The Horny Unicorn

[The GrandMage]

The Ralph

He brought the wolf to a halt near a cave next to the trail. "Okay, on ahead you'll find a split in the trail. To the right is the troll guarded path to the dragon. About fifty of them. The other way is infested with thousands of poptarts. Their insides are molten and can burn you to death. Even through armor. Both paths meet again at a tunnel guarded by 12 gorgons. After that, is the dragon's hunting grounds. Just make sure you're still followed by at least three sheep when you get there."

With that, he kicked the warrior of the wolf, jumped off, and the wolf ran off back where it had came. He then gave a whistle, and strolled into the cave.

 

[kitsuke]

Short guy with club and blue armor. an' stuff.

'Trolls. Poptarts. Trolls. Poptarts. Hoofbeats behind behind me. TROLLS!', Kistuke made his decision, put away his club and drew his katana. Saying a quick prayer to his ancestors, he ran down the troll-infested trail.


"YAAAAHHH!!!", Kitsuke screamed his presence to any before him. His mind raced back to his training.


the foe is the bamboo bowl him over and he will bow before you the foe is the wheat cut him down and sow your crop the foe is the river cross him and be done with him the foe is the road under your foot he is yours the foe is the dark the light of your blade shall destroy him the foe is the silk the keen edge of your blade shall part him the foe is the child your wisdom shall master him purity of thought purity of action purity of mind purity of honor hold your honor before you and none shall stand before it set focus strike what is the word


"KIAIIII!" a blood curdling cry sprang from his lips as he ran swiftly down the startled trolls path. Time after time a hulking green monstrosity would loom before him and his blade flashed quickly across his vision. Pieces of troll littered the path behind him yet still he did not look back. The path grew steeper and yet he did not slow. Gaining the top of the mount he sped straight to the cave of the dragon.

A huge head loomed out of the cave, golden and pearl scales glittered off an elongated snout, diamond whiskers hung from the great maw and an air of greatness enveloped the peak. Kitsuke stopped dead in his tracks, wiping his sword clean he slid it home with a practiced ease.

Bowing low at the waist he spoke, "I beg your forgivenes for this intrusion, ikazuchiryu. I ask a boon of you...."

By the time the others reached the top, the dragon was inside, scant remains of three huge sheep carcasses were outside the cave, and the dragon was nowhere to be seen. In his hands he reverently held a scrying stone, offerring it to Thorr immediately upon seeing him he said, "Happily, it appears we do not need to slay a dragon to attain our goal, my large friend. Let us go back, I desperately need to clean troll off of my armor. Alcohol and a good night's sleep would do me, good as well."

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

I watch as the samurai rushes into battle. Leaving a trail of slaughtered trolls, and poptarts behind. Leaving nothing for me, and Thorr to fight, "damn", I say, as I saw the hundreds, and thousands of slain trolls, and poptarts, "oh well". We catch up to the samurai, and we saw that he had already reached the dragon.

 

[The GrandMage]

The Ralph

The inside of the cave held a ladder that led to a ledge above the tunnel of gorgons. The entire area around the tunnel and beyond it was covered in illusions created long ago by power seeping from the Scrying Stone. He sighed.

They were standing outside the tunnel, holding a duplicate. The gorgons had slain the sheep. That was no cave, it was the tunnel. He had told the fool that he had to go through the tunnel, and yet he stood in front of the illusion like an idiot. And even then, they wouldn't get to the dragon's cave, merely his hunting grounds, a large valley carved into the mountains side.

And he'd fallen for the serpent. You'd think they'd know the different between a dragon and a gem snake. The dragon was a large, sky blue affair, who wouldn't give up the stone without a fight. And The Ralph was one to know.

He groaned. He'd have to do something. He motioned, and a werewolf stepped from the shadows. It was as big as a barbarian, covered in a blood red armor, and had its right eye missing. It bowed to The Ralph.

He motioned below. "Go inform them of their mistake." As the werewolf jumped from the ledge to the warriors, The Ralph reached into his bag, and felt the Totems of Power within. The Holy Grenade, the Prophet's Eye, the Dragon's Horn, and,.....the Scrying Stone were on top of the others. He sighed. They would not leave the mountain with any of the Totems, much less the Stone.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr looked at Creeps and at Kitsuke, then chuckled. "All same to Thorr, but that not right stone. Stone old legend of Thorr's people. Was trapped with magic of barbarian shamans. Any man touch it what not barbarian blood, him start getting... uh.. what he say? 'Dee-loozins of Granite Door', or sumpin like that. Start thinking him have power to take over whole areas, do whatever comes to mind, stuff like that. Dragon not man, so he make good guard. Thorr think that stone get gone anyway. Silly stories of poptarts and dozen gorgons? Sound like somebody touch stone what not ought to have."

