Submissive/Slave Haven

[Velvet Bubbles]

Oh, yeah, I'm such a great submissive. I'm so damned submissive that I get to playing with Him & feel like I don't have the right to a safe word. So did I use it? No. I'd punish myself for being so stupid, except the pain is doing that for me.

 

[intothewoods]

Oh, yeah, I'm such a great submissive. I'm so damned submissive that I get to playing with Him & feel like I don't have the right to a safe word. So did I use it? No. I'd punish myself for being so stupid, except the pain is doing that for me.

Using my safe word feels like giving up to me. I'm so ridiculous.

 

[CutieMouse]

Huh... I don't have a safe word. LOL

The first time we did anything, about half way through I realized that the position my arm was in, was aggrivating the annoyingly easy ability for my right hand to go numb (I have RSI in that wrist). So I just said "Sweetheart? would you mind..." and explained it. It screwed up the moment and all that stuff, and he started out lecturing me for not telling him that position wasn't a good idea when he first tied me up, but then I pointed out that given I'd never been tied up before I couldn't exactly predict how my body would respond. (It was a bit of a Montey Python Bondage Moment. ROFL) If I had stayed quiet, it'd have screwed up my wrist for the rest of the trip, and really screwed up any other bondage we did. It also gave him the information he needed to adapt what kind of ties he likes, to work for my quirky wrists.

I still got the very stern talking to that he can't keep me safe if I deny him full disclosure. His job is to do wicked things to me without permanently damaging me; my job is to assist him in said wicked things through honest communication about what's happening physically and emotionally while he's doing wicked things. He's made it quite clear - if I don't hold up my end of the bargan, he won't play with me.

 

[subfem1963]

I felt exactly the same, if i had to use my safe word it would have felt like i was a failure, which i know now is so wrong.
If i'm ever in the position where i have to use it i will. Trouble is i know i will still feel bad if i do. Lol.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

See? That's exactly it. It makes me feel as if I'm failing both Him & myself by having to use it. And I DID communicate with him. I told him it felt sharp & hurt, but He wouldn't let me stop. Which is right when I SHOULD have used the safe word. Hence why I feel so stupid & why I'm bleeding for no good reason. (I'm not into cutting/bleeding anyway. Eww.) I just feel like such a moron.

 

[intothewoods]

Huh... I don't have a safe word. LOL

Um, I don't think that's that big of a deal, actually. I didn't have a big "safe word" talk with any of the people I played with at parties. Of course, people are around, for one. But I would just yell, OW STOP STOP STOP and then they'd ease off. No biggie. Everyone I've played with knows I"m new, and they take it easy.

 

[intothewoods]

Oh, and well, for me, I don't really feel like I've failed anyone else. It's more like a competitive thing - like when you're running and you want to push yourself a little harder, because the payoff is good. Same thing here, it feels better afterwards if I've taken a bit more.

There is something about that, btw, that totally gets me. The lingering sting. It's like, ohhhh yeah, baby.

 

[minx1]

See? That's exactly it. It makes me feel as if I'm failing both Him & myself by having to use it. And I DID communicate with him. I told him it felt sharp & hurt, but He wouldn't let me stop. Which is right when I SHOULD have used the safe word. Hence why I feel so stupid & why I'm bleeding for no good reason. (I'm not into cutting/bleeding anyway. Eww.) I just feel like such a moron.

*hugs* you're not a moron hon!

have you talked about limits too?

 

[CutieMouse]

Um, I don't think that's that big of a deal, actually. I didn't have a big "safe word" talk with any of the people I played with at parties. Of course, people are around, for one. But I would just yell, OW STOP STOP STOP and then they'd ease off. No biggie. Everyone I've played with knows I"m new, and they take it easy.

Oh I can go "Owww ouch owie OWWWIEEEEOUCH!!!" and he won't pay too much attention (other than to pause long enough to give me a kiss LOL); he's actually quite good at paying attention to my reaction.

