The unappreciated limerick

[CharleneBarr]

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were trapped so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let's flee!"
Said the flea, "Let's fly!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

my addition -

A flea and a fly in a flue…

“…now ’ang about, ’old it you two !

I’ve seen you before,

’ere’s me fist, there’s the door,

now gerrout of it ! bugger off, shoo !” ​

 

[SimonDoom]

It's Sunday; I should go to Mass.
But Jane's in my bed, so alas,
I can't help but give in,
Though I know it's a sin,
So I'll pray and confess to her ass.

 

[CharleneBarr]

On the website @arsecrack.com

I found an mpeg. of my mom;

I wuz really annoyed

at the methods employed

'cos I’d sent it to Fetish&Dom.​

 

[TarnishedPenny]

On the website @arsecrack.com

I found an mpeg. of my mom;

I wuz really annoyed

at the methods employed

'cos I’d sent it to Fetish&Dom.​

Brilliant!

 

[CharleneBarr]

Thanks!

 

[CharleneBarr]

Last Christmas Lolita said, “You

should know I’m forbidden to screw.”

so, adjusting his dress,

Santa said, “Well, I guess

the Meccano set isn’t for you ?”​

 

[CharleneBarr]

Well, it's been a while, so -

The metric system is Heaven
for someone constructed like Bevan,
whose 3" prong
was never thought long
'til converted to 7.7​

 

[AlinaX]

A young starlet once on a dare
Had a Hollywood wax to be bare
But the stage lights next day
Caught her in a new way
And dazzled the stalls with the glare

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Okay. Time to put those paddles to work!

A nudist camp in Benaires
Let a midget in unawares.
He made members weep
For he just couldn’t keep
His nose out of private affairs.

 

[Biggalute]

A big boobed girl from Cali
Had cleavage the size of a valley
She loved her Nora
Posed with fauna and flora
And left everyone around her happy

 

[Plathfan]

In a swamp filled with trolls and their prattle,
An imbecile jumped in for a battle.
He shouted with glee,
"Why's it so muddy?"
Before slipping in with a rattle!

 

[ArseGratiaArtis]

There was a good bishop of Buckingham
Wrote a treatise on cunts and on fucking 'em
Then a learned Parsee
Taught him gamahuchee
So he added a chapter on sucking 'em.

 

[ArseGratiaArtis]

There was a young bride from Leicester
Whose mother, she kissed her and blessed her
and said, "My dear, you're in luck
He's a stunning good fuck,
For I've had him myself, in Gloucester."

 

[AlinaX]

Chichester might work better there.
ETA: Or not. Odd names.

There was a young fellow from Bicester
Who assaulted a sweet lady and kissed her
When he pulled off her top
She cried out, “Please stop!
You’ve mistaken me, sir, for my sister!”

 

[SimonDoom]

I met a lady in Kalamazoo
And kissed her on the lips, 'tis true.
She cried, "I'm a man,
My name, Sir, is Stan."
I said, "Works for me, how about you?"

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There was an old man of Australia,
Who felt at a loss (and a failure),
Due to the texture,
And limp architecture,
Of his formerly fine genitalia.

Flushing quite hotly and pinkly,
He said "How can I put this succinctly ?
It was once sublime,
But the passage of time,
Has left it all shrunken and wrinkly".

 

[Biggalute]

There was a young man from Cordoba
Who flashed his matilda all over
When told to refrain
And to not show again
He promised no further disclosure

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a man from Madras
Whose balls were made out of brass
When they clanged together, they played 'Stormy Weather'
And lightning shot out of his ass

 

[SimonDoom]

Vagina, snatch, pussy, or twat--
What's the name for the part that she's got?
I don't care what's the label
As long as I'm able
To enjoy it, Dear God, 'cause it's hot.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a man named Sweenie
Who somehow spilled gin on his weanie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
And slipped his date a martini

 

[TarnishedPenny]

There was a sweet girl of Decatur
Who went to sea on a freighter.
She was screwed by the master
– An utter disaster –
But the crew all made up for it later.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

There was a fair maiden named Cranker
Who slept while her ship was at anchor.
She awoke in dismay
When she heart the Mate say,
“Hoist up the top sheet and spanker!”

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Said the nun as the bishop withdrew,
“Dear, this must be our final adieu,
For the vicar is thicker
And slicker and quicker
And five inches longer than you.”

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Mary had a little skirt,

Split right up the side,

Every time she walked past,

You could see all of her thigh.

Mary had another skirt,

Split right up the front,

But she didn't wear it.

 

[ArseGratiaArtis]

Said the nun as the bishop withdrew,
“Dear, this must be our final adieu,
For the vicar is thicker
And slicker and quicker
And five inches longer than you.”

This is a variation on a series of three that I won't post here because they reference underage girls, but they're hilarious. The last is: "But this didn't bother those two/ And one said to him as he withdrew / The vicar is quicker / and slicker and thicker/ And longer and stronger than you."