Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[lanceGibs]

I am never horny in the morning

 

[Cymru9696]

I am Banksy

 

[Cindy027]

My reaction to stupidity is always a sober measured response.

 

[Filipinawife]

I am a virgin

 

[lanceGibs]

My reaction to stupidity is always a sober measured response.

I mentored her in her initiation to sobriety

 

[writerzblok92]

I exude self-confidence.

 

[Dalelaw2164]

I got a good conduct medal in the Navy.

 

[Taegul]

Every day it's the same damn thing, and I'm SICK OF IT! 25-30 voicemail messages on my phone. So annoying!

Hey, Channing Tatum! I don't wanna be in your next Magic Mike film. PISS OFF!

 

[masterslave00]

I have never masturbated...

 

[lanceGibs]

I fill a can of beer every time I jack off.

 

[Trubbycat]

The number of women pestering me in PMs is really annoying. Leave me alone, I’m not hunk of meat.

 

[Doublethebubble]

The “good morning” blow jobs I get each and every day are just the best way to start the day.

 

[Taegul]

Relating to my previous post, I finally filed a restraining order against Channing Tatum. No means no! I don't wanna be in any God Damn Magic Mike movie!

 

[Deadbed1968]

I spent the day avoiding the throngs of adoring fans outside my Malibu beachside mansion.

 

[Cymru9696]

The Port Huron Statement?
Yeah, that was me, man.

 

[Taegul]

I wrestle alligators for fun and I even let them win once in a while because I'm such a nice guy.

 

[RandallOldman]

Those fucking aliens nabbed me again! I think I was gone for weeks, but it's hard to tell.

All I know is, everything green is now chocolate flavored, and I can watch TV without turning it on.

 

[Taegul]

I live in a house made of candy corn.

 

[Taegul]

I am also Luke Skywalker's father. Darth V and I adopted.

 

[positiveflirt]

I'm totally turned off by dick pics.

I've never, ever sent one!

 

[Deadbed1968]

I'm totally turned off by dick pics.

You sound fun (for real)!

 

[Taegul]

I've been putting Rogaine on my balls everyday for the last 30 years without ever shaving/trimming just so I can dress up 'the boys' as Santa Claus.

 

[Deadbed1968]

My penis can be seen from low earth orbit…

 

[oldsoul24]

I have super high self esteem

 

[Shenanigans90]

My side hustle is piercing tits and clits.