Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

I floated from California to Australia on an inflatable mattress and brought nothing but beef jerky and Red Vines to eat.

NFI how to get back now...
 
Hugh Hefner, Bob Guccione and Larry Flynt all came to me with their girl troubles
 
I took out an AVO on Scarlett (Johansson) and I refuse to answer her calls. She just wants me for my body. So shallow.
 
I spent 20 years working at the circus. The first ten years I spent juggling chainsaws until I dropped one. I spent the next 10 years after the accident as the bearded lady.
 
I learned how to surf with an ironing board mounted on to a mechanical bull.
 
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