The SINGLE PARENT's Place

[tonitits]

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I know deep in my heart I am in much better place emtionally and mentally now than when I was married as are the kids....buty still....I just don't understand him.........sigh

I know. Just hang in there and give your kids all the love and support that you can and don't forget to give them lots of hugs. If you need to vent we are here for you.

 

[lady*laura]

thank you....it means lot to me to be able to vent

 

[Arden]

Good morning everyone - I have health insurance for my kids through the state...not Medicaid but the state offers health insurance for parents that aren't working, or it's too expensive through their jobs. Which is great and yes it covers just about everything. It's great peace of mind having that.

My oldest daughter has been in therapy for awhile now and thank god for the insurance. Whether I had it or not she would still be going but it's a little easier this way.

Hi silkynsmooth.... Just curious, what state do you live in? I wasn't aware that some states offer insurance for kids...

BTW, welcome to our extended single parent family, it's very nice to meet you, too!

 

[tonitits]

Hi silkynsmooth.... Just curious, what state do you live in? I wasn't aware that some states offer insurance for kids...

BTW, welcome to our extended single parent family, it's very nice to meet you, too!

Arden Tx has this now, too! I think it went into effect this last year. I suppose a part of it is due to so many ppl being out of work and all these kids not getting the shots and care that they need. I am not sure of all the details since I have insurance. I am so thankful that I have always had insurance.

 

[windycityman]

Okay.......my story...........

Well..........i wasnt going to post here with all the boring details.......I am a divorce father of one son......who is 7..........the divorce was somewhat ugly.....but one thing we agreeded on was always doing the best for OUR son........that was 2 and half years ago.......during the divorce.......lots of threats were put out there.......but I retained the house........why you ask?.....cause i wanted my son to have one place that was familiar to him to go to.....her lawery was a real.........I wont use that word....but I think you know what i am thinking.......I have 50% custody.........we have schedule which he knows.....its fair.....neither one of us goes more than 3 days without seeing him.......we both are evolved in his school ect.....I guess I am lucky....but there are times when she blows up at me.......cause she cant let things go........I hold no remorse.....even though......i lost alot from the divorce...........but what really mattered to me. was that I WAS going to BE part of my sons life.......I did not want to be a weekend dad........I understand what some are going though..........but what I dont understand is how a Dad can not see his children...........I would die without my son..........so now you know alittle more about me........thanks for allowing me to be a part of single parents...........

 

[Arden]

Re: GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Ok I realize that just because I divorced my children's father that does not mean he would have a personality transplant! However...this guy is hurting his children....MY children! My 15yo daughter had a melt down last night because her father never talks to her anymore...even when she is there on his weekends, yet he expects that she will be free to watch her three younger sibs if he has things to do while they are there. He gets upset with her if she has other plans! This gilr is a sophomore in highschool and involved in band, speech, vocal music, orchestra and swim team. She is tron between feeling guilty about not liking her fahter and being so busy she can't do his parenting job for him. How do I help her with out trashing her father??? Oh I WOULD LOVE to trash him and then some!

I'd love to see her ask her father to sit down for a heart to heart talk about HIS responsibilities. "Look, Dad, I love you very much, but there's something I'd like to talk to you about. I am involved in many activities at school that are both very important to me, and time consuming. I understand completely how limited your time is, and that on occasion, you honestly need to have me watch my siblings when we are visiting you. What I'd like to do is ask if there is any way I might be able to help you schedule things so that we can spend more time together with you during our visits. We all want, and need more time with you, Dad. I love you."



For myself, I always held my anger in, never blew my stack in front of the kids. Believe me, I wanted to on many occasions, and some times had to bite my tongue to NOT do it. Talking about your anger is important. I had some friends at work that could relate, so we had regular bitch sessions during break time or at lunch. It helped me immensely to be able to let it all out.

 

[Arden]

Re: Okay.......my story...........

Well..........i wasnt going to post here with all the boring details.......I am a divorce father of one son......who is 7..........the divorce was somewhat ugly.....but one thing we agreeded on was always doing the best for OUR son........that was 2 and half years ago.......during the divorce.......lots of threats were put out there.......but I retained the house........why you ask?.....cause i wanted my son to have one place that was familiar to him to go to.....her lawery was a real.........I wont use that word....but I think you know what i am thinking.......I have 50% custody.........we have schedule which he knows.....its fair.....neither one of us goes more than 3 days without seeing him.......we both are evolved in his school ect.....I guess I am lucky....but there are times when she blows up at me.......cause she cant let things go........I hold no remorse.....even though......i lost alot from the divorce...........but what really mattered to me. was that I WAS going to BE part of my sons life.......I did not want to be a weekend dad........I understand what some are going though..........but what I dont understand is how a Dad can not see his children...........I would die without my son..........so now you know alittle more about me........thanks for allowing me to be a part of single parents...........

