respect for animals, I can't be with him.

I don't think this is easy (or possible?) to find.

Am I being unrealistic?

 

[HottieMama]

So I hope no one minds this but this thread seems the place for me to toss this out. I'm not new to kinky sex by any means but I'm pretty new to thinking about being submissive outside the bedroom.

I want it. I really crave it. But I find it doesn't come naturally to me. I'm finding, though people I've talked with and met from CM, that I feel most men I meet don't deserve my submission. He has to be ABLE to dominate me because I can't just be submissive to any jackass who says he's a dom. He needs to be at least as smart as me, preferably smarter. He needs to have his shit together and have good judgment about his own life or how else can I trust him with mine? He has to know me and what I care about and largely care about the same things. I'm a pet lover- I love my cats and my dogs. If he has no respect for animals, I can't be with him.

I don't think this is easy (or possible?) to find.

Am I being unrealistic?

It IS possible and you are NOT being unrealistic. (And anyone who says that you are needs to dislodge their head from their ass.) You're probably right. MOST men don't deserve your submission because most probably don't have the right to call themselves Doms in the first place. It's in the "getting to know you" process that you will discover this...(and unfortunately many on CollarMe aren't what their profile makes them out to be.) But eventually, and probably after "kissing a few toads" you WILL find one that deserves you...and when you do...i think you will find that submission in general comes much more easily. Doing what you Dom asks becomes not a matter of "have to" but "want to." And THAT feeling, once you experience it....is a beautiful, comforting thing.

i wish you much luck on your search and we are always here to listen.

 

[CutieMouse]

So I hope no one minds this but this thread seems the place for me to toss this out. I'm not new to kinky sex by any means but I'm pretty new to thinking about being submissive outside the bedroom.

I want it. I really crave it. But I find it doesn't come naturally to me. I'm finding, though people I've talked with and met from CM, that I feel most men I meet don't deserve my submission. He has to be ABLE to dominate me because I can't just be submissive to any jackass who says he's a dom. He needs to be at least as smart as me, preferably smarter. He needs to have his shit together and have good judgment about his own life or how else can I trust him with mine? He has to know me and what I care about and largely care about the same things. I'm a pet lover- I love my cats and my dogs. If he has no respect for animals, I can't be with him.

I don't think this is easy (or possible?) to find.

Am I being unrealistic?

So essentially you expect a guy to have his shit together, just as you would any guy you thought was relationship potential? Sounds like someone with a practical head on her shoulders, who is well on her way to knowing what she wants, expects, and needs in a relationship... if you can nurture that desire to not settle for less than what you want, educate yourself with regards to BDSM, and be patient, you'll be (happily) amazed at the kinds of men who will approach you.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

But I do like to have a place to flesh out my thoughts on bdsm, so for now, I'm still here.

If somebody on Lit would have the balls to admit that probably 90% of the people who claim to be in the lifestyle are batshit crazy, this place would probably be much better.

Me - me! I have the balls! 90% - batshit crazy!

I'll take it one step further. 90% of the people on here (the internet in general, porn/dating sites in particular), are posers, pretenders, liars, cheats, horndogs and trolls. I will, however, have the class to keep my yap shut about who I think is which.

I'm in that kinda mood tonight...

 

[CutieMouse]

I'll take it one step further. 90% of the people on here (the internet in general, porn/dating sites in particular), are posers, pretenders, liars, cheats, horndogs and trolls. I will, however, have the class to keep my yap shut about who I think is which.

I'm in that kinda mood tonight...

Quietly slides a steak dinner across the table to EG... (I was gonna give you chocolate, but remembered you're doing so well with the meds and stuff. )

 

[DVS]

So essentially you expect a guy to have his shit together, just as you would any guy you thought was relationship potential? Sounds like someone with a practical head on her shoulders, who is well on her way to knowing what she wants, expects, and needs in a relationship... if you can nurture that desire to not settle for less than what you want, educate yourself with regards to BDSM, and be patient, you'll be (happily) amazed at the kinds of men who will approach you.

CM, I hope that you don't mind that I sidestep your above post...just a bit. I agree with everything you say, and I also agree with everything HottieMama says about collarme. My sidestep occurs when you say not to settle for less than what you want. I do agree with that in theory, but at the same time, don't be unrealistic.

I've been rejected too many times and read too many profiles on collarme that mention they are looking for the man that is "THE" one to sweep them off their feet, take charge of their lives, complete them, make them whole. It goes on and on as if they are only willing to accept some knight in shining armor who will ride into their life on a white horse decorated with a gleaming silver harness.

Again, I'm not saying to accept some lame guy who just says he's a Dom and has no obvious ability to "be" a Dom. They are out there, to be sure, and collarme is full of them.

Because of the repetition women encounter these so called wannabe Doms, it seems many get quick with the delete key and move on, just because they assume a man is "just another faker" because he says he's secure in what he says and what he says is so unbelievable it can't be true.

How else is a man to be? If he wants honesty in a woman, he should himself be honest. So, if a woman reads a profile that says something that seems a bit difficult to believe because "they've heard it all before", don't move on just because of that.

