The beauty of submissive men

[Veroe]

I suspect a lot of the vanilla girls really want to "tie the man to a bed and fuck his face" but, like a lot of us, are too inhibited to act on it.

A Domme like Erochic is a rare and refreshing find. She really cares about those who submit to her and can have a real relationship with them but can also find the mutual excitement in being able to "tie the man to a bed and fuck his face" as well as administering a "refreshing" punishment. Unfortunately for her, there are many, myself included, who want to experience the "thrill" of submission without the commitment either because we're too comfortable in the vanilla life or too committed to a vanilla person (not that the latter is a bad thing).

I do hope, Erochic, that your search is fruitful.

That's a good point, Shy. Touche.

I fall into the commitmentphobic category myself sad to say...maybe for the right domme I could...but anyway...

I just wanna say I've gotten an idea for a character in an SRP over in the Roleplaying forum from this conversation so thanks for the inspiration guys.

 

[eroticspank]

I don't want that much... I want a decent guy that I can spend time with, have fun and good conversation... And then tie to a bed and fuck his face.

Erochic once again, I really enjoy your words. This above I find hilarious. It really struck my funny bone. The first part reads like a line in a profile on eharmony or other dating website. The last part, just like the punch line of a joke goes in a completely different direction and to me is very funny.

The other part for me is that is exactly what I want too, to have some woman tie me to a bed and fuck my face. The funny part about it is that most of us are thinking it but are not willing to say it out loud. We need to change that.

Another thought is the "tie to a bed and fuck his face" comes AFTER the spend time with, good conversation, and fun. Your typical guy may not see that and just want to run over and get sex or his face sat on when in reality it is about her getting to know the guy, develop chemistry first before any face fucking.

ES

 

[guns44]

I am a very dominate man in my everyday life always have been. From playing college football and my transition into my work career.

Im very limited in my sexual experiences, and SO much I want to try/experience, especially being a sub!

When it comes to the bedroom I dont want to be in control, I want to be told what to even forced into things. I want her to be in control, and rule me in the bedroom. I am not opposed to trying most anything once, as long as she is in control, I think I would be in pure ecstasy if I was a sub!

 

[Veroe]

Erochic once again, I really enjoy your words. This above I find hilarious. It really struck my funny bone. The first part reads like a line in a profile on eharmony or other dating website. The last part, just like the punch line of a joke goes in a completely different direction and to me is very funny.

The other part for me is that is exactly what I want too, to have some woman tie me to a bed and fuck my face. The funny part about it is that most of us are thinking it but are not willing to say it out loud. We need to change that.

Another thought is the "tie to a bed and fuck his face" comes AFTER the spend time with, good conversation, and fun. Your typical guy may not see that and just want to run over and get sex or his face sat on when in reality it is about her getting to know the guy, develop chemistry first before any face fucking.

ES

Agreed...the chemistry thing you bring up is the key...its the difference between Mr. Wrong and Mr. Right.

 

[Apollo Wilde]

I'm going to second / third what Coati and Eroticspank have said -

I've often had more luck (if you can call it that) by building a connection first. Sometimes, when you've stopped looking so hard, you find what it was that you were seeking in the first place.

When I first started, I was looking for a dominant man, and never would have thought myself to be in the position of a domme in the slightest. My exposure to being a dominant woman seemed to be based all on humiliation and a certain coldness that I couldn't relate to (or found attractive) in the slightest. The fact that I come across as alpha didn't help matters, either. I've posted (many, many pages back ) about my particular approach to how I view submissive or switch men, so I'm not going to rehash that here.

It took the right person and some soul-searching with said person to figure things out. And finding the right person, as the song goes, is like finding a needle in a haystack. I found that what helped me the most, though, was being honest in a non-confrontational way. By explaining that how I felt wasn't a lifestyle, 24-7 thing, but an itch that I would enjoy scratching all the same. I think (and I'm going to include myself in this) that some people who might initially be interested in the idea are scared off by the idea / aura that these roles are something to be constantly lived, instead of dabbled in and explored.

Good luck!

-A.

 

[ShyMaleSub]

That's a good point, Shy. Touche.

I fall into the commitmentphobic category myself sad to say...maybe for the right domme I could...but anyway...

I just wanna say I've gotten an idea for a character in an SRP over in the Roleplaying forum from this conversation so thanks for the inspiration guys.

Well, I look forward to seeing what kind of SRP you come up with from this conversation.

 

[guns44]

I'm going to second / third what Coati and Eroticspank have said -

I've often had more luck (if you can call it that) by building a connection first. Sometimes, when you've stopped looking so hard, you find what it was that you were seeking in the first place.

When I first started, I was looking for a dominant man, and never would have thought myself to be in the position of a domme in the slightest. My exposure to being a dominant woman seemed to be based all on humiliation and a certain coldness that I couldn't relate to (or found attractive) in the slightest. The fact that I come across as alpha didn't help matters, either. I've posted (many, many pages back ) about my particular approach to how I view submissive or switch men, so I'm not going to rehash that here.