WCM, I applaud you for all of your efforts in being a loving father, fighting for your right to have shared custody, being committed to your son's education and providing him with a familiar place to stay... your home. His home. I'm so glad that you shared this with all of us, because we hear so little about the great divorced dads.

I only wish my ex cared about his daughter so much. He never got a lawyer, didn't go to court when the divorce was finalized... nothing. He did, at the time, have some substance and alcohol abuse issues, but even today he has almost no contact by his own choice. When I had a lawyer do the papers, he kept everything of his own, including his debts. I kept what I came to the marriage with also, and my debts... which were much greater than his, because I was paying for things we should have been paying for together, and I wanted no problems with settling the divorce. His money went to drugs. I did ask for full custody, and was surprised that he never even bothered to contest that request. The state required he at least have visitation, that was fine. But he never bothered, except for a short while when he had a s/o living with him. He later saw her only about 2-4 times a year, when she would spend the night at his Mother's house. I moved myself and the kids out of state 1.5 years ago, and he's talked to her only once - this past New Years. No calls, no cards, no e-mails (he has a computer), no birthday or Christmas gifts.... just nothing. ~sigh~

He doesn't pay support either. As an electrician, he changed his payroll status from an hourly employee to the status of 'independent contractor.' That eliminated payroll deductions after he paid support for three weeks. Nothing ever since (after 7 years). He pays only taxes due each year to the Fed Gov, so recovering support from his refunds doesn't exist. I could get him thrown in jail, but then he wouldn't be working to have money for support. So, I've just given up. It's not going to happen, so I've let go of the frustration and moved on.

*Grin* Sorry for the rambling, it did feel good to get it out finally.

Keep up the great work you are doing with your son. I can see that you cherish every moment that you have with him... You and Mr. E are such wonderful fathers.

{{{{{WCM}}}}}

 

[Arden]

Arden Tx has this now, too! I think it went into effect this last year. I suppose a part of it is due to so many ppl being out of work and all these kids not getting the shots and care that they need. I am not sure of all the details since I have insurance. I am so thankful that I have always had insurance.

Thanks, Toni... I'll be sure to check it out here.

{{{{{Toni}}}}}

 

[windycityman]

Re: Re: Okay.......my story...........

WCM, I applaud you for all of your efforts in being a loving father, fighting for your right to have shared custody, being committed to your son's education and providing him with a familiar place to stay... your home. His home. I'm so glad that you shared this with all of us, because we hear so little about the great divorced dads.

I only wish my ex cared about his daughter so much. He never got a lawyer, didn't go to court when the divorce was finalized... nothing. He did, at the time, have some substance and alcohol abuse issues, but even today he has almost no contact by his own choice. When I had a lawyer do the papers, he kept everything of his own, including his debts. I kept what I came to the marriage with also, and my debts... which were much greater than his, because I was paying for things we should have been paying for together, and I wanted no problems with settling the divorce. His money went to drugs. I did ask for full custody, and was surprised that he never even bothered to contest that request. The state required he at least have visitation, that was fine. But he never bothered, except for a short while when he had a s/o living with him. He later saw her only about 2-4 times a year, when she would spend the night at his Mother's house. I moved myself and the kids out of state 1.5 years ago, and he's talked to her only once - this past New Years. No calls, no cards, no e-mails (he has a computer), no birthday or Christmas gifts.... just nothing. ~sigh~

He doesn't pay support either. As an electrician, he changed his payroll status from an hourly employee to the status of 'independent contractor.' That eliminated payroll deductions after he paid support for three weeks. Nothing ever since (after 7 years). He pays only taxes due each year to the Fed Gov, so recovering support from his refunds doesn't exist. I could get him thrown in jail, but then he wouldn't be working to have money for support. So, I've just given up. It's not going to happen, so I've let go of the frustration and moved on.

*Grin* Sorry for the rambling, it did feel good to get it out finally.

Keep up the great work you are doing with your son. I can see that you cherish every moment that you have with him... You and Mr. E are such wonderful fathers.

{{{{{WCM}}}}}

Sorry but I get very upset when fathers.......do things not to pay or see their children.......YOU helped bring thqt child into this world........SO be human enough.....to take some part in growing its life........if not you are a worthless peice of sh........sorry that how i feel.....be up to it or just get the hell out of here....go to iraq or something......cause i have no use for fathers who dont pay or just are lazy.......sorry just had to vent...........


WCM

 

[itsureis]

I'm sorry to hear about your son being that unhappy with his current situation at home. It sounds like you are the only one he will confide in, and tell what he's feeling inside. I'm sure the disrespect is probably some anger at his situation coming out, my son did that often when he was a young teen, and still does it on occasion. Is he getting passing grades at school or is he slipping there? Would his Mom let you take him to finish out the school year with you if he reached a point where he wasn't coping well with anything? I know you said you were headed back in the summer, but that's still a long way off.