As he finished speaking, what looked to be a werewolf bounded up to tell them its tale. Thorr swiped at it with his axe, and it vanished in a puff of barbarian logic. "See? More Dee-Loozins!"

"Gorgons... hah!" Thorr strode boldly forth into the cavern, his mighty axe dissipating the various delusional illusions brought forth by the current holder of the Stone. He stopped, sniffed, and looked up to a ledge. "Uh oh... Hey, woof-smelly guy! You not want to be up there. Lots of..." He was cut off by a choked off scream from above. "spiders..." he finished.

Sounds of a struggle could be heard, and they all rushed up to help, only to find the combatants gone. All that remained was a bag, its contents spilled out upon the floor. "Hokay! There Stone!" To make perfectly sure, Thorr tapped it with his god-forged sword, to dispell any illusions about it. It held up to his test. This was the one, true Stone, and none other. It called to his very blood, offering riches, wealth, power, and virgins for the rescuing... However, it failed to offer ale, so Thorr was easily able to resist its lure, slipping it inside his belt. The other items were rapidly dissipating into vapor, though, evidently products of the Stone's enchantments.

"Anybody want to go kill dragon now? Or go back and get wedding party started?"

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

"Lets go back to the tavern", I said. "I think the dragon should live for another day. Besides, you do want to marry Imoen don't you", sure I thought the idea was crazy from the start, but after all we have been through, I think Thorr deserved it, "I also wonder what the bartender is up to without us watching him", I said, as we made our way back to the tavern.

ooc: that was fun while it lasted.

 

[The GrandMage]

...??

OOC: Oh. I see. I'm getting on your nerves, am I? Fine. But that's just poor taste. Really. 'Tis. You could just say, 'Hey. Stop that.' instead of going into bad form like that. But I know when I'm not wanted. I'll never bother you again. I'll go hide under a rock.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I looked into my Special Totem of Disguising Power and laugh histarically!

So some of the fools were taken in it was a very good idea for me to sit those traps of Vicious Killer Rabbits,Trolls,Poptarts,Gorgons,and Giant Spiders!

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

"L-lumps??!!" I grit my teeth and curl my hands into fists. How dare he? I had payed good money for this inn! "Lumps! You wish to see lumps, spawn of filth? I'll show you lumps!"

I pick up a nearby chair and hurl it at the bed. It smashed into the winged monstrosity, exploding into several tiny pieces. Before the monster could retaliate though, I had... um... made a tactical decision and had left the premises.

Yes... he will die later! Right now, I needed to get that Totem of Power!

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

OOC The GrandMage please don't leave stay I'll miss you

You shall never lay your hands on that Totem of Power!

I use my Magic and I think about where The Ralph is so that moment a magical portal opens.I see him and I step through the Portal into the room were The Ralph sleeps I then close and destroy my Magical Portal!

I place a very strong Magical barriar around this room so that it can not be seen by anyone of Normal or Magical Powers.

I walk over to the bed and roughly shake The Ralph to wake him he sits up in the bed so fast that he scares me!

You are in danger I tell him Telepathically from your own Brother!He wishes to kill you & your Sister to gain both of your Totem's of Power!

The legend about you three is true but it did not tell all after the three of you were born a Fourth Child was born and this Child was Fostered out to a Man with Three Sons!

In this Fourth Child it was discovered that the Totem of Power was Silver upon Silver and Linked to The Ralph and her Power would only come into play when The Ralph made his Appearance yes Brother I am that Fourth Child!

 

[The GrandMage]

The Ralph

After having been killed by a spider, he really needed that sleep. Now he just blinked. The three children had been years before his time, he was only a descendent. She was crazy. He rolled over, and went back into the nonexistence he was having a nice nap being in.

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

Picking up the trail of my evening dress, I run out of the inn and out of the city with demonic speed. I needed to make it to Mt. Whatever before Thorr and his merry band of idiots get their hands on the Scrying Stone!

