The Bears Den
- Thread starter MaryBears
- Start date
- Status
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
MaryBears said:Evening all.....Posting this joke then going back and reading your post....hope you like this joke
Orgasm types....
Sex in a boat = Oargasms
Sex with a nerd = Dorkgasms
Sex at the entrance to your house = Doorgasms
Sex on the carpet or linoleum = Floorgasms
Sex at the supermarket = Storegasms
Sex with wild pigs = Boargasms
Sex at a Stephen King movie = Horrorgasms
Sex with a prostitue = Whoregasms
Sex with a storyteller = Loregasms
Sex with an accountant = Boregasms
Sex while sleeping = Snoregasms
Sex with Arthur = Dudley Mooregasms
Sex with cartoon donkeys = Eeyoregasms
Sex while broke = Poorgasms
Sex with a lion = Roargasms
Sex for hours and hours on end = Soregasms
Sex on a golf course = Foregasms
Sex with a nymphomaniac = Ready for Moregasms
Sex in a gold mine = Oregasms
Sex with a dermatologist = Poregasms
Sex with the vice president = Al Goregasms
Sex with chocolate marshmallows = S'moregasms
Sex with a bullfighter = Toreadorgasms
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword = Zorogasms
Sex on the beach = Shoregasms
Sex when you get an award = Honogasms
Sex at an all you can eat buffet = Smorgasbordgasms
Sex on a cruise ship deck = Shuffleboardgasms
Sex in Asia = Singaporegasms
Sex among the wonders of the world = Outdoorgasms
Sex in the vicinity of garbage can = odorgasms
Sex on the way to the train = All aboardgasms
Sex that isn't very satisfying = there's the doorgasms
Sex during hay fever season = Sporegasms
Sex using plastic cutlery = Sporkgasms
Sex with a Medieval poet = Troubadorgasms
Sex in an adult theater = Hardcoregasms
Sex with conquering Spaniards = Conquistadorgasms
Sex with someone not paying attention = Ignorgasms
Sex with a competitive partner = scoregasms
Sex in a firehouse = Firedoorgasms
Sex with an Icelandic singer = Bjorkgasms
Sex with the host of a horrible t.v. show = Pauly Shoregasms
Sex with a cookie = Oreogasms
Sex while flying = Soargasms
Sex with a bugle player = Horngasms
Sex with an astronaut who didn't make it into space = Abortgasms
Sex with a beloved partner = Adoregasms
Sex with a meat eater = Carnivoregasms
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo = Pompadoregasms
Sex with someone who has really bad taste in clothes = Velourgasms
Sex while sightseeing = Tourgasms
Sex with a big dog = Labradorgasms
Sex with Beavs and Butthead = Gonnascoregasms
Sex during an earthquake = Tremorgasms
Sex on farm implements = Tractorgasms
Sex with Thomas Edison = Inventorgasms
Sex with a construction worker = Contractorgasms
Sex at a symphony orchestra = Conductorgasms
Sex with a person who examines dead bodies = Coronergasms
Sex on the stairs at the mall = Escalatorgasms
Sex while hopelessly drunk on shooters = Liquorgasms
Sex with a possessive partner = Yourgasms
Sex with Frankenstein's assistant = Igorgasms
Sex with three of your friends = Fourgasms
Sex with a Norse God = Thorgasms
Sex when resistance is futile = Borggasms
Sex without a climax = Nogasms
How wonderful Mary!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Jaybird3 said:
Well there is a tightness in the back of my knee....I go to church with my Dr....and he ask me this morning how it was doing....he told me that if it is still hurting in the morning to have them to do a heat treatment on it.....So I am just watching what I do so i won't snap it.....Don't want to make it worse.....I want it better like yesterday....I HAVE NO PATIENCE
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Some of you may have seen this but I think it is cute enough to add to the thread
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy, coming down the walk with nothing on
but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for Indecent Exposure.
As he is locking him up, the Sheriff asks him, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road, when this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her, and so I did... We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants, so I did. Then she
pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of hot and sexy and says, "Now go to town, cowboy...
And so here I am."
Blonde Men do exist.
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy, coming down the walk with nothing on
but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for Indecent Exposure.
As he is locking him up, the Sheriff asks him, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road, when this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her, and so I did... We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt, so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants, so I did. Then she
pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of hot and sexy and says, "Now go to town, cowboy...
And so here I am."