It took the right person and some soul-searching with said person to figure things out. And finding the right person, as the song goes, is like finding a needle in a haystack. I found that what helped me the most, though, was being honest in a non-confrontational way. By explaining that how I felt wasn't a lifestyle, 24-7 thing, but an itch that I would enjoy scratching all the same. I think (and I'm going to include myself in this) that some people who might initially be interested in the idea are scared off by the idea / aura that these roles are something to be constantly lived, instead of dabbled in and explored.

Good luck!

-A.

I really agree with your last paragraph. This is really something I would like to try and "scratch the itch" and see if I really like it or not, and not make it a 24/7 thing! nice post.

 

[Veroe]

 

[Veroe]

 

[Veroe]

 

[Veroe]

 

[Veroe]

 

[TheLM]

Ahh... I'm feeling depressed tonight. I've met 4 guys in the last few days... And no leads at all.

2 ghosted on me after a first innocent meeting which I actually thought well (one just today), one ended up being a dick... And not really submissive although pretty fetishy (at least his lust for me was flattering albeit rather creepy), and the last one wasn't my type at all and again didn't really understand submission... I haven't emailed him and he hasn't emailed me either.

PDatura nailed it earlier about it not really being a Domme shortage, but rather it being a shortage of decent subs.

I don't want that much... I want a decent guy that I can spend time with, have fun and good conversation... And then tie to a bed and fuck his face.

I have to disagree... There IS a domme shortage.

At least in the Midwest...

 

[Veroe]

 

[guns44]

Why cant that be me!

 

[eroticspank]

I have to disagree... There IS a domme shortage.

At least in the Midwest...

I wonder if the problem has to do with the fact that women see things differently than men.

As mentioned above, some women do not like to be labeled a Domme, especially 24/7. But given the chance to explore that side of their personality in a safe, nonjudgmental environment, many are willing to take the Domme role with Gusto and enjoy what they can from it. Once it is over, they want nothing to change in their relationship, back to the way things were before. When they feel safe in that, they can slip into the Domme role again until it begins to feel more comfortable.

It is hard to put into words, but I feel there is a large number of women in this group above.

In my experience, the 24/7 Dommes that are out there, are small in number and I find I am not compatible with the ones I have met.

ES

 

[coati]

In my experience, the 24/7 Dommes that are out there, are small in number and I find I am not compatible with the ones I have met.

ES

ES,

My only experience with a Domme lasted three years, and was with the 24/7 type you mentioned. Eventually, I violated one of her cardinal rules. She then dropped me permanently.

The relationship was not sustainable, but I still miss her deeply 12 years after the split. In this sense, she is still the Domme, because she made the decision to cut off all contact. Her domination continues to inform my life, 24/7.

Her daily lesson is that you can't always get what you want.

Coati

 

[Veroe]

ES,

My only experience with a Domme lasted three years, and was with the 24/7 type you mentioned. Eventually, I violated one of her cardinal rules. She then dropped me permanently.

The relationship was not sustainable, but I still miss her deeply 12 years after the split. In this sense, she is still the Domme, because she made the decision to cut off all contact. Her domination continues to inform my life, 24/7.

Her daily lesson is that you can't always get what you want.

Coati

I feel for you, Coati.

No whip is crueler and inflicts greater injury than that of regret.

 

[kinkkey]

Submissive male here. Just wanted to add my voice to the choir here. Femdom porn is... disappointing to say the least.

In maledom/femsub porn, the dialogue is essentially nothing but a stream of variations on saying "You really like sex, don't you?" Calling a woman a slut or a whore is really nothing more than a less than flattering way of saying that she is enjoying her sexuality. It is almost unheard of for a woman in BDSM porn to be genuinely insulted. The woman is almost always shown achieving orgasm, usually multiple times. A substantial portion of the porn, especially from the larger studios, includes either a pre or post interview where they make sure to let the audience know that she is a completely willing participant who is thoroughly enjoying herself, with lots of smiling and laughing while they discuss the scene. The man is typically doing all the work while the woman is typically kicking back and enjoying herself.

In femdom/malesub porn, the dialogue is essentially nothing but a stream of outright abuse, telling him what a worthless piece of trash he is and how he couldn't possibly hope to please a woman. The pre or post interview is almost entirely non-existent, they simply do not seem to care one bit if the man enjoyed the scene. He is there to be used and abused and thrown away, his pleasure is entirely unimportant and it is very common for him to be in chastity, or to simply be denied release. The man is typically doing all the work, while the woman is typically kicking back and enjoying herself.

To sum up, in your typical BDSM porn, female subs are asked permission first, given all the orgasms they can handle, then asked if they are okay afterwards. The male subs are told how worthless and disgusting they are, how lucky they are to even be allowed to touch a woman, then given loads of pain and little to no pleasure. Whatever the roles are, the woman's pleasure comes first and foremost and the man is entirely responsible for providing it to her.