I soon reached the mountain, but was at a loss as to where the group could be. I then saw a dead rabbit, and another, and another. I followed the corpses and found the body of a giant sheep.

"Hmph. I guess I'll just follow the devastation."

Doing just that, I made my way to a cave and found Thorr's party gathered around something. As I got closer, I saw that the Barbarian idiot held something in his massive hands.

It was the Scrying Stone!

Loosing all my cool, I felt a well of infinite rage build up inside me. How dare these fools lay a hand on my Totem, after all I've been through to steal it!

Leaping forwards, bringing my powers to the fore, I shout, "GIVE ME THE SCRYING STONE!!!"

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

I could see Mergale come a mile away. He hands seemed to burn with magic, "Mergale, c'mon now, we talked about this", I silently say to myself. I step into a dark shadow, making me impossible to see. The only defense I had against magic users was my cloak that could hide from magical detection. I load a bolt into my crossbow, just in case anything crazy happens.

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr watched in awe as the woman with the glowing red eyes, shiny ebon tresses, and gravity-defying breasts bounced up the trail towards him, screeching to give her the Stone. It was a testament to the depth to which he had been smitten by Imoen that he did not promptly give her the Stone, and a thorough ravishment. As it was, he merely reached out to her as she came at him, her hands feebly ablaze with her attempt to draw upon her limited magickal powers, and grabbed her by the wrists.

"Sorry, pretty lady. Thorr promise to give Stone to Imoen. You can have Creeps, instead!" He lifted her wildly struggling body into the air by the wrists, and dropped her into Creeps' arms. In his culture, women fully expected and enjoyed to be taken forcefully, and would never respect a man who could not do so. By her attack, the strange woman marked herself as playing by the rules he understood, and he chuckled.

"Creeps! She fighter! You have fun! Thorr go to Imoen now."

Imoen, however, Thorr was mightily trying to woo in what he considered a civilized fashion. His entire ancestry would probably laugh at him for not simply carrying her off to be his bride, but he was truly trying to fit in, as his big sister had done. Besides... civilized peoples made better ale!

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

You think that I'm crazy do you Baker of Bread?

I see that if you want something done right you have to do it yourself!

You are a Direct Descendant of The Ralph on your Father's side as I am a Direct Desendant of The Silver Princess or as most people called her The Princess of Darkness on my Mother's side if you want me to I can show you proof that what I say is true!

I pull my Totem of Power from around my neck it is a Round Silver Disk with an engraving of The Ralph on one side & and someone that looks like Myself on the ther side!

This Silver Disk has been passed down from Mother to Daughter until now along with Dark Silver Eyes & Light Silver Hair!

If you still do not believe me I shall then revert back to the girl that you saw in The Tavern before you went on this Quest!

 

[MrSand]

Mergale

I glared at Creeps while he held me in his arms, and narrowed my eyes dangerously. Thankfully, he took the message and laid me on my feet.

"Thank you." I smile before kicking him in the balls. Laughing evilly, I run off after Thorr. "Give me that stone, you pathetic slope-browed twit!"

Unfortunately, I suddenly found myself caught in some sort of silken web. I struggled vainly to release myself, all the while wondering who would put a stupid cobweb in the middle of a cave entrance.

I soon got my answer as several dozen demon spiders suddenly fell on my hair.

"Hello, baby!" they said in unison.

I screamed and ran about wildly, my panicked, yet still evil, state allowing me to rip through the vile creatures' web. I ran down the trail, all the while smacking at my hair and shouting, "GETTEMOFFMEGETTEMOFFMEGETTEMOFME!!!"

 

[The GrandMage]

The Ralph

He blinked. "I am not a baker of bread. That's my brother. Who has the same lineage as I do. Go bother him."

He motions around the underworld. "As you can see, I'm quite busy being dead. And here, take this." He hands over the Holy Grenade.

"Now go bother Brent. I've trying to sleep. Dying can take a lot out of you."

Rolls over, and goes back to sleep, firmly ignoring everything else from the strange woman.

 

[The GrandMage]

Brent, Former Royal Baker

He'd been hit by a chair. That really stung. So as not to work against the flow of things anymore, he decided to do absolutely nothing until spoken to.

Of course, he could move around. Right now he was scratching an itch in his wing as he watched Thorr return to the tavern and the odd, evil woman run around with demon spiders in her hair.

