If you skip the crackers you'll have more room for the cheese.
I don't need an excuse to put cheese in my mouth.
I don't need an excuse to put most things in my mouth.
It's probably a good thing we can't afford really good cheese regularly.
, or if I am just that bloody tired these days. This way or another, it sucks!
Were you depressed after the labor? Someone, anyone....
Because I am, kinda. Often. Teary, oversensitive, moody and all that crap. Wonder if it's some form of the postpartum depression, my old depression
The day needs 48 hours srsly. Maybe even 72 lol. To do all the things that need to be done. Sort all 3 of my kids, do all the washing, ironing and all and STILL have some free time for me and A. I really miss that, some proper free time just for me and him. sigh
Were you depressed after the labor? Someone, anyone....
Because I am, kinda. Often. Teary, oversensitive, moody and all that crap. Wonder if it's some form of the postpartum depression, my old depression
The day needs 48 hours srsly. Maybe even 72 lol. To do all the things that need to be done. Sort all 3 of my kids, do all the washing, ironing and all and STILL have some free time for me and A. I really miss that, some proper free time just for me and him. sigh
Were you depressed after the labor? Someone, anyone....
Because I am, kinda. Often. Teary, oversensitive, moody and all that crap. Wonder if it's some form of the postpartum depression, my old depression
The day needs 48 hours srsly. Maybe even 72 lol. To do all the things that need to be done. Sort all 3 of my kids, do all the washing, ironing and all and STILL have some free time for me and A. I really miss that, some proper free time just for me and him. sigh
Every little thing makes me cry these days. I don't mind crying IF I am able to hide the tears, but when I start cry those tears I cannot hide, I mind the crying A LOT then! I don't like being seen like that. Especialy by my A. and by my kids! I feel stupid then. Like a fail and an idiot really.I would go have it checked to see if it is pp depression as it is fairly common. Even if it is your former depression, or just tired, or a combination of both, it might help to have some professional help and support. I know with my first I sailed through, with the second things became more difficult and time/energy was seriously lacking, so I can only imagine what it must feel like to have 3!!
Catalina
Felt really stupid cuz I couldn't go out as they would see. Well A. figured it out anyways that I was hiding there crying and took the girls out himself. I still felt like an idiot tho. And it's really hard to explain. My mom asked me what happened and I wasn't able to tell her, I just started cry again. It sucked! And I am like that often lately. :/
Every little thing makes me cry these days. I don't mind crying IF I am able to hide the tears, but when I start cry those tears I cannot hide, I mind the crying A LOT then! I don't like being seen like that. Especialy by my A. and by my kids! I feel stupid then. Like a fail and an idiot really.
I am usualy okay, but I can as well get depressed in a second! Like the other day when we wanted take the kids out with A. I was pretty okay, but right before we go I got depressed, somehow. I ended hiding on toilet cuz I couldn't stop crying.
Maybe I am just tired.
Yea A. lives here with me now. I love living with him, just hate I am being this teary fuck lately as I know my tears makes him feel crap.
Thank you for the wishes!Totally get your Vit D levels checked...can be a major contributor to depression and if you arent sleeping well getting out and getting your daily intake of rays needed can be tough and supplementation of a quality D3 can help heaps. Beyond that make sure with the stress you are carrying that you are getting all your omega fats...postpartum leaves you quite literally drained of nutrients if you aren't really on top of that kinda stuff it can knock you on your knees easily. I also strongly recommend the book The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. My ex battled significant depression, severe violent mood swings, and suicidal thoughts for years and years and following the recommendations in the book were life altering for all of us.
If you suspect any depression creeping in please please please, listen to your body, seek help, and kick it in the ass swiftly and directly before you fall any further down the hole because it just makes the climb back out a tougher one!
Heavy stuffs aside, deepest congrats on the newest lil bundle...and a gentle reminder to seek support where you can...you can't give what you don't have so FEED the Mamma! OK?
Best wishes!
I deffo try keep the mamma well fed! 
