The Bears Den

[MaryBears]

Think of the AV it would be!!! And I'm a Republican!!!

Very True......It would be a good AV......but you know....you are welcome to use it if you wish......I been creating some of my own with PSP.....I have good ones that I am planning on using sometime soon

 

[MaryBears]

Idiots Everywhere

IDIOTS AT WORK...
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.



ADVICE FOR IDIOTS...
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."



IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD...
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.



IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE...
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce. "He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.



IDIOTS IN THE NEWS...
Buffalo Channel 4 News on October 20th,1999 informed its captivated audience that when selling their computer, the best way to erase the files on your computers hard drive is by drilling a hole in the drive its self! "By drilling a hole in the drive its self, you make it impossible for the new owner to get your files." No fucking kidding, idiot!



IDIOT SIGHTINGS...
Sighting #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? "He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

Sighting #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

Sighting #3: At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Sighting #4: I worked with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Sighting #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open." Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man.- "I already got that side."

Sighting #6: I work in a hospital and one day the doctor and I were asking a pregnant lady some questions upon admission to the maternity ward. When we asked her who we should call in case of an emergency, she stated "911".

Sighting #7: My daughter was going over to the neighbors house to visit but didn't want to miss a call from her boyfriend so she took the cordless phone with her. While at the neighbors she wanted to check back at home to see if her younger brother was okay. My daughter then picked up the neighbors phone and dialed our number. While waiting for someone to answer the phone at home, the phone she brought over with her began to ring. She immediately hung up the neighbors phone and answered our phone. There was no one there. She wanted to know who it was who called so she used our phone to call our house. The line was busy. Getting very frustrated she left the neighbors to go home and see who was on the phone. No one was on the phone. My daughter could not figure out what was going on until someone explained it to her.

Sighting #8: As systems manager of an answering service a few years back I had the pleasure of working with an especially ignorant doctor. Our system was trying to fax her messages to her place of business when a message came back informing us her fax was out of paper. When I called her office and told her about this she replied, "Oh, I'm all out of bond paper. Could you fax me some?" I'm right fuckin' on it, Babe.

Sighting #9: I was in McDonalds one time when the lady in front of me ordered a cheeseburger and requested no cheese. Now I don't know about you but that sounds like a fucking hamburger to me.

Sighting #10: Many years ago I worked in a delicatessen. The assistant manager had burnt something in the oven and smoke was pouring from the kitchen area. When the store manager came by and asked why she hadn't opened the emergency fire exit door to allow the smoke to go outside she said, "I thought about it but I couldn't find the key!"

Sighting #11: I was sitting at my University bar with some friends the other day when we overheard a man talking on his mobile phone. He was saying that he wanted to "buy, buy, buy" some shares and "sell, sell, sell" some shares. Unfortunately for him, his mobile phone actually began to ring!!! The laughter in the bar was heard for miles!! Now that's what I call an IDIOT!

Sighting #12: A friend of mine and I were on a little road trip with his wife driving. Everything was pretty quiet when she turned to us and asked, "If you are driving 70mph, about how far would you go in an hour?" Oh yeah, she's a smart one.

Sighting #13: Calling the telecommunication company to inform them my phone didn't work and that when I picked up the receiver its completely dead, the technician said from the other end "Are you calling from the number of the phone that does not work?"

 

[MaryBears]

100 ways to order a pizza the fun way100 ways to order a pizza the fun way...

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition, ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT SYSTEM.

11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

15. Stutter on the letter "p."

16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If asked "Would you like drinks with that?", panic and become disoriented.

21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

23. Change your accent every three seconds.

24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"

26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."

27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

28. Rent a pizza.

29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"

34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

36. Imitate the order taker's voice.

37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

39. Play a sitar in the background.

40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

42. Ask to see a menu.

43. Quote Carl Sandberg.

44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"

50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.

52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.

55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.

58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."

59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

62. Try to talk while drinking something.

63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"

64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

66. Be vague in your order.

67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.

70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

73. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.

75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.

77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.

79. Put them on hold.

80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

84. When you'ge given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

85. Haggle.

86. Order a one-inch pizza.

87. Order term life insurance.

88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.