Blonde Men do exist.
Jaybird3
Lustily burning for .....
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2003
- Posts
- 1,086
Well let's see, one of the first things this morning my computer chair decided to unceremoniously sit me on my butt on the floor. Which actually was kinda funny.
Then I discovered that the phone headset had gone out so I had to replace that.
But all in all, not a bad day....lol
Just one of those unusual ones...
Then I discovered that the phone headset had gone out so I had to replace that.
But all in all, not a bad day....lol
Just one of those unusual ones...
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
ROFLMAO at this one....
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular
table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table. He
calls
the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be
sent
over to her, knowing
that, if she accepts it, she is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying
this
is from the gentleman over there. She looks at the wine and sends a note
over to
the man.
Her note reads:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a
million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."
The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his own back
to
her.
His note reads:
"Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850, and a
Mercedes 600 SL, in my garage. I have over twenty five million dollars in
the
bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut
three inches off. JUST SEND THE BOTTLE BACK."
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular
table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table. He
calls
the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be
sent
over to her, knowing
that, if she accepts it, she is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying
this
is from the gentleman over there. She looks at the wine and sends a note
over to
the man.
Her note reads:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a
million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."
The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his own back
to
her.
His note reads:
"Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850, and a
Mercedes 600 SL, in my garage. I have over twenty five million dollars in
the
bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut
three inches off. JUST SEND THE BOTTLE BACK."
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
E-Mail FROM GOD
To: YOU Date: TODAY From: GOD - The Boss! Subject: YOURSELF
Reference:
LIFE
This is God. Today I will be handling all of your problems for
you. I do not need your help. So, have a nice day.
I love you.
GOD
P.S.
And, remember....
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you can not
handle, do not attempt to resolve it yourself !! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.
P.S.S. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto
it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things
that are present in your life now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are
people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the
person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the
woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from
assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the
cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life
all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's
bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may
have touched their life in ways you will never know!
Now, you have a nice day,
God
To: YOU Date: TODAY From: GOD - The Boss! Subject: YOURSELF
Reference:
LIFE
This is God. Today I will be handling all of your problems for
you. I do not need your help. So, have a nice day.
I love you.
GOD
P.S.
And, remember....
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you can not
handle, do not attempt to resolve it yourself !! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.
P.S.S. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto
it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things
that are present in your life now.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are
people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the
person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the
woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from
assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the
cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life
all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's
bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!
Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you, you may
have touched their life in ways you will never know!
Now, you have a nice day,
God
Puddin36
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2001
- Posts
- 1,853
Glad the weekend is over
Hello to everyone!!!!!!! Sure hate missing out on all the fun jokes and conversation when I work the weekend, but after reading Kayte's last post..........I'm not going to complain.
Sure were a lot of great jokes posted since I was last here. After tomorrow........I will have 7 days off from work and am sooooooo
looking forward to it. Sure hope that everyone had a fantastic weekend and just stopped by to catch up and say hello to everyone.
Can't remember if I told all of you, but I have surgery Thursday to hopefully break up that darn kidney stone. Will keep you all posted as to how things work out.
Hugs to all...........Puddin
Hello to everyone!!!!!!! Sure hate missing out on all the fun jokes and conversation when I work the weekend, but after reading Kayte's last post..........I'm not going to complain.
Sure were a lot of great jokes posted since I was last here. After tomorrow........I will have 7 days off from work and am sooooooo
looking forward to it. Sure hope that everyone had a fantastic weekend and just stopped by to catch up and say hello to everyone.
Can't remember if I told all of you, but I have surgery Thursday to hopefully break up that darn kidney stone. Will keep you all posted as to how things work out.
Hugs to all...........Puddin
MaryBears
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2003
- Posts
- 23,590
Re: Re: Glad the weekend is over
Good Morning {{{{{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}}}} Glad to see you....
Wishing you a wonderful day...Thanks for all your post and words of encouragement....YOUR a total sweetheart.....Love ya for it too...
Off to PT....Until later have a good day
kayte said:{{{{Puddin}}} Glad to hear you have some time off. Please take care of yourself.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers for your surgery Thursday.
Good Morning {{{{{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}}}} Glad to see you....
Wishing you a wonderful day...Thanks for all your post and words of encouragement....YOUR a total sweetheart.....Love ya for it too...
Off to PT....Until later have a good day
- Status
Similar threads
