Talking about BDSM and the forums

[Etoile]

You've been on MY lawn for 10 years, Primalex.

 

[Mustang Sally]

I was active here for about a year, many years ago. I was an editor - got my Literotica pen - and met my husband through the site. Certain events in my life have brought me back here, and I want to participate, but of course it's very different now and I'm having a hard time finding my place. I have a sincere posting style and don't love the thought of being beat down by those who wield their sharp wits like weapons (ooh, maybe I should cross masochism off my list after all). I hope I didn't spill faux pas all over the place with my thread the other day. I'll probably continue to be mostly an observer for a while but hope to wade in, somewhere, eventually.

 

[tryn2Bgood]

Been thinking a little about this.

I often look at a lot of these Talk threads, and I want to see what's been said or what's not.

To me, it all comes down to time and effort. And this is not a 'Poor me' post. I got better things to do than that.

I don't always have a whole lot of time to jump in on some lengthy discussion with several active participants.

When I do get to jumping in on some discussion, by the time I've got something worth saying, the conversation may have moved on. What I got, isn't so relevant anymore. So what? I post it? It's way out of context. But, I do anyway at times, depending on how much what I have to say is burning within me.

Sometimes I'll post stuff, it gets skipped over and a page later, someone else says virtually the same thing, and for whatever reason, it seems to matter more. I don't need accolades for my posts by any means. Makes me think, well, I just wasted my time trying to lever into that conversation. *shrugs....I got other stuff to do that may be more interactive and maybe I can make a difference there instead.

Other times, you get some snarky douche in there that wants to make you look stupid, and maybe you have it coming, maybe you don't. Maybe someone is just being an asshole. If I got limited time anyway, why do I want to spend it there? Try to set some asshole straight with dubious results? If I'm doing that? Does anyone really want to see 3-10 posts or more of vitual combat by text? Its absurd.

I want my time to count for something. I don't want to be glossed over, argue with idiots, and I want it to be relevant to what's at hand.

I was hesitant to make this post, but decided to go ahead and say what I want to say anyway. The above quote closely matches my own view, however I wanted to add that I also felt the same as a couple of the newcomers when I first joined . . . Not knowing if or when to join in, if my opinion mattered, not fitting in with groups that were already established 'friendships', etc...

On my very first day, my first post was on the 'Introduce yoursef' thread. My second post...well, it contains a message about it being my first day and the bickering comments between other members not making a very good first impression on me. Shortly after that I posted on a different thread, offering my opinion on the topic being discussed. My opinion was strongly opposed by a few who challenged my way of thinking, which ended up in a back and forth 'argument' of sorts. One person even posted a comment I had made from an unrelated thread to make my opinion look hypocritical. Around that time I asked myself, "Why the hell bother arguing with these people? My opinion obviously doesn't matter . . . And why should it? I don't know them; they don't know me, and opinions are always debatable." So, I stopped posting on threads that ask for 'opinions'. I sometimes post on threads asking for advice if they seem sincere, but rarely. Because even then, sometimes someone will come along and declare it to be the wrong advice.

I, personally, like to hear different opinions. And I try to view things from both sides of the fence. I don't tell people they're 'wrong' for how they feel. And I try to be thoughtful when giving advice. But it seems unrealistic to expect the same courtesy in return on most of these threads. Now I just pop in from time to time, see if anything useful is being discussed, and leave quietly.

I did, however, meet someone special through this site (which wasn't my intention when I joined) so it hasn't been a total waste. Some of the threads are entertaining. And there are some good erotic stories to read on the other part of the site. I guess it's possible to get what you want out of this site, depending on what youre expecting and as long as you're willing to wade through the mud to find it. It could be better; it could be worse. It is what it is.

 

[Mrtenant]

I was hesitant to make this post, but decided to go ahead and say what I want to say anyway. The above quote closely matches my own view, however I wanted to add that I also felt the same as a couple of the newcomers when I first joined . . . Not knowing if or when to join in, if my opinion mattered, not fitting in with groups that were already established 'friendships', etc...