The second night we played, it was hard, because he wanted an idea of what it took to make bruises (apparently I don't mark easily LOL). So I ended up with some fabulous red marks on one cheek (which blossomed into really good bruises 24 hours later), we took a break, and then I ever so sweetly asked if we really *had* to do the other cheek, because I seriously felt I'd reached my limit. I didn't mean to make "the face", but I apparently made "the face" which is impossible to ignore, and we went for a swim. LOL

Twice during my visit I brought things to a grinding halt - the thing I mentioned above with my wrist getting wonky, and on the last night because I was doing well with the pain, but every swing made my brain go "You're getting on a flight tomorrow and there won't be anyone to remind you of all the ouchy bits..." <insert Cutie falling apart> The "I can't do this tonight; you need to untie me NOW" wasn't submissive in any way shape or form. He made a point of letting me know my request to stop isn't why he stopped; it was the reason for stopping that made him stop. He couldn't continue without causing emotional damage, so we made a rain-check.

The only time I felt bad about it was the last night, but I was hitting "shit we have less than 18 hours together" by that point, anyway, so I think the dissapointment was wrapped up in far more than stopping play for the evening...

 

[intothewoods]

Oh I can go "Owww ouch owie OWWWIEEEEOUCH!!!" and he won't pay too much attention (other than to pause long enough to give me a kiss LOL); he's actually quite good at paying attention to my reaction.

Well, and it all depends on the dynamic. This has been my favorite thing to discover about bdsm, actually. These different power dynamics that can exist between two people. With you and J, no doubt it runs deep.

I've been more or less playing at the surface, emotionally speaking. I haven't played all that much, but playing with someone new at a party, someone who I'll see again, is kind of a get-to-know-you kinda thing.

I'm actually supposed to play again with someone in particular - we've actually discussed a punishment scene - and there will be a safe word. I basically had an emotional block up the first time we played (again with the surface thing) - so it wasn't so much that he pushed me to my physical limits, but that he knew I just wasn't going to let him go past a certain point that night. I wasn't going to cry.

Uh, I've sort of alluded to my fascination with toying with sadists, right? Ohhhhh, EvilGeoff ????? Yeah, I don't know what the fuck is up with that, because lord knows I am NOT a painslut, but I just love the idea that some guy is thinking of wicked things to do to me. Plus, the experienced players have some mad skills.

I'm slightly nervous about the upcoming punishment scene, because that will be about pushing my emotional limits, but I'm hoping it will be really cathartic. I've got a lot of guilt I'm holding on to over things I wish I'd just not done, and he's crafting something, er, special. Gulp.

The only time I felt bad about it was the last night, but I was hitting "shit we have less than 18 hours together" by that point, anyway, so I think the dissapointment was wrapped up in far more than stopping play for the evening...

That's hard - the drop is hard. And especially with the connection you two have. I think that's really telling of what a great person he is.

 

[subfem1963]

See? That's exactly it. It makes me feel as if I'm failing both Him & myself by having to use it. And I DID communicate with him. I told him it felt sharp & hurt, but He wouldn't let me stop. Which is right when I SHOULD have used the safe word. Hence why I feel so stupid & why I'm bleeding for no good reason. (I'm not into cutting/bleeding anyway. Eww.) I just feel like such a moron.

Your not a Moron Velvet. but Minx is right when she asked if you had discussed limits.
Your safe word is there for a reason though as i said i'd hate to have to use mine, but one day i may have too.

 

[sexycaz22]

Hi...

I just wanted to share some good news .... I think!

I am now feeling with some excitement that I might be attending a local munch in 2 weeks time and with the potential of meeting someone I have chatted with online there!

Will keep you updated.

Caz

 

[HottieMama]

Hi...

I just wanted to share some good news .... I think!

I am now feeling with some excitement that I might be attending a local munch in 2 weeks time and with the potential of meeting someone I have chatted with online there!

Will keep you updated.

Caz

Good luck, Caz!!!! i hope it goes well for you!!!


Velvet, you aren't a moron but i do think you need to have a talk with your Master abouts limits and such. And from a medical perspective, if you think you are bleeding too much or other things don't seem right, PLEASE go get checked out. (Trust me..ER/urgent care nurses and docs have seen it ALL.)

 

[sexycaz22]

Good luck, Caz!!!! i hope it goes well for you!!!

Thank you! I must say, I am really nervous about it all...possibly my first munch! And possibly making a good friend and then maybe more! Although, I don't think it will be a serious D/s relationship for now. Still, going to take my time and try to relax at the munch!

