Things that shouldn't be heard...

[sweetmelissa2001]

Welcome to Vancouver International Airport, where we've recently reset all our Tasers to "stun..."

While speaking with the pharmacist about your new prescription...

Oh is this the stuff that they were doing the clinical trial on and all the subjects died? let me know how it works for you.

TTSBH from your lawyer right before your big trial.

 

[asian_princess]

Oh is this the stuff that they were doing the clinical trial on and all the subjects died? let me know how it works for you.

TTSBH from your lawyer right before your big trial.

I'm sorry, but they're going to need a live viewing of the evidence that your ex wife castrated you.



TTSBH on your parents' answering machine.

 

[Azuldrgon]

TTSBH on your parents' answering machine.

*beep* Sorry we can't come to the phone, but I have the wife strapped to the bed and am about to feed this 15 inch dildo into her shaven pussy. Leave a message. *beep*

ttsbh when you go see the landlord to pay the rent.

 

[de-valmont]

ttsbh when you go see the landlord to pay the rent.

Look I know I'm riddled with clap and haven't washed in a month, but there's a fresh bottle of whiskey in the dresser then we can call it quits...

When you are in the book shop.

 

[Azuldrgon]

When you are in the book shop.

Heehee, look at this position. Let's try it here!!!

at the gym near the front door.

 

[de-valmont]

at the gym near the front door.

Excuse me but are you an instructor here, I wanted to serve this writ on someone...


While in the queue at the local shop

 

[Azuldrgon]

While in the queue at the local shop

So I told her I was wearing a condom, but i poked a hole in it. Now the dumbass thinks it's his kid. His wife was a hot fuck too. (then sees you and clams up.)

At the movie theater line.

 

[de-valmont]

At the movie theater line.

Ah man I see you've just queued for hours to see this total piece of shit too.


While at a family funeral

 

[Azuldrgon]

While at a family funeral

Your dad looks stiff, just the way I loved him.

Outside the funeral.

 

[de-valmont]

Outside the funeral.

Apparently in honour of the deceased we're having long-pig canopes...



While getting ready for your first sky dive.

 

[Azuldrgon]

While getting ready for your first sky dive.

Don't worry, we got all the blood stains out of your canopy.

after your first time having sex with someone.

 

[de-valmont]

after your first time having sex with someone.

Next!

While preparing dinner for important guests.

 

[OriginalSinUK]

Welcome to Vancouver International Airport, where we've recently reset all our Tasers to "stun..."

While speaking with the pharmacist about your new prescription...

"Well, your penis may shrink to 2 inches, but youll live 3 months longer"

Last words the doctor says before you go under the knife.

 

[e-trance action]

"Well, your penis may shrink to 2 inches, but youll live 3 months longer"

Last words the doctor says before you go under the knife.

I'm sure the board would have called if they hadn't cleared me on that malpractice review


Something you wish you'd read on a bathroom stall wall *before* you sat down

 

[OriginalSinUK]

I'm sure the board would have called if they hadn't cleared me on that malpractice review


Something you wish you'd read on a bathroom stall wall *before* you sat down

Dont worry 'bout the STD's, they have pills for everything these days......

Warning label on the Chainsaw you just bought.

 

[e-trance action]

Dont worry 'bout the STD's, they have pills for everything these days......

Warning label on the Chainsaw you just bought.

Use of this machine as a personal grooming apparatus is not recommended

The crumpled up fortune you find on the table and wish you had gotten

 

[OriginalSinUK]

Use of this machine as a personal grooming apparatus is not recommended

The crumpled up fortune you find on the table and wish you had gotten

Damn lucky, your getting the hot waitress tonight.


The girl you finally got home after hours of chatting up and buying drinks..........

 

[e-trance action]

I'm ubervegan, so I don't allow *any* meat to enter my body


What the man fitting your trousers said as he stretched the tape measure out

 

[OriginalSinUK]

I'm ubervegan, so I don't allow *any* meat to enter my body


What the man fitting your trousers said as he stretched the tape measure out

Stephan, get me the millimetre tape measure.

The guy just serving your meal says.........

 

[elizabeth22673]

Stephan, get me the millimetre tape measure.

The guy just serving your meal says.........

"yea so i've had diarrhea all morning and there's no running water in the restroom"


when your guest takes a bite of your meal you prepared

 

[elizabeth22673]

I'm ubervegan, so I don't allow *any* meat to enter my body


What the man fitting your trousers said as he stretched the tape measure out

damn, your the first guy that has maxed out my tape measure!

 

[e-trance action]

Stephan, get me the millimetre tape measure.

The guy just serving your meal says.........

I thought the board of health made us stop serving this shit.


The woman who stands in front of you in the ATM line

 

[Azuldrgon]

The woman who stands in front of you in the ATM line

I shouldn't have eaten those refried beans.

TTSBH at the butcher's.

 

[e-trance action]

I shouldn't have eaten those refried beans.

TTSBH at the butcher's.

Really, they look like quail, no one will ever tell the difference

TTSBH at the DMV

 

[Azuldrgon]

TTSBH at the DMV

I have to do what to the driver test guy before he'll pass me?

at the court to pay a ticket.