The beauty of submissive men

[PDatura]

Here is another thought from a male perspective:

I was on another thread regarding "Forced Male Orgasms" and I saw several guys post, "Yeah How can it be forced to have an orgasm?" Or "Where do I sign up for this?"

In my mind, they don't get it. As men we are used to being control of our lives and especially our dicks. We decide when we urinate, get hard, when we have intercourse, and when we cum. We have control over our dicks. When a man does not have control of his dick like he cums too soon or does not cum at all, it can be a big deal emotionally, not just physically.

As a sub, I feel that I am giving up control of my dick and my orgasms to my Domme. She decides when and if I will cum, I no longer have that control.

One of the things that introduced me to D/s play was a form of "Forced Orgasms". My partner took control of my dick and when it spurted. I did my best to control myself, but I was under her complete control. I had several orgasms but somehow felt humiliated, and strangely aroused. I could not get my mind around what happened. That was over 20 years ago.

A forced orgasm is not about walking up to a woman when you are ready and telling her to give you a forced orgasm. It is about her walking up to you when she is ready and slowly taking control over your body and dick. The point of release is at her whim, part of your eventual surrender, and may be at a very embarrassing moment.

My point is as a sub, giving up control of your dick to your Domme and seeing things that way helps to prevent us from putting our needs above our Domme.

ES

I think the ramifications of a domme controlling their sub's orgasms is something on the list of things people can't understand from people trying to explain. They only understand after they experienced it for themselves.

Perhaps that is true, you make a good point. The key, I feel, is giving oneself (your body) up totally to the Domme as a sub. By doing that, I find it easier to stay away from being selfish and or putting my needs above that of my Domme.

ES

The giving up control of one's dick/orgasms is the tough bit, and has been behind most of the damage sustained in my personal experience. I think no one can understand the absolute terror and delight of giving up control (even when that is what is most desired) until they actually feel it.

The attitude of "hey, force my orgasm now; it's for your pleasure!" crowd just hurts my neck with how hard I eyeroll. Dude, that's the POINT. You don't get to say when. Most recently, a video I saw was of a man being worked by hand, forced to ruin. She let him actually complete orgasm the 5th time. To say that I was wearing a huge smile and flashing a manic glint in my eye would be an understatement. Oh my, the SOUNDS. /swoon It just kills me how so many subs would want that for themselves, yet still try to control the situation or get it on their terms. Just please her and enjoy it! You'll have fun, I promise!

 

[eroticspank]

I've had some heavy pleasers and some heavy takers, and every bit of their attitudes had to do with their demons. My ex was spoiled by his mother and sisters, and was a demanding, abusive little tyrant. The best lover of my life was an only child of a single mom, and he veered towards very attentive and eager to please.

The D/s difficulties I've had were all connected to such demons and lack of communication about them. Actually, I'd say it was more about "I have my demons, and please note that my having demons is no reflection on you" being thoroughly misunderstood on both sides. In the bedroom was not the problem, it was out of it was the issue. But yeah, those demons come into the bedroom right with you.

I really like what you said here "my having demons is no reflection on you". This is just normal relationship stuff. Communicating with your partner, bringing down walls and putting everything on the table in front of each other.

I understand it is not easy and is a process. But going through that process together as a couple, bit by bit is very rewarding. To me, it is very similar to working through more complicated D/s scenes together.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

The giving up control of one's dick/orgasms is the tough bit, and has been behind most of the damage sustained in my personal experience. I think no one can understand the absolute terror and delight of giving up control (even when that is what is most desired) until they actually feel it.

The attitude of "hey, force my orgasm now; it's for your pleasure!" crowd just hurts my neck with how hard I eyeroll. Dude, that's the POINT. You don't get to say when. Most recently, a video I saw was of a man being worked by hand, forced to ruin. She let him actually complete orgasm the 5th time. To say that I was wearing a huge smile and flashing a manic glint in my eye would be an understatement. Oh my, the SOUNDS. /swoon It just kills me how so many subs would want that for themselves, yet still try to control the situation or get it on their terms. Just please her and enjoy it! You'll have fun, I promise!

I think we are online at the same time today.

