The unappreciated limerick

[yowser]

A buxom young wench from Gibraltar
Found men's gaze affixed to her halter.
The verdant valley therein
Would elicit a grin
Thereafter, discretion would falter.

 

[SimonDoom]

Jane gave her prof way too much sass,
So he said, "Bad Jane! Stay after class."
Jane granted the favor,
And oh! did he savor
Pink handprints all over her ass.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who said to his girl, "You're a tight one."
She replied, "Bless my soul,
You're in the wrong hole;
There's plenty of room in the right one."

 

[ArseGratiaArtis]

There once was a lusty young squire
Was screwing a girl from the choir
She said, "I know it's a sin
But now that it's in
Could you shove it a few inches higher."

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There was a plumber from Leigh
who was plumbing a girl by the sea
She said: Stop your plumbing,
there's somebody coming,
Said the plumber, still plumbing: It's me!

 

[Smuttyandfun]

There once was a girl named Anheuser,

who said that no man could surprise her.

But Pabst took a chance,

found the Schlitz in her pants,

and now she is sadder Budweiser.

 

[SimonDoom]

There once was a girl named Anheuser,

who said that no man could surprise her.

But Pabst took a chance,

found the Schlitz in her pants,

and now she is sadder Budweiser.

OH no you didnt!

 

[SimonDoom]

"Pssst! Listen, I've got a tip, buddy,"
Said my bar mate, whose face was quite ruddy.
"I won't keep you guessin'
"Just heed this one lesson:
"Don't trust any writers named 'Smutty.'"

 

[SimonDoom]

A limerick talked to his shrink,
Complaining and making a stink:
"I'm sick of that Simon,
"With all of his bad rhymin',
"It's driving this poem to drink!"

 

[nipplecaresser]

While at work in the office one day
By my desk a redhead did sashay
As she bent down to show
She had gone commando
She said “is this sufficient foreplay”


So I swiftly jumped out of my chair
And said “well, as you may be aware
I’ve a penchant for girls
With moist auburn curls
And the store cupboard’s just over there”


To the storeroom we went with much haste
Still her skirt gathered up round her waist
As we’d readily clicked
I knelt down and I licked
And I licked, mesmerized by the taste

 

[SimonDoom]

Jane's miniskirt's shorter than short.
To Jane, exhibition's a sport.
With all of that teasing,
She leaves the men wheezing,
She's hardly the decorous sort.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Jane's miniskirt's shorter than short.
To Jane, exhibition's a sport.
With all of that teasing,
She leaves the men wheezing,
She's hardly the decorous sort.

For Shelby, Exhibition's a craft
it's requisite is she be gaffed
and should she mate
it is her fate
to tell them the entrance is aft

 

[Qky75]

When approaching her on Lit
Manners won't hurt a bit!
Grammar and style
will take you a mile
Try this or maybe just quit.

 

[Qky75]

Here's one of poor Wallace the shy man.
Who couldn't top his new bride Cheyenne,
She was far too direct
He failed to erect
and break through her ironclad hymen

 

[SimonDoom]

For Shelby, Exhibition's a craft
it's requisite is she be gaffed
and should she mate
it is her fate
to tell them the entrance is aft

Shelby's porn taste's distinct and inventive,
Spurred on by a backdoor incentive.
In her yearning for smut
Lies a craving for butt.
You might say she's anal-retentive.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Shelby's porn taste's distinct and inventive,
Spurred on by a backdoor incentive.
In her yearning for smut
Lies a craving for butt.
You might say she's anal-retentive.

Her porn taste is vast and unending
And partner choice often depending
On who doesn’t care
When they’re made aware
That her front door is sadly still pending.

 

[yowser]

A wanton young strumpet on Lakeview Crescent
Had attraction to things enduringly tumescent.
She'd guide them all in,
The thick and the thin,
Causing her face to be most luminescent.

 

[nipplecaresser]

A comely intern, name of Mabel
Sat with me at the conference table
She was eager to please
So got down on her knees
And my climax did Mabel enable

 

[AlexBailey]

You listened to all of my pleas
Now I’m locked up and bound on my knees
But now I’m bereft
You seem to have left
When will you come back with the keys?

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

You listened to all of my pleas
Now I’m locked up and bound on my knees
But now I’m bereft
You seem to have left
When will you come back with the keys?

So, it's the keys you want, do you?
You've been locked up a while, it's true
I hope you don't mind
them, I can't seem to find
I'm hoping a locksmith will do

 

[SimonDoom]

"These wives!" Henry asked. "Must I wed 'em?"
It seems all I do is behead 'em.
I am, I do find
Not the marrying kind."
Henry sighed. "I would rather just bed 'em."

 

[AlinaX]

There was a posh lass from the Cape
Who loved to pretend it was rape
She said, "Call me a bitch
As we fuck in the ditch
And don’t stop till my ass is a-gape!"

 

[SimonDoom]

Sweet Alice is five feet and four,
With a figure that all men adore.
With thoughts so impure
She'll show off her figure
By tossing her dress to the floor.

 

[Plathfan]

Another One Bites the Dust

The graveyard was solemnly lit,
As mourners lamented a bit.
But while they stood by the pit,
The thought in their hearts fit:
"Nothing in his life became him like the leaving it."

 

[AlinaX]

There was a young lass from Lahore
Who found lim’ricks a tedious bore
When ordered to try
She started to cry
And abandoned it after Line 4