Things that shouldn't be heard...

[Azuldrgon]

after placing your take away order at the pizza parlor...

What do you mean someone put somethin nasty in the pizza sauce? Oh, the customer's can't tell.

After you get your order from the pizza place.

 

[dicky911]

hearing a couple going at it behind you, and you trying not to turn around much less explaining to your kids what is happening, lol.

Stopping by your boyfriend's house unannounced.......................

a lot depends on what kinds of noises they make - murmurs are ok, groans and loud moans are not - squishy noises probably ok if not accompanied by moans and sighs

 

[androgEros]

Loud gutteral moans coming from behind the podium as the pastor gives the sermon at church.

 

[DaemonOfSin]

Hey Sally stop giving me a blow job I'm trying to give a sermon here.


Your sister walking in on you...

 

[de-valmont]

Hey Sally stop giving me a blow job I'm trying to give a sermon here.


Your sister walking in on you...

I'm joining you tonight, I brought grandma too!


While on the phone to the IRS

 

[DaemonOfSin]

I'm sorry sir/ma'am we are freezing all your accounts and seizing all your assets.

On the phone to your parents....

 

[de-valmont]

I'm sorry sir/ma'am we are freezing all your accounts and seizing all your assets.

On the phone to your parents....

Hey honey, no it's not a great time right now we're marrying your sister to dad again.

When in the proctologists

 

[DaemonOfSin]

Now bend over *finger up the bum* now say ahhh. *doctor forgot to change glove*

Parent Teacher conference for a first grader

 

[de-valmont]

Now bend over *finger up the bum* now say ahhh. *doctor forgot to change glove*

Parent Teacher conference for a first grader

I really like Johnny, actually a lot, he's very special to me... you know in, well that way... he says you'd be liberal minded about this...

While at a parent's funeral.

 

[DaemonOfSin]

I'll really miss fucking their brains out while the spouse isn't around.

The conductor on a train

 

[bsisunknown]

I'll really miss fucking their brains out while the spouse isn't around.

The conductor on a train

An oncoming train is on the same tracks? Screw it. Let's play chicken.


A firefighter when your house is burning down

 

[DaemonOfSin]

Damn it we are out of water.

Doctor when he delivers your child.

 

[bsisunknown]

Doctor when he delivers your child.[/QUOTE]

Why did you come to me? I'm not a vet.

Tatto artist when gettin a tattoo.

 

[DaemonOfSin]

aww fuck is it AE or EA? *say ea* fuck I put AE I hope that's okay
Also: Oh Shit I fell asleep there for a second

The doctor giving you stitches

 

[bsisunknown]

Am I stitching the right place shut?

Morning deejay

 

[DaemonOfSin]

Well I'm sad to say it folks today you all are going to die. THAT'S RIGHT YOU HEARD ME BITCHES! I'm going to kill every last one of you.

A policeman writing you a ticket (as if that isn't bad enough!)

 

[bsisunknown]

I can't wait to tazer this punk.

The stripper at your bachelor or bachlorette party

 

[DaemonOfSin]

Hope you don't mind I'm really a guy.

A guy with a knife to your throat.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Hope you don't mind I'm really a guy.

A guy with a knife to your throat.

Hi my name is Freddie, what's yours?

While calling your insurance company

 

[DaemonOfSin]

I'm sorry it says the policy was canceled at your request

While watching the local news.

 

[DaemonOfSin]

While watching the local news.

 

[Black_Dahlia]

While watching the local news.

That woman being dragged out of the brothel by the police... is that Gran?

Turning up for a blind date.

 

[de-valmont]

That woman being dragged out of the brothel by the police... is that Gran?

Turning up for a blind date.

The last time I did this I ended up with a restraining order...


When starting an early morning meeting.

 

[lovemonster]

When starting an early morning meeting.

I'm horny and I didn't have time to finish myself off this morning, anyone mind if I do it now?

When boarding a long haul flight.

 

[de-valmont]

I'm horny and I didn't have time to finish myself off this morning, anyone mind if I do it now?

When boarding a long haul flight.

Apologies for the delay but the pilot hasn't finished his vodka yet and he always needs a couple to calm the nerves of take off...

When being stopped by the police.