Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[Taegul]

I regularly put the needle of a bicycle pump in the tip of my wiener and pump away to gain immediate and impressive size. I can only hold the air in for a couple of minutes, however, until I deflate like a balloon, embarrassing sounds and all. No, I can't make balloons animals out of it. Except a snake. I can do a snake.

 

[Taegul]

I drink Zima 5 nights a week.

 

[VoraciousValue]

At the age of 42, I'm still a bedwetter. Plastic sheets on the bed, the whole nine yards. Really embarrassing.

I drink Zima 5 nights a week.

Do they even make Zima anymore??

 

[Taegul]

Do they even make Zima anymore??

No. I bought 37,917 cases in 1993 so I'd never run out. I've been drinking it 5 nights a week ever since.

(I don't have a fucking clue lol)

 

[VoraciousValue]

No. I bought 37,917 cases in 1993 so I'd never run out. I've been drinking it 5 nights a week ever since.

(I don't have a fucking clue lol)

Drank way too much of it myself. I had to go into rehab to get cured off the Z.

(Never touched the stuff, but I don't have a fucking clue either. )

 

[VoraciousValue]

I am secretly married to Dolly Parton. That's right, bitches--you're jealous!

 

[AZDryHeat]

I can run faster than Usain Bolt.

 

[Trubbycat]

Women want me. Men want to be me.

 

[Taegul]

I taught Will Smith how to slap fight.

 

[Kat73]

I am a horrible cook.

 

[fsa52]

I’m a virgin!

 

[J-Rod]

I LOVE my job

 

[Trubbycat]

I've been confused with Fabio.

 

[fsa52]

I’m a delicate flower, southern belle.

 

[Saltfountain]

I have a great avatar

 

[lilmissdarling]

I am completely innocent (almost virgin-ish).

 

[Saltfountain]

I disapprove of the above post

 

[Taegul]

Steven Spielberg got the idea for Close Encounters of the Third Kind from me after I shared my abduction story with him at a benefit dinner. I'm just glad he didn't write the 37 anal probes into the storyline. Might have been too much for audiences...

I still walk funny.

 

[VoraciousValue]

I am the new owner of the Washington. . . whatever we're calling the Washington Football Team this week.

I'm saving myself for marriage. And I'm a proud Trump supporter.

"Married people are the only people who don't believe in premarital sex. Because, see, it doesn't include them." -- Jeff Foxworthy

 

[Taegul]

I am typing this entire sentence with my penis.

 

[water_moutina]

I'm the real slim shady and I won't stand up

I am typing this entire sentence with my penis.

Is it hard?

 

[Taegul]

I'm the real slim shady and I won't stand up


Is it hard?

Not really.

Wait a sec...is that a lie?

 

[Anastasia1999]

I’m a lady of leisure with a harem of men from the sexy men thread

 

[Saltfountain]

I'm in @Anastasia1999 's harem

 

[Trubbycat]

I am Spartacus