A Dom is supposed to be secure in his sexuality. If he's been in the lifestyle for a while, he should know what he wants in a submissive. He should also know what to expect in a woman that might find him interesting.

But, in direct contrast with the fakers, he should be so secure that he doesn't make demands of her, nor require a title or some other kind of undue status from the get go. "Master this" or "Lord that" is very telling, if you ask me. All of that can come long after you meet, if it's at all necessary.

Honesty and sincere self-assuredness can be seen as "pompous", to quote one woman's reply to me. And I couldn't say anything to change her mind.

It's difficult to stay above the riff raff and get noticed for who and what you are. When the word is out to the lowlife crowd that all you have to do is treat submissives like shit, talk down to them, and use them for sex. Collarme is free, and although I like it that way, so does the lowlife crowd. They have nothing to lose.

I'm just saying, don't assume someone is what he seems, until you are sure. And, don't be too picky with your list of Dom requirements. That guy you thought was pompous could actually be a knight...maybe his armor is just in the wash.

Sorry, if this is a long winded rant. But, it's a touchy topic. Anybody know a good product to shine armor? I need something to be noticed.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Quietly slides a steak dinner across the table to EG... (I was gonna give you chocolate, but remembered you're doing so well with the meds and stuff. )

Thank you CM! {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}

And I'm terrifically happy things have gone so well for you of late. You're a nifty person and deserve much happiness! ! !

 

[h_i_s]

So I hope no one minds this but this thread seems the place for me to toss this out. I'm not new to kinky sex by any means but I'm pretty new to thinking about being submissive outside the bedroom.

I want it. I really crave it. But I find it doesn't come naturally to me. I'm finding, though people I've talked with and met from CM, that I feel most men I meet don't deserve my submission. He has to be ABLE to dominate me because I can't just be submissive to any jackass who says he's a dom. He needs to be at least as smart as me, preferably smarter. He needs to have his shit together and have good judgment about his own life or how else can I trust him with mine? He has to know me and what I care about and largely care about the same things. I'm a pet lover- I love my cats and my dogs. If he has no respect for animals, I can't be with him.

I don't think this is easy (or possible?) to find.

Am I being unrealistic?

I wanted that too... craved it too.
I HAVE that now... I found Him (Ok.. we found each other, at the same moment just about.. that counts though).
Bonus: We are both REAL.

Just don't wait for it to come to you or to find you. GET OUT THERE and grab it by the balls..... well, not literally someone's balls (unless that IS your thing and they consent.... or in any case that they don't.. err, never mind, that's a different thread........) Grab life by the balls is what I'm trying to say.

Don't wait for great things to happen to you.
MAKE them happen.

 

[CutieMouse]

CM, I hope that you don't mind that I sidestep your above post...just a bit. I agree with everything you say, and I also agree with everything HottieMama says about collarme. My sidestep occurs when you say not to settle for less than what you want. I do agree with that in theory, but at the same time, don't be unrealistic.

I've been rejected too many times and read too many profiles on collarme that mention they are looking for the man that is "THE" one to sweep them off their feet, take charge of their lives, complete them, make them whole. It goes on and on as if they are only willing to accept some knight in shining armor who will ride into their life on a white horse decorated with a gleaming silver harness.

Again, I'm not saying to accept some lame guy who just says he's a Dom and has no obvious ability to "be" a Dom. They are out there, to be sure, and collarme is full of them.

Because of the repetition women encounter these so called wannabe Doms, it seems many get quick with the delete key and move on, just because they assume a man is "just another faker" because he says he's secure in what he says and what he says is so unbelievable it can't be true.

How else is a man to be? If he wants honesty in a woman, he should himself be honest. So, if a woman reads a profile that says something that seems a bit difficult to believe because "they've heard it all before", don't move on just because of that.

A Dom is supposed to be secure in his sexuality. If he's been in the lifestyle for a while, he should know what he wants in a submissive. He should also know what to expect in a woman that might find him interesting.

But, in direct contrast with the fakers, he should be so secure that he doesn't make demands of her, nor require a title or some other kind of undue status from the get go. "Master this" or "Lord that" is very telling, if you ask me. All of that can come long after you meet, if it's at all necessary.

Honesty and sincere self-assuredness can be seen as "pompous", to quote one woman's reply to me. And I couldn't say anything to change her mind.

It's difficult to stay above the riff raff and get noticed for who and what you are. When the word is out to the lowlife crowd that all you have to do is treat submissives like shit, talk down to them, and use them for sex. Collarme is free, and although I like it that way, so does the lowlife crowd. They have nothing to lose.

I'm just saying, don't assume someone is what he seems, until you are sure. And, don't be too picky with your list of Dom requirements. That guy you thought was pompous could actually be a knight...maybe his armor is just in the wash.

Sorry, if this is a long winded rant. But, it's a touchy topic. Anybody know a good product to shine armor? I need something to be noticed.

Scoots a nice T-bone across the table to DVS, as well.