Yes there is something really hot about that kind of control you describe in the video above. Some Dommes I feel, miss out on the teasing/control play of their sub and just want everything focused on them. I have found it fairly easy to serve that type of Domme. I am out of the picture, so I focus all of my energy on her and her pleasure. The tough part for me is when I am on the dance floor or center stage and my Domme begins to work me hard building up sexual tension, pain, pleasure. The eventual release can be very intense, even emotional, and having someone see that in me is scary.

ES

 

[Perrey]

This resonates with me so much.

That's the worst punishment I can think of, by far. It's so bad that I will try a million things first before doing it. But sometimes, it's the last remaining option.

There's a reason you could feel that grief; it's there any time a dominant has to even consider this. If it crushed your soul, imagine how much it crushed his; he actually had to say it.

This is my first time responding to this thread but I've read it in its entirety. The grief identified above due to using the last remaining option, it's very real for a Domme. I had to end a relationship and cut all ties in a similar manner. I told him explicitly to never return. Having to say those words was excruciating. Yet, I had no other option. The pain being experienced by both of us couldn't continue.

Being a the dominant partner in my relationship isn't 24/7, its specific to situation. Primarily intimacy but also comfort and caring. I have no issue with speaking my mind. In fact, I see it as my best characteristic. I enjoy this thread because of this very reason.

I can be caring and nurturing to those who appreciate, cherish and respect it. On the other hand, I can be, without reservation an ice queen. I prefer to be caring and nurturing. It makes like so much more enjoyable. Also, as evidenced by this thread, it leads to deep and satisfying connections.

P.

 

[PDatura]

I really like what you said here "my having demons is no reflection on you". This is just normal relationship stuff. Communicating with your partner, bringing down walls and putting everything on the table in front of each other.

I understand it is not easy and is a process. But going through that process together as a couple, bit by bit is very rewarding. To me, it is very similar to working through more complicated D/s scenes together.

ES

Frankly, I think taking another's demons personally are at the root of most relationship issues of any type. But the process is rewarding, ultimately. I hadn't thought of it as an equivalent to working through scenes, but that's an excellent point. It's another aspect of why I enjoy submissive men; men doing what they're not "supposed" to do (i.e. be emotional) is so alluring in its dignity and vulnerability.

I think we are online at the same time today.

Well, yes and no. I'm doing the leave the browser open and come back over the course of the day periodically to feed my brain and walk away to think about what I've read thing. I need the distraction and brain food, and I'm finding I have more time on my hands lately. Delving into the deep secrets of humanity with like-minded folk is wonderfully useful for keeping me from dwelling too much in my own dark corners.

Yes there is something really hot about that kind of control you describe in the video above. Some Dommes I feel, miss out on the teasing/control play of their sub and just want everything focused on them. I have found it fairly easy to serve that type of Domme. I am out of the picture, so I focus all of my energy on her and her pleasure. The tough part for me is when I am on the dance floor or center stage and my Domme begins to work me hard building up sexual tension, pain, pleasure.

I need to find the video again and link it here. It's spectacular!

I'm all about putting the sub in the crosshairs. MUUAHAHAHAHAHAAA

The eventual release can be very intense, even emotional, and having someone see that in me is scary.

I can't thank you enough for sharing that. Thank you so much! I admit I hadn't thought how terrifying that could be. I'll have to think on that some more.

 

[PDatura]

CASTLE for example. Watching them be frustrated with each other, then say the same things together, then save each others lives, when they finally have a sex scene it is very hot because of all the build up.

I blanked out because hawt, and forgot to add this:

Ooooh, I might have to reward you with a spanking for saying CASTLE. Starting the series over because NATHANHOTDAMNITSCAPTAINNOPANTSHNNNG

Yeah, this'll keep me busy.

 

[eroticspank]

Frankly, I think taking another's demons personally are at the root of most relationship issues of any type. But the process is rewarding, ultimately. I hadn't thought of it as an equivalent to working through scenes, but that's an excellent point. It's another aspect of why I enjoy submissive men; men doing what they're not "supposed" to do (i.e. be emotional) is so alluring in its dignity and vulnerability.