 

[oldasspussy]

subscribing.......

 

[eroticspank]

ES,

My only experience with a Domme lasted three years, and was with the 24/7 type you mentioned. Eventually, I violated one of her cardinal rules. She then dropped me permanently.

The relationship was not sustainable, but I still miss her deeply 12 years after the split. In this sense, she is still the Domme, because she made the decision to cut off all contact. Her domination continues to inform my life, 24/7.

Her daily lesson is that you can't always get what you want.

Coati

Thanks Coati,

I have been with a few 24/7 Dommes. I did learn a lot from one in particular but in the end I needed more compassion and caring.

ES

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Thanks Coati,

I have been with a few 24/7 Dommes. I did learn a lot from one in particular but in the end I needed more compassion and caring.

ES

Why are Dommes so often portrayed as being cold-hearted or insensitive? I need tenderness and a light touch from my Dominant if I am to respond to him in love and trust.

 

[eroticspank]

Why are Dommes so often portrayed as being cold-hearted or insensitive? I need tenderness and a light touch from my Dominant if I am to respond to him in love and trust.

I wish I knew the answer. It seems like the Media present a Stereotype for the selling of books and videos but it does not represent reality.

ES

 

[eroticspank]

Submissive male here. Just wanted to add my voice to the choir here. Femdom porn is... disappointing to say the least.

In maledom/femsub porn, the dialogue is essentially nothing but a stream of variations on saying "You really like sex, don't you?" Calling a woman a slut or a whore is really nothing more than a less than flattering way of saying that she is enjoying her sexuality. It is almost unheard of for a woman in BDSM porn to be genuinely insulted. The woman is almost always shown achieving orgasm, usually multiple times. A substantial portion of the porn, especially from the larger studios, includes either a pre or post interview where they make sure to let the audience know that she is a completely willing participant who is thoroughly enjoying herself, with lots of smiling and laughing while they discuss the scene. The man is typically doing all the work while the woman is typically kicking back and enjoying herself.

In femdom/malesub porn, the dialogue is essentially nothing but a stream of outright abuse, telling him what a worthless piece of trash he is and how he couldn't possibly hope to please a woman. The pre or post interview is almost entirely non-existent, they simply do not seem to care one bit if the man enjoyed the scene. He is there to be used and abused and thrown away, his pleasure is entirely unimportant and it is very common for him to be in chastity, or to simply be denied release. The man is typically doing all the work, while the woman is typically kicking back and enjoying herself.

To sum up, in your typical BDSM porn, female subs are asked permission first, given all the orgasms they can handle, then asked if they are okay afterwards. The male subs are told how worthless and disgusting they are, how lucky they are to even be allowed to touch a woman, then given loads of pain and little to no pleasure. Whatever the roles are, the woman's pleasure comes first and foremost and the man is entirely responsible for providing it to her.

I would not agree with several things in particular but I certainly understand your frustration.

I remember when I first thought about being a sub, I was told that it was a "cop out" for guys who don't really know how to please a woman. WTF? was my thought. It was explained to me that as a sub all you have to do is follow orders. If you are not good at oral, she will teach you, if you are not good at something, she will teach you. It is easy be a sub, just follow orders.

I suppose there are some guys out there like that. Maybe they feel bad about themselves physically and find focusing their attention on the Domme, gets their mind off their own body. I know some Subs who do like to be degraded and talked down upon. I have seen video with this type behavior and though I don't like it, the interviews after do seem to show the guy enjoyed it. Who knows why some people are into it,? It does not mean there is something wrong with the guy or the Domme.

What I have been told and try to remember is that in most cases it is an act. If you go out for dinner with the couple later you will not hear any degrading comments or cut downs. It is just in scene those things are said and it seems a bit much. I sometimes want my gf to talk dirty to me. I am not sure why I like it, I just know I like it. So for me she says, "Shoot you spunk all over my...." and it really turns me on. I know it is an act, but it turns me on a lot. The fact that she will do that for me, is even more of a turn on.

ES

 

[Veroe]

Why are Dommes so often portrayed as being cold-hearted or insensitive? I need tenderness and a light touch from my Dominant if I am to respond to him in love and trust.

Because people don't understand them. A woman with power over someone let alone a man challenges their preconceived and comfortable and slightly misogynistic worldview on proper gender roles. So they compensate by making dommes into a caricature of someone who's bitchy and cold-hearted and insensitive when in reality Dommes are a lot like dominant men they cover the whole spectrum of personality attributes.

So to all you ladies out there considering to take over the reigns at least once with their significant other...forget the stereotypical image of a ball-busting dominatrix in your mind...you can hold control, you can dominate your man and be warm and sensitive and kind at the same time. Don't let them hold you back from taking hold of your power because you don't want to be sadistic and cruel to him.