When I say don't settle, I mean don't settle. There are things I'd prefer to not have as part of the package, but I'm ambivilant enough about to know in the pros/cons big picture way, this or that isn't a deal breaker. At the same time, I know there are things that just ain't gonna work for me - period - so I see no need to waste anyone's time. I can work with a lot of less than perfect, because I'm less than perfect, too. I don't want to be in a relationship in which I feel I have to constantly run uphill, without a break (BTDT).

About 25% of the men I politely rejected on collarme, came back saying I'd gotten the wrong impression of them from their profile. I always responded with an exact, point by point explination of what it was in their profile that I found to be unappealing. These weren't things like I've been a recovered alcoholic for the last 25 years, or I occasionally smoke, or I have child support payments and debt out my ass... it was fundamental attitudes towards how they viewed their "slave(s)", desire to have a polyamorous relationship, or kinks that I viewed as near hard limits.

 

[h_i_s]

........................................I'm just saying, don't assume someone is what he seems, until you are sure. And, don't be too picky with your list of Dom requirements. That guy you thought was pompous could actually be a knight...maybe his armor is just in the wash.

Sorry, if this is a long winded rant. But, it's a touchy topic. Anybody know a good product to shine armor? I need something to be noticed.

I cut your quote short so i can remember what I wanted to refer to, of it, without posting the WHOLE thing DVS. It was long but all very much worth reading... good advice for any who don't already know all that, btw.
And yes... when I first came across your posts here on Lit I could have mistaken you for pompous. I liked enough about what i read between the lines though, to have kept on reading your novels.... err, posts. hehe

I think you are spot on and quite accurate with what you have to say here. I can look back at any number of imperfections I MIGHT have picked up on regarding my Master when I first met Him. If I didn't have the sense to understand that I had to carefully pick up on what I REALLY needed and wanted being there and weigh that against some of what was there that I probably wouldn't have chosen....... I'd have missed out on WHO I need. I'd have passed Him right by on account of some really insignificant so called 'less than desirable attributes'.

I'm not suggesting anyone should look the other way or allow themselves to be blind to a person's negative traits .... eyes wide open, I say.
In my opinion it payed off to look at the glass as half full rather than half empty, and priority is a matter of importance.... the positives better matter and the negatives shouldn't matter too much. Get that equation down and it all adds up to a good thing.

 

[DVS]

Scoots a nice T-bone across the table to DVS, as well.

When I say don't settle, I mean don't settle. There are things I'd prefer to not have as part of the package, but I'm ambivilant enough about to know in the pros/cons big picture way, this or that isn't a deal breaker. At the same time, I know there are things that just ain't gonna work for me - period - so I see no need to waste anyone's time. I can work with a lot of less than perfect, because I'm less than perfect, too. I don't want to be in a relationship in which I feel I have to constantly run uphill, without a break (BTDT).

About 25% of the men I politely rejected on collarme, came back saying I'd gotten the wrong impression of them from their profile. I always responded with an exact, point by point explination of what it was in their profile that I found to be unappealing. These weren't things like I've been a recovered alcoholic for the last 25 years, or I occasionally smoke, or I have child support payments and debt out my ass... it was fundamental attitudes towards how they viewed their "slave(s)", desire to have a polyamorous relationship, or kinks that I viewed as near hard limits.

Don't worry. I do agree with you that everyone should look for that special one to make them whole. I just think...don't take that comment literally, because there are compatible people out there that might seem less than that, initially. So, when I hear someone say don't settle, or something similar, I guess it bothers me, because I've had such a difficult time.

It makes you wonder what else you can do to be noticed and seen for who you really are. I know women get so many messages that they sometimes begin to treat some of them as just another one.

They forget that there's an actual person there, looking for a partner. So, rejection is easy, because of the shear number of messages she has remaining. But, men don't get messages like that. Mostly we are required to send one to get one. And, in my experience, most of the time I hear nothing in reply, so just assume I wasn't her knight in shining armor.

And, I can deal with that, as long as it's true and she did take the time to view my profile and did take the time to see what I was like. But, the system lets you see when someone reads your message, or deletes it without reading. And you can see when someone views your profile.

But, I don't see how I can be rejected so often. I know I'm not the greatest of all Doms, but I feel I do have my good points. So, how can so many not even care to reply to my messages, to find out a little more about me?

I always include a picture. I've been told I don't look very Domly. I guess that means I look kind of innocent or sweet. OK now, no laughing! But, I can't change how I look, if that's what my problem is. Oh, I could draw devil's horns on my head, I guess, or take a picture where I'm not smiling.

That's what I don't understand, and I guess that's why I'm assuming the women are looking for that special one and they won't settle for even talking to someone that might be a close second, be it something in my message, or how I look, or whatever.

Sure, if what I'm saying is true, some will never find their special one, because they have the bar set too high for anybody to be a match. And, I know I'm no knight in shining armor, anyway. I don't think any of them are bald, are they? But, I am in the "also ran" group nobody seems to settle for.

DAMN, I'm rambling again! I do think you have found yourself a good partner, and maybe I'm just envious that you have found such a perfect dream home and I haven't been so lucky. Who knows. But, I am very glad to see you are happy and I look forward to hearing more about your dream coming true...even if I am a bit envious.