Thanks for all of your comments! In regards to this above, I feel this is a conversation that takes place before hand between the Domme and the sub. In particular your encouragement of your partner to be emotional when it comes up. When I feel my emotion build up, I can let it go, knowing that is what you want, applaud, encourage, and that may cause it to flow more freely with my walls down and "Emergency" stop buttons off.

I saw Erochic mention earlier in this thread something about us men or subs to encourage our Dommes to be themselves and compliment them in their new roles etc. That is not an exact quote but I think you get the idea. I feel like in D/s play both people are in new roles and mutual admiration is in order for us both. It seems to me, top of the list for us subs, or at least for me is approval and admiration from our Domme. But it is also important that I let my Domme know how much I enjoy and approve of her in her role as Domme. This seems even more important in a relationship.

So just as you can encourage me to be more emotional, I can encourage you to be less so, IF that fits what you are doing in the scene, your personality, etc. I know this can be very touchy, since everyone may jump on this as "Topping from the bottom" I am not saying encouragement is telling your partner what to do or directing her to do anything. She can see my encouragement through my physical reaction. If she asks me about a scene and what I enjoyed, I will tell her. For some women it builds confidence, for others it is a confirmation of what they felt was working, and in all cases it gives her a bit of what is in my head. That is where she wants to be at all times, (in my opinion) in my head.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

I blanked out because hawt, and forgot to add this:

Ooooh, I might have to reward you with a spanking for saying CASTLE. Starting the series over because NATHANHOTDAMNITSCAPTAINNOPANTSHNNNG

Yeah, this'll keep me busy.

I am always up for that kind of reward! Hence my name ES!


But please explain what that means above, or send me a PM ? I may want to watch it again too.

ES

 

[PDatura]

I am always up for that kind of reward! Hence my name ES!


But please explain what that means above, or send me a PM ? I may want to watch it again too.

ES

MUUAHAHAHAHHAAAA *brandishes cane*

I just meant that I need distraction right now, and Nathan does a good job of it. Castle is funny and there are a lot of seasons (unlike Firefly *sob*) so it gives me something absorbing to do, and for a long while. I can have eye candy, sexual tension, and now re-watch a series with an eye towards the D/s aspect in characterization as a writing exercise. (Since part of my current issue involves another writer, I have been lacking mojo in that department. Out of spite. Because that makes sense, right?)

You're welcome to PM me; the saber-rattling in my sig is to scare off the constant sub cats looking to climb the tree of ANY Domme. I got enough claw marks at the moment, thanks. But friendly, intellectual conversation is always welcome!

 

[Veroe]

I loved firefly and Serenity. I knew I liked you.

I was doing a great roleplay thread based off my beloved vampire queen series of books by Joey Hill and either my cowriter has been pulled away for the holiday hustle and bustle which is common occurrence in the RP forums during December or he's flaked on the thread. Either way its a shame for I was doing something new and playing the domme character and was really amazed by how easily she was coming to me, and how much fun I was having writing her. It's a shame too we've only just got going in the thread and I'm really missing writing the character.

If my cowriter doesn't come back in January I think I'll definitely try to restart the thread.

 

[PDatura]

I loved firefly and Serenity. I knew I liked you.

"I'm going to special Hell."

To give you the scope of my geekery: Today, I cried at the new Star Wars film, was weirded out by the lack of 20th Century Fox lead in, am wearing MULTIPLE pieces of R2-D2 clothing (one in a graffiti w/Leia theme), quoted Serenity while discussing Star Wars, engaged in an analysis of handling of Disney's handling of Marvel vs Star Wars, raved over the upcoming Harry Potter film trailer, and then cried again decorating my tree with my Enterprise shuttle ornament that speaks a message from Spock when you push the button (I will never stop grieving for Leonard!). I also debated what artist era of Catwoman I want to use for a design I'm working on because I'm equally fond of the Jim Balent and Adam Hughes versions, though for different reasons. I also bought some Doctor Who fabric and am pissed there's no River Song print available.

In short, I'm pretty sure we would get on just fine.

I was doing a great roleplay thread based off my beloved vampire queen series of books by Joey Hill and either my cowriter has been pulled away for the holiday hustle and bustle which is common occurrence in the RP forums during December or he's flaked on the thread. Either way its a shame for I was doing something new and playing the domme character and was really amazed by how easily she was coming to me, and how much fun I was having writing her. It's a shame too we've only just got going in the thread and I'm really missing writing the character.