Does he have a computer to use at home? Maybe the two of you could start daily e-mails... make him tell you what he's up to, and how he's coping with things every single day. If he doesn't have a computer, I think those e-mail only machines are under $90 now. K-mart had some during the holidays, I think Radio Shack has them too. I know how expensive long distance rates are. Oh well, it's just a thought. Mostly I'm just thinking out loud here in my ramblings.

Oh yeah... He has a comp at the house... That was one of the things that I made sure was set up before I left to ensure that we were able to talk without having high bills to AT&T or whoever... And we do talk often... Alot of the time it is about incidental stuff... But from time to time it is because he feels more unhappy...

 

[itsureis]

Sounds like you're doing an awesome job, Dad! I'm so happy to hear of the positive changes in your son's life.

&

Man, I would have been furious! Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

I hope your daughter was finally able to cope with trauma, Mr. E. That must have been an incredibly hard thing to deal with for your entire family.

{{{{{ }}}}}

Thanks Arden... He is doing great...

And I was furious... But I just had to get over it... LOL... I just got the bill for the hospital stay yesterday... Total so far is just over $10,000.00.... That's for the time spent in the hospital and the radiology exams... More to come I'm sure.... I did apply for assistance... But haven't heard anything back yet... The guy there said that they should cover me since I haven't been paid for the work that I have been doing... Even though I have earned alot... I have received none of it...

And yes... She dealt with it really well... She did start to have nightmares... I believe in the power of your belief over something... I had a friend who was an Indian, and I asked her if she could get us a real Dream Catcher... Not the kind that you would buy in a store... I did tell her the reason why too... She made one special for my daughter and had it blessed by the tribal shaman... (probably not the correct term but we all understand it) I traded her a deer hide and some tobacco for it, as is customary.... I told my daughter where it came from and it's powers... She asked me to hang it in the middle of her ceiling... Her nightmares stopped that night... Other than that she has handled it extremely well... And we had closure recently when the boy was put into custody with counseling while he awaited sentencing... She has asked from time to time what was happening to him... Now she knows...

 

[itsureis]

Re: GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Ok I realize that just because I divorced my children's father that does not mean he would have a personality transplant! However...this guy is hurting his children....MY children! My 15yo daughter had a melt down last night because her father never talks to her anymore...even when she is there on his weekends, yet he expects that she will be free to watch her three younger sibs if he has things to do while they are there. He gets upset with her if she has other plans! This gilr is a sophomore in highschool and involved in band, speech, vocal music, orchestra and swim team. She is tron between feeling guilty about not liking her fahter and being so busy she can't do his parenting job for him. How do I help her with out trashing her father??? Oh I WOULD LOVE to trash him and then some!

Laura.... If you are able to talk to your ex then you should do that... If he's not being a jerk to you... and let him in on what his daughter is feeling... I know that a certain amount of "babysitting" is sometimes needed and who better to do it than the older siblings... But not when it comes to excess... Or, in my oppinion, when it is his time(weekend) to spend with them... Good luck, hon... I'm sure that you will need it...

 

[itsureis]

Hi silkynsmooth.... Just curious, what state do you live in? I wasn't aware that some states offer insurance for kids...

BTW, welcome to our extended single parent family, it's very nice to meet you, too!

Arden.. I just found out that Alaksa offers insurance for kids... I applied for it at the begining of this week and received a call back for them yesterday... They seem to be very fast on it, too...

 

[itsureis]

Re: Okay.......my story...........

so now you know alittle more about me........thanks for allowing me to be a part of single parents...........

WElcome, WCM... I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in my feelings towards my own children... ^5, Bro

 

[itsureis]

Re: Re: Okay.......my story...........

Keep up the great work you are doing with your son. I can see that you cherish every moment that you have with him... You and Mr. E are such wonderful fathers.

I'm blushing now... {{{Arden}}} Thanks for noticing...

 

[Georgia Girl]

Thanks Arden... He is doing great...

And I was furious... But I just had to get over it... LOL... I just got the bill for the hospital stay yesterday... Total so far is just over $10,000.00.... That's for the time spent in the hospital and the radiology exams... More to come I'm sure.... I did apply for assistance... But haven't heard anything back yet... The guy there said that they should cover me since I haven't been paid for the work that I have been doing... Even though I have earned alot... I have received none of it...

..

Is the hospital a for profit or a not for profit?

 

[Georgia Girl]

Hi silkynsmooth.... Just curious, what state do you live in? I wasn't aware that some states offer insurance for kids...

BTW, welcome to our extended single parent family, it's very nice to meet you, too!

In Georgia its called Peach Care, it is provided by the state, there is a low fee to have it -- something below 20 a month and that covers all children in the home. It comes with a plan book like an HMO of covered providers but there is a number to call if you need specialized care and cannot find a provider in your area.