He wondered if he should help her, and kill the spiders, (For that would also avenge his brother), or if he should just let them do whatever demon spiders do? He decided to just stand there stupidly until given an order.


OOC: ::has been forced from under his rock by constant pestering. Will try not to be an obstacle in the plot anymore::

 

[kitsuke]

Moi

Kitsuke walked back to the inn wearily, his eyes on the road before ignored the happenings around him. Reaching the inn he found the stairs, climbed them, and claimed a room that looked unoccupied for himself.

"Sleep..", he mumbled.. stripped off his armor and weapons, and fell onto the bed.


OOC: GrandMage, be an obstacle, just not too great of one, only the ladies are truly allowed to try and kill us with plot twists

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

OOC I am glad to keep my title of throwing monkey wrenches into thread plots.

 

[The_high_king]

Creeps

"What a day", I said as I walked into my room, in the Horny Unicorn. Then suddenly, I got up again, "my show". I rush back down to the tavern, and apologize to Isolde for lateness, and ask her when the show starts.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

I look at The Ralph as I turn away and start my Madalion spinng as I Empower it to get me back to the Tavern Kitchen my Power is almost nonexistant gone!

When you come to Tavern The Horny Unicorn come around to the back ask cook for Dinner it will be ready!!

I turn to Magical Portal and step through back into Kitchen hide Medalion inside Shirt and start cooking Dinner!

I feel eyes looking at me I turn and I see a Woman With Glowing Red Eyes staring at me!

I say that if you are looking for a job go and talk to Isolde & Imoen they are owners of Tavern I am just the cook!

I go into tap room and I see Brent The Baker of Bread!

I ask him to please come with me I tell him that I have something that is his I give to him The Holy Grenade!

I say that you most come with me I Magically Seal Kitchen I take off Cloaking Spell from Portal and step through with Brent into Room with The Ralph!

Because explosion of Holy Grenade you were torn into two different people but you most quickly rejoin or both of you will die!

The Original The Ralph Died Many Many Centuries Ago!

I do not have time to waste you either rejoin or I leave both of you here to die it makes no difference to me!

 

[The GrandMage]

The Ralph, and Brent, Fomer Royal Baker.

They looked at each other. These brothers who had never met. they shared a look and the telepathic message 'She's Crazy!'

Unfortunately for Brent, The Ralph wanted to live again. Of course, they were not the descendants of 'The Ralph', since that was not his name, but it mattered not.

The Ralph sprang, his great blue wings and horns appearing before he grabbed the Holy Grenade that Brent was holding. He pulled the pin with a yell of "One! Two! Three!"

With an explosion that threw the crazy woman backwards, they fused together, creating a tall, blonde, blue-eyed man with great black reptilian wings, dully glowing black horns, and who was wearing baggy white pants and shirt, with larghe black boots around the feet hovering a few inches above the ground.

He settled down, folded his wings up, and drew his horns back into his body, looking fully human. He strolled out of the underworld, closed the portal, trapping the woman there, and went out into the tavern, stepping behind the bar, and taking up the practice of polishing glasses. He looked at the owners. "Mervin sent me. I'm the bartender while he's out. He'll get back to you when he can."

The now-replenished holy grenade in his pocket, he took to tending the bar.

 

[THEBRAT]

Charlene

Let the fools think that I am trapped!

Out of the Kitchen Walks two Women both of them with Dark Silver Eyes & Light Silver Hair!

They look at each other and give a smile that would raise the hair on the Back of your neck from Fear!

They look at the Man behind the Bar and smile at him and Laugh!Only you can really see two of us!

This is what The Hole Grenade does when you are to close to it when it explodes!

But on me it has had an adverse affect it has split me into Three People!

If you do not get my third self back here your Brother stays stuck in a Womans Body forever!

 

[Neale]

Thorr

Thorr strode into the bar, and went into the back, looking for Imoen. Their quest had been surprisingly successful, and now, he only wanted to give her the Stone, and get a drink. It was a testament to his depth of feeling for her that that was indeed the order in which he did those things.

Not even noticing the look of stark fear that crossed Imoen's face when he found her and Isolde in the back, he fell to one knee, hardly cracking the floor at all, and presented her with the pouch in which he had secured the object of his quest. "Hokay, Imoen! We get your pretty thing. Now be Thorr's woman?"