If my cowriter doesn't come back in January I think I'll definitely try to restart the thread.

POO! That sucks, but holidays are nuts. Give it a few weeks. Maybe write a bit on your own to keep the voice going?

For the most part, if I'm writing, I write my own characters. I got early release for time served in fanfiction a while ago (predominately Dragonlance)... Not that I'm completely out of the loop, mind you. I just figure that if I score precious writing time, I want to write my own world. Because there's just not enough subs in mainstream fic to write about.

 

[cf23430]

still searching for her.....

 

[eroticspank]

"I'm going to special Hell."

To give you the scope of my geekery: Today, I cried at the new Star Wars film, was weirded out by the lack of 20th Century Fox lead in, am wearing MULTIPLE pieces of R2-D2 clothing (one in a graffiti w/Leia theme), quoted Serenity while discussing Star Wars, engaged in an analysis of handling of Disney's handling of Marvel vs Star Wars, raved over the upcoming Harry Potter film trailer, and then cried again decorating my tree with my Enterprise shuttle ornament that speaks a message from Spock when you push the button (I will never stop grieving for Leonard!). I also debated what artist era of Catwoman I want to use for a design I'm working on because I'm equally fond of the Jim Balent and Adam Hughes versions, though for different reasons. I also bought some Doctor Who fabric and am pissed there's no River Song print available.

For the most part, if I'm writing, I write my own characters. I got early release for time served in fanfiction a while ago (predominately Dragonlance)... Not that I'm completely out of the loop, mind you. I just figure that if I score precious writing time, I want to write my own world. Because there's just not enough subs in mainstream fic to write about.

Wow that is some geekery. I thought I was into Scifi...I guess I have just scratched the surface. I have had many conversations about the Marvel universe and Abrahams taking over STAR TREK and STAR WARS. I do watch Firefly reruns and I feel like not many people realize that is where Mr CASTLE came from. I watch some DR WHO and even watch Battlestar Galatica reruns--yikes!

Back to D/s, maybe part of what makes a good Domme or sub is a great imagination? Perhaps that would explain the Scifi geekery?


ES

 

[Veroe]

"I'm going to special Hell."

To give you the scope of my geekery: Today, I cried at the new Star Wars film, was weirded out by the lack of 20th Century Fox lead in, am wearing MULTIPLE pieces of R2-D2 clothing (one in a graffiti w/Leia theme), quoted Serenity while discussing Star Wars, engaged in an analysis of handling of Disney's handling of Marvel vs Star Wars, raved over the upcoming Harry Potter film trailer, and then cried again decorating my tree with my Enterprise shuttle ornament that speaks a message from Spock when you push the button (I will never stop grieving for Leonard!). I also debated what artist era of Catwoman I want to use for a design I'm working on because I'm equally fond of the Jim Balent and Adam Hughes versions, though for different reasons. I also bought some Doctor Who fabric and am pissed there's no River Song print available.

In short, I'm pretty sure we would get on just fine.

We're birds of a feather then.

Just got home from watching SWe7: TFA myself and am realizing that in the next six or seven months so many huge geek movies are coming out on top of some great geeky tv shows. Its a great time to be alive and geeky.

POO! That sucks, but holidays are nuts. Give it a few weeks. Maybe write a bit on your own to keep the voice going?

For the most part, if I'm writing, I write my own characters. I got early release for time served in fanfiction a while ago (predominately Dragonlance)... Not that I'm completely out of the loop, mind you. I just figure that if I score precious writing time, I want to write my own world. Because there's just not enough subs in mainstream fic to write about.

Wow that is some geekery. I thought I was into Scifi...I guess I have just scratched the surface. I have had many conversations about the Marvel universe and Abrahams taking over STAR TREK and STAR WARS. I do watch Firefly reruns and I feel like not many people realize that is where Mr CASTLE came from. I watch some DR WHO and even watch Battlestar Galatica reruns--yikes!

Our geek credentials have all checked out.

Back to D/s, maybe part of what makes a good Domme or sub is a great imagination? Perhaps that would explain the Scifi geekery?