On my very first day, my first post was on the 'Introduce yoursef' thread. My second post...well, it contains a message about it being my first day and the bickering comments between other members not making a very good first impression on me. Shortly after that I posted on a different thread, offering my opinion on the topic being discussed. My opinion was strongly opposed by a few who challenged my way of thinking, which ended up in a back and forth 'argument' of sorts. One person even posted a comment I had made from an unrelated thread to make my opinion look hypocritical. Around that time I asked myself, "Why the hell bother arguing with these people? My opinion obviously doesn't matter . . . And why should it? I don't know them; they don't know me, and opinions are always debatable." So, I stopped posting on threads that ask for 'opinions'. I sometimes post on threads asking for advice if they seem sincere, but rarely. Because even then, sometimes someone will come along and declare it to be the wrong advice.

I, personally, like to hear different opinions. And I try to view things from both sides of the fence. I don't tell people they're 'wrong' for how they feel. And I try to be thoughtful when giving advice. But it seems unrealistic to expect the same courtesy in return on most of these threads. Now I just pop in from time to time, see if anything useful is being discussed, and leave quietly.

I did, however, meet someone special through this site (which wasn't my intention when I joined) so it hasn't been a total waste. Some of the threads are entertaining. And there are some good erotic stories to read on the other part of the site. I guess it's possible to get what you want out of this site, depending on what youre expecting and as long as you're willing to wade through the mud to find it. It could be better; it could be worse. It is what it is.

Well said. And I do enjoy differring opinions and solid active debate. And if someone I know well enough wants to pick on me, I'm ok with that too. I'm not so thin skinned. 'I give as good as I get' seems to fit here.

What I have noticed, is constancy says a lot. Being consistently in the mix goes a long way and that only comes with deciding to be actively posting and getting in that mix.

It is something I am deciding on if that's what I want for myself.

Sounds like you are making strides into the community as well. There are a lot of good people here and you seem to have found one. Good job. Really. Keep at it.

Something a good friend told me. I guess it takes a little for it to sink in.

When it comes to these discussions and debates, don't make it or take it personally. It's not always about you.

Welcome aboard.

 

[Blue]

[...]

Well you hit your own problem-nail on the head right there. You said that you're uncomfortable because you've got an expectation of dignity, respect and some sort of position in the local hierarchy.

Have you never tried just doing what you want instead of running everything you do through a neurotic mental algorithm? 'Cause really, nobody belongs anywhere, nobody is entitled to anything, you can't please everyone and nobody cares whether you make an impression or not.

You can decide to wholly censor yourself to prevent getting possibly a little disagreeable, but I hope I'm demonstrating the impossibility of that standard by critiquing a post that essentially boils down to 'I like being nice to people'. In my view that's just a waste of time and an unnecessary effort, and how can we get to know you like you want us to if you're constantly reigning in your own personality?

 

[tryn2Bgood]

Well you hit your own problem-nail on the head right there. You said that you're uncomfortable because you've got an expectation of dignity, respect and some sort of position in the local hierarchy.

Have you never tried just doing what you want instead of running everything you do through a neurotic mental algorithm? 'Cause really, nobody belongs anywhere, nobody is entitled to anything, you can't please everyone and nobody cares whether you make an impression or not.

You can decide to wholly censor yourself to prevent getting possibly a little disagreeable, but I hope I'm demonstrating the impossibility of that standard by critiquing a post that essentially boils down to 'I like being nice to people'. In my view that's just a waste of time and an unnecessary effort, and how can we get to know you like you want us to if you're constantly reigning in your own personality?

Hm...I did not say I have an expectation of dignity and respect. I said it is UNREALISTIC to expect that. And I DON'T want a position in the local hierarchy.

I DON'T censor myself, hince the reason for opposing opinions that resulted in back and forth arguments.

I also never said, or inferred, that "I like being nice to people". Being THOUGHTFUL in my responses means giving thought to what I want to convey - consider the information given or questions asked and offer my opinion accordingly. That, in no way, equals "being nice".