Caz

 

[DVS]

Huh... I don't have a safe word. LOL

The first time we did anything, about half way through I realized that the position my arm was in, was aggrivating the annoyingly easy ability for my right hand to go numb (I have RSI in that wrist). So I just said "Sweetheart? would you mind..." and explained it. It screwed up the moment and all that stuff, and he started out lecturing me for not telling him that position wasn't a good idea when he first tied me up, but then I pointed out that given I'd never been tied up before I couldn't exactly predict how my body would respond. (It was a bit of a Montey Python Bondage Moment. ROFL) If I had stayed quiet, it'd have screwed up my wrist for the rest of the trip, and really screwed up any other bondage we did. It also gave him the information he needed to adapt what kind of ties he likes, to work for my quirky wrists.

I still got the very stern talking to that he can't keep me safe if I deny him full disclosure. His job is to do wicked things to me without permanently damaging me; my job is to assist him in said wicked things through honest communication about what's happening physically and emotionally while he's doing wicked things. He's made it quite clear - if I don't hold up my end of the bargan, he won't play with me.

The best possible solution for that is, once he knows you are OK, you go over his lap to learn a well deserved lesson.

I'm sorry. Did anybody else get turned on by her post besides me? God, maybe I've got a Monty Python fetish or something. I don't even like Spam!!

 

[CutieMouse]

The best possible solution for that is, once he knows you are OK, you go over his lap to learn a well deserved lesson.

I'm sorry. Did anybody else get turned on by her post besides me? God, maybe I've got a Monty Python fetish or something. I don't even like Spam!!

Spamspamspamspam... and what lesson was there to learn? I didn't know how my arms were tied was going to mess with my wrist; I said something as soon as I realized it. (He remedied the disruption the next night. LOL)

 

[DVS]

Spamspamspamspam... and what lesson was there to learn? I didn't know how my arms were tied was going to mess with my wrist; I said something as soon as I realized it. (He remedied the disruption the next night. LOL)

The sub is always at fault, when the possiblity is there for the Dom to have some fun. And a good OTK spanking is fun for the Dom.

 

[CutieMouse]

The sub is always at fault, when the possiblity is there for the Dom to have some fun. And a good OTK spanking is fun for the Dom.

ROFL...

 

[intothewoods]

The sub is always at fault, when the possiblity is there for the Dom to have some fun. And a good OTK spanking is fun for the Dom.

heh heh - yeah, that's only fun for the Dom.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Yes. We discussed limits. Problem being, neither one of us realized that I was quite so submissive to him. That I had such an intense need to please him. Learned that now! (The bleeding stopped within about 2-4 hours. It feels like it's healing ok. Just sore now. If something feels wrong I'll go to the ER.) He now knows something he has to watch for. And I learned just how much I have to use that safe word.

I think I may just practice saying it by using it randomly. Did practice saying no to him during our conversation to "fix" this today. <giggles> As a way to get it in my head that I have that right. Repetition works for me.

It's weird. I'm not submissive to anyone else really. Why am I so much to him?

Wish I could get him a mentor so he could learn things like "what to do when your sub doesn't seem to remember to use her safe word" & such. But he keeps saying he doesn't someone else to teach him their methods of how to do things. He's actually incredibly gentle. He would never have continued if I hadn't been such an idiot & said, sure let's keep going. He doesn't want to learn how to whip (etc.) me, it's not his thing. But the basic stuff should be general, right?

 

[northwoods_sub]

Velvet, I don't think there is a mentor to teach a Dom his subs signals, that just comes with time and experience. That is why a safeword is so important, he is not able to tell when you are getting close to your limits if he has nothing to compare it to. As cutie said your responsibility as a sub is to let your Dom know when things are getting to intense for you either physically or emotionally and it is his responsibility to listen to you.
I personally have not needed to use my red safeword but I have used yellow a number of times for different things, but I have the benefit of my Dom being my husband whom I have been with for 7 years before we got into BDSM so he already knows how my body responds.
Don't be so hard on yourself though Velvet, everybody makes mistakes and I know how hard it is to tell him that I need to stop even if it is for just a moment. With time you two will be able to reach all new heights with each other and I am sure it will be wonderful!

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Live & learn. Got it. Both points even.

 

[the_pet]

At odds with Pyl, he's pulling rank and tightening screwshttp://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o180/onesilentfeather/1164160182_yinginside.gif i obeyed but i having trouble surrendering and he knows it which is making him angry and frustrated.....

pet

 

[the_pet]

http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o180/onesilentfeather/celestral.jpg

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Oh my goodness! That is such a beautiful picture!! Who drew it? Where can I find more?