The Bears Den

[MaryBears]

This one is so cute



Way down in dat old swamp known as Louisiana, Bubba's old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. So, he brought her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Bubba and said, "Hey, Bubba! You just had you a son! Aint dat grand!"


Bubba got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Bubba! You got you a daughter!!!! She a pretty lil ting, too...."


Bubba got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Bubba, you just had yourself another boy!"


When Bubba and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 oil?"


She said, "Yeah, I do."

 

[Jaybird3]

Mary, that was great. I even read that one to a neighbor and he said that yep, that was right, men are so easy....

 

[MaryBears]

Mary, that was great. I even read that one to a neighbor and he said that yep, that was right, men are so easy....

LOL.....yeah they are......

 

[Jaybird3]

* note to self, do not use 3 in 1 as lube, even by mistake*

I like that one too...lol.

 

[MaryBears]

* note to self, do not use 3 in 1 as lube, even by mistake*

I like that one too...lol.

LOL......even bigger note.....*DO NOT USE WD-40*

 

[cuddlybear1970]

That was hillarious.........wish I had more time tonight. I should have the time tomorrow night.

 

[MaryBears]

That was hillarious.........wish I had more time tonight. I should have the time tomorrow night.

hey cuddly....glad you liked them..... don't work to hard tonight....take care

 

[Jaybird3]

Here's one for you MaryBears....

GROWING OLDER - A FUNNY REMINDER FOR SOME OF YOU (...I mean us...)

> In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
> It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
> Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
> No one expects you to run into a burning building.
> People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
> People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
> There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
> Things you buy now won't wear out.
> You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
> You can eat dinner at 4:00 PM.
> You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch
television.
> You can live without sex but not without glasses.
> You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
> You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
> You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
> You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
> You got cable for the weather channel.
> You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
> You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
> You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
> You send money to PBS. You sing along with the elevator music.
> You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
> Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
> Your back goes out more than you do.
> Your ears are hairier than your head.
> Your eyes won't get much worse.
> Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
> Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
> Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
> Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. and
last
but
> not least.............................. People send you this list.

 

[MaryBears]

Here's one for you MaryBears....

GROWING OLDER - A FUNNY REMINDER FOR SOME OF YOU (...I mean us...)

> In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
> It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
> Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
> No one expects you to run into a burning building.
> People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
> People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
> There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
> Things you buy now won't wear out.
> You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
> You can eat dinner at 4:00 PM.
> You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch
television.
> You can live without sex but not without glasses.
> You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
> You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
> You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
> You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
> You got cable for the weather channel.
> You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
> You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
> You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
> You send money to PBS. You sing along with the elevator music.
> You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
> Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
> Your back goes out more than you do.
> Your ears are hairier than your head.
> Your eyes won't get much worse.
> Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
> Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
> Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
> Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. and
last
but
> not least.............................. People send you this list.

LMAO.....yeah that is true....i have seen this before but I always get a good laugh out of it

 

[MaryBears]

Here is a joke to start your day....Have a good one....I am off to PT




10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty:

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that
sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a
good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow
through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

 

[kayte]

Good morning {{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}


TGIF YA'LL!!!

Hope you are having a grand day.


Thanks for the jokes!!!!!

 

[cuddlybear1970]

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...
I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND CONTROL YOU...
I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL
YOU GRUNT AND GROAN...
I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY...
I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU
WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I LEAVE.
YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS.


ALL MY LOVE,
THE FLU

AND JUST WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

 

[cuddlybear1970]

I thought you all might find this one funny

 

[kayte]

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...
I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND CONTROL YOU...
I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL
YOU GRUNT AND GROAN...
I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY...
I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU
WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I LEAVE.
YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS.


ALL MY LOVE,
THE FLU

AND JUST WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

Good morning bear!!!!

Thanks for the joke. And it is that time of the year when our aches and shakes could be from that, not an intense scene.

Hope you have a great day and a wonderful weekend.

 

[kayte]

Here is another chuckle....

Ancient Ancestry

The following was overheard at a recent ‘high society’ party.

"My ancestry goes back all the way to Alexander the Great," said Christine.

She then turned to Miriam and asked, "How far back does your family go?"

"I don't know," replied Miriam, "All of our records were lost in the flood."

 

[FRENCHIE44T]

Yeah.....the weekend is almost here that should be fun....

ITS FRIDAY, I'VE FINISHED WORK, SO THE WEEKEND HAS STARTED

 

[MaryBears]

Good morning {{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}


TGIF YA'LL!!!

Hope you are having a grand day.


Thanks for the jokes!!!!!

Good Afternoon {{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}

Thus far the day has been rather good....Went to therapy...and then got a bite to eat and came home.....The therapy pool was wonderful....

Your very welcome and thanks for all your jokes

 

[MaryBears]

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...
I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND CONTROL YOU...
I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL
YOU GRUNT AND GROAN...
I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY...
I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU
WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I LEAVE.
YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS.


ALL MY LOVE,
THE FLU

AND JUST WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

Hello Cuddly.......*hugs*


That is cute.....but the damn flu can stay away from me

Thanks for sharing and hope you have a superb weekend

 

[MaryBears]

ITS FRIDAY, I'VE FINISHED WORK, SO THE WEEKEND HAS STARTED

Hello Frenchie


YES it is the weekend and I hope you have a very enjoybable one.....and that you cum back an visit often......hehehe.....or you could be cumming elsewhere

 

[MaryBears]

Kids say the funniest things.....here is some for you


The following are different answers given by school-age children to the given questions about their mom:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.


How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1.. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair & everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.




How did your mom meet your dad?
1. My mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.
2. Mom said her friends hooked her up to meet dad, but I don't know what they hooked her up to.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on
beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to
chores.

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
4. Mom said because love is blind.

What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
2. You have to know how to be mean sometimes but still know how to give hugs
and kisses.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such a goofball.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have the real power cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
3. They have to drive kids around all day.

What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years
2. You can always count on grandmas for candy. Sometimes moms don't even
have bread on them!
3. When mom says you can't have a popcicle before dinner grandma says you can.

Describe the world's greatest mom?

1. She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!

2. The greatest mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.


Is there anything about your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.


If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that..
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did
it and not me.

 

[Jaybird3]

I like those MaryBears...

 

[MaryBears]

Airplane Crash

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5
passengers on board, but only 4
parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best
NBA basketball player;
the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So

he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the
wife of the former U.S.
President, a NY State Senator and a potential

future president. And I am the smartest woman in
American history, so
America's people don't want me to die", and she took
the 2nd pack and jumped
out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, George W. Bush, said, "I'm the
president of the United
States of America. I have great responsibility

being the leader of a superpower nation." So he
grabbed the pack next to him
and jumped.

The 4th passenger, the Pope, said to the 5th
passenger, a 10 year old
schoolgirl, "I am old and frail and don't have many

years left, and as a Catholic, I will sacrifice my
life and let you have the
last parachute."

The girl said, "That's okay. There's a parachute
left for you. America's
smartest woman took my schoolbag."

 

[MaryBears]

I like those MaryBears...

Thanks Jaybird......Hope your having a wonderful day and have a very special weekend planned

 

[dragonhearted]

nice place ya got here Bear!

 

[MaryBears]

Here is a cute one......

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they
got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called Yam. Of
course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her
about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally
mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a
bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the
sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't
stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring
cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for
the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called
the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians
so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate
with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the
tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so
that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all
they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry
Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't
possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just..




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