The issue I don't like dealing with is having to re-explain the meaning of a statement I made because the reader misinterpreted, or ignored, the actual content of what I said (much like I just had to do here). Sorry if you didn't understand what I was saying. Not gonna be nice and pretend to care if you got it this time...happy now?

 

[Blue]

Hm...I did not say I have an expectation of dignity and respect. I said it is UNREALISTIC to expect that. And I DON'T want a position in the local hierarchy.

I DON'T censor myself, hince the reason for opposing opinions that resulted in back and forth arguments.

I also never said, or inferred, that "I like being nice to people". Being THOUGHTFUL in my responses means giving thought to what I want to convey - consider the information given or questions asked and offer my opinion accordingly. That, in no way, equals "being nice".

The issue I don't like dealing with is having to re-explain the meaning of a statement I made because the reader misinterpreted, or ignored, the actual content of what I said (much like I just had to do here). Sorry if you didn't understand what I was saying. Not gonna be nice and pretend to care if you got it this time...happy now?

Ok, sorry. It all sounded implied.

 

[cookiecat]

Con, I stopped posting a lot in Talk for the opposite reason - it wasn't my need to be liked or trying to censor myself in order to be nice (although I generally like to be nice). Instead, it was this rabid need for others to jam their disdain down posters throats.

Feel free to say something like "that's not how I see it or we do it in our relationship." But don't unleash the fucking kracken by saying the way I do it is stupid, wrong, moronic, only players and fakes do it that way, yada yada.

I'm not thin skinned. I'm not new to this. I'm just tired of people being fucking douches and just plain mean spirited.

 

[Blue]

Con, I stopped posting a lot in Talk for the opposite reason - it wasn't my need to be liked or trying to censor myself in order to be nice (although I generally like to be nice). Instead, it was this rabid need for others to jam their disdain down posters throats.

Feel free to say something like "that's not how I see it or we do it in our relationship." But don't unleash the fucking kracken by saying the way I do it is stupid, wrong, moronic, only players and fakes do it that way, yada yada.

I'm not thin skinned. I'm not new to this. I'm just tired of people being fucking douches and just plain mean spirited.

Not sure what you're referring to in what I said?
I was specifically trying to critique what I thought was Try' not involving him/herself for fear of offending people.

I don't post here a lot either anymore because I mostly don't have anything to say or can't be bothered. If you thought I'm trying to get at people who don't force themselves to comment or something then I can assure that I'm not, sorry for the bad wording.

 

[cascadiabound]

Con, I stopped posting a lot in Talk for the opposite reason - it wasn't my need to be liked or trying to censor myself in order to be nice (although I generally like to be nice). Instead, it was this rabid need for others to jam their disdain down posters throats.

Feel free to say something like "that's not how I see it or we do it in our relationship." But don't unleash the fucking kracken by saying the way I do it is stupid, wrong, moronic, only players and fakes do it that way, yada yada.

I'm not thin skinned. I'm not new to this. I'm just tired of people being fucking douches and just plain mean spirited.

It is this... (bolded above) that worries me in Talk.
Having debate... having spirited dialogue... differences of opinion is all well and good. But, in my opinion... we should strive to NOT make each other feel the way cookie has just outlined. It worries me frankly.

 

[cookiecat]

Con... I just jumped in the middle of your conversation and unlleashed my own issues.

Thanks for inadvertently providing the soapbox. Mostly sorry for throwing myself in the middle of that.



(Apparently emojis sometimes convey real feelings and seem to clear the air)

 

[gracie920101]

----------

 

[Blue]

Con... I just jumped in the middle of your conversation and unlleashed my own issues.

Thanks for inadvertently providing the soapbox. Mostly sorry for throwing myself in the middle of that.



(Apparently emojis sometimes convey real feelings and seem to clear the air)

 

[cookiecat]

----------

Hmmmmmmm. I know you posted how much you love the glitter thread but changed your mind.

 

[Miles Long]

Con, I stopped posting a lot in Talk for the opposite reason - it wasn't my need to be liked or trying to censor myself in order to be nice (although I generally like to be nice). Instead, it was this rabid need for others to jam their disdain down posters throats.