The state did not expect the volume of need that there was when the program was started and has really had to go back and regroup since seeing the need.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Re: Re: Okay.......my story...........

He doesn't pay support either. As an electrician, he changed his payroll status from an hourly employee to the status of 'independent contractor.' That eliminated payroll deductions after he paid support for three weeks. Nothing ever since (after 7 years). He pays only taxes due each year to the Fed Gov, so recovering support from his refunds doesn't exist. I could get him thrown in jail, but then he wouldn't be working to have money for support. So, I've just given up. It's not going to happen, so I've let go of the frustration and moved on.

One possibility.......in the state of GA you can have the support be paid to the courts. Each month your ex's employer would deduct the support and send it to the court system which would then send it to you, if the court does not recieve the support they handle it. See if there is any way to do that.

Possibility 2......if you or he is receiving any support from the state there is a division called "Child Support Recovery" (in the state of GA), for him.......if he failed to pay they will cut off the support, for you.....they can help you get the support from him.

Just some possibilities.

Forgive the many posts in line, I'm trying to answer everything as I'm thinking about it.

 

[tonitits]

Is the hospital a for profit or a not for profit?

Good morning to all the Single Parents. I hope everyone is well this morning. And like Arden, I applauded, Mr.E and WCM. I love to see when men want/need to be such a huge part of the child's life. I have not seen it alot. To each and every single parent here I would just like to say. I know that it is not easy and raising a child is always hard, especially doing it w/o help, but we have to do our very best. It will affect our children's lives for the rest of their lives and may determine how they act as a parents when they are grown. Give the children lots of love and hugs. Even when they are not being so lovable and just let them know that you love them.

{{{{{{{{{{SINGLE PARENTS}}}}}}}}}}}

Laura and PGE, I hope you are both feeling better today.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Re: Re: Re: Okay.......my story...........

Sorry but I get very upset when fathers.......do things not to pay or see their children.......YOU helped bring thqt child into this world........SO be human enough.....to take some part in growing its life........if not you are a worthless peice of sh........sorry that how i feel.....be up to it or just get the hell out of here....go to iraq or something......cause i have no use for fathers who dont pay or just are lazy.......sorry just had to vent...........


WCM

It is heartwarming to see a father with this attitude. My ex was to pick up my son yesterday at noon........his wife got there after 3.

One of my greatest fears is that my son be that child that sits at the curb waiting...knowing Daddy said he was going to be there, that he was supposed to see Daddy this weekend and yet Daddy never shows up.

I've tried to move past alot of anger with my ex and trust me that meant letting go of a whole heck of alot. In speaking with my therapist about all of this and finding ways to help my son he told me to stop lying to Noah about his dad. Stop painting him a rosy picture that I knew was not so because within itself that was harmful to Noah. So without being inflammatory I'm honest with him now. When his dad promises him trips and such we discuss in advance how he will feel if the trip doesn't happen (case in a point........a 2 wk stay at Disney my ex promised and then fell through on) and so many other things.

My wish.........that I could get my ex to see what a fantastic little boy he has and how much of a gift he truly is, that I could get him to cherish him as he deserves and needs.

 

[prettygrneyes]

Good morning to all the Single Parents. I hope everyone is well this morning. And like Arden, I applauded, Mr.E and WCM. I love to see when men want/need to be such a huge part of the child's life. I have not seen it alot. To each and every single parent here I would just like to say. I know that it is not easy and raising a child is always hard, especially doing it w/o help, but we have to do our very best. It will affect our children's lives for the rest of their lives and may determine how they act as a parents when they are grown. Give the children lots of love and hugs. Even when they are not being so lovable and just let them know that you love them.

{{{{{{{{{{SINGLE PARENTS}}}}}}}}}}}

Laura and PGE, I hope you are both feeling better today.

{{{{{{{{{toni}}}}}}}}}thanks for the hug

 

[prettygrneyes]

bumping this up for us single parents......

 

[lady*laura]

Thanks for the kind thougths and the hugs. I wish I could talk to my children's father but we never talked when we were married the idea of discussing anything with him now scares the hell out of me. He's a very cold angry man.

 

[silkynsmooth]

Hello

Arden my apologies for not replying sooner.. I am in New York state and I would check it out in whichever state your in. Alot of them are doing this now.

And thank you for the welcome....it's nice to see all the single parents...and wow I'm not alone at doing this....sad that we are but at least we have each other

Hugs to all

 

[lady*laura]

isn't it amazing

How well they manipulate the system. The father of my children is an attorney and he should KNOW better and yet he still plays games. I could take him to court and he would get the book thrown at him because he is an officer of the court and should know better but he has always been above the rules that apply to everyone else. I don't press charges because he would let the children know that their mother put him in jail. It isn't worth the damage he would cause.