The Dominant Dilemma

[Miles Long]

That's like saying it's antithetical for a woman to masturbate to the image of a male fireman, because women have an intrinsic interest in gender equality.

I don't think it's anything like saying that. What I find antithetical to kink diversity is not the archetype itself or that people find archetypes erotic but the idea that only people who fit into the archetype are doing it correctly. It's that attitude from the One Twue Way-ists that I find interesting.

 

[Bramblethorn]

(Shun the non-believer! Shunnnnnnnnnnn!)

CHARLEEEEEEE

CHARLEEEEEEEE

 

[Blue]

CHARLEEEEEEE

CHARLEEEEEEEE

The normies won't understand the reference.

Personally I prefer Llamas with hats.

 

[Miles Long]

CHARLEEEEEEE

CHARLEEEEEEEE

The normies won't understand the reference.

Personally I prefer Llamas with hats.

These posts brought a tear to my eye.

 

[KimGordon67]

The labels are probably most useful for me in that they indicate who I'm not interested in ... e.g. anyone who uses 'daddy' to refer to themselves is not my guy.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I have a love/ hate with labelling.

It's really useful to have useful indicative groupings for things. I think of it a bit like diseases/ illnesses/syndromes: not all patients will show all symptoms of all conditions and some might have something atypical showing up too . Still they got in that diagnostic group.

But labelling can also be constricting; you see people striving to be the perfect x type rather than be themselves for example.

Also we interpret things differently because of language use, culture, association. There is some smile when I see others use the term I use for G , Maestro, to mean master/ boss.

This is really the crux of it, isn't it? Categorization allows us to function effectively in a complex world, but it also often precludes us from learning more. I suppose we need that system of prioritization: I'll learn more about the poisonous snakes of Brazil when I think I may go backpacking there, but right now I need to remember to pay that phone bill.

Think about everything grouped together in an "art museum" or in the nonfiction area of a library, or a broad Google search, and then the personal initiative it takes to drill down from the general to the specific to find what you want or need or like. You may think you don't like art, but if you don't question that, how will you discover that you do like some art, you just don't like the paintings of happy trees that your aunt did when you were a kid?

As to the stereotypes about PYLs being annoying, it's annoying that, in retrospect, I let them limit me and keep me stuck when I was first seriously exploring D/s. Meek's example of "can I really be dominant if I'm basically kind and feel stuff" is one I went though a lot, along with "just how fucked up is it that I love this Daddy kink?"

As you (if you) come to understand yourself better, and find partners who value and affirm the unique qualities that make you your own brand of PYL/pyl, I think you begin to see stereotypes for the placeholders they are. They may be annoying, but they're mostly irrelevant.

Fwiw
I can never decide if I like those pots which have coffee and sugar and such on them. Are they cute ? Who does not know where the coffee lives in their own house? In this case are they imbecilic?

Labelling is a deeply indecisive subject for me!

I painted "HOUSE" in 4' tall letters across my domicile. It's adorable.

 

[cascadiabound]

I painted "HOUSE" in 4' tall letters across my domicile. It's adorable.

I bet they are in Green. ​

HOUSE​

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I bet they are in Green. ​

HOUSE​

Heh. Pink with an aqua drop-shadow, bold and in "quotes."

 

[Miles Long]

I bet they are in Green. ​

HOUSE​

Heh. Pink with an aqua drop-shadow, bold and in "quotes."

 

[cascadiabound]

Heh. Pink with an aqua drop-shadow, bold and in "quotes."

hahahahahahahahahah

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I declare Miles Long winner of today's BDSM boards.

 

[Miles Long]

I declare Miles Long winner of today's BDSM boards.

Haha thanks man. Between the House pic and the "shooter" gif, I really internetted the hell out of it today!

 

[clistenovena]

No boxes. No labels. No assumptions.

Fuck labels. As it should be.

Personally I prefer Llamas with hats.

Until your post here, the llamas were an unknown. Now they are. Known, that is. My thanks.

 

[Miasorrow]

I'm not bothered by the labels or boxes for doms, but they are kind of fascinating and entertaining when you see someone who adheres to One Twue Way-ism waxing poetic about what it means to be dominant. To wit:

Doms are born - they are not made. They come striding out of the womb knowing how to tie a knot, swing a flogger, and execute all leadership skills. However, it's important to remember dominance is also extremely age dependent. A 20 year old cannot twuly be a Twue Master because he does not yet possess enough Life Experience or Wisdom That Comes Only With Age to properly dominate someone. And no matter how dominant he is, that is completely null and void should a submissive woman be even one day older than he is.

Related to this, do not let the concept of an alpha submissive fool you into thinking there is such a thing as a Beta Dominant. Submissives come in many flavors: they may be Only In The Bedroom or Only With Certain People or The Kind Of Sub Who Actually Controls Everything (your guess is as good as mine on the last one), and nobody bats an eyelash. But any dom who would even countenance the idea of giving up any control even for one second is no Twue Dom. He is an impostor of the worst kind and should be shunned. (Shun the non-believer! Shunnnnnnnnnnn!)

Bramblethorn's mention of telepathic doms is also important. Communication is vital in good relationships, but a Twue Dom can read minds and save you the trouble. Because we all know a Twue Dom will know what you want and need without you saying it - hell, a good one will know what you want and need even before you do. That way he can push you past your limits, but in a way that you're over the moon thrilled about retroactively. Yay Doms!

Basically, there are a lot of people out there who feel like doms have to fall in line with some patriarchal cisgender heteronormative archetype, which, in my mind at least, is actually pretty antithetical to the ideas of kink diversity and individual expression.

Twue.

What an amazing twue man..
(I didn't even say Dwuom )

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

Yes, I have small titties and I have short hair when I cut it And I have no qualms punching ya if you're an ass.

I love when folks who don't know Racy poke at her and get the claws in return. Racy, I love ya.

 

[Primalex]

I love when folks who don't know Racy poke at her and get the claws in return. Racy, I love ya.

Tell me more about your life in the friendzone.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Tell me more about your life in the friendzone.

I know gender relations are massively fucked up in countless ways, but the concept of "friendzone" still seems like one of the sadder manifestations of that. Having friends is great; it's not a consolation prize for not getting a fuck.

 

[Farawyn]

Tell me more about your life in the friendzone.

I know gender relations are massively fucked up in countless ways, but the concept of "friendzone" still seems like one of the sadder manifestations of that. Having friends is great; it's not a consolation prize for not getting a fuck.

Maybe not.
But that was funny as Fuck.

 

[gracie920101]

Anyone who can write "patriarchal cisgender heteronormative archetype" and "antithetical" in the same sentence deserves applause....

Remind me never play Scrabble with him.