Feel free to say something like "that's not how I see it or we do it in our relationship." But don't unleash the fucking kracken by saying the way I do it is stupid, wrong, moronic, only players and fakes do it that way, yada yada.

I'm not thin skinned. I'm not new to this. I'm just tired of people being fucking douches and just plain mean spirited.

Can we all at least agree that "unleash the fucking kracken" should be a thing everyone says a lot?

 

[Cakecups]

Can we all at least agree that "unleash the fucking kracken" should be a thing everyone says a lot?

I learned what a kracken is, bdsm forum is educational in ways I did not expect

 

[Farawyn]

Can we all at least agree that "unleash the fucking kracken" should be a thing everyone says a lot?

I say it every day.

 

[Miles Long]

I learned what a kracken is, bdsm forum is educational in ways I did not expect

It means cookie is into tentacle porn.

 

[gracie920101]

Hmmmmmmm. I know you posted how much you love the glitter thread but changed your mind.

Nope just decided to plop onto my couch and enjoy my popcorn.

 

[cookiecat]

Nope just decided to plop onto my couch and enjoy my popcorn.

 

[cookiecat]

It means cookie is into tentacle porn.

I was really hoping Liam Neeson would just holler "release the kraken" at me as I'm riding the sybian, getting ready to cum.

 

[Nidalee]

You are doing great so far. I'm glad you are here. I'd like to encourage you to keep on doing what you are doing.

I find that sometimes, I will consider a post over several hours to days even, before posting. It's just because I want it to read just so. I want my content to be readable and typo free if I can.

Also if it works for you, you can enlist a friend or ally to bounce ideas for posting with.

Welcome to Lit.

Hey! Thanks a lot for encouraging me, in case you hadn't noticed, I really needed that!
I also wanted to wait before answering people who first answered me. But today I saw that other people posted after me in this thread (which is normal, obviously) and the subject had totally changed. Things happen pretty fast! It almost prevented me from answering at all...
Anyways, it feels good to see that my post mattered! Glad to meet you, Mrtenant!

Welcome!

You can post, just as you have done, expressing you aren't sure and are a little hesitant. There are plenty of nurturing good natured people who will be around til you gain confidence. If you have a rough day and post on a venting thread people will rally often enough or consider it in response if they have read it, and similarly share joy of good days .

I for one like learning about other people, but try to respect what people are prepared to reveal about themselves.

Will do! Or at least... will try. I already feel supported!
I like learning about people as well, especially when they tell long stories about themselves. But it takes courage!

Your post reveals that you are quite introspective and thoughtful, the clean style and lack of errors reveal you are well spoken and educated.

Welcome, and hope you find a comfortable place to relax here ~

Wow, this is a huge compliment especially as I am not a native speaker. I am a student in English literature and I've been dreaming a native would compliment my English all my life!
Thank you for making me feel comfortable!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Nidalee]

Gosh, while my language use is abysmal yours seems pretty flawless!

Regarding threads moving quickly, if you have something to add then do so! Quote a relevant post and make your point/s. Different points of view enrich us all. The great thing about fora is that they aren't in real time and points can be added out of order in this way.

Thank you !

 

[cookiecat]

I was active here for about a year, many years ago. I was an editor - got my Literotica pen - and met my husband through the site. Certain events in my life have brought me back here, and I want to participate, but of course it's very different now and I'm having a hard time finding my place. I have a sincere posting style and don't love the thought of being beat down by those who wield their sharp wits like weapons (ooh, maybe I should cross masochism off my list after all). I hope I didn't spill faux pas all over the place with my thread the other day. I'll probably continue to be mostly an observer for a while but hope to wade in, somewhere, eventually.

<snip>
I did, however, meet someone special through this site (which wasn't my intention when I joined) so it hasn't been a total waste. Some of the threads are entertaining. And there are some good erotic stories to read on the other part of the site. I guess it's possible to get what you want out of this site, depending on what youre expecting and as long as you're willing to wade through the mud to find it. It could be better; it could be worse. It is what it is.

Bolded parts = really really cool!