90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.

92. Engage in some serious swapping.

93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.

96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

97. Order a steamed pizza.

98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.

99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.

If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, 100. Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
...

 

[MaryBears]

The old Cherokee chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a
ceremonial pipe, eyeing the US government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles" one official began, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You have observed his wars and his material wealth, you have seen his progress and the damage he has done."

The Chief nodded that it was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied, "When white man found this land, Indians were running it No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty beaver.

Women did all the work. Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting, fishing, and all night making love to women."

The Chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

 

[Puddin36]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{puddin}}}}}}}}}}}} that is a very good AV.......if they get offended by that then they have no business being on lit what so ever......That is my opinion

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{marybears}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thanks for your opinion.........it means alot to me. Great jokes and stories from everyone. Hope all of you have a great weekend.



Huggles to all.................Puddin

 

[MaryBears]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{marybears}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thanks for your opinion.........it means alot to me. Great jokes and stories from everyone. Hope all of you have a great weekend.



Huggles to all.................Puddin

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Puddin}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Your very welcome...... I am glad that you like the jokes.....Hope your doing well and that everything is going good for your....Have a wonderful weekend....

 

[MaryBears]

Just wanted to say.....Depending on if I get everything backed up tonight.....Which is going very slow right now.....I may be off line for a short while....I have to reformat this computer.....It is driving me batty....(not that I am not already batty)....So if your don't hear from me this weekend don't be alarmed.....I will be back.... {{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and

 

[PassionsFlame]

Ohhhhh... catching up... slowwwwly.... a little more time..... {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} Puddin, Mary, Frenchie, Kayte, etc... love the stories and jokes... ALWAYS

Just been busy, but feeling better. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!!!

 

[MaryBears]

Ohhhhh... catching up... slowwwwly.... a little more time..... {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} Puddin, Mary, Frenchie, Kayte, etc... love the stories and jokes... ALWAYS

Just been busy, but feeling better. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!!!

{{{{{{{{{{Passions}}}}}}}}}}}} Glad that your feeling better.....Hope you have a great weekend and that you take care....keep warm and safe....

 

[kayte]

Just wanted to say.....Depending on if I get everything backed up tonight.....Which is going very slow right now.....I may be off line for a short while....I have to reformat this computer.....It is driving me batty....(not that I am not already batty)....So if your don't hear from me this weekend don't be alarmed.....I will be back.... {{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and

Good morning {{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}} Hope the backup and reformat went well and we see you later today.

 

[kayte]

Ohhhhh... catching up... slowwwwly.... a little more time..... {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} Puddin, Mary, Frenchie, Kayte, etc... love the stories and jokes... ALWAYS

Just been busy, but feeling better. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!!!

Good morning {{{PF}}} So nice to see you again. Glad to hear you are feeling better. Have a great Saturday. See you later.

 

[kayte]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{marybears}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thanks for your opinion.........it means alot to me. Great jokes and stories from everyone. Hope all of you have a great weekend.



Huggles to all.................Puddin

Good morning {{{{Puddin}}}} So glad to see you have left that AV up.

Hope your weekend is a fabulous one. See you later.

 

[FRENCHIE44T]

Good morning {{{{Puddin}}}} So glad to see you have left that AV up.

Hope your weekend is a fabulous one. See you later.

Yeh, thats what I think as well Puddin. KEEP THE AV

 

[MaryBears]

Good morning {{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}} Hope the backup and reformat went well and we see you later today.

{{{{{{{{{{{Kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Good Morning/Afternoon.......I have had a delay and the backup/reformat has not happened yet.......I am starting the back up process as soon as I read my emails.......Just hate doing it....but have because my computer is making to many annoying mistakes....

 

[MaryBears]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs to all}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} hope everyone is having a great day.....Take care....

 

[Puddin36]

Good morning {{{{Puddin}}}} So glad to see you have left that AV up.

Hope your weekend is a fabulous one. See you later.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}}}}}}} Great to see you again!!! Thanks for your positive comments about my AV. So far my weekend has been okay considering that I am working all weekend. Hope you have a fabulous weekend too.