You might be right with the hormones. Bet the lack of sleep doesn't help much either!It sounds hormonal to me, but I am not a doctor. Our hormones can play fairly nasty tricks on us and our emotions. I know from my own experience with menopause, I can be laughing and then burst into sobbing without a break in between, and with no reason at all. I'm told it is part of the hormonal rollercoaster so perhaps you are experiencing a similar thing following pregnancy and birth.
Catalina
*When she uncollared me he didn't release me. I was stupid enough to think that I could salvage some part of it. Things blew up because I didn't follow my gut - I blindly followed my Dom with the expectation that he would follow the rules and not intentionally or knowingly do anything to hurt her or me. Unfortunately I didn't learn the lesson the first time. It was at a local ball that I was informed he was couldn't be my "secret Sir" (as a friend had dubbed him) because he was trying to work things out with his ex. Had been for weeks. He was willing, however, to keep the online aspect of our relationship. When asked why lead me on - why not simply release me - he said that it was because I was fun and "worth keeping."
Less than a week later she got a hold of me because she finally pinned him down enough to be told that it wasn't them taking a step back - it was ended. She ended up at my house because, when it comes down to it, she's still my best friend. Even with all the anger and hurt, she was my best friend. I was honest with her. It was the right thing to do and I couldn't not be. We were able to start picking up the pieces.
When it became known that that's what was happening there were more than a few bullshit moves. On my side, it involved things like a blank text message, calling but not leaving a message, little comments here and there. When I began not responding it was stepped up a bit. When she and both stopped engaging at the same time... It's been interesting. Last week I was served a shovel full of bullshit with a bow on top. When I didn't respond it was stepped up a notch. I'm learning how to not engage.
Walking away would be the easiest. No contact, no anything. The problem is that the geographic area I live in is a fishbowl. Toss the BDSM factor in and it's suddenly a teacup. Add to 12 step part and it's a thimble. The level of discord would have made life unlivable in either of the two communities - especially since there is no appropriate explanation to be made in one of them. There is also the part where my actions need to be in compliance to the program I'm working - God knows I don't need to fuck things up any more than I already have.
That said, Keroin's right. I have been whinging about it and for that I apologize. There really isn't anywhere else I had to turn. Three people in my everyday "real" life knew of the relationship and all the details involved - a neighbor, my sponsor (both vanilla) and friend I'd brought into the community who can't comprehend my level of submission. Local people in the community who I would have sought out for advice 6 months ago... loyalties have already been established and I spent far to much of the last year making my place in the community synonymous with being my ex-Mistress' girl. As proved by how many people outside of our core group know me as her girl and how few people actually know my name. That's neither here nor there though. With luck the last correspondence with him will have drawn a big enough line that he'll finally get my position. If not, a bigger stick will be used.
Thank you for all the support and suggestions on how not to drown in the deep end of the pool and I thank you for allowing me to explain. I'm tired now and very worn out - very brittle feeling. It's a lot to be on with for a first "grown up" relationship - especially one that didn't actually exist. And 87 days of breakup hell, a fair part of which being of one's own making, while you're pretending there isn't any breakup is enough for even the heaviest of emotional masochists.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to climb out of the sandbox for a bit and just watch.
Huggs the Chy tight *
Yea A. lives here with me now. I love living with him, just hate I am being this teary fuck lately as I know my tears makes him feel crap.
Our baby is 3 weeks old today and no the breastfeeding is not really better yet. I still think she's eating too less and gaining too less of weight. She seems hungry to me as she doesn't sleep that much during the day and wanna eat from me like every 30 min. I feed her and she fall asleep in 3-5 min. I take her my breast and she's up in a second. And we doing that whole day long, over and over again. She needs to eat more and sleep more and I try, but I feel I always fail as every time I wanna feed her she fall asleep in a few minutes. She's not eating properly, pooing properly, sleeping properly. It's depressing!
I should see her doc on monday, will see what she will tell us about her growing and her weight.
Thank you for the link, very interesting reading!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to climb out of the sandbox for a bit and just watch.