Absolutely agreed. Imagination is crucial for a dome or any dominant in conjunction with being in tune with their sub. Those two elements are the must haves in BDSM IMO.


ES[/QUOTE]

 

[PDatura]

Oh, good, I've found my people.

It is indeed a great time to be a geek.

Back to D/s, maybe part of what makes a good Domme or sub is a great imagination? Perhaps that would explain the Scifi geekery?


ES

I think so. Imagination is the key, and unimaginative people bore me. I don't think I'm alone here.

Where I'm from, one of the larger sci-fi conventions is held annually. There was a smaller, adult track of programming within the con that developed a big following, and as the con got more family-oriented, the people who ran the programming decided to do a con of their own. That one has now grown substantially into a BDSM con that many people travel to. It was all an offshoot of the sci-fi community in the first place (and whoever wasn't from there was from the actors, SCA, goth, or Ren Faire groups), so for me in my location, levels of imagination and geekery in literature, arts, and costuming is inseparable from the BDSM community. I've not been personally, but I hear the local swinger clubs are the same. Basically, most geek events I'm likely to go to, I can expect to see people I know are in the BDSM scene, and fetishwear is not uncommon. Where goeth the corsetry, the subs are like to follow, and yet, the most dominant woman I know is more likely to wear either scrubs or a bellydance costume. It's a beautiful thing.

The good thing about this is that people in this area have access to the stereotypical Domme "look" clothing while being in a diverse community that doesn't expect every Domme or sub to look alike. Personality and and interests matter far more. This is probably a fair reason why the Ice Queen stereotype leaves me cold, and why I'm not fond of the lowly worm type of subs; it's so far off the normal for my area that it just looks weird and play-acty to me, something to milk money out of daytrippers.

 

[PDatura]

We're birds of a feather then.

Tweet tweet, mothafukkas.

 

[ShyMaleSub]

....
Our geek credentials have all checked out.
....
Absolutely agreed. Imagination is crucial for a dome or any dominant in conjunction with being in tune with their sub. Those two elements are the must haves in BDSM IMO.

I'm with you on this. I've been both a submissive and a Sci-fi fan for a long time. My fav sci-fi is Star Trek TNG, and I've more recently been a Doctor Who follower. I'm not quite enough of a geekto have seen Star Wars e7 on the opening weekend, but I'm pumped about going to see it with my boys this weekend.

My submissive fetish has been mostly fantasized, though I did have a few realtime experiences several years ago.

 

[TomPal]

Will definitely follow this thread!

 

[Owlcity3]

Experienced Dom/me

Question.
I haven't officially embraced my domme side. Would you experienced dominant a advise that I start as a submissive? I've thought of it. So that I can see the aspect of a sub. I've been on a relationship for almost 5 years. Vanilla relationship. And I'm usually on the submissive end as far as vanilla goes. But I've recently been realizing I can't submit much longer. Should I embrace my domme side? When I look at past relationships I was very much living with a BDSM mentality. I had certain rules. Everything was good. When he would misbehave I would punish him. (Take pleasure and leave him without pleasure; is an example.) not in my current relationship. But many times in the past and he was very submissive. What would you experienced DOMS and Dommes suggest?

 

[PDatura]

Question.
I haven't officially embraced my domme side. Would you experienced dominant a advise that I start as a submissive? I've thought of it. So that I can see the aspect of a sub. I've been on a relationship for almost 5 years. Vanilla relationship. And I'm usually on the submissive end as far as vanilla goes. But I've recently been realizing I can't submit much longer. Should I embrace my domme side? When I look at past relationships I was very much living with a BDSM mentality. I had certain rules. Everything was good. When he would misbehave I would punish him. (Take pleasure and leave him without pleasure; is an example.) not in my current relationship. But many times in the past and he was very submissive. What would you experienced DOMS and Dommes suggest?

I dont think forcing yourself into the sub role will teach you anything you don't already know from experience living as a woman. You've got the idea, so try your Domme on. If you are planning on administering physical punishment, I generally think it is a good idea to know what that feels like. Before you cane someone, get caned, before you use a paddle on someone, have it used on you. And practice your strikes on pillows and such. At this point, you're probably better off talking to other dominants to learn and talking to subs to understand what they like.