Huggles to all...........Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

Yeh, thats what I think as well Puddin. KEEP THE AV

Thanks Frenchie, I will keep the AV for a while. What happened to that sexy one that you had up for a while?? Hope you are having a great weekend.

Huggles to all...........Puddin


P.S. to ya Frenchie

 

[FRENCHIE44T]

Thanks Frenchie, I will keep the AV for a while. What happened to that sexy one that you had up for a while?? Hope you are having a great weekend.

Huggles to all...........Puddin


P.S. to ya Frenchie

I've still got it, love to be doing what the guy is doing in your AV

 

[Puddin36]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs to all}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} hope everyone is having a great day.....Take care....

{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs to you as well MaryBears}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}] Hope everything goes okay with the reformatting. I really need to do something with mine, but am afraid I will screw things up worse than what they already are. Have a super weekend.


Huggles to all............Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

Ohhhhh... catching up... slowwwwly.... a little more time..... {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} Puddin, Mary, Frenchie, Kayte, etc... love the stories and jokes... ALWAYS

Just been busy, but feeling better. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!!!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{PF}}}}}}}}}}}} So nice to see you again. Glad to hear that you are feeling better too. Have a great weekend.

Huggles to all............Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

Subject: Fw: VERY IMPORTANT WARNIN
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > Please Be Extremely Careful Especially if
> > > > > > > > using Internet mail such as
> > > > > > > > > > > Yahoo, Hotmail and so on. This information
> > > > > > > > arrived this morning from
> > > > > > > > > > > Microsoft and Norton.
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > Please send it to everybody you know who
> > > > > > > > accesses the Internet.
> > > > > > > > You
> > > > > > > > > > > may receive an apparently harmless email with
> > > > > > > > a Power Point
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > presentation "Life is beautiful. pps". If you
> > > > > > > > receive it DO NOT OPEN
> > > > > > > > > > > THE FILE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, and delete
> > > > > > > > it immediately.
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > If you open this file, a message will
> > > > > > > > appear on your screen
> > > > > > > > saying:
> > > > > > > > > > > "It is too late now, your life is no longer
> > > > > > > > beautiful", subsequently
> > > > > > > > > > > you will LOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PC and the
> > > > > > > > person who sent it to you
> > > > > > > > > > > will gain access to your name, e-mail and
> > > > > > > > password.
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > This is a new virus which started to
> > > > > > > > circulate on Saturday
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > afternoon. WE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE
> > > > > > > > TO STOP THIS VIRUS . AOL
> > > > > > > > > > > has already
> > > > > > > > > > > confirmed the severity, and the antivirus
> > > > > > > > Softs are not capable of
> > > > > > > > > > > destroying it. The virus has been created by a
> > > > > > > > hacker who calls
> > > > > > > > > > > himself "life owner".
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > PLEASE MAKE A COPY OF THIS EMAIL TO ALL
> > > > > > > > YOUR FRIENDS. PASS IT ON
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > -------------------------
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > >



Sorry about all the >'s. Puddin

 

[Puddin36]

>>No Nursing Home For Me
>>
>>With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188.00 per day,
>>there is a better way to spend our savings, when we get old and
>>feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn
>>for a combined long term stay discount and a senior discount. It
>>comes to only $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:
>>
>>1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room
>>service.
>>
>>2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a
>>swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer,etc. Most
>>have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and
>>soap.
>>
>>3. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5 worth of tips
>>a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
>>
>>4. There is city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The
>>Handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).
>>
>>5. To meet other nice people, call a Church bus on Sundays. For a
>>change of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of
>>the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly
>>somewhere. Otherwise the cash keeps building up.
>>
>>6. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn
>>will take your reservation today. And - you are not stuck in one
>>place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to
>>city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.
>>
>>7. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced?
>>No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the
>>inconvenience.
>>
>>8. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The
>>maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they will call the
>>undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare
>>will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite
>>for the rest of your life.
>>
>>9. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be
>>glad to find you, and will probably check in for a few days
>>mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool.
>>
>>What more can you ask for?
>>
>>So . . .
>>
>>When I reach the Golden age, I'll face it with a grin-- Just
>>forward all my email to: me@Holiday_Inn!
>>
>
>
>

 

[Puddin36]

An elderly spinster called the Attorney about having a will
> prepared.
> The
> > receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient
> time
> for
> > her to come into the office.
> >
> > The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my
> life, I
> > rarely see anyone and, I don't like to go out. Would it be possible
> for
> the
> > lawyer to come to my house?"
> > The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and went to
> the
> old
> > lady's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and will.
> > The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you
> have
> > in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"
> > She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I
> have
> > $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
> > "Tell ! me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be
> > distributed?"
> > The lady said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive
> life,
> > people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I
> pass
> > on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."
> > The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a
> funeral
> > that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression he
> > continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"
> > The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived
> alone
> > almost my entire life, and in fact I've never even slept with a man.
> Before
> > I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep
> with
> > me."
> > "This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but
> I'll see
> > what I can do to arrange it and get back! to you."
> > That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the
> eccentric
> > lady and her weird request... After thinking about how much she could
> do
> > around the house with $5,000, and with a bit of coaxing, she
> convinced her
> > husband to agree to provide the service himself.
> > She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the
> car
> until
> > you're finished. Tell her it will be $5,000 for an hour's worth of
> service."
> > The arrangements were made. The next morning, the lawyer's wife
> drove
> him
> > to the old lady's house and waited while he went into the house. She
> waited
> > for well over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew
> the
> car
> > horn.
> > Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his
> head
> out
> > and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow morning! She's going to let the
> County
> bury
> > her!"

 

[Puddin36]

Small Wisconsin Town

OLE was arrested one night while walking bare-naked down the streets of

a little town in Wisconsin.

The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole's, said, "Ole, what in the

world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You're naked."

"Yah, I know," said Ole. "You see, I vas over to dat playboy Swen's for

his birthday party. Dere vas about 28 of us. Der vas boys and girls."

"Is that right?" his policeman friend asked.

"Yah, yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into da bedroom!'

So vee all go into the bedroom. Where den he yells, 'Everybody git

naked!' Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!'"

"Oh, my!" exclaimed the policeman.

"Yah, yah, I guess I'm the first one here."

 

[Puddin36]

Boy, This is powerful
>
>
>
>
>
> As you got up this morning, I watched you, and
> hoped you would talk to me, even if it was just a
> few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for
> something good that happened in your life yesterday.
> But I noticed you were too busy, trying to find the
> right outfit to wear.
>
>
>
> When you ran around the house getting ready, I
> knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop
> and say hello, but you were to busy. At one point
> you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do
> except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your
> feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran
> to the phone and called a friend to get the latest
> gossip instead. I watched patiently all day long.
> With all our activities I guess you were too busy to
> say anything to me.
>
>
>
> I noticed that before lunch you looked around,
> maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me,that is why
> you didn't bow your head. You glanced three or four
> tables over and you noticed some of your friends
> talking to me briefly before they ate, but you
> didn't. That's okay. There is still more time left,
> and I hope that you will talk to me yet.
>
>
>
> You went home and it seems as if you had lots
> of things to do. After a few of them were done, you
> turned on the TV. I don't know if you like TV or
> not, just about anything goes there and you spend a
> lot of time each day in front of it not thinking
> about anything, just enjoying the show. I waited
> patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your
> meal, but again you didn't talk to me.
>
>
>
> Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you
> said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed
> and fell asleep in no time. That's okay because you
> may not realize that I am always there for you..
> I've got patience, more than you will ever know....
> I even want to teach you how to be patient with
> others as well.
>
>
>
> I love you so much that I wait everyday for a
> nod, prayer or thought, or a thankful part of your
> heart. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.
>
>
>
> Well, you are getting up once again. Once
> again I will wait, with nothing but love for you.
> Hoping that today you will give me some time. Have a
> nice day!
>
>
>
> Your friend,
>
GOD
>
>
>
> PS - Do you have enough time to send this to
> another person?
>
>
>
> If you aren't ashamed to do this, please
> follow the directions. Jesus said, "If you are
> ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my
> Father."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Not ashamed -- pass this on . . . only if you
> mean it.