 

[Veroe]

Exactly communication is the key, Owl. As far as advice to what you were asking: Do the role that you feel most comfortable in. I don't think anyone will give you any better advice than that.

Techniques on things like punishments you can get advice on here from other dominants and getting an idea on what hurts bad and what hurts good from submissives both male and female, but first build a rapport with your significant other on the subject. Even the harshest of BDSM relationships out there is still a relationship after all.

 

[coati]

For some reason, during these short days of winter I spend more time remembering a three-year relationship I had with a Domme. The beauty of being a submissive man during that period in the middle of my life, was that she was the first person who really got me to shut up and listen.

She put me through some trials and studied me, and gradually gave me feedback that I still find valuable today, 11 years later. More of her gems keep working their way to the surface of my consciousness. She ultimately made me realize that I need affection even more than I need sexual gratification. That may seem obvious to most women, but it was not at all obvious to this headstrong man.

 

[eroticspank]

More of her gems keep working their way to the surface of my consciousness. She ultimately made me realize that I need affection even more than I need sexual gratification. That may seem obvious to most women, but it was not at all obvious to this headstrong man.

This is very good. Can you give us some examples or explain a bit more for us headstrong men?

ES

 

[eroticspank]

Question.
I haven't officially embraced my domme side. Would you experienced dominant a advise that I start as a submissive? I've thought of it. So that I can see the aspect of a sub. I've been on a relationship for almost 5 years. Vanilla relationship. And I'm usually on the submissive end as far as vanilla goes. But I've recently been realizing I can't submit much longer. Should I embrace my domme side? When I look at past relationships I was very much living with a BDSM mentality. I had certain rules. Everything was good. When he would misbehave I would punish him. (Take pleasure and leave him without pleasure; is an example.) not in my current relationship. But many times in the past and he was very submissive. What would you experienced DOMS and Dommes suggest?

Sure it is good to embrace your Domme side. There is probably a good reason why you are craving your Domme side, something may be missing from your present relationship.

Ask yourself why you are in the present relationship and why have you been in it for 5 years? I am sure there are some things that has kept you happy and satisfied.

Next, find out what you liked about your past relationships in being a Domme? What parts do you miss and why? Think about the traits you want in a man and a sub?

There is no need to answer those personal questions on here in front of the group, just things for you to think about. Feel free to PM me if you like and I can try to help the best way I can.

ES

 

[coati]

This is very good. Can you give us some examples or explain a bit more for us headstrong men?

ES

Well, she is a biologist by profession, and she is experienced in studying animal behavior. She saw that I was very fixed on my sexual needs, but she made it clear that she would be calling all the shots. She had such a laser-focused attention that I readily agreed with this arrangement. I did my best to return her focused attention with my own, but I was always somewhat distracted because I would be thinking about how much I wanted to get inside her.

She noticed this one evening when we were talking in her living room, so she told me to strip and masturbate in front of her until I ejaculated, while she observed me like behaviorist from a distance. I wrote about this in an earlier post. As I related, I did just what she told me to do, ending up on the floor of her living room with semen cupped in my hand so I would not mess up her floor.

She just observed. After I got cleaned up and dressed, she said, "Go home now", which I did. I felt rather hollow, despite what had been a very strong orgasm that had required me to overcome her cool and clothed observation, while she offered zero feedback or involvement.

About a week later, out of the blue, after wondering for days if she was done with me, she called and told me to come over to her place because she was "hungry". I could tell what that meant from her tone. I drove over. She told me exactly what to do, and ultimately she let me cum inside her. It was just sheer bliss to be rewarded in this way.

We had a number of similar encounters, where I was admonished for trying to initiate sex or for being distracted instead of giving her my full attention, but rewarded when I had no expectation and was either involved in doing my own thing or paying full attention to what she was saying.

After about a year of that, when making sleeping arrangements on a camping trip, she mentioned in a dispassionate way, "You are the type of person who needs quite a bit of affection". I think neither of us considered ourselves to be affection seekers, but right at that moment, it dawned on me that I was seeking affection even more than sex.

I don't think I would have learned that lesson, and a number of other revelations about my personality, with a submissive partner.